


How They Got To Memphis

by Spazzo47



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Origin Story, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-08-23 17:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 64
Words: 182,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8335675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spazzo47/pseuds/Spazzo47
Summary: September 11, 2001 was the beginning of Will McAvoy's career as a newscaster.  But the coincidences didn't stop at him filling an anchor chair, it began a whole life he never imagined.





	1. I'm Not Going Anywhere

September 11, 2001

8:46 am. Will McAvoy would never forget the image. He took a cab to the Brooklyn New York Prosecutor’s office. Despite having a night job of legal correspondent for Atlantic Cable News, he kept his day job. He usually got in around 8, but nothing went right today. He was in a cab when flight 11 crashed into the North Tower. He heard the impact and saw the smoke. It was a moment that he knew would change the course of the world. But he didn’t know that it would change the course of his life.

He didn’t wait for the cab to come to a complete before calling the news floor. He, like everyone else assumed that the impact was an accident, but it was something that they would want to cover and he was already here, ready to report from the scene. He could call into the office later. He wasn’t due in court until the afternoon.

“Hey, Janie, Will McAvoy here, can you put me on with whoever’s EP in the newsroom?... Yeah, I know, I’m actually right here. It’s absolute mayhem.” Will heard Janey tell someone in the newsroom that he was there. After a couple seconds he heard Tom Jackson’s voice. Tom was one of the producers for the morning show who has scheduled Will a few times. Usually ACN called Will to weigh in as a legal correspondent for one of the night shows, but he had made himself available for the morning as well, anything to be part of the news.

Will was an ambitious man. Graduated from college at 19 and became a member of the New York Bar at 21. In the next 25 years, he had a 94% conviction rate and could do anything he wanted. The RNC wanted him to run for national office and he almost took them up on it until Bryce Jenkins talked him into working as a correspondent for ACN. The first time he sat at the desk he knew he wanted that lead anchor position. When Bryce told him about the rush of having millions of people hear you, Will scoffed at the idea, but when it was reality, he fell in love with it quickly. It was the only true love that Will had known.

“Will, Tom Jackson. Janey tells me you are at the site of the accident?”

“Yeah, I can file a report from here if you want to patch me into the studio. And then I can get to you on foot, I’m pretty close. You’re going to need extra hands and I know everyone in the city.”

Tom chuckled a little. In staff meetings Bryce told everyone who would listen that Will wanted an anchor position and would do anything to get one. Tom and Bryce were both impressed with his go-getter attitude. “One step at a time, Will. I’ll put you on the phone with Lisa Lawson, our morning anchor for a first hand report. We’re a little shorthanded today, so we’re moving people around to get coverage where we need. Once we have an idea of casualties I’ll have a better idea of where to put you.”

“Sure, anything you need Tom.”

“Will, standby, I’ll get Lisa on the phone with you.”

Will had been in the studio during enough special reports to know that right now Tom is telling one crewman to patch his phone call through to the studio and another crewman to get a graphic of his face ready. Once those are in place, Tom will tell him to standby and then he’ll hear from Lisa asking questions.

“Hey Will, we’re set up here, I’m going to give you over to Lisa.”

“On the phone with us now is ACN’s own Will McAvoy, our legal analyst at the scene of the accident. Will, what are you seeing?”

“Well, Lisa, it’s unbelievable out here. The North Tower of the World Trade Center has a gaping hole in it with flames shooting out. Police and Fire fighters are arriving at the scene to evacuate.”

“Did you see the accident yourself?”

“No, I was in a cab. We heard the impact and stopped. I jumped out of the cab and ran with everyone else to see what was happening.”  
“Will, I hear fire trucks in the background. Are you in a safe place?”

“I am Lisa. I’m about 12 blocks from the scene. I’m able to see some people leaving the building.”

“Thank you Will. It’s 9:00 AM here in New York City and once again our top story of the morning, a commuter jet strikes the North Tower of the World Trade Center. The White House reports that President George W Bush has been alerted while visiting a Florida elementary school.”  
“Lisa, there’s an announcement.”

Tom’s voice sounded concerned. “Will, you’re not in the studio anymore, what’s happening?”

“The police had told the residents of the South Tower to stay where they are, but now there’s an announcement to evacuate. People are running out.” Will looked up when something caught his eye. “Oh my God. Tom, get me on with Lisa right now!”

Will watched in horror as the second plane hit the South Tower. Will gave his report of what he saw and when Lisa went to commercial, he told Tom he’d be at the studio in a few minutes. Tom asked if he could stay where he was and conduct interviews. “I’m not going to be a nice enough person to make inane conversation with people who are losing friends and loved ones. I’ll be at the studio where I can find facts and do some good.”

When Will arrived at the studio, Bryce walked out of the conference room where most of the producers and staff were meeting. “Will, go down to hair and makeup, they’re waiting for you. We need you to cover an anchor spot until someone else can get here. We’ll get you a mic pack and I’ll be in your ear every second.”

Will did as he was told, a little dazed. This was his dream to cover a big event as an anchor, but he felt sick over what he was covering. As he passed the conference room he saw Charlie Skinner, Senior VP of the News division, leading the meeting, “We need to make sure that we have two anchors during peak hours. I can’t force any of you to bunk up here, but what we’re going to be doing in the coming days and hours is a public service. If you need to leave to check on family and friends, there will be no repercussions for it. But if you can stay…” Charlie couldn’t finish the sentence. “We need to make sure we do this right. I’ve asked some contacts from Newsweek to help us fill in some of the gaps.”

Will started walking again and made it to hair and makeup. Typically this room was loud and jovial, but today, no one said anymore than they had to. He looked over at Karen, one of the makeup people who was in a corner dialing her phone and weeping. Another person, Will didn’t know who, went to her and the two women cried.

“Are we done?” Will asked once his makeup artist looked done. She nodded her head. Will got up and patted Karen’s shoulder on his way out.

*** *** ***

Brian Becker called his girlfriend and left a voicemail message. “Mac, Newsweek is sending me to ACN to work for a little while, but I wanted you to know that I’m okay and maybe we’ll be in competition today.”

It was a bad joke all things considered, but he wanted to take the edge off for her if at all possible. Mac was working at an ABC affiliate in Atlanta, no doubt they would call her in for news spots hourly. Brian was only in New York for a few days for a media seminar that he was covering. He was supposed to leave tomorrow. He happened to stop into the New York office on his way to the seminar to work on his notes when they started talking about the first crash. When the second airplane hit and Charlie called the editor in chief, Brian immediately volunteered to go to ACN. He had some experience with some weekend news shows if they needed on camera talent and had seen enough of Mackenzie’s work that he could write scripts. He and a half dozen others went to the ACN studio on foot. When they arrived they talked to David Trent the senior producer who had to make assignments immediately. Brian was assigned a desk to write about some of the more human stories.

Brian looked up at the monitor and didn’t recognize Lisa or Will. He asked David who was on. David explained that John Wilson, their morning news anchor left after the first crash when he couldn’t get in touch with his wife. That left Lisa and the rest of the morning crew. They sent the Joan Landers and Davis Daniels, their meteorologist and sportscaster, to ground zero for interviews. They put Will in the anchor desk because they didn’t have anyone else.

Will took the desk at around 10. By this time the President had declared the events that day “an apparent terrorist attack,” Flight 77 crashed into the Pentagon, and the FAA grounded all flights. Lisa was about to introduce Will and recap the events of the day so far, when Bryce talked in their ears and told them to go to the live shot. Everyone’s heart stopped as the South Tower collapsed. Lisa couldn’t speak so there was silence on the air as they just watched. Bryce asked Lisa to say something and when she couldn’t, Will heard himself saying, “What you are watching are the incredibly devastating images of the South Tower of the World Trade center collapsing after what the President has called an apparent terrorist attack. This is Will McAvoy and Lisa Lawson for ACN news. So far three planes have intentionally crashed into three targets and the Federal Aviation Administration has grounded all flights as a result.”

“Take us to a break, Will”

“We’ll be back with more updates in 2 minutes.”

Both anchors were shaken up. Two minutes wasn’t nearly enough, but everyone in the studio dug deep and found a way to continue, to deliver the news. Charlie Skinner was in the bullpen giving the production staff a pep talk. He knew that they wanted to leave to find out about loved ones, but he told them that what they were doing here was the noble route. Everyone has a role to play and theirs is to get the truth out and to find ways to assist the first responders. He gave them the choice to leave and find their loved ones, he said they can get help from the DC office. About half the production staff left, the other half, mostly senior staff, stayed. No one looked down on anyone for the choice they made.

After finishing the next block of news, Charlie gave Lisa and Will the same choice, asking that if they choose to leave to give just a little more time so they can go through the group from Newsweek to find replacements. Lisa took him up on his offer and said she would wait until someone came in to relieve her. Will said he would stay as long as he was needed. Bryce and Tom talked to all the Newsweek staff and asked Brian Brenner to help Will man the anchor desk.

Will and Brian cordially shook hands, it was their first meeting. As news came in, first the producers alternated stories between the men. As time went on, they got more comfortable with each one’s styles and started prompting them based on that. Will had a very natural style in interviewing and reporting the hard news. That came as no surprise to Bryce who recruited him because of his prosecutorial and political background. He talked to officials and transitioned into and out of commercials. Brian was better at introducing the more personal stories. He could site read a script and ask open-ended questions that got people to respond. For the next several hours they worked from the anchor desk, never really talking to each other, but allowing the other to take a break.

Charlie saw Will leave to get a sandwich during an interview with a man who was just dug out of some rubble. “You’re doing an outstanding job out there.”

“I’m serving a city the best way I know how.” Charlie clapped him on the shoulder and went back to the control room to talk to Bryce.

During another break, Brian told Will that his girlfriend in Atlanta thought Will should wear a darker jacket.  Will glared at the younger man.  "Who the fuck cares what your girlfriend thinks about my wardrobe?  People are dead, we're covering the worst attack on American soil in history."

"She just wanted me to give you the message."

"Well you can tell her that when she's my executive producer she can pick out all my clothes.  Until then, you and I don't need to talk."

** **

Will threw the broadcast to the DC office and went to the conference room for a meeting. Bryce announced that they were going to be running this story 24 hours a day for as long as necessary. He hoped that in the morning they would see more staff arrive, but they needed to start thinking about shifts. He announced that they needed Will and Brian to cover through the end of primetime. At 11, Brian would bunk down on a cot they had set up in the cafeteria and would be back on air at 2, when Will would get to take a nap. At 6, available morning personnel would take over for the next 8 hours. He also gave similar assignments to the crew. Everyone agreed.

Will was walking back to the anchor desk when Tom caught up to him and said, “Will, we may need to put you on in the morning as well. We need to kick to someone in a different newsroom than our morning cast is in.”

“Like I told you before, anything you need.”

** **

11:00 PM. It had been the longest day of Will McAvoy’s life. Brian had left for his 4 hours off and Will recapped the day for the audience that he imagined was in an almost catatonic state from watching all day and night. At least that’s how he felt. The image of the planes and the collapsing towers. He wanted to give a sense of hope by featuring whenever he could the first responders who did the unimaginable. Things were slowing down. The adrenaline that had kept him going these 13 hours were wearing off. Three more hours to go. Will kicked the broadcast over to DC and started looking through papers. Charlie Skinner walked onto the set and offered him coffee. He gave Will a short pep talk, “I’ve been learning a little about you. You’re the oldest son. You had to protect your sisters, and your brother and your mom against a pretty violent father it sounds like. Do it again. I have faith in you.”

Will didn’t know where Charlie got his information, but he was right. And it stirred something up in Will. When the camera turned back on him, Will looked at it as if it were his intimate family and decided to just be honest.

“I’ve been searching for Biblical quotes. None of them… We don’t know how many are dead. But it’s going to be a lot. It’s going to be thousands. We don't know who attacked us. We don't know what's coming tomorrow. And I don't know what I'm doing. But I’ll make you this promise. I’m going to be with you all night. I’m not going anywhere.”

And he didn't.


	2. American Morning

July, 2005

“Scott, there has to be a way around that non-compete… Just find it.”

Will left ACN after 9/11 coverage ended because CNN promised to make him a star. He hated leaving Charlie Skinner because they seemed to becoming friends, but he was drawn to the idea of having millions of people watch him every day and ACN just didn’t have a place on their schedule for him at that time. Once he arrived at CNN he regretted it. They convinced Will that he could do the news for their morning show, American Morning, and be able to show a more human side so that when he got his show, he’d have a built in audience. It was a steady 5-day a week gig that let him cover politics and stay in New York. The only downside to his contract was the non-compete clause. 

The mind-numbing and almost embarrassing work he did drove him to seek professional help in the form of Dr. Abraham Habib. Abe believed that Will felt a little betrayed by CNN because he had been promised a primetime news show and felt like he settled for something below him. According to Abe, he was addicted to the fame and to a lesser extent the money. As a result, Will is either stuck negotiating a contract extension at CNN or waiting 3 years before getting back on the air. And nobody comes back after 3 years, especially a no name news guy that gives headlines in the morning. This decision only increased Will’s anxiety and agitation. As much as he hated the idea of being off the air for 3 years, another day in morning hell was going to kill him, he just knew it. If he had to put on a fake smile and act interested in the adventures of the Kardackianites, he was going to self-medicate. Dr. Habib advised Will to take the time off, but Will explained to Dr. Habib that he “had a duty to cover the news”. He wrapped it up in patriotism and destiny, but Dr. Habib knew that Will wanted to be on the air, he didn’t need to be.   
Will wasn’t surprised when his agent told him there was no way around the non-compete, Will read the contract himself and didn’t find a loophole. Damn, he didn’t want to go back there, not with Emmy season coming up. He didn’t even know how to pronounce Brajelina and he was not going to learn. 

“Get me a 1-year extension without a non-compete.” 

*** ** ***

“Just give me one reason to stay here, Brian.”

“Your couch, you love this couch.” Mac had to admit that it was a comfortable couch, even if it didn’t match anything she or Brian owned. 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Mac hated having this conversation with Brian again. She loved him, he was a good man. He wasn’t perfect, but he was solid and better than most of the men her friends were with. If she was stuck doing life with someone, Brian was the best of the men that she knew. But Dirk Peterson made an offer she couldn’t refuse, and she accepted it immediately. She probably should have talked to Brian first, but Dirk wanted to bring her with him to CNN. CNN! After spending the last 4 years at various local TV stations, how could she pass it up? She’d worked with Dirk for almost a year at a station in LA and they had a good rhythm. They didn’t share exactly the same philosophy of news, but she knew how to get him to compromise with her. 

“Mackenzie I told you yesterday and the day before, I’m not going to buy you a ring and I’m not moving to New York. If we’re meant to be, then we will be.”  
Mac was beside herself with hurt and anger. “If we’re meant to be? We’ve been together for 7 years! What mystic sign in the cosmos are you waiting for?”  
Brian ran his hand over his face. “I’m not saying this right. Look…” He took a breath and tried a new line of thought. “You can’t even stay in one place for more than a year!”

“What the hell does that mean? I went with you to Canada even though it was a step down for me. And California was all you too. I never wanted to do local news, I took what I had to take so you could pursue your career. I’m a TV producer because that’s what people watch. And I’m going to make sure they get the facts.”

Brian rolled his eyes as he typically did when they talked about serious journalism. “If you’re serious about the news, join me at Newsweek, you can be a writer or even an editor. We do actual news there. We don’t sugarcoat it or edit it to unreliable soundbites like TV does.”   
Mac noticed after Brian’s brush with co-anchoring on ACN for a night that he turned real bitter about television news. He used to dream of being an anchor, but after being told he didn’t have a talent for it, he started putting down TV news and the work she did. She tried to gently reinforce that there’s an “it” factor to being on TV that Brian just didn’t have. He was smart and attractive, but there are some people who you watch and just immediately feel like you’re safe with them, Brian didn’t make people feel secure and he couldn’t stand hearing that. He used to wonder loudly why his co-anchor who was asked to pitch in for the month following 9/11 was considered “safer” or “more trustworthy”. By the time fights got to the point where he was raging about Will and… life, Mac tuned him out and went to another room. 

“I’m not going to Newsweek. I want to affect the electorate and the most efficient way to do that is on TV. That’s what I need to do. Newsweek has offices in New York. Come with me.”

Brian turned so his back was to her. He’d give anything to not say what he needed to, but he’d thought about this a lot since she made the decision to move 3 days ago. There was no easy way to say this. “I don’t love you enough to go with you.” 

Mac stopped, unable to comprehend what he just said. “What?”

“Mackenzie, I’m happy where I am. I like LA and want to stay here. I want to stay here more than I want to be with you.”

Mackenzie turned him so he had to face her. “How the hell long haven’t you seen a future with me?”

“Come on Mackenzie, that’s not what I said.”

“That’s exactly what you said.”

Brian stopped and thought a second. “If you stay here then we can stay exactly as we are. But I don’t want to be tied to one person or to have babies. That’s just not what I want in my life right now. I’m sorry Mac, I do love you, just… not enough.”

Mac turned around. “We’ve been living together for seven years, what the hell do you mean that you don’t love me enough, that you don’t want to be tied to one person?” Mac had to catch her breath. She didn’t know what the fuck was going on. “I’m going to stay in a hotel for a little while. I’ll get my stuff while you’re at work. You can keep the couch, it’ll just be hard to move.”

“Mac, you don’t have to leave this second.”

“Yes, I really do need to leave here right now.” With that, Mackenzie left and drove her car around town, no real destination in mind. She didn’t want to call friends or family who would be relieved that they finally broke up. They didn’t see the same side of Brian that she fell in love with. He could be a bit of a jerk at times, he wasn’t always thoughtful or reliable, but when you got past that, Brian was passionate about what he did. They shared a love for the news and for life. She couldn’t imagine living life without him, and she wasn’t ready to start figuring it out now. She was a strong personality; it couldn’t be easy for him, but she loved him despite his flaws, she thought he’d loved her despite hers. 

Mackenzie cried a lot that night and then finally stopped at a hotel. When she hit the minibar it wasn’t the first drink she had that night. When she woke up, she didn’t even remember falling asleep. She decided to take her mind off Brian by getting some work done. She turned on CNN, wanting to evaluate their talent. She wasn’t going to work on the morning show, she knew that, but she wanted to get a feel for the resources they had. Once she settled in with her laptop and a yogurt, she looked up to see Will McAvoy giving a fake smile at a joke and she couldn’t be sure, but she thought his eyes were blinking in code, “Somebody kill me now.” 

She remembered Will’s coverage of 9/11 for ACN. While two of the American Morning hosts got a cooking lesson, Mackenzie looked up Will at ACN on Youtube. Her heart hurt a little, he was good. When he was engaged in what he was doing, no one could hold a candle to him. But sitting there bantering about the need for making a soufflé as a single man showed a side of him that almost looked like a different person, one who was half dead. 

Mac took the note that the morning show could find some other nameless news guy that didn’t look so out of place on a damn morning show and Googled Will McAvoy. She wanted to understand him, see the type of show he could do. She had some ideas, but she wanted to know his background so she could be sure. His biography was impressive. A Nebraska farm boy who went to Stanford a year early and got his Bachelor’s degree in 3 years. A 94% conviction rating as a prosecutor. There was a whole section devoted to his 9/11 coverage. Mac laughed, if she could develop him – and it wouldn’t be hard – Brian would hate her. She could just hear the phone call the next day, Brian railing about everything Will did to him 4 years ago. He hated Will. That wasn’t the reason she took another note, “Give Will McAvoy a news show that will deliver news that mattered to people. Let him use his skills to get to the bottom of real issues.” She’d seen him do good work and thought that if she could tap into that, they could do the news right. She lay in bed propped up on her elbows watching the rest of the show. She couldn’t care less about the infotainment that passes as news in the early hours of the day. By most standards CNN didn’t have a bad show by any means, but there’s a hidden talent that she had to uncover. 

Mac spent the next two weeks finishing out her responsibilities in LA, making arrangements for her move and taking notes on each show on CNN. There were many ways to improve her next network and she was excited for the opportunity. At least she tried to be when she wasn’t thinking about Brian. 

*** *** ***

Dirk Peterson met with Will during his first week at CNN. Will was on his best behavior, laughing at jokes he didn’t think were funny, agreeing with ideas he hated. Towards the end of the meeting Dirk looked at Will and said, “So, that really all sounds good to you?”

“I’m excited to … You don’t believe a word of this do you?”

“I don’t think you’ve said a single letter that’s been honest. You hate it here don’t you?”

Will shrugged his shoulders. “I joined CNN because I thought I was going to do hard news. I wanted my own show and let them convince me that mornings would get me there.”

“So why did you sign another contract?”

“I was encouraged by our meeting when you visited here before. I thought you may move me to prime time and give me the show I wanted.”

“Will, can you pretend you think I’m smarter than that? You took an extension to get rid of the non-compete. That’s the only difference between this contract and the one before it. You’re going to phone in your last year and then go somewhere else.”

“If that were my intention I’d go back to prosecuting.”

Dirk laughed, “The Brooklyn prosecutor’s office can’t afford you anymore. And even if they could, you can’t stand the idea of being away from a broad audience. I don’t know why mornings wouldn’t void your non-compete. But they didn’t and I’m not going to saddle myself with a person who’s just killing time.”

Will thanked him for the opportunity to talk and left, ready to face the final year of his sentence with mornings. He would talk to Charlie Skinner at ACN in the morning to make sure there will be a place for him there in a year. It’s only a year. He can do anything for a year.

*** *** ***

Mackenzie arrived at the Time Warner Building CNN studio bright and early on Monday August 8, 2005. Dirk met her at the door and showed her around. He was glad to see her, he had started to have a rapport with some of his producers, but he already knew that he could trust McKenzie, both her work ethic and her judgement. He missed having that. He took her to her desk and while she started unpacking he told her that she would start as a senior producer on News Night with Aaron Brown, telling her it needed some work and he hoped she could help retool it. Then said, “as if I need to ask, do you have an analysis of the talent here?”

She pulled out her notes and held them up, “Right here, I’ve typed them out if you want me to email something legible.”

He took the notebook and started flipping through. On the last page with handwriting he saw the page he really wanted, her raw thoughts about the top three things they needed to do at CNN. “You think that Crossfire only has a few more years in it?”

“People know what to expect. Doesn’t matter who you put in there, there’s nothing new.”

Dirk nodded his head mulling it over. He would have to look at the numbers. He didn’t doubt McKenzie, but wanted to be sure before he made a drastic change. “News Night is stale and needs new blood and a focus?”

Mackenzie giggled when she heard him read her words. “I’d put Anderson Cooper in as a co-host just to see if it’s salvageable at all.”

Dirk couldn’t disagree with her. He’d actually already started working on deal to get Anderson and Aaron teamed up on News Night. If Anderson couldn’t fix the show, the show had no chance.

“Will McAvoy needs a hard news show.” Dirk looked up at her a little surprised. “The good news is he would completely agree with you. The bad news is he’s not invested enough here to get one.”

“So get him invested. He’s got talent, CNN is using him wrong. Look him up. Look at his 9/11 coverage with ACN or any election night coverage he’s done in the last several years. He’s got a commanding presence and knows how to ask questions. Give him a show where he’s having to get the truth out of government bureaucracy and you’re going to see another side of him.”

“I wouldn’t hold my breath, Mac.” Dirk looked down at his watch. “Lunch at noon with Sandy Reams, your new EP. You’ll work with her until you understand some of the nuances about working at CNN then I’ll find you your own show.”

“Looking forward to it.”

“And Mac, welcome.”


	3. Actually, I was thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While one storm comes ashore in Louisiana, another gets started. Will and Mac meet.

**Monday, August 29, 2005**

The bullpen was busy with activity.  Over the weekend Hurricane Katrina was the only thing on the news.  Now the once Category 5 storm was coming on shore in New Orleans and Mayor Ray Nagin reported that water was starting to come over the levees.  People were stuck in the Superdome to wait out the storms and reports all over the country wondered about the conditions they were staying in.  Will rolled his eyes as Meteorologist Brenda Eichman gave her report from a wind tunnel they set up to show what winds at different speeds do.  CNN sent Brenda out to Louisiana on Saturday after the National Weather Service had warned that Katrina would become a major storm.  In the next several days, she covered preparations, talked to people who ignored the mandatory evacuation, and gave dire, end of the world predictions to the residents of Louisiana.  Now that the storm was coming ashore, she couldn’t go outside to report, but had to be part of the fun morning show.  So Will watched his monitor and saw how far her hair could blow while reading through his copy for how to say “It’s raining and windy in Louisiana!”  He hated exclamation points in his script, and this one had several.   He was pretty sure that Edward R Murrow did not speak in exclamation point. 

Will tried not to look at the bullpen just across from him where the nighttime producers were meeting.  He couldn’t show anyone that he longed to be in that room. 

“We need to get someone on from FEMA.  We know they’re going to be activated as soon as this is all over.  Or Nagin, we need someone from his office.”

Sandy Reams looked at her new senior producer.  “Mac, they haven’t done anything yet.  We have enough to go on about with the storm itself.  It’s breached one levee and there’s going to be more, we know that from the Army Corps.  Let’s take this one step at a time.”

“And do what everyone else is doing.  Show the same stock answers that everyone else is getting.  Where’s the response?  Nagin didn’t prepare for this, neither did anyone else.”

Todd Stukright, another senior producer, jumped in, “No one expected it.  It came ashore once as a Cat 1.  Saturday night at 11 we knew it was going to be dangerous, yesterday at 5 it was deemed potentially catastrophic.  We were lucky to get Brenda out there when we did.”  Mac looked up at the feed that played in the conference room and bit her tongue.  “What did you want them to do?  Look in a crystal ball?”

“No, I want some accountability.  You can’t turn the TV on without seeing how New Orleans is built like a bowl under sea level.  This was a predictable disaster.”

“And yet people still choose to live there.  We’re going to cover the storm as we have been.  Later we can ask Mac’s questions.  Todd, find someone on the ground there that will be able to get into the Superdome the second the storm passes.” In Sandy’s world, CNN will fill their airwaves with great images of a powerful storm and eventually the families who lost everything. Mackenzie on the other hand hated feeling shackled to a set of rules that stood in the way of good news. Mac wanted to find out where the breakdown happened.  Who was responsible?  She didn’t necessarily want to create a controversy, but she knew that in asking questions they would uncover several life threatening gaffs. 

As Mac went back to her desk, she tried to calm herself down.  She works for Sandy and didn’t want to push any harder right now, there had been friction between the women since she arrived.  Mac was told to retool the show and Sandy didn’t want to have any of it.  As Mac sat down, without an assignment for today’s broadcast, she began working contacts.  Eventually they would get to the point when someone would need to start asking the necessary questions.  She would have those questions outlined and a list of people to answer them ready.  Her questions would be tougher than most people’s, but since they would be done, they would get used. 

At 11AM, the eye of the storm came ashore and soon after, the first images of flood waters raging in New Orleans began to appear.  It was devastating for the cast and crew to look at.  Will shook his head in frustration as he looked at coverage yet another softball interview with the Army Corps of Engineers who talked about the effect of the main levee breach.  Mac pursed her lips and shook her head angrily as she thought about how great it was they still had that awesome animation of the New Orleans bowl filling.  She made a call to Mayor Nagin’s office.  She had to hold back, a pre-interview doesn’t allow for the questions she wanted asked.  She asked about the people in the Superdome and let them put their spin on the state of those survivors and brought the notes from that interview to the rundown meeting. 

The meeting was electric.  Everyone jumping in with updates on their stories.  Mac waited for an opening and she pitched an interview with her contact at the Mayor’s office that is responsible for the emergency plan and food distribution.  She gave the facts and figures for what the plan should have been and gave a list of the questions that she thinks should be part of the interview. 

Sandy didn’t like it, but she had to admit it was a valid way to cover the news.  After being quiet for a few seconds, she nodded her head.  “Get your information to me and Aaron, we’ll get Ken Sterling to cover the interview.”

“Actually, I was thinking we could do a pre-tape and use Will McAvoy to cover.”

The bullpen went silent, waiting for Sandy’s response.  They’ve watched for the last few weeks ask the EP and SP bit their lips and politely disagreed with each other, just waiting for the tension to break like one of the levees in New Orleans.  Sandy took a breath before she answered, “We have an analyst that we use.  He’ll do fine.”

“He won’t ask the follow up questions.  When I’ve run him, he doesn’t know the question to ask and when I give it to him, he goes silent.”

“Sounds to me like you don’t know how to run him.”

Mac didn’t hear Sandy as she was still talking, “Will is a prosecutor, he’s trained to look for the holes.  He’s going to do a better interview.”

“McAvoy was a prosecutor?” Todd asked

“Twenty five years with the Brooklyn prosecutor’s office, 94% conviction rate.  I would be almost willing to bet that this type of interview is why he became a journalist.”

No one was real sure when Dirk walked into the room, he usually tried to blend in and let the executive producer lead meetings, but his presence at this moment was noticed and several of the producers looked at him to see who he would side with.  He looked between Sandy and his protégé.  He loved Mac’s spirit and determination, but knew that she was out of line and that he would have to reel her back in after Sandy made whatever decision she made. All eyes looked at Sandy and in desperation, Mac walked out and headed straight for Will’s office.  Dirk raised his eyes to heaven and asked a deity he didn’t believe in to stop her somehow.  He watched Mac bang on Will’s office door and turned to see Sandy seething at the younger woman’s insubordination. 

Mac pounded a few times on Will’s office door and then let herself in.  “Will McAvoy, I’m Mackenzie McHale, senior producer of News Night with Aaron Brown.  We need you to cover an interview with someone from Mayor Nagin’s office to find out about the complete and total mismanagement of Hurricane Katrina.”

“Huh?  I don’t think you have the authority to come into my office uninvited let alone assign me to an interview at 10:00 tonight.”

“It’ll be a pre-tape and we’ll hold back some good bits for you to put on News in the morning or whatever the hell show you’re on.”

Will looked at her amused.  “American Morning and I’m sure we appreciate you looking out for us.”

Mac took Will’s hand and yanked him out of his chair, pulling him to her rundown meeting.  “I’ve got a copy of the emergency response plan that should have been followed and the food distribution plan that should have been executed.  I’ve also laid out the flow that the interview should take.”

The pair arrived in the conference room and immediately Will turned to Dirk, “Who the fuck is this crazy woman and why does she think she’s going to tell me how to conduct an interview?”

Sandy Jumped in, “I’m sorry Will, she shouldn’t have brought you into this, we have a perfectly capable…”

“The hell you do,” Mackenzie yelled.

Bedlam erupted in the conference room as everyone started talking over each other.  Finally, Dirk put his fingers to his lips and whistled.  “Everyone quiet.  Will, you were a prosecutor?”

“Twenty five years in Brooklyn.”

“I already told them that.”  Mac saw Dirk glare at her.  “Not that that’s important.”

Dirk took another second to consider his choices.  Finally he said, “McAvoy, start prepping the interview.  Sandy, go to Mac’s desk and find the stack of notes and information I imagine Mac has collected and give them to Will.  Mac, you’re with me in my office.  Sandy, you do a prep with Will if Mac isn’t back in a half hour.”

Dirk left with Mac leaving Sandy to run the rest of her rundown meeting.  Mac didn’t get nervous often, but she knew she went a step too far this time.  Once they got to his office and closed the door, she saw Dirk more intense than she’d ever seen him. 

“I don’t know what the hell got into you.  You wouldn’t have done that in LA and it stops now.  You are not the executive producer of this show, you get your direction from her, do you understand?”

“There was a better way….”

“I don’t care.  It’s not your call.  I should fire your ass right now.”  Dirk took a breathe to calm down.  “Because you’re you, I’m going to give you a chance.  You’re running him.  If he isn’t everything you say he’s going to be, you moved here for no reason.  Do you understand?”

“I’ve seen him in action when he’s got something to do…  Look him up on Youtube, election coverage, 9/11.  You’re going to be impressed.”

“Do you understand, Mac?  You just put your neck on the line for a person you don’t know.  Don’t you ever put me in this position again!”

Mac nodded her head and left to go back downstairs to Will’s office.  When she arrived at his closed door, she knocked a few times and poked her head in.  “Will?  Is this a good time?”

“Oh, standards of civility aren’t completely lost on you.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”  She let herself in.  “I know our introduction was a little rushed, but I’ve been a fan since the 9/11 coverage.  My boyfriend was your co-anchor that day.”

“Who was that?”

“It doesn’t matter, we’re not together anymore.”

“Well, I am glad to catch up on your love life, but right now I probably should be looking through this stack of papers you pulled since you just got me double duty at work.”

Mac crossed the room and sat in the chair opposite him.  “And that’s what I actually came here to discuss.  You know that I want you to cover this interview, but you may not know why.”

“Because Ken couldn’t formulate a follow up question if there was a big blinking cue card in front of him.”

“Ok, so you do know. Well, then uh, go ahead and finish reading.  Give me a call when you’re done and I’ll come back and go over the flow of the interview.”

“I know the flow of the interview.  Do you think I haven’t been keeping track of what’s going on?  Nagin has fucked this up completely and FEMA’s going to fuck up anything that’s left.  I’m waiting to see the body count in the Superdome, though I’m sure we won’t know for a few days because no one can get in there and likely won’t be able to for a few days.  So as you can tell I don’t need some twenty something producer with a cockney accent directing my every word for this interview.”

“Maybe you don’t, but you do need a producer in your ear to keep your ego in check.”

“My ego?  I’m not the one that left a rundown meting to recruit a journalist against the wishes of her EP.”

“You want this interview as much as I want it done well, so you will hear my voice in your ear and you will get used to the accent.  And you’re going to impress the shit out of me and Dirk because you’re looking for your own show just as much as I am.”  Mac laid more papers on his desk.  “Here’s the plan for the interview, study that and I’ll come get you for the pre-tape.”

The pre-tape went better than Mac expected.  Mac went to an editing bay and started editing the interview.  She promised put together a segment for the morning show, though she wasn’t sure exactly when she promised that.  As she watched, she couldn’t help smiling at herself.  It was a hard fought win, but a win none the less.  As she got up to leave, Sandy found her. 

“You did good work, I can’t deny that.  You have good instincts and found a talent that we missed.  As long as we have to work together, I will try to remember that.  But if you ever embarrass me like that in front of the crew again, if you ever go over my head, I will make sure that you are producing children’s baking shows for the rest of your life.”

Once Sandy left, Mac said to herself, “I guess that’s one less female friend.”

Mac left the edit bay and started to go to her desk when she noticed that Will was on his way out.  She ran to catch up to him.  “Great interview Will.  I think you impressed people.”

Before Will could respond, Dirk joined them.  “Glad I caught you both.  Come over here a second.”  He went to get Sandy as well.  “Will, awesome job. I didn’t know you had it in you.  Sandy, some of the VPs upstairs saw the interview and want to have Will lead Aaron’s show this week with Katrina coverage.  So, starting tonight and for the rest of the week, Aaron will introduce Will who will act as a mini-anchor for the A block.  Mac will produce that; he’s going to need a couple packages and an interview every day.  Once Will is done, Sandy, the rest of the show is yours.  You may choose to follow up however you want, but Will is going to work on the hard news piece of this.”

Sandy reluctantly nodded her head and left, Dirk patted Mac on the shoulder and went back to his office, leaving Mac and Will together.  “I’d like to go over some ideas for this week after the broadcast tonight.  Will you be available?”

Will shook his head, “Nope, got a date.”

“OK, then I’ll be right off the news desk after your last news break with your morning show.  We’re going to have a lot to go over.”

“Don’t worry, I can keep up.”

Dirk returned to his office and looked at his board that lists all the shows currently in the lineup.  To the right of the schedule is a column of shows or specials that he wants to develop.  Each piece was held up by a magnet so he can shuffle as necessary.  On one of his blank magnets he added the word “McAvoy” and put it at the top of his development list.  “Mac, you will never cease to amaze me.”

After the broadcast, Mac sat at her desk.  She was impressive today.  And Will had all the makings of the newsman she expected.  Yeah, she got reamed out a couple times, but that’s how progress is made – rocking the boat and the occasional magnificent disaster.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> American Morning and News Night with Aaron Brown were both shows on CNN in 2005, according to Wikipedia, which isn't a site I would use if I worked in a newsroom, but seems okay for a fan fiction.


	4. What Makes You Tick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week in the life of a newsroom

**Tuesday**

Right after Will’s final morning newsbreak, he looked over and saw Mackenzie waiting for him off his news desk.  He looked at the floor director for permission to leave before the wrap up.  Once he got permission they started towards his office.  As soon as the studio doors shut behind them, Mackenzie had her pad out and Will looked at the list of notes she wrote.

“Are those for me?”

“Most of them.  I have one note for wardrobe.  You’re not allowed to wear tweed ever again.  It washes you out.  A dark solid jacket will make you look more crisp.”

Will gave her an offended look.  “This was my father’s jacket.  He died 3 years ago.  I always feel closer to him when I wear it.”

Mac stopped and rolled her eyes, a don’t fuck with me look on her face.  “Your father’s a farmer in Nebraska and you don’t like him very much.  I haven’t figured out why yet.  You want to tell me, make my job easier?”

Will started them walking down the hall again.  “You’re doing research on me?”

“I don’t think I’d call it research, just a background check and… well, yes, I guess I’ve been doing some research on you.  I need to know what makes you tick so I can know how to use your strengths.”

Will opened his office door and Mac entered.  “If I get a show out of this, I’ll get to choose the executive producer, and no offense, I’m going to want someone with more experience than a 20-something that just graduated J-school apparently with a pop psychology degree.”

“Well then I guess you’ll choose the 33 year old who got her Bachelors from Cambridge and her Masters from Columbia.  Her thesis has been the basis of several textbooks about what news media should and shouldn’t be and she’s been producing news since before the first time you got an invitation to give a legal opinion on ACN.” 

Will sat back in his chair and looked at Mac for a pregnant moment.  “You _want_ to be my producer?”

“Will, you’re cute, you have talent, and you come with a unique skill set that I think will give the audience an education that no one else can give.  You need a producer who’s going to help you use those strengths and hide your horrible sense of style, your arrogance, and your general unpleasantness.”

Will cocked his head.  “You think I’m cute?”

“The audience thinks you’re cute, I think you’re an ass.  But I can work that.”  Mackenzie looked out the window of his office and saw Sandy signal her.  She pulled a sheet of paper out of her notebook.  “Here’s what I’m working on for this evening.  I’ll email you my notes from last night and I’ll be back here to give you an update at around 11.  When we get you on primetime, expect run down meetings at 11, 4 and an hour before show.”

“You know I’ve been told I have a cute ass.”

As Mac walked out the door, she threw over her shoulder, “I haven’t noticed.”

Will yelled out the door, “Admit it, you think I’m cute too!”

“Nope, just a pompous overbearing ass.”

**Wednesday**

Will waited for the studio doors to close before he started whisper yelling, “You know, you don’t have to come to the studio this early.  You’ll see me at 11, 4, and 9 during these time wasting rundown meetings that could be covered with an email.”

“Well if you would stop racing out of the studio and talk to me, I wouldn’t have to give you feedback at 9AM.”

“I have to be here at 4AM for my regular show and with the schedule you have me on I can’t leave until 10:30 PM.  I do have a social life.”

“Oh you mean that blonde who was at the studio last night just fascinated by the way a camera can capture video?”  Will opened his office door begrudgingly.  “She was literally fascinated that a camera could take full motion video.”  Mac punctuated the last few words of that statement with more than a hint of disbelief.

“She was a mass comm major in college.”

“And they didn’t expose her to equipment?”

Will took a deep breath and tried to redirect the conversation.  “What notes do you have for me today?”

“When I tell you to follow up, follow up.”

“He didn’t know anything else.  There was no reason to push him to admit that he didn’t know, he’d already admitted that FEMA was slow to respond.  At that point, pushing the issue would have made me look like an aggressor and put the audience on his side.  We would have won the debate, but lost the point.  I thought the presentation of facts required me to quit while I was ahead in this case.”

Mac looked at Will.  “You read my thesis?”

“I thought I should see what makes you tick.  Even if we’re only stuck doing this together for a week, you’re going to be unbearable until I figure you out.”

“It was a different question.”

“It meant the same thing.”

Will started getting exasperated.  “He admitted that FEMA was slow, but I wanted him to say that they didn’t have a plan in place and were scrambling.”

 “No one would understand the difference.  And that’s the problem with your whole argument.”

Mac shook her head.  “There is no problem with my whole argument.  The news should be just that, an opportunity for –“

“The electorate to know what the government is doing.  The press has a duty to hold our elected officials accountable for their actions. But for us to dispassionately argue for the people, we can’t try to go after them.  We can’t show a bias.  That’s not what Edward R. Murrow or Walter Cronkite ever did.”

Mac’s voice had gotten louder with each statement, but this set her over the edge.  “The hell they didn’t.  They had their opinions and brought people, administrations and whole schools of thought down for the good of the country.  It’s a fine line to draw.  We want to keep the government for the peoplebut that means making sure they take responsibility for their errors.  To make things right for the people.”

“And I don’t think asking a follow up would have done any of that.  What else is on your list?”

“I have 5 different examples of times that you did not follow instruction and I had to ask you to tap your pen so I knew you could hear me.  It looks like you’re doing Morse Code out there.  Will, you may not like me, and that’s okay, but I own you for those 15 minutes your face is magically projected to TV screens across the country.”  Will gave her look.  “She thought it was magic.  Literally, magic.  She used that word.”  Will refused to look as embarrassed as he was.  “I have to work with every person in that control room and when you just outright ignore what I’m saying, they see it.  It makes you look like a bully and it completely undermines what I’m trying to do.”

Will’s face betrayed his anger, though he didn’t let it show in his voice.  “And what exactly are you trying to do?”

“The news you idiot, I’m trying to do the news.  Here’s a list of what I’m working on for tonight.  I’ll see you at 4.  That should give you time to spend with today’s cheerleader and talk to me after the show.”

**Thursday**

Will was surprised that Mac didn’t meet him at the end of _American Morning_.  He even went by her desk before going to his office to find her, but it didn’t look like she had been there yet.  As he walked back to his office, one of the PAs intercepted him and said Dirk wanted him to go upstairs.  When he arrived he found Mac in the office as well. 

“Thanks for joining us Will.”  Will nodded at his boss.  “I’m seeing some of the finest work I’ve ever seen on Newsnight.  You two are good together.”

Mac quietly said, “Thank you.”

Will said, “Why are we here Dirk?”

“You’re here because the fighting has to stop.  I’ve got complaints from many staff members about the arguments and the confusion that comes from it.  So I’m going to make this easy.  Mac is in charge of the newsroom piece.  She will line up the guests and come up with the questions.  She will direct what we’re trying to get at.  Will’s role is to get that from the guest.  If Mac thinks that a follow up should be made, and Will doesn’t think it’s there, Will doesn’t go after it, he’s not tapping his pen anymore to let you know that he heard you and you are not going to keep asking him.”  Will gave a triumphant look.  “And Will, if you don’t like the direction of a story, you’re not going to fight her on it, it’s her call, you are going to get the guest to say what she wants him to say.  She sets the narrative, you feed the lines.”

Dirk looked at the two of them.  “You each get to have an opinion about what the other person is doing.  You can share that opinion.  But if it’s your area, that’s when you have the final say.  Understood?”

Mac and Will each agreed.  “Mac, go on and start getting things together for tonight.  I’ll send Will down in a second.”

“We talked last night after the show, I don’t need to see him until 4.”  Dirk gave her a questioning look.  “A concession I made so he can have a night life.”

Dirk stopped himself from saying something.  “I don’t think I want to know what that means.”  Mac left. 

Dirk sat at the end of his desk.  “Will, I want you to look at this board.  This is the current CNN lineup.  And over here are the shows I want to develop.  At the top of that list is your show.”

“Thanks Dirk.”

“Don’t thank me.  Thank Mac.  She came in here and in her first five minutes she was telling me I needed to give you a chance.  When she wanted to pursue Nagin’s office, she put her job on the line because she believed that you had something special.  I only took the chance because I trusted her.  She’s damn good at what she does.  Ease off, work with her, respect her and see what happens because I can promise you that your success or failure will have more to do with her than with your talent.”

Will nodded his head and left the office. 

**Friday**

When the director yelled clear at _American Morning_ , Will went directly to Mac’s desk and signaled for her to go to his office.  She rolled her eyes and reluctantly got up.  She slumped in her chair, looking exhausted.  He made sure he sounded cheery as he said, “I was wondering if you had plans for lunch.  I’d like to take you out somewhere and discuss next steps.”

“Next steps?”

“The week is up and I haven’t heard what we’re doing next week.”

“Nothing.  Anderson Cooper is going to co-anchor with Aaron.  If that doesn’t save the show, there will be an opening on the schedule.”

Will got excited, “Is that official?”

“Senior staff found out about an hour ago, commercials are being made right now.  The rest of America will know this afternoon.”

“You don’t seem excited.”

“Will, I don’t have time for this.  I have to fill 15 minutes with you and I still have responsibilities as senior producer that have nothing to do with you.  There’s another…”  Will tried to hide his amusement at her counting on her fingers.  “37 minutes to fill and I have an executive producer who thinks I’m after her job.”

“27 minutes.  And you kind of are.”

“And you’re kind of an asshole.  I need to meet a contact for lunch.  If you want to figure out how to secure your own show talk to Dirk.”  Mac turned to leave, but before she got to the door, she reluctantly said, “Maybe I can find some time on my schedule to talk with you.  It won’t be today, we’re in the middle of reorganizing while Sandy has to massage Aaron’s ego and lie to him that he’s going to be fine, that Anderson is just going to help him get his audience back.”

“You think his ego is that fragile?”

Mac turned to face him.  “All anchors egos are.  They stare at Q numbers and ratings and twist themselves into pretzels so that their invisible friends won’t leave them.”

Will smiled, “Don’t worry, I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of me.”

Mac laughed, the first time Will thinks he’s ever seen her.  “You’re going to be the worst about it!  Aaron has a longtime girlfriend who can help him keep things in perspective.  You have you and the first time your audience leaves you for a baseball game, your only solace will come from your friends at work.  Except you don’t have any other those.  I’d actually start looking for a good therapist because he’ll medicate you through it.”  Mac looked out the window in his office and saw Sandy signaling.  “I have to go.  I’ll send you an invite for next week.”

Will did some work to prepare for Aaron’s show, occasionally looking out the door to see the activity in the newsroom.  As he looked down at the newsroom, his eyes fixed on Mackenzie.  He saw her constantly either on the phone or talking to a staff member.  At around 3:30 he wondered if she’d even eaten.  He also noticed how often Sandy went into Aaron’s office and closed the door.  More than once he saw her put a comforting arm on his shoulder.  That wouldn’t be him.  He’s not that fragile. 

He picked up her thesis and stared at a page that had a lot of highlights, then looked at her, phone in one ear, a couple people he didn’t know asking her questions, and her pointing at people.  For the first time, he saw how hard she works and realized that he should consider himself lucky to have someone as dedicated and passionate as his EP.  At that moment he decided that no matter what she asked today, he would do it without argument.  He would follow her instincts even when he was sure she was wrong. 

And he did it.  And it was the best broadcast he’d been part of. 

After the A-Block Will stayed in the office and waited for Mac to come out after the show ended.  He casually went to her desk.  “Mac, I was wondering if you had time to get a drink with me when you’re done here.  Kind of a thank you for the work you did this week.”

Mac smiled at him.  “I’m sorry Will, I have plans tonight.”

Will nodded his head, not thinking anything of it.  “Well, another time then.”

Mac nodded in agreement when the elevator opened and a handsome man walked out carrying flowers.  He looked around and saw Mac and went to her.  Mac greeted him with a quick peck on the cheek.  “Give me just a second Simon to change and then I’ll be ready to go.”

“Take your time.”

Mac noticed Will was still there.  “Simon, this is Will McAvoy.  He’s out morning news guy, but has been helping us with News Night.”  The men shook hands and made small talk until Mac got back, then Simon walked her out.  Will watched her go and felt something that he couldn’t quite place.  He didn’t think too long about it and went back to his office to leave. 


	5. Success Covers a Multitude of Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Mac go to lunch.

“You ready to go?” Mac went to Will’s office to pick him up for lunch. Earlier in the day Dirk sent her the show proposal that Will wrote. Dirk hasn’t put out a call for proposals yet, but asked Mac to work with Will on his. The proposal was 47 pages long and read like a legal brief. Dirk needed something more succinct and thought Will and Mac needed to work on their rapport. Dirk told Mac that executive producers must primarily focus on getting the best out of their anchors because if the anchor does well, so does the show. Therefore, having a good personal relationship would help her get the best out of her anchor. He called it trickle down producing. Mac looked forward to the challenge of working with Will. Will had a reputation around the office as being a stubborn blow-hard who thought he knew everything. While Mac wasn’t excited about his personality, she believed in what he could do and what they could do together. She understood Dirk’s advice to spend some time with Will, so inviting him to lunch to talk about the proposal would work as an ice breaker and an opportunity to let him know her expectations.

She allowed Will to pick the restaurant. She didn’t want to have this conversation in the office since Aaron was already concerned abut his career. She also didn’t know what restaurants were around since on the rare occasions that she did eat, she usually got something from one of the vending machines. 

“Yep, just let me just finish this thought.” When Will read Mac’s thesis the previous week, he was impressed. His eyes were opened to this woman whose brain rivaled her beauty for her best attribute. She could also hold her own against him. All weekend he thought about Dirk telling him that she believed in him and when he watched the tapes, he knew that the night he listened to her, he did his best work. He thought that if he got his own show, Dirk would team him and Mac up for it. Seeing her this morning when she asked him to lunch made his heart beat a little faster. He tried to convince himself he saw her as a step to realizing his dream of having his own show. She would be his most trusted partner. But he had to admit he felt an attraction to her. But then again, what red-blooded man wouldn’t?

When Will finished the last email he had to send, he stood up and held the door open for her as they left. “Do you like Italian? There’s a great little place just a couple streets down that I thought we could walk to.”

“Sounds great.”   The two walked in silence to the elevator and out of the building. Mac’s face scrunched up as the sun hit her eyes. Will chuckled a little. “I wasn’t quite ready for that.”

“Who would have guessed that the sun is really out when we’re at work? If you’re not careful, you may choke on the fresh air. ”

 Mac smiled and swatted him playfully on the arm, “I love the sun and fresh air, reminds me of home. My dad use to take us on long drives in the country. There was this one field with a hill that he would stop at and we’d play and watch the sunset. The concrete jungle just doesn’t have the same charm.” Mac didn’t get out often enough, and when she did it was usually only long enough to catch a train or cab.

 “Maybe not the charm, but New York City has an energy about it that I haven’t seen anywhere else.”

 “Do you miss outside? You grew up on a farm didn’t you?” 

“Usually I don’t, but there are certain things I miss about Nebraska especially in the fall. Friday nights after the football games we would go to one of the farms and build a bonfire. We’d steal some drinks from our parents and then couples would end up in the barn for privacy.” He smiled and watched to see if Mac gave a reaction.

“In England we just used the backseat of a car.”

“That’s because you can’t play rugby in the dark.” Before Mac could respond, but after it was obvious she would defend her country’s sports, Will asked, “So how’d your date go the other night? End up in a barn or a backseat?”

Mac gave him a confused look. “What?”

“Friday, that guy that came to pick you up.”

Mac laughed, “Simon? He’s my brother. We didn’t go to a barn or a backseat.”

Will steered her around a corner. “So that means that you’ll have more time for me when you officially become my work wife.”

“Work wife? Does that give me any say into who you spend your off hours with because I met a couple of your dates last week. One was just fascinated with light.”

“Ah, yeah, I went out with a scientist who was studying light theory.” 

“If I knew that I would have let her watch us change the lighting in the control room, it would have blown her mind. Instead I just watched her guess where her shadow would be in the bullpen.”

Will smiled, “Would you believe I was doing a favor for a friend?” Mac laughed and shook her head. Will looked at her and steered her towards the restaurant. Will was still laughing when he requested a table for two.   The pair sat down and Will ordered a bottle of wine to go with their lunch.

Mac shook her head, “I can’t drink, it’s the middle of the day. But you go ahead.” Will smiled at her and confirmed with the waitress that they would take a bottle with two glasses 

When Mac tried to argue, he said, “Unless you’re the lightest weight I’ve ever seen, you can handle one glass of an exquisite red.

“Trust me, McAvoy, I can drink you under the table any day, but I’m still new at this job and my EP is looking for any reason to fire me.”

“If Dirk stopped her from firing you when you pulled me into the rundown meeting last week --.”

Mac smiled at him. “Lucky for me you worked out as well as I expected. Success covers a multitude of sins.”

“I think you’re talking about talent.” Will smiled widely.

“You are such an ass. But you do have a lot of talent.”

“I was talking about your talent.”

For the first time today Mac felt a little uncomfortable. She thought it had more to do with the look Will was giving her than the compliment. She shifted a little in her chair, a move that Will noticed immediately, and suggested they start looking at his proposal.

“What’s wrong with my proposal?”

“Well for one thing, it’s 47 pages long and written in legalese.”

“I wrote it like a lawyer. I thought you’d be impressed.” As Mackenzie started getting riled up, Will couldn’t help laughing. He enjoyed seeing her get passionate about, well, anything so he let her get louder than she should for longer than she should.

Mac rolled her eyes. “You have to think about your audience and what they want, it's the cardinal rule of journalism.  Don't make your report out of reach for them. In this case, that’s Dirk and a bunch of VPs who will fall asleep by page 2, and that’s only if they don’t move on before they finish page 1.”

Will tried to hide his smile as he answered her. “Okay, what do you suggest? Where do we start? 

“You have a lot of good ideas here, mostly because you stole them from my thesis.”

“I didn’t steal anything from your thesis, which by the way is the most bloated piece of work I’ve ever read. Twenty pages defining “electorate”?”

“That’s my point, I was writing to a bunch of academics who were looking for holes. You’re writing to a bunch of VPs who think far too highly of themselves.”

“I think you’re describing lawyers. You’re thesis suggests that if we treat the electorate like they’re smart, they will rise to our content. That’s what I was trying to do, make the VPs rise.”

Mac stared at Will for a second, upset that he acted like this was a joke. “No you didn’t. You were trying to show them how smart you are. And you did it by plagiarizing my thesis.”

“I did not!”

“Your chapter 3, is nearly verbatim my chapter 5. And by the way, who has chapters in a proposal?”

Will laughed at her. “I was really excited about it and just couldn’t stop. But I didn’t plagiarize, I’ve got a really good memory –“

“So you may have memorized my thesis? Still flattering, but doesn’t help your case, counselor.”

“Whatever it takes to get a date with the best EP in the business.”

Mac shifted in her seat again. The waitress brought their food, laying out the two glasses and the wine that Will ordered. Will poured each of them a glass as they started eating.

“First, we need to find a new name for your show. We can’t call it NewsNight, people will think it’s just Aaron’s show again. I was thinking we call it ‘Just the Facts’. It sounds like something a lawyer would say.”

Will shot her a disbelieving look, “if the lawyer lived in a 1940s movie and was actually a cop.” He took a sip from his wine glass when he knew he had Mac’s eye. “Mmmm, this is really good. 

“Well, you’re a prosecutor so that’s like law enforcement.” Mac took a bite from her lasagna and stared at her wine glass as Will finished off his and poured some more.

“Different job altogether. The two professions hate each other. Now I got along with my cops, but that was because I had a 94% conviction rate.”

“Do you ever pass up a chance to brag about that?”

“It’s not bragging if it’s true.”

Mac’s voice raised at least an octave “Yes it is. What else would it be?”

“It’s a fact. One that I’m really proud of.” Will took some more wine and made a big deal about showing how much he enjoyed it, enjoying Mac’s struggle as she kept eyeing her glass.

Finally Mac stuffed another bite of food in her mouth and after swallowing said, “Do you have any other ideas about a title?” 

“I assumed you’d come in with 10 different options.”

“I only needed one, _Just the Facts._ I like it.”

“Nope,” he said, “What else did you got?” Before Mac could answer, Will said, “ _On Target!_ _With Will McAvoy_.”

“On Target? With an exclamation point? Will, I’m so disappointed in you.”

“No, no exclamation point. I am not reading any more scripts that are written in exclamation points.”

“Oh, does my future anchor dislike his current gig?”

“I’m not a morning person.” Will intentionally sounded grumpier than usual, knowing it would illicit a laugh from Mac. He really enjoyed hearing her laugh and the way her eyes crinkled when she did. They hadn’t even gotten through finding a title for their show and would have to leave soon, so he looked forward to more lunches with her.

“What about just McAvoy.  We could make you name as big as your ego!” Mac took her glass and started swirling it around and then sniffed it. “MMmmmm.”

Will couldn’t help laughing out loud. “You’re really going to just sniff that. Who the fuck sniffs their wine, except at a tasting. And even then they get to say some pretentious shit about bouquets and level of harmony. Will you just drink it?”

Mac looked at it longingly. “I can’t. And the aroma is an important part of the experience.” Mac took another long sniff.

Will laughed out loud. “I’ll write Sandy a note if it makes you feel better. I’ll tell her I made you drink"

Mac looked around her, which made Will chuckle and shake his head, and took a sip. Will mockingly patted her hand and said, “Good girl. Now that you’re walking on the wild side, go ahead and finish the glass.”

“I guess I am being a little ridiculous.” She downed the rest of the glass and breathed out deeply. “That was good.”

When she opened her eyes, she saw Aaron and Sandy recognize her on their way to a table. Sandy went to their table smiling. “Will, Mac, what are you doing here?” 

Coolly, Mac answered, “Dirk asked me to meet with Will to give him feedback on how he did on _NewsNight_.”

Sandy didn’t look convinced. “That’s usually an EP’s job.”

 “Well, to be fair, she did run me.”

 Mac watched as Sandy’s eyes dropped to the proposal. “And I suppose these are your notes on his performance.”

 “She does tend to run off at the mouth.” Mac gave him a look and a light smack to his chest that looked to Sandy as a pretty familiar gesture while Will shrugged his shoulders. Sandy did not look amused. “I wrote it and since I knew that we were having lunch I thought I would show it to her and get some feedback.”

 “I see.” Sandy looked hard at Mac. “Can I give you a little advice? Mr. McAvoy here has a well-earned reputation, so I would make sure I bathe myself in penicillin for as long as you’re his bed warmer of the week. And Will, after you finish with her, you may want to consider an EP who can be loyal for more than two weeks.”

 With that, Sandy went back to her table with Aaron. Mac told Will she needed to get back to work and Will threw some money on the table and walked out with her. “I’ll talk to her, set the record straight.”

 Mac gave him a half smile. “I’m an adult. I can handle a tough day at work.”

 “You can, I have no doubt about that, but you shouldn’t have to. I don’t want you to even be a little uncomfortable because you tried to help me out.”

 “I’m trying to help us both out. Being EP of your show will benefit me as well.” They arrived at the Time Warner Building. Mac gave Will a peck on the cheek, “Thanks for lunch Will, these are my notes on your proposal. I’ll talk to Sandy and we can try again next week.” As Mac walked into the building, Will watched, enjoying the sight of her legs. As smart as she is beautiful. And she’s quick witted and unorthodox. He might enjoy going to work if it means working with her.


	6. I Have Not and Have No Intention Of, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac's Bad, Awful day continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short update because I decided to make this two chapters. THanks for kudosing and commenting. It makes my day. Please don't hate me at the end of this one.

Mac went straight back to her desk and immediately began going through her checklist for tonight’s show.  No matter what else happened in her life, Mac always knew that she could excel at work.  She sometimes believed that her other failures could be overlooked because of her excellence at whatever she set her mind to.  As senior producer she had to verify the production schedule for the day and ensure that all non-people resources were ready.  She realized quickly that with 8 hours before the show, she won’t have many of the pieces she needs.  She did find an interview that needed editing, so she went down to the edit bay and put on a headset and began working. 

She didn’t do anything wrong she kept telling herself.  But she wanted to talk to Sandy because she knew it looked worse than it was.  Editing this interview should give Sandy time to get back to the office and they can talk.  Mac does not want anyone even thinking she’s sleeping with her potential future anchor.  She needs the respect of her newsroom if she’s going to be able to lead them someday.  And while she and Sandy don’t work well together, Sandy is a reasonable person. 

Mac finished her work and headed back to Sandy’s office, knocking on the door.  “Can I come in?”

Sandy nodded her head.  “Mac, I –“

“Please Sandy, let me go first.  I know what you saw and how it looked, but it’s not that way at all.  Dirk asked me to talk to Will.  I thought it might look suspicious, so I suggested we go somewhere else.  That’s it.  We had a nice conversation, in part about a show he would like to do.  But I never sabotaged Aaron and I would never sleep with a man to get a promotion.”

Sandy nodded her head.  “I believe you, Mac.”  Mac let out an relieved breath.  “You are many things; unethical is not one of them.  However, I just emailed Dirk and asked that you be moved to another show.  I suggested the morning show.  I don’t trust you and with the probability of losing this show, keeping you around is going to bring down my team’s morale.  Putting you on mornings lets you control the narrative for how and why Will gets Aaron’s time slot.”

Mac could fill in some of what she didn’t say.  All last week people wondered if Will had come in to take over Aaron’s show.  She thought bringing in Anderson would relieve those rumors, but anyone who looked at the ratings knew Aaron was in trouble and since Anderson had a show already, everyone assumed Will as the heir apparent.  Mac understood how it would be demoralizing for Sandy’s team, especially if and when Aaron’s show got cancelled.  “Have you heard back from Dirk?”

Sandy shook her head.  “Not yet.  I would expect that you’ll get a call soon though telling you to finish out the week and then go to mornings.  Aaron can be a bit of a hot head, but I’ll let him know I was wrong in what I said.  He’s frustrated and wants to take it out on someone.”

Mac nodded her head and started walking to the door.  “I’m sorry Sandy, I –“  Sandy gestured her to not finish and Mac walked out, a little stunned.  She started looking through her list again, waiting for Dirk’s call. 

Will decided to stay in his office and monitor Mac’s bullpen.  He started seeing Mac as a friend, something he didn’t have many of, and so he felt protective of her.  He didn’t want her to face any consequences for doing him a favor.  He looked through the marked up copy of his proposal that Mac gave him and laughed at some of the notes he assumed she didn’t expect him to read.  He would never have to wonder what exactly she thought of him.  He thought about how to make things better for her and then picked up his phone and ordered flowers.  “Put on the card, ‘Sandy and crew, Thank you for letting me sit in on your show last week.  You have an incredible team.”  And sign it Will.  Can you make sure to date the card Saturday?  I don’t want her to think I just thought of this today.”  He smiled to himself.  Someday he’ll be the anchor and be able to tell an assistant to write some cliché ridden shit for him.  For now this will have to do. 

Will saw the flowers get delivered about an hour later and Sandy read the card to the team.  He waited a few more minutes for everyone to get back to their normal work pattern and then he started to pack up for the day.  As he left, he walked past Sandy’s office and poked his head in.  “I see you got the flowers!”

“They’re lovely, thanks, Will.”

“You deserve them.  And about today.”

Sandy shook her head, “No need.  Mac and I talked and I know nothing happened.”

Will gave her a big smile and walked away, feeling his work is finished.  Mac wasn’t at her desk, probably ran off after, actually he had no idea where she goes, but she doesn’t spend a lot of time at her desk, always answering a question or chasing a lead or… he really didn’t know what all that woman did and was pretty sure he will always be impressed by the sheer breadth of things she can do.  He weaved through the bullpen smiling at people as he went. 

Once he got to the outer hall he heard someone call his name.  He turned around and found the source.  “Aaron.”

“You asshole.”  Will smiled to make it clear he wasn’t going to get pulled into a shouting match with him. “How’d you do it?”

“Do what?”

“First you seduced her and then convinced her to sabotage my show?”

Will laughed.  “Certainly you’ve been watching your ratings tank for months, well before Mackenzie even arrived.  Who knows why this happens Aaron.  All we know is that the audience stopped liking you.  And according to the ratings, they absolutely love me.”

“People only watch the first 10 minutes of the news.  The 10 minutes she gave you.”

“The _15_ minutes _Dirk_ gave me.  Don’t take out your frustration over people not liking you on me or Mackenzie.  We had nothing to do with it except that we happened to be around to show how hated you are.”

“You’re a flavor of the month for them.  You won’t be able to sustain an audience.”

“Well, that will be a problem for Dirk to deal with if he gives me a show.”  Will started to walk away when Aaron grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. 

“Fucking your EP is never a good idea.  One day the rose colored glasses will come off and she’s going to see you for the asshole that you are and when she does, your show will tank.”

Will could feel himself getting angry.  As a kid when he started feeling like this, he usually hit someone and if it was the right person, people thought of him as a hero.  In college he had to learn how to tamp down that instinct and deescalate the situation.  And if he couldn’t deescalate, then he removed himself.  He tried to remove himself once and considered it again as he stared at his right hand that wanted to curl into a fist and take a swing.  But he stopped himself.  “You know that from experience?  Is that how you got your job?  Found some poor exec’s wife who was lonely enough to owe you a favor?”

“Fuck you.”

Will grinned.  It wasn’t a de-escalation, but Aaron was on the brink of losing his cool.  You get a 94% conviction rate by being able to know how to read people and pushing them just a little too far so that they lose all credibility.  He just succeeded at that.  If Aaron was a witness anything he said next would be the thing that makes the jury turn against him.  It was almost too easy, but he couldn’t help it.  “You’re not my type, but I’m sure we can find someone just desperate enough to help you out.”    

“Well even you found a whore like Mackenzie, so maybe there is hope for me.”

For years after when Will looked back at this moment, he will never be able to understand what happened.  Dr. Habib had an idea, but Will didn’t believe him.  What Will knew, what he always knew, was he had the upper hand; there was no reason for him to lose it.  He also didn’t know where the people came from, how long they had been there waiting to see the men come to blows.  When he looks back he wishes he would have taken a swing at him, it would have been better for everyone.  But he didn’t.  He took a step toward Aaron to get right in his face and said, “Let me be absolutely clear, I have not and have no intention of fucking Mackenzie McHale.”

The men stood staring intensely at each other for a few moments.  Aaron was the first to backup and when he did, Will noticed for the first time the crowd they attracted, but that was only after his eyes went to Mackenzie who walked with determination toward him. 

“I appreciate you making your intentions clear to everyone.  Let me return the favor.”  Will thought he heard the slap before he realized what had happened. 

Will turned around to follow her when he felt another hand on his shoulder turning him around.  He recognized the large black hand and put his head down.  “Please Dirk, I need to apologize to her.”

“My office, now.”


	7. I Have Not and Have No Intention Of, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac's bad day finally ends.

_“Let me be absolutely clear, I have not and have no intention of fucking Mackenzie McHale.”_

_The men stood staring intensely at each other for a few moments.  Aaron was the first to backup and when he did, Will noticed for the first time the crowd they attracted, but that was only after his eyes went to Mackenzie who walked with determination toward him._

_“I appreciate you making your intentions clear to everyone.  Let me return the favor.”  Will thought he heard the slap before he realized what had happened._

_Will turned around to follow her when he felt another hand on his shoulder turning him around.  He recognized the large black hand and put his head down.  “Please Dirk, I need to apologize to her.”_

_“My office, now.”_

“Dirk please, I need to explain to her.”

“My office.”

Will reluctantly followed Dirk while someone he didn’t know told the rest of the group to get back to work.  They got into the elevator and Will started, “I know that was out of line.  I’ve been on this new medication.”

“Didn’t we already have a conversation about you acting like I’m stupid?”

“You want honesty?  He was goading me into it.  I was wrong as fuck, but it didn’t happen in a vacuum.”

The elevator dinged and the door opened allowing the two men to go to Dirk’s office.  Dirk immediately sat behind his desk and leaned back in his chair.  “You’re a lawyer, so you have to know about the Human Resources issues at play.  I’m not just talking about the sexual harassment, but I think it’s pretty clear to everyone there that you wanted to punch him, then there’s the reports about drinking at work.  I thought the two of you would become greater than the sum of your parts.  You have a unique ability to bring truth to light, she has the passion and ability to frame that.  But when I put you together, the two of you are out of control.  She becomes insubordinate and you just lose your God damned mind.  Give me one reason I should keep your name on my board.”

Will took a steely tone.  “I was off the clock when I got the wine.  And anyone who saw Aaron and I would be able to tell you he was the aggressor.”

“You have a good 6 inches on him; he wasn’t going to hurt you.”

“And I didn’t lay a hand on him.”

“Okay, then let’s deal with what you said about a Senior Producer in front of most of the crew she has to work with.”

Will put his head down and sat.  He took several long seconds to collect his thoughts. 

Dirk gave a derisive chuckle, “You enjoy being the smartest person in the room.  Maybe you can help me with the problem I have.  You see, I have this request from Sandy that makes a whole lot of sense.  She wanted to send Mac to your show, in part to help set up a narrative for you and Mac taking Aaron’s slot since you are the heir apparent.  I can’t do that now.  And keeping Mac at News Night after this embarrassment isn’t an option either.  I can ship her off to another show, and hope they don’t brand her with a scarlet letter, but this is going to run around like wild fire.”  The news director looked at his future anchor and saw him making himself look small.  “I believe that you tried to defend her.  But that’s not the part of this I’m concerned about.”

“I did.  I swear to God that’s all I wanted to do.”

“She’s going to hate you more for that than for what you actually said.”

“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.  I need to apologize, help her understand that –“

“Will, as your boss I can’t tell you how to spend your free time, but you know that you have a reputation around here.  In a perfect world, image wouldn’t matter, but we’re in the image business as much as any other.  I want nothing more than to give her a show and see what she can do when she’s able to do what she wants, but for it to work, she has to work with a crew that trusts her and you may have ruined that for her.” 

“I was trying to do the opposite.  Aaron was at lunch and saw us having an innocent conversation.  That's all it was.  I didn’t want anyone to think that’s how she got anything.  I wouldn’t do that to her, that’s what I wanted to say.  She wouldn’t do it for a job and I wouldn’t use her like that.”

Dirk looked at Will and felt bad for him.  “I believe you.  But I’m not a person whose respect Mac has to earn. And I’m not the person who was humiliated twice in about a month.”  Will shot a questioning look at Dirk who kicked himself for saying more than he should have.  Dirk debated with himself before saying his next words.  “I shouldn’t tell you this, but right before she came here she had a pretty humiliating breakup with a long term boyfriend.  He was a piece of shit and I’m glad she’s rid of him, but she was rejected by him –“

“And now I’ve made her feel like she’s the only woman I won’t take home.”

“Will, she’s going to get through this and all this will be forgotten.  We can move forward with your show, if it gets chosen.  And I hope that it does.  But I think you need to leave her alone until then.  No contact until you have to.  It’s best for you and for her.”

“Can I apologize first?”

Dirk shook his head.  “I’m going to have to talk to the three of them and figure out what we do.  I’ll let her know that you are sorry and that I told you not to apologize in person.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’ll make sure she knows.”

Will nodded his head once and left. 

*** *** ***

Will felt restless at home and didn’t want to call any of his companions to come over, so he went to a bar near his apartment to watch a game.  The Yankees were losing so the bar was pretty quiet.  Even so, he didn’t see her come in so the splash of perfectly good boos on his face came as a complete shock.  “What the hell were you thinking?  It wasn’t enough that you embarrassed me in front of my team, you talked to my boss and decided who I could and couldn’t talk to?”

“I decided who I will talk to.  Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Dirk told me to go home.”

Will started to get angry, “He didn’t fire you did he?”

Mac shook her head.  “He’s going to find busy work for me for a little while.  I couldn't stay at home so I asked your door man where you went.  I showed him my CNN badge since obviously I'm not your type.  He said you usually come here.”

“Mac I never wanted to hurt you.  He insinuated that I was screwing you and I couldn’t let him think that, it wasn’t fair to you.”

“So you tell him that we’re not.”

“I know.”

“You don’t tell the entire building you have no intention of ever… that I’m not beautiful or sexy or whatever the fuck enough to go home with the great Will McAvoy.”

“Oh, my God, Mac.  Please.  I would never say that.”  Will stood up and turned her so she was looking at him.  “Mac, I’ve fucked up every relationship I’ve ever been in.  I don’t talk to my siblings, Mom only calls on my birthday, I don’t have many friends, and I haven’t had more than a casual date since college.  But one day last week Dirk told me you believed in me.  And this afternoon I enjoyed talking to you.  I don’t ever want to treat you like a casual date.  And I’m sorry that I said what I said.  I'm only staying away because I don't want to make things worse for you.” 

Will threw a bunch of money on the table and left.  Mac sat down, tears beginning to sting her eyes. After a couple seconds she looked up and saw Will walk back to her.  “And, Mac, for the record, I think you’re sexy as hell, the most attractive woman I’ve ever seen in real life.  And if I met you before you pulled me into your rundown meeting, I would have taken you to dinner and back to my place without a second thought.  But you deserve better than that.”


	8. In Sync

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's two weeks later and Mac has requested Will's presence in her office.

Mac had to tamp down the excitement that she felt about today.  Today starts her work as an EP at CNN and she could be on the ground floor of creating a new show.  Her little brain child.  That’s why she moved cross country and away from Brian -- to be an EP at CNN.  For her, reporting the news -- the real news -- is a duty.  She has that duty because she’s good at it.  And that’s why she’s at the studio at 8:30 waiting for her first appointment.

She started thinking about Brian and what he would think.  They'd been together for 7 years, it felt weird not to think about what he would say.  Meeting Will was a whirlwind.  One minute she reluctantly followed instructions not to pursue a story, then she was pulling Will from his office to her meeting.  Then she was setting up a segment that turned into producing the A-block for a week.  Then Will potentially ruined her reputation at work.  The last time she saw Will was at the bar when she threw a drink at him and he, well, he confused her.  She thought she had him figured out, but he surprised her with the last thing he said to her.  She tried to imagine telling Brian about all this and hearing him slow her down because her story was so dizzying.  She wondered if he would find it cute or interesting.  Or if he would cut her off and tell her about his day at the office.  It didn’t matter, she was excited and not even Brian could bring her down.  Not that he necessarily would… at least not intentionally. 

She thought about Will at the bar.  He left and then came back.  She probably should be offended that he would have taken her home, but she knew what he was trying to say.  And he was right.  She did deserve better than being a disposable woman for the night, even though that night she kind of wished that...  It took her a little while to realize he was right, but with time she did and she even found it a little endearing that he was concerned about her virtue.  If he only knew she didn’t really have any. 

That night, she stayed at the bar for a little while and when she got home, she felt completely alone.  She tried to call Brian, but he didn’t take her call.  She considered calling Will, but decided against it.  She couldn’t help thinking that if Brian would just answer his phone, things would be so much easier.  She spent the rest of the week basically working freelance for whatever show needed segments produced.  It gave her a lot of time to think.  Will planned to finish his proposal, but every once in a while an idea would hit her and she would have to decide not to tell him about it.  Dirk was right; they should stay away from each other, a fact that seemed to make her drawn to him.  It occurred to her that it felt like some sort of rebellious streak in high school -- mom says I can’t see a certain boy, so that’s all I want to see. 

After two weeks with Anderson Cooper working on Aaron’s show, Dirk called her into his office and told her that he cancelled Aaron’s show.  Aaron would keep his show through September while Dirk took proposals, then in October he wanted to have two weeks of special reports by people who put in proposals, a kind of audition.  At the end of October he would repeat one of the other shows on their lineup, and have the new anchor do a segment to get the audience used to him or her.  In November, CNN would debut whatever show they selected.  Dirk wanted to give Mac the timeslot during the interim period.  It would give her an opportunity to show his bosses what she can do and start choosing a staff if she got the EP position.  It would also help all the decision makers choose who they want anchoring that show. 

Mac immediately jumped into reading proposals and researching the potential anchors over the weekend.  In most cases she already had evaluated them, but she watched them again in terms of what they wanted to do.  After watching them, she saw potential in 3 of the 6 anchors, and Will was still the best prospect.  And that’s why she wanted him to be the face that kicked off this experiment and he was her 9:00 AM appointment. 

Mac heard a knock at her door and looked up to see Will.  She smiled brightly, “Come on in.”

Will looked around her office and nodded his head approvingly.  “It suits you.”

“It’s not mine yet, despite your best efforts, I understand.”

“Dirk told you?”

Mac’s smile got wider, “he didn’t use names, but let me know that someone thought I should produce these reports.  I took a guess and you just confirmed.”

Will smiled back at her, “Well, I guess I’m caught.  So how does this work?  I have some ideas for topics that would fill an hour if you haven’t already decided what we’re doing.  I will insist on having veto power however.”

“Actually, Todd Stuckright will be producing for you.”

Will tried to figure out what she just said.  “You’re not going to be my producer?  This is bullshit!  I don’t know this Todd whoever.”

“You met him on Aaron’s show, he was my right hand.”

“The point of this was to show off what you can do and…”

Mac laughed.  “I get to show off what I can do, I’m going to be EP for 2 weeks of very different shows.  The 10-11 PM hour is completely mine.  But we're pre-recording the first week so all of you get senior producers.”

“You’re okay with this?”

Mac smiled brightly.   Dirk had told her that Will was trying to defend her when he said what he said.  She didn’t know if she should believe him, but now she recognized that Will was still looking after her and she appreciated it.  “Yes, I’m better than okay with this.  Dirk is letting me show off my skills so that I can take the EP post when a new show is born.  I get to choose my staff by working with them and I get to thoroughly review each anchor.”

“But you’re only considering one?”

“Right now there are 6 proposals in front of me.  I have to give them all the best chance I can.”

“But you’re only considering one.”

“I don’t get the final vote.  If you’re asking me who I would choose, there are three proposals I consider top contenders and you’re still my first choice.”  Will released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.  “However, I don’t know what direction the executives will go.  So I have to stroke everyone’s ego for the next couple weeks and then sign a contract to stroke one person’s ego for the next three years.”

Will laughed, “You’re too stubborn to blindly stroke someone’s ego.  You’re going to go balls to the wall to get what you want from your anchor.”

“Sometimes.  I do what I need to do to get the best out of my anchors.”

Will didn’t want some wishy washy version of Mackenzie producing his show, he wanted the one with fire and passion.  “I expect to see you come balls out at me every day.”

“I expected that you would do that to me.”  When Will shot her a look, Mac blushed.  “That… isn’t… what I meant.”

Will laughed out loud.  In a teasing voice he said, “It was quite the visual though.  Why, Miss McHale, what are your intentions towards me?  I mean am I missing an opportunity if I don’t ask you out on Saturday?”

Mackenzie knew she should regret the direction this conversation took, but Mac was never one to play it safe.  “Well, if you asked me out, I would expect you to be on your best behavior.  A perfect gentleman.  And I think we both know that’s not your style.”

“And what behavior exactly would constitute a ‘perfect gentleman’ in your mind?”

“You’d have to pick me up at my door, take me to a nice dinner, probably a show and drop me back off, at my door, with no expectation of anything.  A lady doesn’t even kiss on the first date.”

Mac hoped that look on Will’s face was just a show of consideration.  She should not go out with this man.  It blurs all kinds of lines, it’ll make working with him impossible if that’s what ends up happening.  And for God sake she still loves Brian.  She’s sure that she had this much fun with him when they started dating.  Although she can’t remember an example right now. 

“You’re on.  You want the boyfriend experience.  I’m going to date your ass off.  I’ll pick you up at home, buy you dinner and give you a perfect night where you’ll beg me for a kiss that I will not give you because I will be that perfect gentleman.”

“Will, don’t.  It was a joke.”

“It was a challenge and I’m taking you up on it because I want you to see the man that I am.  I’ll be at your place at 7 on Saturday.  Dinner and a show.”

Mac knew she was going to regret this, but didn’t have time to disagree with him because out of the corner of her eye, she saw Todd walking towards them.  Mac breathed out a quick, “Thank God” which didn’t escape Will’s notice.  When he followed her eyes, he saw Todd and straightened up.  As much as he enjoyed teasing her, he didn’t want to embarrass her.  So he sat back in his chair and said, “so, tell me a little more about the format.”

With that Todd came into the room.  “Todd, you remember Will, don’t you?”  Will and Todd shook hands and sat down.  “As I was telling Will, over the first two weeks in October CNN will give special reports under the name, _Your Ballot._ We’re going to go in depth about the various initiatives on the ballots across the country.  You will be producing an hour long show similar to the one that Will wants to anchor so you get your choice of topics.”

Todd gave her a questioning look.  “This isn’t even a mid-term election.  There are some initiatives in some states that might be interesting to look at, but that’s maybe one hour of TV, not 10.”

Mac nodded her head.  “These are mostly local initiatives, but they show some of the ways that the country is changing how they think.  So we have a responsibility to show the electorate what these issues mean in the context of the country, not just the local government.”

Will nodded his head as he watched her, amazed at this beautiful creature who believed so passionately in what she wanted to do.  It occurred to him that she wanted him to be part of that. 

Will added, “Gay rights are on the ballot in Massachusetts and for the country it’s a powder keg, some part of this whole issue will go to the Supreme Court one day.  So our job is to first talk about the issue, what the initiative says and what it doesn’t.”

Mac nodded her head.  “We have to make sure we’re disseminating good information.  There are a lot of rumors about what it will and won’t do.”

Todd sat next to Will and across from Mac and as the two started planning the show, his head ping ponged back and forth trying to keep up. 

“It’s basically a provision that protects against unequal treatment.  Some groups are framing it as the equivalent bill to the Civil Rights movement, while others say that the discrimination doesn’t actually exist.”

“So that’s where you’ll pivot.  I like starting with the initiative and what it means.  Then put in the Supreme Court context.  This isn’t just a Massachusetts issue, it’s going to affect everyone.”

“If the context is the Supreme Court, do we want it in front of the debate?  Maybe we mention it in the intro segment--”

“Right, the first segment for context, then we can do a timeline that brings us just to the present –“

“And then we’d cover the debate over this law.”

“By bringing in the main players to debate.”

By the end of the conversation, Todd knew that they had figured out the flow of his broadcast, but he didn’t. Mac finally turned her attention to the senior producer.  “So that’s how I want you to think through what we’re doing.  Do you need some time to figure out your issue, or do you want to take Gay Rights?”

Will answered, “The big three this year are Gay Rights, Medical Malpractice and state budgets.”

Mac answered, “Yep, that’s what I have on my list.  I thought you would have expertise in Medical Malpractice, but I like your angle on Gay Rights.”

Todd looked through his notes to see if there was a specific angle that she was talking about.  Maybe it was one of these names that he didn’t completely get. 

Will cocked his head.  He could use his legal experience for Medical Malpractice, but he knew that Gay Rights was the issue people would remember years down the line, he needed to be part of that conversation. 

“Todd, what do you think?”  Mac said it a little louder than normal to get his attention.

“It sounds like Will has a good handle on Gay Rights, and I think it’s just going to be better TV.”

Will laughed and shook his head, knowing that Mac was less than a second from correcting him.  “We’re not doing good TV, we’re doing good news.  We’re reporting facts, unbiased facts.”  Todd nodded, mostly because he wasn’t sure what else he could do.  “Gay rights it is, you two are up on Monday.  Go.”

Todd got up and walked out, head still spinning from that discussion.  He, like all the producers, believed Mac was in line to EP whatever show got the greenlight, what he didn’t expect was her passion or how in synch she and Will were.   

Will waited for Todd to get far enough away from Mac’s office before he got up and leaned across her desk so they were at eye level.  Before Todd came in he thought about letting her off the hook.  He knew that he had accepted a dare, he didn’t invite her on a date and it was in bad taste when she’s still trying to salvage her reputation.  But after watching her work and seeing how in sync they were, he decided he didn’t care how he got a date, he was taking the shot.  “I’ll see you Saturday at 7.”

Mac looked up to see Will’s smug smile for less than a second before he turned around and was gone. 


	9. The Hardest Thing He'd Ever Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Date

Mac spent the week looking over 6 very different shows.  All were due on Thursday so that she could watch them and write out evaluations in enough time to give the anchor and crews a chance to make last minute changes before sending them off to the execs.  The execs would then watch them and decide which anchors will get another episode before they made a final decision about the permanent replacement.  For this round, she had to share a studio and a staff with Aaron’s show.  They were producing their last week of broadcasts, while her pre-taped episodes would fill his time slot the next 6 weekdays.    She wanted to be considerate of the crew since she didn’t know exactly who would lose jobs when Aaron left and who would get on a different show.  However, she always felt like she was the most hated woman in the room when she walked around.  It didn’t bother her too much, but she did try to avoid people she wasn’t working with directly whenever possible. 

Will and Todd finished their show on Tuesday.  Mac accused Will of being especially smug because he got his done first.  Mac told them she was nervous that they may not have done well since they rushed through.  Will dared her to find anything wrong with their episode, and she told them to expect a minimum 10 page evaluation with changes to make.  After Will told her to bring it, Todd excused himself to work on Aaron’s show which was his current job.  Once Todd left, Will closed the door to Mac’s office and said, “Change of plans for Saturday.” 

Mac wanted to roll her eyes at him, but instead looked at him over her glasses “Are you really planning on this?  It was a joke, Will.”

“That’s not how I remember it.  You invited me to date your ass off, and I fully intend to do that.”

“I don’t think I said anything about dating my ass off.”

“It was inferred.” 

That got him a roll of Mac’s eyes.  “We work together, this is a bad idea.”

“We don’t work together until we’re doing the same show.  So, I’m picking you up at your apartment at 5:00, we’re going to have a picnic and then to a wine tasting.  You have already said you would accompany me, no backsies.”

“No backsies?  Are you in junior high?”

“I’m new to this perfect gentleman thing.  Give me a break.”

“A gentleman would bring me flowers.  Are you also going to bring me flowers?”

“I usually try to stay away from flowers, they die.  I want to give my dates something they can remember me by.  But if you have a favorite, I will make sure you have flowers.”

Mac couldn’t help laughing.  “Surprise me.”

Mac watched Will leave whistling.  She rolled her eyes and shook her head.  She was too easy on him. 

By Saturday, she really didn’t want to go anywhere.  Mac spent a lot of her week hand holding and coaching and it drained her.  If it was her crew full of new producers who she could teach, she would have enjoyed the week.  Instead, she worked with burnt out producers who were only concerned with filling their allotted time and showed no interest in their philosophies of news.  She really felt like if she had to see another anchor or producer she was going to choke him.  And after Will decided to visit her office at least 3 times a day before going home to gauge how he compared to the other anchors, she _really_ wanted to choke Will.  But she’d never hear the end of it if she cancelled. 

Mac put on a pair of jeans that accentuated her curves and a white button up shirt with a pair of boots.  If they were going to eat outside, she thought this would be appropriate.  At exactly 5:00, her buzzer buzzed and she let Will up.  She opened the door for him and watched him look her up and down smiling.  Finally he said, “You look great.” 

When she looked at him, he was in a pair of jeans and a blue button up shirt that matched his eyes.  She smiled at him, “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

He handed her the teddy bear he brought and she laughed.  “You never told me your favorite flower, so I thought if I’m being a perfect gentleman tonight and I don’t even get a kiss, you can sleep with my bear as a substitute.”

“I can’t tell if that means your intentions on that front have changed or not.”  Immediately, Will’s face changed from laughing to serious.  “Sorry.  I guess we can’t joke about it yet.”  Mac decided to change the subject.  “Would you like something to drink?”

“Nothing for me, thanks.  I’m driving.”

“Driving?”

Will smiled broadly again.  “You told me that what you missed about home was going on long drives with your dad to a certain hill where you would play and watch the sunset.  I don’t know which hill you were talking about, but there’s a this cliff I know about outside the city that has the most spectacular view of the sun setting over the ocean.”

“You remembered that?”

“I have an incredible memory when it comes to the important things.”  Will held out his hand and Mac took it.  “Let’s go.”

The pair took the elevator to the main floor and in front of her building was a beautiful red corvette with the top down.  “Is this yours?”

“I’ve been a New Yorker for my entire adult life.  I don’t own a car.  But I can rent one if I think it’ll impress my date.”

Mac nodded her head.  “It is impressive.  Do you know how to drive this thing?”

He held the door open for her and got in the driver’s seat.  “I’ve been driving since my feet could reach the pedals.  Part of growing up on a farm.  We had ‘Take Your Tractor to School’ days in high school.  I started a petition for one in junior high.  Got enough signatures, but the district didn’t like us driving on the road without an official license.  ”

“Bring your tractor to school day?  Is that popular in rural areas?”

“That, football and FFA. That’s about all we had.”

“FFA?”

“Future Farmers of America.  It was the one thing I couldn’t succeed at in high school.  I was a straight A student, quarterback of our football team, baseball pitcher, I even played basketball.  But when Mr. Jones needed to see a perfectly grown tomato plant, he talked to my sister.”

The two laughed and he asked about Mac’s high school.  Since her father was an ambassador, she didn’t get to spend much time at any one high school. Her parents considered home schooling her so that she could have a consistent education.  Her best memories from those years were when he father would take her to watch him work.  She developed an appreciation for what politicians actually did in Congress and Parliament.  She passionately explained that people assume they go to work and cast a vote and then go home, but it’s not that simple.  Will thought about jumping in to let her know that he agreed, but stopped himself because he enjoyed hearing her talk and get so worked up about the things she loved.  Just before they got out of the city she noticed that he was just looking at her and smiling. 

“What are you thinking about, William McAvoy?”

He looked at her for a second and said, “I’m just wondering what it would take to get you to talk about me like that.”

With that, Will hit a two-lane highway and stepped on the gas.  The car took off with the wind blowing too hard for Mac to do anything other than wonder what he meant.  Eventually, Mac put her head back and enjoyed the ride.  Slowly the surroundings changed from hustle and bustle to suburbs to finally just land.  Will watched Mac looking around her and smiled at her contentedness.  She eventually closed her eyes.  Will couldn’t figure out why, but this made him smile even wider.  He took the hand closest to him and gave her a little squeeze. 

They made it to his cliff and Will parked the car.  He opened the door for her and then went to the trunk to fetch the picnic basket and blanket he packed.  He spread out the blanket under a tree and faced them towards the ocean.  He had of course packed several fine foods.  As they sat down, Mac asked, “How’d you find a place like this?”

“When I was in law school one of my professors asked me to stay after class one day.  He told me that I had a bright future, but needed to find a way to unwind before I let the stress of my then future job get to me and directed me here.  For a long time I’d come here when I needed to clear my head.  Being a prosecutor, you see the worst in people.  There were times I needed to come here because humanity just infuriated me.  There’s something about this place that puts everything back in perspective.”

After eating, Will took her for a short walk.  He showed her where there used to be a swing and then took her to an area where stones made natural chairs for the most spectacular view of the sunset.  They sat in comfortable silence as the sun painted the sky in a myriad of colors.  Mac couldn’t help resting her head on Will’s shoulder and Will put his arm around her, wishing this moment didn’t have to end. 

When the sun was down and a couple stars became visible in the night sky, Will took Mac’s hand and led her back to the picnic site.  “We better get back to the car, we’ll be late for the wine tasting.”

“Or we could just hang out here and look at the stars.”

Will was tempted, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her if they stayed and it was important to him that he did.  A few weeks ago he promised her that he would never treat her like a casual date and this was his chance to show her how serious he was.  Cuddling with her on the ground and watching the stars would undermine all his intentions.  Even though he really wanted to do it. 

“If I’m going to show you the kind of gentleman I am, we need to leave right now.”

Again, Mac wasn’t entirely sure she understood, but she let him lead.  He packed up the picnic basket and closed the top on the car before taking off again.  He explained that he wanted to be able to talk to her and then asked about her siblings.  She talked about her 3 sisters and brother.  Will was a little jealous of how close she was to her siblings.  She animatedly talked about them and Will wondered if she was going to take a breath.  Finally she asked about his family.  “Not much to say.  Mom, dad, two sisters and my brother was the baby of the family.”  He looked around and said, “Look, we made it.”

Even in their jeans, Will and Mac were by far the most striking couple in the place.  They had a great time going room to room.  Will bought several bottles to bring back with them, anything that Mac showed the slightest enjoyment of.  When Mac told him he was getting too much, he asked why she cared, the wine was going home with him, she’d have to come over if she wanted to try one again.  That earned him a playful slap. 

At one point he had his arm around her and asked, “are you sure that perfect gentlemen don’t kiss on the first date?”

“I said a lady doesn’t kiss on the first date.  If you want to kiss me, you can find out how ladylike I am.”  She turned to face him and tilted her head up. 

Will laughed.  “Pretty cocky there McHale.”  He looked at her again, wanting to give into his desires, but instead said, “let’s move on.”

On their way home Will opened the top again so that Mac could see the stars as they drove back.  Eventually Will felt the weight of her head on his shoulder, this time she was asleep.  As he put his arm around her he couldn’t help feeling like this was right.  For a second he wondered if he had to make a choice between a show and her… he refused to think about that choice.  The good thing about their arrangement was that she would be his EP, that was a given.  He decided he would have to protect that relationship.  He didn’t have any confidence in his ability to keep up a romantic relationship, even if it was something he really wanted with a person he really loved.  He’d find a way to fuck it up.  As long as she was his EP, he’d have a chance to be with her like this. 

Or he’d just have to find a way to not fuck this up.    

Will pulled up in front of her building again, Mac still resting on his shoulder.  He heard her snore and chuckled to himself.  Finally he shook her shoulder and whispered, “Mac.  Mac.”  Mac scrunched up her face and once she oriented herself she smiled at Will.  “Morning sleepy head.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s about 1 AM.  How’s that? We spent 8 hours together and you didn’t kill me.  I think that bodes well for our show.”

Will got out of the car and opened her door. “It’s not yours or ours yet.”

“No, but I like our chances.”

“I do too.” 

They got into the elevator and rode up to her floor holding hands.  Will walked her to the door and looked at her, feeling a little nervous.  “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do here.  I don’t want to soil your ladylike image and I don’t think a handshake is appropriate either.”

“You’re serious about this aren’t you?”

“Getting less serious by the second.”  He took a breath.  “But, I promised to be a perfect gentleman and I’m going to keep that promise.”

“Well, then, I guess I shouldn’t invite you in, which is what I want to do.  And I should just end this by saying I had a great time Will.  Thank you.”

“I did too.  I definitely want to do this again.”

Mac turned towards him and stepped into his personal space.  “I wouldn’t object if you asked me out again.” She put her arms around his neck and stood on her tiptoes.  Will saw her coming at him and moved his face just a little so that she kissed his cheek. 

“Do ladies kiss on the second date?”

Mac laughed at him, “This one will.  Or you could just come in now.”

“You don’t know how hard this is for me, but no.  I need to go.  Right now.”

And so he left.  He thought it was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but he believed it was the right thing to do.  


	10. Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the night of Will and Mac's first show and they find themselves in the control room.

Mac walked into the CNN building in the best mood she’s ever been in, a fact that didn’t escape the notice of the security officer at the door.  “Why is this girl smiling?”

“Tonight is my first solo CNN broadcast.”

“Congratulations!”

She went up to her office and found a vase of flowers on her desk.  The card said,   “The green ones mean ‘Good luck’ and the blue ones mean ‘Thank you’.  The florist thought the pink ones would make it pretty.”

Mac smiled a little brighter and went to Will’s office.  She let herself in and closed the door behind her.  “Chrysanthemums.”

“What?”

“The green ones are Bells of Ireland.  The blue ones are Hydrangeas and the pink ones are -- ”  She saw the laugh start to creep across Will’s face and smiled in return. 

“Chrysanthemums.  Are you some sort of flower savant?”  Will laughed.

“No, Mum insisted on having a garden wherever we lived.”  Mac looked at Will grinning at her as he always did when she talked about her family.  “Thank you for the flowers and for your discretion by not signing the card.  But it’s just as big a night for you, you’re leading off my show.”

Will shrugged his shoulders.  “The stakes are different for me. You’re broadcasting your first solo show of many on a major news network.  I’m still in competition for my own show and its EP.”

“About that, the execs are going to watch the shows today and I should hear Wednesday about who will be on next week.  Those will be live, so I will actually get to run a crew and the anchor.”

“So next week I get to have you in my ear one night.”

“I’m not making that promise.  When you get a bunch of executives who think they know everything, anything can happen.  But we’ll know in a couple days.”  Mac started to leave.

“Are you doing anything tonight to watch the broadcast?  I was thinking about… nothing fancy, just casual… takeout, popcorn, cheering when I say something clever.”  Will gave her a smug look at the end of the list.

“You didn’t say anything clever.  I watched it already.”

Will feigned a look of disappointment, “I thought the marrying a snow blower line would get some laughs.”

Mac rolled her eyes, “I’m sure it will.”

“Now about tonight, I’d really like you to come over.  We can drink one of the bottles of wine we got on Saturday.”

“I’m sorry Will, I can’t.  I need to be here tonight.”

“Here?  What the fuck’s going on here?  They’re going to press play on a big piece of equipment in a control room somewhere, aren’t they?”

“I’ve still got work to do.”

“You can wait for an hour, maybe two.  What, do you need to write out an evaluation?  You can do that before or after.  Come on, it’s a big night, you don’t want to spend it in your office alone.”

“It’s not just that, it’s…”  Mac turned around on her heel.  “It’s silly.  I have this… superstition, like soccer plays have when they win a bunch of games in a row.”

Will tried to hide his laugh, “Baseball players?”

“Whatever.  When one of my shows are on, I want to be there, just in case something goes wrong.”

Will had never seen Mac flustered and found it adorable.  “Baseball players usually don’t change their underwear.”

“I’ve changed my underwear.”

“Well, I would hope so.”

“Will, I appreciate the invitation, but I really can’t.  Enjoy your show.”

Mac left and Will sat back in his chair to watch her legs as she left. 

*** *** ***

A half hour before the show started Mac left her office and went to the control room.  She put her headset on and pulled up the cue sheet from the computer at the director’s station.  She called for a sound level to be set and then asked that cues be verified.  She imagined that Will had just walked in the studio and told him they have 15 minutes to air.  “Are you ready?... go ahead and do a final read through of the script.”

As she went through the motions of pre-show checks, she felt proud.  There is nowhere that she would rather be than in a control room during a news broadcast.  People used to ask her all time why she didn’t want to be on the other side of the camera, being the actual face of a story, instead of the producer behind it.  She always said that the power was in the control room.  That was mostly true.  She had more control behind the scenes than in front of.  But the truth was she wasn’t good at being the face.  Newscasters have something called “it”.  No one knows what “it” is.  It’s similar to charisma.  It’s not likeability, it’s something that people either have or they don’t.  She looked up at the monitor and saw Will’s face frozen, waiting for someone in Master Control to hit play.  Will has “it”.  For him it’s charisma, charm, intelligence, protectiveness.  People naturally feel safe with him.  She had to be careful, she naturally feels safe with him too, and the truth is, that scares her a little. 

She looked around the room, feeling a sense of awe that never goes away, especially when the control room is dark and empty.  This is where the news is done.  This is her domain, the place where she has complete control.  It’s where she comes to fulfill her moral obligation to inform the electorate.  For her it’s like going into the Holy of Holies.  It’s where she belongs.  And that man whose face statically sits on the monitor is her other half.  He’s the one who can do the things she can’t.  He’s the one with the ‘it’ that will deliver the news that she decides needs reporting.  Yeah, they’re going to be a formidable team.  His charisma, protectiveness, intellect…  She looked closely at the image.  She’d never taken time to notice how attractive he is.  She knew he had to have some attractiveness or he wouldn’t be on TV.  But she’s only ever seen him as talent that comes with so much to offer a newscast.  She wasn’t attracted to him, because she didn’t want to be. 

She always thought Will’s greatest value to her would be as her anchor, a talented colleague, nothing more.  But he keeps surprising her.  She expects him to be like a stereotypical jock who has a talent in one area, but all the depth of a puddle outside that area.  But he isn’t.  He says things like he did at the bar, or he remembers the story about driving with her father or debates with her about whatever is happening around them.  She wanted him to be a friend, that’s it.  But at the end of their date...  When he left she went into her apartment and felt guilty.  She’s supposed to still be in love with Brian.  They were together for 7 years – a month and a half and one date shouldn’t be all it takes to get over that.  She looked up at the monitor, staring at Will’s handsome features.  But maybe it is.  He’s a pompous ass, but also intelligent, witty, strong.  Looking at him she realized that she’s attracted to the entire package. 

She shook her head as she wondered how different things would be if Brian did come to New York with her.  She wouldn’t have left Brian.  How different would lunch with Will have been?  Would Aaron have insinuated anything?  If he did, Brian would have immediately confronted Will and it would have been a very different, awkward relationship.  She thought about the possibility of Brian not wanting her to work with Will.  It would have turned into another long standing fight between them.  No matter what else Will is, he’s the best man to deliver the news, she believes that.  He will become the top anchor at CNN once he’s given a chance.  And she’ll have a front row seat to it.  But Brian and his jealousy would have made it difficult for her.  He wouldn’t have stopped her, not for lack of trying, but he wouldn’t support her in this.  If she had one wish it’s that Brian could be with her in the control room right now to see what she sees on a night like this.  It’s an important part of her life that she wanted to share with him, but he never wanted to be part of.  She felt sad realizing that if he was here she would have settled for a kind of dual life where she shared her nights and weekends with Brian and her days with Will.  Brian would have her for the mundane and Will for the things she gets excited about. 

 Mac shook her head out of her thoughts.  It doesn’t actually matter.  Brian doesn’t want her.  He’s proven that a few times now.  Tonight is her night, it’s not about Brian, it’s about making news happen.  And there’s only one person she wants to do that with. 

“One minute.  Will, are you ready?”

“For you I’m ready for anything.”

Mac reflexively looked out the window to the studio to make sure he wasn’t there, then screamed when she found him in the back of the control room leaning against the door.  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

He held up a picnic basket and a bottle of wine.  “You said you were going to be here for the show and I wanted to spend the hour with you.  I thought we could both have our way.  What are you doing?”

“Rehearsing.  Someday this is going to be my control room and my show.”

Will smiled at her.  “Of that I have no doubt.  And that will be my anchor desk and I’ll be able to hear all the directions you give.”

“Most of this is the director, but you’ll hear what you need to.”

“So when you have a show on air, you come to the studio…”

“It’s silly.  I just like being here.”

Will put an arm around her.  “Hey, hey, it’s not silly.  It’s admirable.  You love what you do, are inspired by it.  We should all be lucky enough to find that thing that makes us as passionate as you are.”

“Does the anchor desk do that for you?”

“Me?”  He stared hard at the anchor desk.  “Sometimes.  Reading headlines in the morning is a decent gig, but interviewing a FEMA director or putting tonight’s show together, it did something to me.  It made me feel alive in a way that I haven’t been in a long time.”  He looked back at her, facing her, hand caressing her arm.  “You did that for me.”

Mac started to move in closer to him, but out of the corner of her eye she saw the time and stepped to the front of the control room.  “Roll in 3… 2… 1.”

The pair watched the monitor as the opening ran.  “Did you design that?” 

Mac nodded her head.  Will began to say something about it, but he could tell she wasn’t paying attention.   “Light 1 go. Teleprompter go.  SOP 1, ready.”

Will leaned on the nearest console and just watched, mesmerized until the first package of the night began. 

“2:30 back.”  Mac took off her headset so she could talk to the other real person in the room. 

“Would you mind if I just sit here and watch for the rest of the hour?  I never get to see this part of the production.”

Mac gave a genuine smile, one that Will noticed went to her eyes.  “Just don’t spill anything on the equipment.  It’s expensive.”

Will sat on one of the steps and started unpacking the basket.  While she paced around giving the next steps to the missing crew, he held up a sandwich and she took it, never missing a beat.  During the broadcast she started giving him directions or making comments and when he could answer, during packages or commercial breaks, he did. 

At the end of the show, Mac took her headset off and turned to Will who was half lying on the steps in the middle of the control room, propped up on his elbows.  There was something about his smile that got to her. 

“Good show, Mac.”

“You’re the one who did all the work.”

Will shook his head and stood up, “You’re the hardest working person I know.  You’re just amazing to me.”

Mac felt a blush and a tingly sensation all over.  For a second she wondered when she last felt that with Brian.  “You’re pretty good yourself.  That’s why you were at the top of my list.”  She looked around conspiratorially.  “According to Dirk 3 of the execs are impressed with your reel.”

“You bring out the best in me.”

Mac smiled, “That’s what a good EP does.  But, I can’t take the credit for your raw talent.”

“Thank you.”  Will looked around for anything to say.  He could feel a connection between them and didn’t want it to end, but the show was over and soon they’d have to make room for another crew to come in.  “You want to get a drink?  I owe you one from our first week on Aaron’s show.”

“Sure, we need to celebrate.  This was a damn good show.”

Will picked up the basket and wine that he brought and put a hand on the small of her back.  He noticed she shivered just a little at the contact. 

They spent the next couple hours at a bar walking distance from the studio, laughing and talking.  Mac wasn’t sure when it happened, but she realized she liked the feeling of his arm around her, as it had been since they arrived.  At the end of the night, Will settled the bill and made sure she got in a cab and handed the cabbie some money to cover the fair.  She thanked him out her window as the cab left.  Will lived close enough to the studio that he walked home. 

On his way home, Will tried to remember the last time he was in a romantic relationship and decided that it had to be his college girlfriend, Sarah.  He dated her his last year at University of Nebraska – Lincoln because that was the first year he was older than most of the freshman.  They broke up right after graduation.  He was going to Columbia for law school and she didn’t want to try a long distance relationship.  He remembered being a little hurt, but it wasn’t a big loss.  When he got to New York it immediately became home and Sarah was nothing more than a memory.  As he approached his apartment he decided he needed to start doing research on how relationships should go.  There’s something going on between he and Mac, if she gives him the opportunity, he’s going to be the perfect boyfriend for her.  But first he has to find out what that means. 


	11. During Work Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another day at the office.

Will walked to Mac’s office for the 5th time on Wednesday.  The last time he was there she kicked him out by saying, “I promise I will let you know the second I find out.  I’ll call your cell, your office and SEND OUT A FLAIR if I can’t find you.”  After that he promised he would wait for her to contact him.  But he couldn’t, this was potentially his big break and he wanted to know as soon as she did.  Or maybe he just needed to pace.  He couldn’t sit still.

Mac saw him approaching and put her head in her hands.  She didn’t know how many more ways she could tell him she hadn’t heard yet and she had other work to do.  Dirk assigned her any technical crew that worked on Aaron’s show who didn’t take vacation the first week.  She relied on their technical director to run through testing and replacing equipment that often gets missed interspersed with moving between conference rooms for meetings that usually involved food.  She also had to keep writers and producers busy.  Several of the experienced people went to other shows that could use a hand.  She kept a few key people and inherited a younger production crew, which was fine with her because she preferred to work with eager learners, but without work, they primarily played Farmville on the computers.  Her day today has been a nonstop revolving of bored producers and writers as well as one pompous would-be anchor, none of whom extended the simple courtesy of leaving her alone when she was on phone meetings. 

She understood the issue driving the people to her office.  She needed time and they needed information.  She promised all the anchors and the producers and writers that when she got a list of names, she would call a meeting and get organized for next week.  She expected the answer by 9, that’s what Dirk told her, but it’s almost three hours later, Will looks like he’s about to spontaneously combust and Todd keeps popping to make sure he has an accurate list of what should make up the agenda of that meeting, which she’s beginning to wonder if they will have to schedule for tomorrow.  15 minutes ago when Will was last here, she called Dirk’s office and his assistant told her he was still in a meeting with the execs.  As Will got steadily closer to her, she planned to greet him with the news Dirk is still in a meeting.  She wondered how hard it would be to get a producer to buy a flair so she could show him she’s serious. 

Mac’s phone rang as Will walked in.  “This is MacKenzie.”  Will watched intently as she put up a finger.  “Hi Dirk!...  Yeah, we’re all excited to know everything about that meeting.”  Will watched her as she went silent for a long time... or at least it seemed that way to him.  Eventually, she looked up at him and a smile lit up her face.  As he read the look, she got to watch his look of anticipation turn into an excited smile.  His eyes got wide and his mouth opened as he nodded his head to confirm her message and she nodded in reply.  He wanted to scream, but had to hold himself back because her phone was still attached to her shoulder and she was making noises to Dirk on it.  He thought about running a lap around the offices that make a ring over the newsroom, but he stayed still because he wanted to share this moment with Mac.  So he waited and closed the door.  She got off the phone and they both stepped to give a hug, until he awkwardly stopped and she realized where they were.  She took a deep breath and said, “Will you be available for a production meeting in about an hour?  I have to give my producers a lunch hour, but then I’d like to get everyone together.”

Will nodded his head.  “How many are there?”

“Two, so we’ll probably give you each two days next week.”

Will nodded his head.  “Meeting at 1.  I’ll be there.”

“Great, I need to get an invite out for the producers and Preston,”  Mac walked back to her desk while Will walked toward the door. 

“What are you doing for lunch?”

“I’ll get something later, I need to get this meeting together and read through feedback.”

Will was a little disappointed, but understood.  He also made a mental note to pick her up a sandwich on his way back. 

The 1:00 meeting went well in Mac’s estimation.  She liked this senior staff.  She retained the  4 producers that she worked with for the first 6 episodes and Todd was her pick for senior producer.  He had a great relationship with the whole group and after being in meetings with her, he had the best handle on her philosophy of news.  They decided that Will would take Tuesday and Wednesday which left Preston with Thursday and Friday.  Mac was surprised that they chose Preston Tippen.  Will’s wheelhouse was hard news, whereas Preston shone in lighter stories.  She thought Preston gave the weakest performance, though that could be because she decided on strictly hard news topics.  That was her wheelhouse and not Preston’s.  Preston had been a correspondent with CNN for years, so the execs would know that he’s capable of doing a great show, but it would probably be made up on feature stories and lighter news.  She would never say it out loud, but she was concerned about the direction they may be trying to go if Preston was a finalist.  He’d do well in Will’s current position in mornings or even a midday show, but not the primetime hours.  She told the producers that by putting Preston at the end of the week they could expand the definition of “news” a little to show off his strengths better.  Will smirked at this, knowing she meant he was going to do fluff because that’s all Preston is capable of.  Todd interpreted her the same way and shot Will a glance to see if his interpretation was correct and smiled at the confirmation.  None of the three of them would say she sabotaged Preston, but Mac’s style wouldn’t work well with Preston’s. 

Preston was pleased with the direction he got.  He planned one day to talk about the role late night and SNL plays in the mainstream view of politics and the other night would be a kind of potpourri of all the issues they had covered.  One of the producers asked if they were stretching too far, a question that Mac appreciated.  She said that on slow news days they may have to find a way to vamp and that this works because it works with Preston’s strengths.  Preston joked that maybe they should hope for a big disaster to cover.  Everyone at the table shot him a look.  Finally, Mac said, “Lets prepare as if there is no disaster.  Aaron, start assigning teams.”

The producers left while the anchors stayed behind.  Mac assumed that Will stayed for personal reasons and Preston stayed because Will stayed.  The men looked at each other for a few minutes with Mac stifling a laugh.  Finally Will said, “Preston, can you give us a couple minutes?”

“It’s Hank, Preston is just my stage name.”

Mac looked at the man who was dressed like Carlton Banks and just about lost it.  Will looked at her and had to bite his lip to not laugh.  He dug deep, “Well, Hank, I still need a couple minutes with Mac.”  Preston nodded his head and left. 

As soon as the door closed, Will and Mac broke out in hysterical laughter.  Finally, Mac said, “Yes Will, or maybe I should call you Duncan.”

“What the hell is his name?”

“Harold Preston Tippen.”

“What kind of a fucking name is that?  It’s like his parents couldn’t decide if he needed bib overalls or an ascot.”  Mac tried to regain her composure, but found it impossible.  “So my competition is a man with an identity crisis who doesn’t do news well?”  More seriously he asked, “Are you surprised they went with him?”

Mac didn’t want to give her real assessment yet.  “Just keep doing what you’re doing.  They like you and I think they want to do hard news.  Hank Preston out there is more suited for some of the lighter items.  He can do hard news, in the same way you can do a morning show, but if it were my choice, he’d take your place on Ridiculous Morning.”

Will laughed and took it all in.  “Okay.  I’m going to check in here the rest of the week.”

“Can it be less than every hour?”

Will smiled at her.  “I probably don’t absolutely have to, but if it means seeing you, I might stop by on occasion.”  He produced the sandwich he didn’t get a chance to give her before the meeting.  “You have to eat lunch.”

She took the sandwich and said, “Thank you, Will. You can come in to check on the progress of your shows, but that’s it.  I’m not comfortable with anything personal happening during work hours.”

Will nodded his head.  “Okay, then how about another date?”

“During work hours?”

“No, Saturday.  There’s a club down the street from you that’s going to have Leonard Cohen performing.  The food is horrible, but they’ve got good alcohol.”  He looked at her more sincerely, cocking his head, “And you let me see what you’re passionate about and I’d like to return the favor.”

“You’re passionate about bars?”

“Music and Cohen.”

Mac looked at him, once again noticing his handsome features.  For a second she wondered how she ever missed that.  She nodded at him.  “Really?  I didn’t have you pegged as being a music lover.  You never cease to amaze me.” 

“I’ll make it my personal mission in life to keep you on your toes.  And I’ll pick you up at 7.  We can get something to eat first.”

Will left feeling like he just won the lottery.  He has a second date with an extraordinary woman and he has a very good chance at his own show.  He wasn’t sure that life could get better than this. 

*** *** ***

The week was a little less grueling for Mac than last week.  This week she didn’t have to work around Aaron’s crew and she enjoyed the people she worked with.  They were inquisitive and bright and eager.    Mac was impressed with how Todd kept everyone’s morale up as he kept reminding them they had a gift with the amount of time they had to prepare.  People were excited about what they were producing.  Mac walked around the newsroom watching writers and producers having debates about the various issues, people changing their minds on what they thought.  There was energy in the newsroom and she loved it.  It reminded her of going to work with her dad in the days when Congressmen and Members of Parliament could debate on the floor and then go have a beer.   

Will walked by her office on Friday when the producers were hard at work.  Before he could ask her for a status, she took his hand to drag him outside her office.  He thought she was the one that intertwined their fingers, so he reluctantly let go after they descended the stairs to the news floor.  She walked him past a few producers who were discussing the merits of Medical Malpractice changes.  One argued that doctors don’t set out to injure their patience, shouldn’t intent be part of the decision in cases.  She didn’t want to minimize that doctors make mistakes, but wondered why a mistake made when trying to save a patient should cost a doctor their career.  One of the other producers asked about the impact on the patient, when there’s a car accident, typically the driver that caused the accident doesn’t intend to hurt anyone, but the victim should be given the change to be made whole again. 

Will listened to the two go back and forth before he cleared his throat and joined the conversation.  “Intent does play into the law.  And the law tries to make things right for all people.  The question that’s being debated isn’t who’s right or wrong or even one of culpability, but it’s a question of where do we draw the line?  No one wants a punitive result for a mistake, though some will try to show that in some isolated cases the that is the proper penalty.”

“So how do you deal with those isolated cases?”

“Criminal charges should always come into play if the result is punitive.  If a civil court makes a ruling, the judgement shouldn’t take more than necessary.  Intentionality comes into play to make a decision of whether there are charges or if it’s a Civil matter.”

The trio kept going and Mac smiled at the conversation, impressed at how Will was both passionate and instructive in the conversation.  He reminded her of a wise professor.  Will caught her smile, knowing that this is another part of the news she loves.  “Keep digging, keep talking.  You are on to something, keep going.”

Mac took Will to several of these conversations about each of the days they were planning.  They listened to people rank the different issues, they heard more discussions about medical malpractice caps and state budget crisis and even honest conversations about the impact that comedy has on perception.  “Even if you voted for George W, how could you not laugh at Will Ferrell making him look like a buffoon and how can that not play into how you see him?  That’s the question we need to pose in this hour.” 

“Can we spend an hour asking a question and not having an answer?  We can’t tell SNL to stop making fun of our elected officials, so what would the answer be?”

“I think we need to start by reminding people that as funny as Jon Steward is, he’s got a newscast on Comedy Central, that should never be used to inform the news of the day.”

Mac joined this conversation.  “Do we have time to help people know who has the most balanced coverage?”

Todd considered the idea, “We have time for another segment, but we’d have to find a way to define it, because it’s not about equal numbers of stories.  And once we have criteria we’ll have to work it.”

Mac liked where he was going, “Do it.  Find that information.  You have nearly a week.  Get me the criteria and an instrument to research with today and then assign 3 people to it.  We need this segment.”

Eventually Mac took Will back to her office a look of exhilaration on her face.  Will couldn’t help laughing.  “This actually turns you on doesn’t it?”

“It’s not just the control room for me, this is what I love.  The conversations and changed minds when we get it right.  That sound you hear down there.  Doesn’t that just –“

“Yes it does.  Maybe not to the same degree as you, but yes.  What you’re putting together down there is beautiful.”  Will’s voice was low almost a growl.  Everything inside Mac wanted to reach out for him as he looked at her intensely.  Her hand seemed to have almost a magnetic pull to his and she looked around, noticing that no one was looking at them in the office, a level above the newsroom.  She started to wet her lips. 

“Not here.”  Will stepped back from her, frustrated.  “Are you free for lunch?  We can go somewhere for lunch.”

Mac stepped out of his personal space and back to her desk, forcing herself back to office mode.  “I have a meeting with Dirk at 12.  What time is it?”

Will looked at his watch.  “11:45.”

Mac nodded.  “I better start getting ready.  I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“7:00 is seeming like a really long time from now,” Will grumbled.  She started singing the words to “Famous Blue Raincoat” and Will smiled in part because she knew the song and in part because she just could not sing.  “You know his music?”

Mac shrugged her shoulders.  “I looked him up.  He seemed important to you.”

Will was touched.  “Thank you!  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You know, everyone leaves here at 5 and I don’t have plans tonight.”

Will looked at her.  “Tempting as that is, and it is, Match.com says that anticipation is the greatest aphrodisiac.”

Mac did a double take, she had no idea what to say.  “You’re quoting Match.com?”

Will smiled, he didn’t intend to reveal that.  “I”ve been researching too.”

“And what would you be researching?”

“How to be your boyfriend.”  He assumed this is what high school boys felt like when they liked a girl.  He just hoped that he showed more confidence when he did it. 

Mac started laughing out loud.  She saw Will start to look a little embarrassed, so she took his hand.  “I think that’s the sweetest thing I ever heard Will.  Thank you.”

He gave her hand a squeeze and said, “See you tomorrow evening.” And then he left. 


	12. Innocent Man, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night is interrupted by an unwanted phone call.

On Saturday, Mac decided to buy a new dress for her date.  She probably didn’t need one, but she could use any excuse to go shopping.  When she got home, she looked at the time and decided even if it was a little early she could start getting ready.  Last week Will arrived exactly when he said he would.  She wondered how long he stood outside waiting for the clock to strike 5 so he could buzz her right on time.  When she got out of the shower and got dressed, she saw that she missed a call from Brian.  She quickly retrieved her voicemail. 

 “Hi Mac.  Listen, you left a few things, clothes and stuff here.  I was wondering if you cared what happened to them.  I just asked someone to move in with me and I want to make sure she has space.  I can send them to you if you want or else I’ll put them on eBay.  Obviously I’ll split the profits with you.  Hope you’re well.”

Mac put the phone down slowly, a tear starting to form in her eye.  Brian moved on that fast?  It’s barely been two months and he’s already got someone moving in with him?  She couldn’t believe it, she’d felt guilty over going on a second date with Will and Brian was already that serious about someone.  Did he know her before Mac left?  Were they already together and that’s why he didn’t want to go to New York?  He just wants to sell my stuff and forget that I was ever part of his life.  He wants to forget me.  Or maybe he already has.  That last thought made her cry.  He wasn’t perfect and maybe they weren’t perfect together, but she had loved him and thought he loved her.  It hurt that he could move someone else in to their apartment this quickly. 

She felt the tears run down her eyes and went to the bathroom to check her face.  Her makeup had smeared and when she tried to fix it, it just got worse.  She wanted to go out with Will.  She wanted to show Brian that she didn’t need him.  But she looked at her mirror image and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get her makeup right.  How could he have done that?  So soon.  They were together for 7 years, how could he move on this quickly?  She thought about Will, torturing herself with her hypocrisy.  She looked at herself in this new dress, getting ready to go out with someone else, someone who…  She shouldn’t like him this much, she knows that.  It’s been less than 2 months and if she’s holding Brian to an arbitrary timeline, she should have to observe it as well.  Another part of her fought back that she’s not moving in with Will, she’s going on a second date with him.  But obviously these dates and seeing him at work are building to something else.  If he wasn’t working so damned hard last week to be a gentleman, she wanted him to come in and fuck her brains out.  And if they weren’t at work on both Monday and Friday anything could have happened.  That only means she’s horny, not that she should give Brian a break, or that he should have moved on that quickly.  It hurts and it should be okay that it hurts.  They were together for 7 years and he wasn’t even a little heartbroken.  He should at least be a little heartbroken.  She deserves that. 

She looked at her image again and thought about Will telling her she deserved better than to be a disposable bedmate for a night.  Part of her wanted to go to his place and be just that, but the other part thought about how sweet and sincere he’s been.  He refused to go into her place, he said because he wanted to respect her.  She had to remind herself that she believed him, even though she wanted to be angry at him for rejecting her.  He didn’t reject her, he wants more for them.  He wanted to be with her on the first night of _Ballot,_ and he made a good night even better by being there, by sharing something that she never got to share with Brian.  He didn’t make fun of her, like Brian would have.  He played along with her when she showed him the control room, her control room.  He didn’t let her excitement get the best of her.  And of course, there was the night at the bar.  She knew at the time he said it that he doesn’t say things like that very often.  He respected her.  He had gotten to know her and he respected her.  And she was still hung up on a guy who was going to move in with some woman – someone she probably knew, someone he was probably seeing behind her back.  She cried some more, knowing this was probably what tonight would be like.  Even if she could put on a face, both literal and figurative, she didn’t think it would be fair to Will.  Will had tried so hard to do everything right.  She shouldn’t give him half of herself.  She shouldn’t throw herself at him as a way to get back at Brian.  She needed to respect him now the way he respected her. 

Mac picked up her phone and called Will.  “Hey Will, I’m really sorry, but something came up and I can’t go out with you tonight.”

“Is there anything I can help you with?  Are you feeling okay?  I can bring some soup over.”  Will heard what he said as it came out of his mouth and rolled his eyes at his stupidity.  One question at a time, McAvoy.  And soup?  What the hell was that?

“You’re so sweet.  No, there’s nothing you can do, I just, I just need to take care of some stuff.”

Will hoped he hid his disappointment.  He was really looking forward to tonight.  “I understand.  Some other time.”

“Absolutely.  Bye, Will.”

Will hung up the phone and sat on his couch.  He could tell she was upset and he wanted to find a way to help her, but she was clear she didn’t want it.  He wondered what caused her to change her mind.  He went over the last time he saw her.  After her tour of the newsroom, he stopped by her office one more time in the afternoon and she was busy.  She was on the floor acting like a traffic cop, answering and directing.  She saw him and looked like she was going to go to him until someone else stopped her.  She listened to everything the person said and took out her phone and texted him that everything was going well and that she would see him today.  She looked up to him and he nodded then she started talking to the producer again.  He breathed a sigh of relief since it seemed he didn’t do anything wrong.  He hasn’t fucked this up yet.  At least he was pretty sure he hadn’t. 

Will considered his choices.  She made it clear that she didn’t want him around right now, so his first option was to listen to her and let her come to him if she needs anything.  Certainly she knows that she can ask him if she does.  She does know that right?  Maybe he should call her and let know.  He reached for his phone and then stopped himself.  She wants some privacy, even if it didn’t feel right to leave her alone.  His next option was to find someone to go with him.  He didn’t give that much thought, tonight was supposed to be about showing _Mac_ the thing that he loved, not a random female.  His other option was to go by himself.  It was the safe thing to do.  He really wanted to see the band again and if he can’t bring Mac with him, then he can still enjoy the band.  He made a decision.

Mac laid on her couch watching some God awful move on Lifetime with a carton of ice cream on her lap.  She didn’t bother changing out of her dress, so she wondered if she would be more comfortable in a t-shirt and yoga pants.  She decided she would be more comfortable, but that would take more energy than she wanted to exert.  Especially since Amanda was going to confront Tom.  When she realized she was invested in this horrible story that she wouldn’t watch under any other circumstances, she decided she hit a new low.  She started to talk herself into standing up when the buzzer rang. 

Mac ran to the intercom and said, “Are you looking for 11B?”

“No Mac, it’s me.  Can I come up?”

“Will?  What are you doing here?  I thought you were going to the club.”

“Please?”

Mac looked around her apartment.  It wouldn’t take much to tidy it up, she’s just been lying around.  She buzzed him in and then ran around to put the ice cream and junk food away.  When he knocked on her door, she opened it and looked at him suspiciously as he stood on the other side of the threshold. 

“First, I just want to make sure that I didn’t do anything to fuck things up.”  He looked at her and said, “Since it looks like you did have the intent of going, I don’t think that’s it.”

Mac couldn’t help giving a light laugh.  “I can absolutely say that you did nothing wrong.”

“Good,” Will looked next to the door and then walked in.  “Then what the fuck happened?  You’re not in the hospital or look like you’re concerned about family.  What’s going on Mac?”

“You don’t want to hear this.”

“Can I be the judge of that?”

Mac was reluctant to tell him, she didn’t want to talk about an ex this early, but she didn’t know how not to.  “My ex-boyfriend called and asked if he could sell some stuff on eBay that I left in California because he’s moving a new girlfriend in.”

Will looked at her perplexed.  “And when you told him to fuck off he said something that upset you?”

“Well, no.”

“You did tell him to fuck off, didn’t you?”

“He left a voicemail and I haven’t called back.  I just wasn’t ready to hear that he’d moved on and it didn’t seem fair to you that I would be thinking about him while being out with you.”

“Give me your Blackberry.  We’re going to take care of this right now.”

Mac looked at him a little surprised.  “Will, I can take care of this myself, my ego is just a little hurt.  And this is none of your business.”  Will kept his hand out and finally Mac gave it to him.

“I know that you can take care of yourself, but if he upset you enough to cancel a date with me, it became my business.  I’m going to take care of this, make sure he doesn’t hurt you again.”  Will pushed some buttons on the phone and said, “It was Brian?”  Mac nodded her head and he pushed another button and put the phone to his ear.  “Hi Fuckface, my name’s Will McAvoy.  I understand that you called Mac a little earlier asking about some things she left at your place...  You can do whatever you want with them, if she needs anything at all I will make sure she has it….  Yeah, same to you.”

Will hung up the phone and handed it back to Mac.  “If you need a couple minutes to get ready to go, I can find a game on TV.”

Mac stared at him slack jawed.  “Will, that doesn’t solve the problem, in fact it makes it a little worse.”

Will held up a finger to say “give me a second” and ran out the door, then he came back in holding a bouquet of balloons with a card in it. 

Mac stared at him and the balloons for a couple moments before she took them.  The card attached simply said, “I’m sorry.”  Mac looked back at Will.  “What the fuck is this?”

“I was going to bring these with me when I picked you up, but then you cancelled, so I thought there was a chance I did something wrong.  I didn’t think I did, but I got the note just in case.  Then I left them outside in case I fucked something up now.  Which apparently I’ve done.”

Mac wasn’t really sure what to say.  On one hand she wanted to let him know that it was her responsibility to deal with her ex and she didn’t need him to fight her battles for her.  On the other hand, based on his face, she knew his intentions were good.  Finally, she took his hand and they sat on the couch.  “I was with him for 7 years and when I wanted to move out here he told me he didn’t think there was a future for us.  It just hurts and all I want to do is curl up on the couch and cry.  And it’s not fair to you that I keep comparing you and him.”

Will considered her for a second, finally understanding.  “When you compare us, who wins?”  Mac did a double take.  She wasn’t sure what he was talking about.  “You said that you compare him and me.  I just want to know where I stand.  Which of us do you think is the better man, or the better man for you?”

“Will, it’s not about the comparison.  I was with him for 7 years.  I’ve only known you for a few weeks.”

Will gave her a smug look, one she assumed he gave before nailing a witness.  “If we were in court, I’d object on the grounds that you’re not answering the question.”

“Then it’s a good thing we’re not in court and you’re not cross examining me.”

“Mac, I think we have something good started here and I think you think that too.  And I think you’re afraid of that.  You know what you think when you compare us, you just don’t want to admit it.”

“Look Will, I was in love with him for 7 years.  I thought I had a future with him, that one day we would be married and maybe even have kids.  I like you a lot and, maybe we can get there.  But tonight this hurts.  And right now, I can’t give you the attention you deserve on a night when you want to show me what’s in your heart.”  Mac put her head down.  “I’m sorry Will.  I was looking forward to tonight.”

Will slowly nodded his head.  “Mac, I obviously don’t know him at all and I don’t know what you experienced with him, but he’s not good enough for you.  If he couldn’t make a commitment after seven years, he didn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved.  And if he wouldn’t move heaven and earth to spend a single extra day with you, he isn’t worth crying on your couch about.  I won’t say I like that you compare me to him, but I assume I come out on top because he is a shithead.”  Will looked at her and watched her begin to smile.  “If you need some time to mourn that relationship, take it.  You are worth waiting for.  I won’t promise you celibacy, but when you’re able to answer that question, I’ll make myself available.  If you decide that you want to re-join the land of the living tonight, I still want to show you what I love, because it’s only fair after you let me sit in the control room.  I won’t have any expectations, and knowing he’s on your mind, I won’t be used as a rebound or revenge sex.  I’ll be at the Blue Moon if you want to join me.  If not, I’ll be in your office on Monday and Tuesday and every day until you tell me not to come anymore.”

Will turned around and walked out.  Mac watched the door close.  Her Lifetime movie ended and as the next one started, she felt horrible.  Brian was a shithead.  Even if he was a good man when they were together, he hasn’t taken her calls and after the way he handled things today, Will was right, he was a shithead and not worth crying over or watching another horrible movie.  Mackenzie turned off the TV and made a decision.    


	13. Innocent Man, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date Night continues

The club was dark and smoky and the band was just starting their sound check when Mac arrived.  She immediately found Will sitting at the bar.  She sat in the stool next to him.  “Is this seat taken?”

Will smiled.  “I was reserving it for the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, but you kinda remind me of her.”

“And you don’t think she’ll mind?”

“I’m not entirely sure she’s coming.  But if she does, you will be without a companion tonight because, as it turns out, I’ve started falling real hard and there’s no one I want to be with more than her.”

Mac smiled brightly at him, then looked downcast.  “If she’s smart, she will come to her senses and realize that you are a man that she wants to spend time with, even if she forgot for a second.”

“Well, she’s the smartest person I have ever met, so maybe she will come.  But until then, would you like to keep me company?  No strings, just a nice night listening to a great band.”

Mac smiled.  “I think I’d enjoy that.  But, if you have to settle for me, can we get a table?” 

Will nodded his head and took her hand.  He whispered in her ear on their way to a table up front, “It’s not possible to settle for you.”

As they sat down, Mac asked, “Are you sure this isn’t reserved?”

“I know the band.  And I thought you would make it here eventually.”

“You are such a smug ass.”

“Yeah, but it’s endearing.”  Will signaled to the waitress to bring him another drink and Mac gave an order as well.  “What made you change your mind?”

Mac considered her answer, “I realized that no matter what else we are we’re friends and this is important to you.  I don’t want to miss something that’s important to you just because I’m having shitty night.  I’m going to get over him, I promise I will.  But in the meantime, I want to be your friend.”

Will smiled.  “Thank you.  So that means I’m not in trouble.”

“Will, why are you so afraid you did something wrong?  Did you do something I don’t know about?”

“I told you, I’ve never been in a relationship like this before and I don’t want to fuck it up.  And even after that speech at the end, you let me leave.”

“The speech where you said you couldn’t promise celibacy.”

“I said more than that.  There was stuff about…”

Mac smiled at him and put a hand on his cheek.  “I know what you said.  You’re very persuasive, counsellor.”

“Well, I did have a 94% conviction rate.”  Will gave her his smug smile.

“You’re an idiot.”

Will smiled and put his arm around her.  “Have you ever been a groupie?”

“No, I only listen to music casually, mostly British rock.”

“Well, then I’m going to give you an education tonight.”  Will pulled Mac a little closer so he could talk in her ear as the band got louder.  He told her that there were redundant instruments on the stage because each one has a different sound.  He pointed to one guitar in particular and gave the history of it.  He was about to tell her how Leonard Cohen was one of the most underrated musicians in the world when the band started playing.  The set opened with “Go No More A-Rovin”.  Mac watched Will’s face light up as the music started playing.  She didn’t know if she particularly liked the music, but Will loved it and watching him made her smile.  During the second song, Mac stood up and held her hand to Will.  Will put his arms around her and the two started dancing.  Mac noticed immediately that he had good rhythm and though the music didn’t require booty shaking, he seemed able to dance.  After the third song, Leonard sat on a stool and began talking to the audience. 

“Ladies and gentlemen thank you for coming out tonight.  We have a special visitor here, one of the anchors on, Will, what’s the name of your morning program?”

Mac shot Will a look that he responded to with a wide smile.  “ _American Morning_.”

“Yes, _American Morning_.  Will McAvoy is here from _American Morning_.  Will is a friend of ours.  He played guitar for us on one of our records a few years ago.   Will, why don’t you take that pretty guitar over there.”  Will looked at Mac to make sure it was okay to leave her.  She smiled and shooed him to the stage.  He went up and once again Leonard introduced him to the applause of the audience.  Mac watched Will have the time of his life jamming with the band and she loved watching him.  After two songs, Will whispered something in Leonard’s ear and Leonard shrugged his shoulder.  Will went to the microphone while Leonard talked to members of the band.  

“It’s great being up here with the band again.  But tonight is about one lady in particular who in the short time I’ve known her has shown me that I’d be a fool to ever let her get away.  So Mackenzie, I’m dedicating this to you.”

A band member began the song on bass and Will took the mic off its stand.  To Mac, he looked like he belonged on that stage.  He looked so different from the anchor she’d been studying, but like on his shows, he just owned the stage.  She realized that she shouldn’t be surprised, he’s always had charm and charisma, that would translate from a news desk to the stage.  As she watched him, she felt like his biggest fan and inexplicably proud of him.  She was happy to see him so clearly in his element.  She wondered for a second if this is how he felt when he saw her in the control room. 

Will looked back at the bass player who started his dedication and when he finished his riff, Will started singing. 

 

_Some people stay far away from the door_

_If there’s a chance of it opening up_

_They hear a voice in the hall outside_

_And hope that it just passes by_

_Some people live with the fear of the touch_

_And the anger of having been a fool_

_They will not listen to anyone_

_So nobody tells them a lie_

_I know you’re only protecting yourself_

_I know you’re thinking of somebody else_

_Someone who hurt you_

_But I’m not above_

_Making up for the love_

_You’ve been denying you could ever feel_

_I’m not above doing anything_

_To restore your faith if I can_

_Some people see through the eyes of the old_

_Before they ever get a look at the young_

_I’m only willing to hear your cry_

_Cause I am an innocent man_

Will finished out the song and Leonard once again said his name as he left the stage.  As he approached the table, Mac ran to meet him and hugged him tightly.  “I had no idea.”  She tried to kiss him and he led her back to the table where they sat, his arm around her. 

After several more songs, the band took a break and Will took Mac up to meet a few of them.  They exchanged stories about their time working together.  Will explained that while he worked as a prosecutor, he and some buddies started a garage band that played at different bars on weekends.  While performing at a real dive one weekend an agent came up and gave him a card.  Will followed up and got a meeting with him.  As they talked, the agent signed him, but said he wanted to try him out on a few things.  That’s how he got his gig with Leonard Cohen and his job with ACN.  “I got lucky.”

Mac looked at him adoringly.  “You have talent coming out of your eyeballs.”

One of the band members said, “that’s not the look of talent.  Will be getting some tonight.”  Mac squeezed in closer to Will, giving him a look of pure lust.  “You know, you two don’t have to wait for the rest of the show.  We won’t mind if you want to get her home right now.  I’m not sure that I would wait.”

Will swallowed hard.  He wished… it didn’t matter what he wished, he wasn’t going to be a rebound for her.  “Anticipation is the greatest aphrodisiac.”

The band member leaned in close to Mac, “Is he always this stupid?”

“Not stupid, he knows there is no chance anyone else is taking me home tonight, so if it works for him, it works for me.”

Will watched as other band members started to get set on stage and gestured that they should go back to their table.  He took his arm away from her as they walked back and took their seats. 

“Will, is everything ok?”

“Don’t tease me like that.  I won’t be your rebound.”

“I’m sorry, Will, I thought you would have wanted to let them think…”

“I don’t want a bunch of band members thinking anything about you.  And I cannot stress enough how much I want you, but not until I know you’re ready.  I won’t budge on that.”

Mac nodded her head.  “I know.  Can we go back to having a great night, because I was having fun with you.”

Will nodded his head.  It didn’t take long for will to relax again and put his arm around her.   When he did, she immediately cuddled into him.  She felt safe and content.  She tried to think of a time she felt like this with Brian and eventually realized she didn’t.  She looked up at Will and decided she didn’t need to think about Brian tonight.  She felt safe and content now  and that’s what matters. 

The band finished their set and did a couple encores.  As the crowd shuffled out, Will stretched out in his chair, looking more relaxed than Mac had ever seen him.  He ordered another round of drinks and told her stories about some of the bands he played with.  He was far more accomplished than she ever imagined.  He could have gone professional if he wanted.  He could have gone with Leonard and his band, and he thought about it, but his other option was to stay in New York and do the news.

“So you had a typical career choice remain a prosecutor, go into politics, be part of a band, or do the news.”  Will laughed.  “What made you do the news?”

“I’m not sure.  Prosecutors go into politics, that’s what’s supposed to happen.  That was my goal.  Then one day, Scott arranged for me to answer a few questions on ACN and I was hooked.  There was something about it and I just knew it was right for me.”

“Have you ever regretted it?”

Will took a breath and thought about his answer.  “Anytime I forget that I wanted to be an anchor, I regret the choice.  Anytime it seemed out of my reach.”  Will stopped and chose his words carefully.  “I’ve been sitting at that news desk for 4 years and most of that time it’s seemed out of reach.  I can play affable and go through the motions of being part of the morning crew, but it wasn’t until I met you that something better seemed possible.”

“It’s going to happen, Will.  I can’t imagine that the primetime slot won’t go to you.”

“What about you, is EP the thing you always dreamed of?”

“Not just EP, but creator.  I don’t just want to go in and take over someone else’s work, I want to lay the foundation and make something that is worth watching.  I want my philosophy of news to be the guiding principle of a show long after I get reassigned.”

“It’s going to happen for you too.  Even if they choose Preston…”

“Don’t even joke about that.  Besides Dirk said that Preston will not be on Primetime under any circumstances.”

“You know Dirk doesn’t get the final decision, don’t you?  Someone made him a finalist and I don’t think it was Dirk.” 

Mac struggled with the thought.  “It’s primetime.  It’s up against all the dramas on the major networks.  And he was brought in to do news.”

Will tried to hide how nervous he was.  “We have to prepare ourselves for it.  They chose him as a finalist and we both know there were better options if they want to go the hard news route.  Would you be able to work on a show that would be designed for his strengths?”

Mac took a deep breath, “I’ll get him in shape, get him excited about the news.  It’ll be an adjustment for both of us, but we’ll figure it out.  Right after I figure out which name to call him.”

The couple laughed as the bartender approached their table.  “Come on, time to go.”

Will looked at his watch.  “Wow, it’s 3AM!”

“This is the city that never sleeps, you want to find somewhere that’s still open?”

“No I think it’s time to drop you off at home.”

Mac looked at him as they began walking out.  “I’m going to just throw this out.  I have a spare bedroom.  It doesn’t make sense for you to go home this late.”

It was a little cooler outside than either expected, so Will put his arm around her making sure she was folded into his jacket.  “I don’t sleep often, so I can make it home.”

Will got her to her door and said, “I think this was another successful evening.”

“It was.  I really enjoy spending time with you Will.  You have to believe that.  I’m sorry that I can’t give you more than a broken, battered heart.”

Will looked at her with his intense blue eyes.  “I asked a question before, how do we compare?  Can you do me a favor and tell me when you can admit the answer?”

“Are you sure you know the answer?”

“You never ask a witness a question that you don’t know the answer to.”

Mac nodded her head.  The two stood facing each other, the distance between them negligible, neither able to say anything or able to move away.  When they thought back on this later, neither could say who moved first, but it didn’t matter, because before they knew it their lips touched, soft at first and just for an instant.  The second time they kissed Will put one hand in her hair and the other around her waist and she circled his neck with her arms.  Their tongues explored each other’s mouths and they each studied the different sensations.  Will didn’t have much experience taking things slow and Mac’s sex life had become almost mechanical after so much time with Brian, so they enjoyed the exploration of each other’s mouths and tastes and the feel of being so close.  When they finally had to break apart, Will kept one arm around her back. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in.”  Mac smiled, “no pressure for anything, but you are welcome to the spare room, the couch, whatever.” 

He reluctantly put his hands back at his side, closing his eyes to collect his resolve.  He shook his head no and started to walk away, singing, “I know you’re only protecting yourself, I know you’re thinking ‘bout somebody else, someone who hurt you, but I’m not above, making up for the love, you’ve been denying you can ever feel.” 

Mac watched him enter the elevator knowing her frustration was only matched by his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously the characters belong to Aaron Sorkin and the song (that was stuck in my head non stop for 2 weeks and is the reason for Brian's intrusion in this chapter) comes from Billy Joel. Seriously, go to Youtube and listen to it, great song. I'm beginning to wonder what if anything I bring to the table :)
> 
> On another note, as I was writing this chapter news of the passing of Leonard Cohen came out. I chose him as the band because of the reference Will playing on a record with him during the opposition research. But it also seems like a fitting tribute to him.


	14. I Look Forward to Working with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk relives the last month in choosing the new show.

“Will, I’m sorry. This is the decision I made.”

“You didn’t make this decision. THAT was your decision.” Will indicated the magnet on Dirk’s board with the wish list of shows he wanted to develop. “I would be the sole anchor of Mackenzie’s show.”

Dirk couldn’t disagree. He wondered how things got so fucked up. He thought as the Primetime News Director he would have more control over his shows, but he’s still middle management, which means he doesn’t have much say. At least that’s what he learned today. Maybe he should have picked up on it before now. He looked at Will and considered what he should say. He’s the director, Will’s boss. He has to let Will know that he is in charge and not some puppet for the executive committee, even if that’s exactly what he is.

“Will, there were issues and I think this is how to address those issues. I’m not saying that magnet is never going to happen. After 6 months –“

“You’re going to put shit on the air for 6 months and then try to come back and retool? You’re going to lose the audience’s goodwill before the show even gets started.”

“You aren’t supposed to be working with her. Do you even know how your little outburst has been changed and delivered to the people above me?”

A month ago, Will McAvoy said in an open hall outside the news floor that he “had not and had no intention of fucking Mackenzie McHale”. Dirk believed he immediately regretted saying it and made sure that he stayed away from Mac. Dirk thought he handled the issue, so he didn’t go to HR. But not going to HR didn’t stop the rumors and rumors always make the situation sound worse than it was. By the time it got to some of the execs, the “not” was missing from the statement and Will gloated over the relationship. This was made worse by Will and Mac not seeing each other for 2 weeks, a decision that Dirk made ironically to help Mac. When the story got back to Dirk, he immediately defended the twosome and his decision, telling anyone who would hear what Will actually said. Unfortunately, a story filled with sex is more memorable than the truth.

“You know the truth and so does Mac.” Will’s steely eyes bore into Dirk. “That’s immaterial to this. We’ve talked and now we’re a team, and fucking good team. She won’t be able to bring out the best in Preston and no one else will get the best out of me.”

Dirk always had a sense that would happen and even from afar he watched it happen. About a week after the incident, Dirk told Will to finalize and submit a proposal for a new show and Will suggested a kind of audition process for everyone who submits. When Dirk said such a show may create competition for Will, Will said he could handle the competition, but he wanted to work on his chemistry with the only person he thought qualified to EP the shows. Dirk asked who raised to Will’s level of qualified EPs and without hesitation Will gave Mac’s name. Dirk didn’t ask about the change is opinion, he simply agreed with Will. As soon as Will left, Dirk called Mac to his office and suggested the audition show. He would have to run it past his boss, but he wanted her to start thinking about ideas. Dirk hadn’t had a chance to change any programming yet, so this was a big show for him too.

Maybe he should have seen where this was going when Judy Evans, VP of News Operations, insisted that Preston be given a night to audition. Dirk replied that the show he proposed wouldn’t work with the direction he wants to take the 10-11PM hour. She insisted and because the other 5 VPs agreed to the list of 5 would-be anchors and it was getting close to lunch, he had to add a sixth day to the first round.

In his first meeting with Mac about what the show would consist of, she questioned Preston’s inclusion in the group and the oddness of having 6 nights for the first round. He told her that Preston has a good presence and tests well. As for the weird number of days, he said that the idea is to have two finalists that would each take two days the following week. Mac didn’t believe him, but she went along with it and they discussed the plan for the two weeks of shows. Mac came into the meeting with 3 ideas, but they both really liked the idea of working with issues on the ballot. He gave the greenlight. She took out her notes about the anchors and asked from a scheduling perspective, if she had the right top 3. Because of how people watch TV the two Mondays and the Thursday were the important days to have their A game. Preston got Friday because no one watches then and two others filled in on Tuesday and Wednesday.

When Dirk’s notes went back to the executive committee, Judy started screaming bloody murder. She felt like they had stacked the chips against Preston. They gave him the Friday show and wouldn’t let him work in his wheelhouse. Dirk’s boss, Tony Armitage, backed Dirk up and said the final decision would be made by this committee, not by ratings. One of the other VPs pointed out that the numbers would play a part in the final decision. The group agreed and Dirk went downstairs to visit Mac. He gently suggested that she be a little “fairer” to Preston since the content didn’t fit his strengths. Mac fought back, if he gets a show he will have to step up and present the news, any EP and especially she will expect that. In a moment that Dirk now regrets more than any other, he promised her that he will not put Preston in primetime under any circumstances.

Now Dirk looked at Will in his office. Dirk had it with Will, mostly because he knew Will was right. The executive team, Judy Evans especially made the worst decision possible. But he couldn’t say that without looking weak. “Will, this is the contract you’re being offered. You can take it or stay in morning purgatory for the rest of your CNN contract. After that, if you want to go back to Charlie Skinner and ACN, you won’t get a fight from me. But I can’t promise that the executive committee will be as fair.”

After the first week of programs was sent to the committee, they met to go over the tapes. Of the 7 people in the meeting, 6 wanted Will. They had a kind of consensus that they would choose a second person to do two other broadcasts, but Will brought so much to the table and showed it off so well that putting a second person in was just a formality. The discussion about the second anchor went back and forth between two other anchors and then Judy said she wanted to see Preston have another shot, this time with topics that fits his style better. All eyes turned to Judy. Tony broke the silence and asked, “does he have pictures of you fucking a goat or has he developed mind control drugs? The eventual show is not a good fit for him. Tom, if we took Will from the morning program, Preston would have an opening to fill, right?”

Tom thought about it and said, “I’d want to see a little more from him, but there will be a hole to plug.”

Dirk said that he can get Mac to find a producer to help Preston with a reel. Tony tried to immediately get that idea in the works, but another voice said that if they need to fill a couple spots that week anyway, then why not fill it with a correspondent a correspondent that can fill them cheaply and help him build an audience that can transfer to the mornings. After all, that’s what Will’s doing, but in reverse.   All of this happened very quickly and there was a knot in Dirk’s stomach. As the VPs started talking over each other and agreeing to this hopelessly stupid idea, Tony got everyone’s attention and clarified that under no circumstances would Preston Tippen be an anchor on primetime. If they’re going to give him two slots, they will use them to set him up for a morning show gig. Tony would say later that everyone agreed. Dirk knows that he didn’t say anything and he watched Judy who didn’t say anything either. Dirk kept reminding himself that 5 VPs agreed that Preston would not take a primetime show.

Dirk left that meeting and immediately called Mac. The meeting had taken longer than expected by several hours. Despite wanting to take a break and process what just happened, he knew that he had to deliver the news. He sat at his desk and dialed her extension.

“This is Mackenzie.”

“Hey Mac, it’s Dirk.”

“Hi Dirk!”

He could tell someone was in her office listening to him. He thought about asking who was there, but decided against it. “I bet you want to know what the executive committee decided.” Dirk felt a knot in the pit of his stomach.

“Yeah, we’re all excited to know everything about that meeting.”

“Remember when I told you that when a group of executives get together anything can happen? Well, anything happened.” He expected Mac to say something, but she went silent and he remembered there was someone in her office. “We decided that we want to see more of Will and Preston next week.”

“Yeah?”

“Mac, did you hear me, it’s Will and Preston that are the finalists.” Dirk waited to hear a response. He imagined that she had found a way to tell the person in her office if he or she made it. “Mac, are you with me?” He heard her mumble something that sounded like an affirmation. “Will and Preston. Give them each two days next week with ballot issues. We’re doing these live so I have no doubt that you’re going to give us exactly what we need to fill the desk the right way.” Mac grunted something in agreement and they hung up.

Will sat across from Dirk, pissed as hell. “So how does all this work? Have you told Mackenzie yet?”

“I need to get some signed contracts before I can tell Mac.”

“She’s going to be devastated, you know. She designed this show in her head, knew everything there was about it. You can’t do this to her.”

Dirk felt like someone had put a dagger in his heart. “Believe me, I don’t take any joy in this. I brought her here, remember? I wanted to see her do her ideal show. But new shows get retooled all the time, once we figure out what works and –“

“Who doesn’t?”

Dirk rolled his eyes. “Yeah.”

Dirk sat in the control room during each of the second week broadcasts. He had a feeling he would have to write a report about the live shows as a persuasive argument for why the show should come out the way it should. On Tuesday night he saw Mac chatting comfortably with Will. He had a guest on to talk about medical malpractice and several times she had to tell him to slow down and not use legalese. Each time he rephrased the question or rephrased the guests’ response so the audience could understand. Unlike his show on Gay Rights, he didn’t cross examine, but he still led a discussion. It was a different side of him and when Dirk talked to Todd about the difference, Todd told him Mac coached Will to do that. She didn’t want him to always cross examine, but to have that on his tool belt.

On Wednesday, the control room broke into laughter a few times during breaks, so Dirk put on a headset and heard the crew’s chatter. After the show, Todd invited everyone out to drinks. Dirk observed Will and Mac sitting together with the group. They were casual and relaxed. Will slung his arm behind the chair next to him, which Mac occupied. Dirk left before most of the group, but he smiled at knowing that somehow Mac and Will figured out how to work together. He believed it would serve them well; he had to keep believing that.

Thursday he watched Preston’s first show on humor and politics. About a half hour before the show he looked at his copy and stumbled over words, but when the light went on, he sat poised and looked confident. Unfortunately no one else felt confident. They booked Lorne Michael and Will Ferrell from _Saturday Night Live_ as guests and Preston let the interview get away from him. They had a good time, but when Mac gave him a question or told him to wrap up, it didn’t always happen. They were so long by the D-block that Mac had to start asking about trimming a package in the E-block. Instead, Mac gave the prompter some changes that would save time and told Preston not to look at his notes and not to go off script. Preston took the direction and gave the script some life even though no one would say it was his best work. They came out just about right.

On Friday, all Preston had to do was introduce packages. After the show, a very small group of people went for drinks since most had made plans for the weekend. Preston, Mac and Dirk stayed the latest. Dirk asked Preston about the kind of show he wants and Preston said he always saw himself doing something like a morning show. His sister talked him into submitting a proposal for the primetime show. He knew that his strength isn’t hard news, but he really appreciated the opportunity to try.

“Will, have your agent look over the contract. This is pretty standard. In a year you’ll be able to renegotiate terms including having final say in your EP. I’m going to make this right. Just stick this out with us for a few months and we’ll fix everything that needs fixing.”

Will nodded his head and left. He took the long way around the ring of offices so he didn’t have to walk past Mac’s. He didn’t trust himself not to tell her about the bullshit he just heard.

Dirk sat back in his chair. And thought about the meeting he had today. Again he had to wonder how the fuck this happened. He’s the primetime news director; his vote should have been the only one that counted. Judy started the discussion by suggesting that they have co-anchors for the show, all four of the episodes were good in their own ways. She claimed that the news is too depressing and letting Preston cover lighter issues will allow more middle of the road viewers to access the news. Then she launched in to the information she got from looking at focus groups. Preston’s highs were higher than Will’s. Tony argued that because of the differences between the shows, it was like comparing apples and oranges. He then pointed out Will’s number for trustworthiness and intellect. In news those are more important than likability. Judy said everything comes down to how likeable a person is, low likeability means people change the channel. Dirk fought on the front that because of his style the EP had to shift things around throughout the broadcast and it was confusing for the crew who did exemplary work. That’s when she said, as if it was a given, that the new show will have a more experienced EP, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

Dirk just about lost it. He told them that Mac had busted her ass for them for the last two weeks and deserved this show. She had a vision and the credentials to EP her own show. Another VP said that he’d been thinking about Mary Goodman as the EP of the new show and started listing names of where other people would go leaving Mac to EP _Crossfire_. Tony said he liked that idea. The whole philosophy of the show works with Mac’s philosophy and since it’s established she would get some more valuable experience before they set her loose on a brand new show. The group decided that she had the talent to have a show, but they wanted her to have just a little more experience. Once that decision was made, the president of the news division looked over the numbers that Judy provided and decided that Will and Preston would co-host the new show.

Dirk felt like he had been punched in the gut. It didn’t take long to get the contracts ready. He had to meet with the two co-hosts – even a few hours later the word, “co-hosts” got caught in his throat – and the EP. The hosts would start with limited managerial editing responsibilities so that the network would have better oversight of the show they had decided to invest in. Dirk met with Preston first, hoping that he would see the morning show as a better option. But he seemed excited to have the guarantee of the evening show and said he’d talk to his agent. Next he talked to Will who hated the whole thing. Dirk needed Will. Will was the only bright spot in this whole fucking mess. The execs would see the issues with the show quickly and they could make Preston go away like Brian Dunkleman on _American Idol._ But if they lost Will, the time period would be a joke.

After he talked to Will, he should have called Mary to start prep work on what would become her show, _Just the Facts_ , but he was afraid that Will would say something to Mac, so he called her over first.

As Will walked to his office, Mac crossed his path and smiled at him. “Is that contract? You got it?”

Will smiled at her. “I’m not supposed to talk about it until it’s signed.”

“Dirk just called me up to his office. I guess I’ll be getting one of those as well. I look forward to working with you.”

Will watched her continue her trip to the elevator and felt sick. He went to one of the assistants and asked that she let him know when Mac returned. When he got the word from her, he went to Mac’s office and tapped on the door then let himself in. He made sure the door was shut and sat at her desk opposite her. “How are you doing?”

Mac tried to put on a brave face. “They’re giving me Crossfire. They see the writing on the wall, it only has a few years left in it unless a ‘great EP can come in and fix what’s wrong with it’. It’s a reclamation project. It’s renovation, like that house that _This Old House_ fixes every week. I can just go in there and fix it.” Will saw a tear start to run down her cheek. He knew exactly where he was, but decided to fuck it and crossed the distance to her and kneeled down to give her a hug. He felt her tears wet his shirt.

“You know, they fix a different house every week.”

Mac, trying not to sob moved her head to look at Will, “What?”

“ _This Old House_ , they fix a different house every week.”

Mac tried to comprehend what he was saying and looked for a deeper meaning in it. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know. Its just words. They don’t mean anything.”

“How did I fuck this up so bad, Will? The silver lining to not being over Brian was that I would still get to see you every day at work. You would still be an important part of my life.”

Will remembered driving her back from the wine tasting and thinking something similar. That he would defend the Anchor/EP relationship so that he could keep her close even after he fucked up the personal one. “Hey, you’re not losing me. I won’t let that happen. As soon as you can admit that I’m the better man, I’m going to be right down the hall, ready to date your ass off. And you won’t be able to resist me too much longer. I’ll step up the wooing if I have to. Being on different shows, it just gives us time apart and… that can only benefit me. You don’t want to see this face all day and night.”

Will felt a small smile cross her lips, then she realized that it wasn’t fair to him that he had to comfort her, so she moved out of his embrace. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying on your shoulder. You should be celebrating, this is your dream.”

Will considered her words and squeezed her with the one arm that was still around her. He moved her face so she had to look at him. “Hey, no matter what else we are, we’re friends, right? That’s what you told me at the club, the reason you came. It’s still the case. We’re still friends and as friends I’m not going to let you go through this alone. It’s a disappointment, and you get to feel that, even with me around. Okay?”

Will put his other arm around and she whispered “thank you” in his ear and she nestled herself in the crook of his neck. Dirk, having finished his last meeting, walked to her office and stopped himself from knocking on the door when he saw the two inside. He was glad to see that Mac had Will's support.


	15. Just Like in my Fantasies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac prepares for a trip.

Mac had _American Morning_ on when Will announced his new show to the audience on Wednesday. He put in a pitch for everyone to join him in a week and half and gave a “preview” of what to expect. The preview was a bunch of clips from the stories he and Preston had done during their auditions. Mac didn’t want to be bitter. She wanted Will to be successful, but she also felt like she could feel some professional jealousy with the EP that took her job. Technically no one gave her the job, she just assumed that she would get it. It never occurred to her that someone else would take the show that she had planned. She wanted that show. Will had special talents to make that show her perfect show.

But somehow it stopped being about Will’s talents and maybe that’s what cost her the job. Did she favor him too much? Did she sabotage Preston? She didn’t mean to if she did. No, she didn’t. She managed the first round and she had a fleet of producers to keep her honest during the second. Will earned his show. She didn’t. And now the fantasy of working with Will everyday on something she loved just ended. Obviously something is happening between she and Will, and she wanted the show to make sure that continued. She had already lived 7 years as someone’s girlfriend and had nothing to show for it. If she got to work with Will – doing something that seemed to attract him to her and that she could succeed at – if things ended at least she would walk away with something. If she got involved with him and they didn’t have that to keep them together, there’s no guarantee things would work. They didn’t with Brian, and she was as close to a perfect girlfriend to him as possible.

She had to stop thinking about this. She had to pack. Dirk needed her to go to LA and speak at a journalism conference. She would give a presentation on Wednesday evening and then sit on a panel on Thursday. He told her he thought she had “the best handle on what news should be”. She laughed at him and asked if that mean that she was the most available person since she won’t start _Crossfire_ until next week. He gave a nervous chuckle and said he thought she would benefit from a few days away. He might be right. She wanted to put a stamp on Will’s show, a new show, but she is the fucking Executive Producer of _Crossfire_ , a legitimate show on CNN. How can she be disappointed about that? So, she arranged to stay over the weekend to see some friends and come back on Sunday. She hoped that having time in LA would help her find some closure on Brian and put things in perspective.

As for Brian, she simply wanted to drop in on him and find out what happened. Was he screwing some other woman while he was with her? Did she know the woman? Does she still feel something for him? Does it compare to what she feels for Will? What the hell does she feel for Will? She’s been trying to answer these questions since Brian’s mistimed voicemail. She thought that seeing Brian may help her figure it all out. She knows how Will compares to Brian, but how does Brian compare to Will? Does she feel butterflies in her stomach when she sees him? Does she just look at him and want him to take her hand? Does thinking about Brian make her smile and feel like she’s in middle school? Maybe if she faced Brian and got some questions answered, she could finally answer Will’s question. And then she’d know for sure if she can move forward with Will or fight for Brian... From the other coast... When he’s with someone else… That he brought into their apartment after two months. She had to admit, it didn’t look good from Brian.

*** *** ***

When she arrived at her office, the maintenance crew had started to move her things to an office closer to the _Crossfire_ newsroom. When she asked if they could wait until after lunch since she’ll be catching a plane, Mary, Will’s new EP, came in and started showing where she wanted all her things. When Mary saw Mac, she smiled pleasantly and said she’d love a chance to talk about her new anchors and even thanked Mac for all the work she did during the auditions. Mac forced a smile on her face and nodded, then asked the maintenance person where her new office would be. She felt like she was leading a parade with her luggage and bag and computer going to her new office. As she approached Will’s office, she devised a pretty complex plan to get past it without him seeing her. Though it seemed to be little more than walking really fast, she was convinced that the way she did it would make her nearly invisible. She didn’t want to see anyone and didn’t think anyone would go out of their way to see her, except Will. He would try to talk to her and be nice to her and she just didn’t want to deal with that.

Before she could put her plan in motion, Will stepped out of his office and looked around for someone or something. He saw her because no one else was in the hall and he smiled at her as he walked towards her. She tried not to look annoyed, though plastering a fake smile on her face to convince him that she fucking loved her life rated low on her list of desires at the moment.

“That’s a lot of stuff, do you need help with that?”

Mac didn’t want anyone’s help. She wanted to do this by herself, as if it would prove that she could succeed at something. She’s the fucking EP of _Crossfire_ she tried to remind herself. But she wanted his God damned show. She wanted her show, the show that she planned in her head since the day Dirk talked to her about coming to CNN. She didn’t blame Will, she knew that he would have chosen her if he had a choice, but he didn’t have a choice. She continued dragging her bags behind her and gave into the fact that she would have to talk to him. “I saw you announce your move this morning. You signed that contract fast.”

Will picked up a bag and walked in step with her. “Our premiere is the first Monday in November so they needed contracts back quickly.”

“You get everything you wanted in it?”

Will shrugged his shoulders, “I kept my non-compete and I negotiated for full Managing Editor rights in 6 months.”

Mac smiled, “You didn’t do that for my benefit, did you?”

“Sometimes I wonder how I get the reputation for being a smug ass. It had nothing to do with being able to fire Janet and hire you right away. I just like having control of everything.”

“Mary. And I think that’s the definition of a smug ass.”

The duo made it to her office and she put the suitcase she dragged behind her next to the desk. He put the things he took next to that.

“What’s this suitcase for?”

“Dirk’s sending me to LA to give a lecture since I’m an EP without a show until Monday. I’m going to take a few extra days there and visit some people.”

Will got a nervous look on his face. “What people?”

“Just some friends.” She looked at him and rolled her eyes. “If you must know, I’m hoping to see Brian. I need to figure out what I feel about him. Tell him myself what I think of him. And this is the time to do it.”

“When you’re hurting and vulnerable?” Will saw her face to a rage, “that’s not what I meant.”

“You think I’m just going to crawl into bed with him?” Will quickly closed the door. “You know Will, I gave you several opportunities and you refused me.”

Will grabbed her shoulders and looked her in the eye. “I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. I told you before I don’t want you to be like the other women I’ve been with. And I don’t want you to think of me as a mistake. And now, I don’t want you to do anything with him. Okay?”

“You don’t have any right to decide who I should or shouldn’t fuck. But if you must know, I don’t have any intention of ever screwing him again. I want to see him and ask him some questions. He’s with someone else and I’m not a cheater. She can have him, I just want some answers.”

“I know I don’t have any rights with you. Whatever we are, we’re not… together, and that’s probably because of a decision I made. So I can’t hold anything you do this weekend or before against you. But if you’re determined to see your ex… can we level the playing field?”

“What?” Mac didn’t understand at all what he was trying to say.

“I want to take you to lunch and to the airport. Before you see him, I want you to see the classy, romantic guy I can be when I’m not putting my foot in mouth.”

Mac felt a smile creep onto her face. “Well, how can I resist both classy and romantic?”

“And unbelievably charming and I dance really well.”

Mac couldn’t help laughing. “I can do lunch, but I was going to just get a cab to take me to airport, I don’t need help with that.”

“Don’t you fantasize about the goodbye kiss at the airport?”

“Will, I’m leaving for a few days, I’m not going to war.”

“I have that fantasy and I intend to live it out. With you. Today. Car will be here at 1.”

Mac laughed at him. “My flight leaves at 4.”

Will scrambled to figure out the math. “Car will still be here at 1 so we can put your stuff in it and then go to lunch and get you to the airport by 2 for your 4PM flight. I’m an anchor now, I get to use the company car.”

“You seem pretty into yourself, are you sure you don’t just want to make out with you?”

“My hand gets enough of me at night.” Will looked at Mac to see her laughing. “It’s almost always more fun when a woman’s involved.”

“Almost?”

“Don’t ask.” He made a show to shiver as if remembering some less than ideal experiences.

“Don’t worry, I had no intention of. But now that I know you judge your bedmates --”

“I guarantee you, you have nothing to worry about.”

“And how would you know something like that?”

Will leered at her. “There’s an obvious chemistry that I rarely have with anyone. You’re a better than average kisser. And just look at your body.”

Mac was aghast, “Better than average kisser!?” Will started looking around the office and the hall. “I’m not sure if I should be more offended that you put us on a scale or that I don’t rate higher! And where are you going?”

“Where are a basket of balloons when you need them?” Will leaned back against the wall and just stared at her, more serious this time. “And I know what you’re passionate about. And at least a few ways to push your buttons. And I enjoy making you laugh when you so obviously don’t want to. And most importantly, I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you Mackenzie. Which brings me back to kissing you goodbye. I’m taking you to the airport so that when you see Brian, you will only be thinking about kissing me.” And with that, Will left Mac’s.

*** *** ***

At 1:00, Will went to Mac’s office and took her things down to the car and then went back up to get her. He walked her outside and to a street vender. They each got a gyros, fries and a drink. When she tried to pass on the soda, he laughed at her. “One unhealthy drink isn’t going to kill you.”

“No, but it might me an addict.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine. Besides, what would you be addicted to that that stream of coffee you put in you hasn’t already made you dependent on?”

“See, I don’t need another vice.”

“It’s the vices that make life fun. Drink the soda and enjoy life a little.”

“I don’t see that 20 ounces of Coca Cola is going to make life better.”

“Drink or I’m pouring it down your throat.”

Mac leered at him this time, “I can think of a few things that I’d rather you stick down my throat.”

Will looked at her, unable to respond. Mac laughed when she knew she got the better of that exchange.

As they ate, Will steered them toward Central Park and when she finished eating, he put her arm in his. He found a spot by a pond and produced some bread so they could feed the ducks.

“Now where the fuck did you get that bread?”

“I have an assistant now. She has to do anything I tell her. You should see how quickly she looks up musical theatre trivia.”

“You are incorrigible.”

“Guilty as charged.”

Mac looked at him and relaxed. “I never actually did congratulate you on the show, did I?”

“I know it’s what you wanted for me.”

“It is, but I’ve been a bit of a bitch and I haven’t been fair to you.”

He put her arm around her. “Eventually a time will come when I will be an asshole and you’ll have to go through that with as much grace and tact as I have shown you.”

“You’re always an ass. How will I know when to lay on the tact? Or do I just have to emanate the greatness that only exists in my head like you do?”

“Greatness is greatness. Now, about your trip. If you need to see him and ask him questions, do it. Do whatever you need to do to get him out of your head and your heart. But know that no matter what happens when you’re there, I’ll be here ready for you when you’re ready.”

Mac nodded her head. “I know. And you know I’m doing this for that reason. I want to give you all of me, I want to be over him.”

Will leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “I know. I guess that means you still can’t say it, can you?”

“Say what?”

“The answer to my question. When you compare us –“

“I need to see him and confirm.”

“You need a second confirmation for _this_?” Will looked at his watch. “It looks like it’s time to go.”

Will took her to the airport and helped get her things out of the car. He rested his arms on her shoulders and said, “Will you text me when you get there?”

“Yes mom!”

“Good! I’m also planning to pick you up on Sunday, so make sure I have flight information. I want to know everything that happens. Good or bad.”

Mac smiled and nodded her head. “I’ll text it to you when I get in.”

Will looked deep in her eyes. “Thank you.” He started to lean in for his kiss and started laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

“This is a little ridiculous, isn’t it? I want to plant the perfect kiss on you and –“

Mac finally silenced him by putting her hand on the back of his head and kissing him hard and passionately. “And now you can live with that memory until I get back.”

As she took the handle on her rolling suitcase she heard him yell to her, “Just like in my fantasies.”


	16. Beauty and the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac reflects on the men in her life and Will reflects on his last trip to the Great White Way.

Mac’s plane landed and she packed up the computer she used throughout the flight. She should have spent the hours watching her new show, but she wanted to first watch some of the shows that Mary had EPed. She wanted to hate her, but Mac had to admit that Mary puts on a good show. Maybe even as good as the show Mac would have done. Mac wasn’t ready to say Dirk made the right choice, but as long as they could keep Will in line, it’s going to be a good show. Mac lingered on that though. It will take two EPs to keep Will in line. And a good psychiatrist. He needs a village of people that will call him on his crap. 

Mac let that thought sink in. She plans to be part of Will’s life during this show, even though it’s not her show. He promised that he wouldn’t give up on her and she wants to do this with him. That’s got to be significant. She tried to remember if she had ever wanted to do something with Brian. There were things she wanted him to do with her, but did he ever feel let down when she didn’t want to do them with him? 

She didn’t understand it, and it scared her a little. Brian had always been a safety net. Maybe she used him and their relationship as an excuse. She thought that she loved him and that he loved her. But for the life of her she can’t remember ever feeling with him like she does with Will. Everything with Brian was nice and comfortable. But with Will, it’s more and it scares her and she’s not sure why. Since the first time she met him in real life, he’s challenged her and brought out the best in her. That never happened with Brian, any self improvement happened when she improved. She met Brian after giving a speech at a conference like the one she’s going to and he introduced himself and they went for coffee and then to his place. Before she knew it, they were like a habit. It was easier to deal with his bullshit than to leave. And he never did anything to make her want to leave. They went to work, one of them would pick up dinner, they argued about news coverage and they went to bed and had sex about twice a week. It wasn’t exciting, but it didn’t need to be. 

Spending all this time with Will made her realize that she missed out on feeling wanted and respected. Or maybe Will just expresses those things in a different way than Brian did. Brian never had to prove that he respected her or that he wanted her. Will has made it a point to prove both. What happens when he stops trying to prove it? Will life with Will become what life with Brian was like? She didn’t like the prospect. She wants that passion that Will has for her. She wants to feel like she does when she’s with Will. Maybe seeing Brian will make it real to her that she didn’t feel about him what she enjoys feeling about Will. 

*** *** ***

“Will, this is a surprise. I’m not used to seeing you two weeks in a row. What’s wrong?” Dr. Abraham Habib learned a long time ago that anything can happen on Thursdays at 10AM. And when it came to Will McAvoy, the owner of that appointment time, anything can happen really any other time of the day or night. Abe called it a “strength” of Will’s that he would not take no for an answer. Abe painted it as persistence, which helped Will attain the success that he had. But he knew from experience that people found it off-putting. Abe had other priorities when it came to Will, so he hoped that in fixing those, Will would get a taste of self-awareness and some of the more jagged pieces of his personality would smooth out. But that hasn’t started happening yet. 

Will sat in his traditional seat and started immediately. “I shouldn’t have let her go to the airport. How long do you have to play the good guy while courting a woman?”

After a full career in psychiatry, Abe had perfected his professional face so that he didn’t give a full belly laugh at his client, but if there was a situation that would make that face slip, it sat in front of him. “Mackenzie?”

“I took her to the airport yesterday so she could go back to LA and see her ex. I tried to see you yesterday, but your assistant wouldn’t let me in.”

“I know, I heard. I even bought her flowers this morning for the trouble.”

If Will heard the jab his doctor took, he ignored it. “Is it normal for a woman to go back to see her ex to get closure?”

Abe wondered if the people in Will’s life actually could track with him. Of course Will doesn’t have a lot of permanent people in his life, in fact, he didn’t have any. Abe didn’t want to make any judgments until he got a few more pieces of the story. For different reasons, Will and Abe each had high hopes for Mackenzie. From what Will told him, Mackenzie was smarter than to take a plane and go back to her ex. But if she called him…

“Will, what happened? Why did she go back to LA?”

“She was sent by Dirk. I used to like him. But he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.”

Abe jotted some notes then asked, “Why did your boss send her back to LA?”

“He needed an EP to go to a conference and give a speech or something. She may also be on a panel today.”

“OK. So she went for work, not to see her ex. But she’s planning to see him?”

“She thinks that seeing him will help her figure out the answer to my question, ‘Who’s the better man?’”

“And you’re afraid she may figure out the answer isn’t you.”

Will’s face turned to a sad fear that Abe had never seen and the doctor started to recognize the seriousness of this situation. Will slowly looked up at him. “Have you ever seen Beauty and the Beast? The stage show, not the cartoon, I hate cartoons. Everyone’s so damned happy.”

Abe really had to wonder how people keep a straight face in conversations with him. “I have, but I’m interested in your analysis of it.” 

“Ok, so the beast is stuck in this body that forces him to hide himself from the world until he can find someone to fall in love with who would fall in love with him. He meets Belle and he thinks he’s found that person. She’s beautiful, she passionate, she’s smart. She doesn’t take shit from anyone.”

Abe started to understand where this was going. “Sounds like someone you know.” Will shot him a look. “But he didn’t know if she could love him.”

“That was part of it, she’s too perfect. But the problem at the end of the first act is, he realizes that he can’t love her, loving someone is out of his reach. The second act is when he asks himself if she can really love him. I’ve been listening to ‘If I Can’t Love Her’ and the reprise all morning.”

“You just picked up the soundtrack today? Any reason?” 

“Janet, my new EP took all of us last night. She has a sister or something. Can we get back to my question? Am I capable of loving someone?”

When Will went silent Abe took a deep breath. Dr. Habib had a lot of things he wanted to say, and tried to find the right way to start. “Do you know why Beast didn’t think he could love?”

“He was hideous. The witch made him hideous. Why would he risk friendships or relationships when everyone would run away from him?”

Abe shook his head. “The way he looked didn’t make him unable to love. In fact, by the time they hit ‘Something There’, he was in love, wasn’t he? It had nothing to do with how he looked. He sabotaged his happiness because of the guilt and shame that kept him cloistered in his castle. It was that he wouldn’t take the chance to see what was out there.” Abe looked at Will who uncharacteristically had his head down contemplating what Abe said. “He didn’t think he was worthy of love because of the things in his past. The choices he made, the way he was raised. But the message of the show was that he is. He is, Will. What did you tell her that night at the bar?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Come on Will, don’t fuck around with me because you don’t like being this vulnerable.”

Will put his head back down. “I know what I said. Can you just make your damn point?”

“You told her that you fucked up every relationship that you have, but you didn’t want to fuck up with her because she believed in you for no reason.”

“I’m talented, that’s why she believed in me.”

“That’s not it, Will. Your talent may have been the thing that she noticed first, but she’s spent a lot of time with you away from your talent.”

“Then why does she want to see him? I’ve tried to be romantic and be the perfect boyfriend for her. Why does she still want him?”

“The beast learned that he could love, that he was capable.”

Will thought about it. “But it wasn’t enough. It didn’t mean anything until she loved him back.”

“And she didn’t love him back because he put on a show or because of how romantic he acted. You don’t want to fuck things up with her because you want her to see you the way you see her.”

“As someone I might be able to one day love?”

Abe smiled. “What did you just say about her? She’s beautiful, passionate and won’t take shit from anyone.”

“I said that about Belle. And those things are uniquely Mac. I don’t think she needs to say those things about me.”

“Maybe not those words, but you want her to earn her respect and you want to impress her. Don’t you?”

Will shrugged his shoulders. “I wouldn’t turn it down.”

Abe thought through what he remembered from the show. He took his son to see it a few months ago. “The song, ‘If I Can’t Love Her’, at the end of the first act leaves Beast saying that he’s not capable of loving. So what about the reprise? What’s going on there?”

Will took a second to think about it. He wanted to figure out where Abe was going. “Belle just went back to the village to save her father and Beast misses her.”

“Does he miss her, or does he think this means the end of any chance of getting his old body back?”

Will just about jumped out of his chair. “He misses her! He doesn’t give a damn about his body anymore, he can’t imagine life without her anymore. He doesn’t want a life that doesn’t include her.”

Dr. Habib started circling his point. “Do you think Belle intended on coming back?”

“The show doesn’t say, but I guess so, she was pretty desperate to save him.”

“So, she must have found something to love in him. This beast who had hidden himself in his castle for decades, scared to face people or to try to find the one thing that would save him. The beast who pushed everyone away. He opened himself up just a little bit and found that he was capable of loving someone enough to let her go. And then he sang the reprise. And what was the theme of that?”

Will looked down. “I don’t know.”

Abe thought about how much he wanted to give Will and how much Will should discover on his own. “Belle made him a better man, but he thought that he was still unlovable. He no longer cared that he could love, but now he wanted to be lovable. If she ends up with her ex –“

“That shithead.”

“Sure, the shithead. If she goes back to the shithead, Will, it doesn’t mean that you’re unlovable.”

Will felt very uncomfortable. “So I’m just supposed to believe that I am? My father, the man who is supposed to teach me how to be a man beat the shit out of all of us. If I learned that from him…”

“You didn’t Will. You have a lot of faults, but that’s not one of them. Now if you want to talk about why your mom or dad didn’t love you.” Abe looked at Will and debated with himself about whether or not he should push further. He didn’t know when Will would let him go this deep again. “If you never hear another thing I say, hear this. Based on what you’ve told me, your mom loved you, she just wasn’t strong enough to defend you. And your father was sick. It’s not an excuse for him, but his illness doesn’t reflect on you.”

Will stood up to leave. “I appreciate your time Abe.”

“Will, you said she wants to get closure, right? She’s not going to get back with him; she just wants him to say certain things. Don’t hide back in your castle, Will. You are capable of loving her and you are lovable.”

Will thought for a second. “You think I should go to Lala Land and see her?”

Abe spent a second replaying what he just said to find where Will got that. “NO! She needs to deal with this herself and come back to you on her terms. When I said don’t hide in your castle, I meant, don’t turn yourself off.” Even with Will’s back to the doctor, Abe could tell Will was thinking about it. “Do not go to LA.” 

“I can’t anyway, I have to work today and tomorrow. Janet wants me at the office the next few days to help make decisions about the show.” Abe gave a silent sigh of relief. Will chuckled. “Mackenzie said you’re going to have to medicate me through my show.”

“What?” 

“She said that once I started my show I would become so addicted to the audience’s love that when ratings went down, I would need to be medicated. Unless I had a girlfriend that could talk me down.”

Abe allowed himself a chuckle, he thought it might make Will more comfortable. “Even with a girlfriend, I’m sure I will have to increase your meds. But not today, Will.”

Will got serious again. “What happens if she does get back with the shithead and the audience doesn’t love me?”

“Will, I don’t give a fuck about ratings or even what Mackenzie says when she gets back. We’ll deal with those things if they happen. You will only be the beast if you allow it.”

Will nodded his head and left. Dr. Habib sat back in his chair taking some notes. He shot up a prayer that whatever was happening in LA, Mackenzie wouldn’t come back and break Will’s heart. He genuinely wanted Will to find someone to love who would deserve him.


	17. It's In His Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac returns home.

Will tossed and turned all night. Mac did as she promised, she texted him from her hotel after the plane landed and gave him her return flight information. And he didn’t hear from her since. He didn’t expect to, but he wondered how her speech and panelwent. But he mostly wanted to know what happened with Brian. Has she seen him? Are they back together? He got used to hearing about big things from her immediately or telling her about them immediately so this waiting felt wrong. And uncomfortable. He didn’t like this. He wanted to hear that her speech went well and he was afraid that if she hasn’t called him to say so or to say that she talked to Brian, he wouldn’t like what she said when she got back. 

Will looked at his clock, 6:30. Janet wanted him at the office at 8 so he better get up. He went through his morning routine with a basketball replay on for background noise. He kind of relished not having to listen to the yammering on the morning show anymore. He just got dressed and started drinking his second cup of coffee when the doorbell rang. He looked at his watch and saw that he needs to leave soon, so he grabbed his briefcase as he walked to the door. 

“Whoever the fuck it is, I don’t need to be converted to your religion.”

When he opened the door, he didn't see her, he only felt her grab him and her lips moving under his. It even took a second to register what was happening, but when he did, he smiled into her kiss and kissed her back. Eventually he broke the kiss and just stared at her with a goofy grin. 

“That’s what I thought.” Will had no idea what Mac meant and he didn’t have any time to figure out it before she pulled his head down to her again, this time for just a couple pecks on the lips. “You’re the better man and the better man for me. I have no doubt about it.” 

This time Will planted a kiss on her. When he broke away, he smiled at her. “You came back!”

“Of course I did! I have to work and I needed to see you.” Will’s hands were still around Mac’s waist and she leaned her forehead against his shoulder, not wanting to break their contact. “I thought making out with you at your place would be better than at the airport.” 

“You really underestimate the romantic possibilities of an airport.”

Mac laughed, “no, I just like having the options of comfortable furniture available.” Will shifted his position so he could walk her inside, still not breaking contact. “I know you need to go to work, but I found out the Cornhuskies are playing Yale tomorrow and wanted to know if you want to go. If you don’t have other plans.”

“The who?”

“The Nebraska Cornhuskies. Aren’t they your team?”

Will laughed and kissed her temple. “The Cornhuskers.”

“What the hell is a cornhusker?”

“A step up from the Bugeaters.” Mac gave him a questioning look. “To husk corn means that you take the outside layers of the corn off. Iowa kinda used it for a little while before they became the Buckeye…. What did you think a cornhuskie was, a dog that moves corn on a sled?”

“It makes more sense than a Cornhusker.” 

Will laughed at her and they sat on the couch with his arm possessively around her. He gave her another kiss. “So you got tickets to the Nebraska/Yale game and want to take me. Have you ever watched a football game?”

“Yes. I know all about American football.”

“I can’t wait to hear what you know about it.”

Mac started feeling a little self-conscious. “Don’t you have to go to work?”

“I can be a couple minutes late. Janet wants us to decide on our set. I don’t have an opinion.”

“Who’s Janet?”

“My EP. Janet Gleason.”

Mac laughed at him. “Not even close. Mary Goodman.”

Will looked at her confused. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am. I’m supposed to meet with her when I get back. I may schedule that later today.” Will watched what he could only assume was Mac making a mental note. “Don’t let her put in a window to the newsroom. I know it’s all the rage right now, but it’s just distracting and it’s going to end with some horndog writing fan fiction about the blonde in the yellow sweater.”

Will didn’t know for sure what she was talking about. “There’s a blonde in a yellow sweater?”

“Not literally a blonde in a yellow sweater, but people on the internet will start writing about people they see.”

“They do things like that?” Will knew he would never understand technology. “Can I use that as my opinion? Janet seems to think I should have some like Preston has.”

“Oh God, what kinds of opinions does he have?”

Will groaned, “He composed his own jingle for the news.” Mac’s mouth hung open. “That was everyone’s reaction.”

Mac shook her head out of what her imagination conjured up and stood, taking Will’s hand with her. “You need to get to work, but you haven’t answered my question yet. Do you have plans tomorrow or do I need to find some other guy to take to this game?”

Will smiled at her and tugged her back to sit next to him. “I have a few minutes before I have to leave. And as it turns out I did have plans, but since you’re here now, I don’t have to fly to LA tonight.”

Mac sat down, surprised. “You were going to LA?”

“I didn’t want to be stuck in my castle.”

Mac wanted to say something, but she really had no idea what he meant. “What?”

“Just something I watched the other night. So yes, I will cancel my ticket and take you to see the Cornhuskers soundly beat the Yale Bulldogs. But now, I want to know what happened. Not that I didn’t enjoy opening the door to you,” Will gave her another quick kiss. “But I really want to know what changed your mind.”

“I don’t think I changed my mind as much as I realized what I always knew.” Will kept looking at her with a look of expectation. “It’s kind of a long story.”

“I would expect nothing less.”

“If you need to meet Mary, maybe we can do dinner and I can tell you about it? We can order something and stay in.” Mac scooted in a little closer to him and squeezed his thigh. 

“Mary’s my… EP, right?”

“Yes. And she is very good. Don’t scare her away.”

“She’s not the best and I want the best.” Will kissed the top of Mac’s head. “And I don’t think I can do dinner tonight. We’re still having formatting meetings and whatever her name is keeps trying to make the staff bond so I’ve been out pretty late every night this week.”

“That’s a really good idea. You and Preston need to have chemistry if you’re going to share a news desk.”

Will rolled his eyes when he heard Preston’s name. “He wants us to call him Hank again. But only when we’re not on air.”

Mac laughed. “How do you remember his names?”

“He keeps reminding us. He tells us his name and that he likes tractor pulls. He wants to do features across the country where he will do Man on the Street interviews to introduce the topic we’re debating. He says I’ll be the “info” and he’ll be the “tainment” in our partnership.”

“It’s not a terrible idea. I mean it is, every single word of that is terrible. I wouldn’t do anything like it because I have too much respect for the news. But this might not be a bad role for him. I hear that marketing can do great things. If they can spin it for new news watchers. That could be your key demo. What kind of publicity –“ Mac caught herself and stopped. “I watched several things that Mary’s produced. She’s really good and I really think that she’s going to do well with your show.”

“We don’t have to talk about my show if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Mac gave him another peck on the lips and smiled. “I really enjoy doing that.” Will smiled back at her. “And it’s okay to talk about your show, I just want to make sure I’m letting her be your EP. Just like I need to EP my show, which I should probably observe tonight.” 

Will felt Mac shift in his arms. When he looked down at her, he saw that her eyes were half shut. “You sure you’ll be able to stay awake for that?”

“I’ll go home and take a nap. I just wanted to stop by here and make sure. You know, you’re going to need two EPs and a psychiatrist to get you through.”

Will looked at her with a huge smile on his face. “Two EPs?”

“Well yes, one that will run your show and… your girlfriend to keep you from obsessing over the audience.”

For an instant, Mac noticed that Will had a panicked look on his face before he cupped her face in his hand and kissed her. “Is that what you are? My girlfriend?”

Mac decided to step this conversation back. “We can decide that later. For right now you need to know that I thought a lot about you on my trip and that I want what I think you want, but it scares the hell out of me.”

“What are you afraid of? You’ve done this before.”

Mac shook her head. “You’re not the only one that’s fucked up relationships.”

“Hey, hey, Brian is a shithead who was never good enough for you.”

“He wasn’t always and I wasn’t completely innocent. Will, I like that you’re interested in the things I’m passionate about. But I don’t think I was interested in his interests. I didn’t support him the way you support me. And I’m afraid that when the newness of… whatever this is wears off, we’ll…”

Will chuckled at her. “No, Mac. We’re not going to be an old married couple before you turn 40.”

“Hey, I’m not even thirty yet.”

“You’re 33. You told me that and I’ve done research on you.” Will got serious. “So, what happened?”

“It’s stupid. You don’t need to hear this. I want you. There’s no doubt in my mind.”

Will scooted over on the couch and pulled her into his chest. “Mackenzie Morgan McHale, you are the most brilliant person I know. Other than thinking the Nebraska mascot is a dog, nothing you can say to me will ever sound stupid.” Mac gave him a little slap. Will gave her a small peck on the lips.

Mac smiled. “That’s the difference. I went to the conference and remembered writing my speech many years ago while Brian watched a game. It was the first time I gave a keynote address. I asked Brian for his opinions but he never looked up from the game. I had this secret hope that he would come see the speech and congratulate me after. I looked for him and he never came. When I got home, he was asleep and never asked how it went.”

“I’m sorry Mac. I couldn’t get away from work.”

Mac laughed. “Will, it didn’t mean anything to me this time, except that after the speech was over, my first instinct was to call you and tell you how it went because I thought you would want to know.”

“I wish you would have because I did want to know.”

Mac twined their fingers together and burrowed her head deeper in his chest. “I know. I didn’t want to call until I knew for sure.”

“And at this point you still weren’t?”

“I don’t know if it makes sense, but, I needed to see Brian. I needed to have that closure. So I went to the apartment the next day, first thing in the morning. I knew what time he usually goes to work so I thought I’d intercept him on his way out.”

“You’re getting good at that.” Mac smiled up at him.

“While driving over the radio played that Bette Midler song, ‘It’s In His Kiss.’”

“Actually that was Cher. And a bunch of other people. Linda Ronstandt, Betty Everet, Merry Clayton. There may be others.”

Mac shot his a disbelieving look. “Are you done correcting me, I’d like to finish my story.” Will nodded his head. “I got there and I was going to follow her advice, just knock on the door and plant a kiss on him. But before I could, the door opened. I saw her, I didn’t know her but I watched him kiss her goodbye and I realized that in 7 years he never did that with me. Something so simple. I guess she saw me watching them so she asked if she could help me. I was stunned for a second. I looked at Brian and was actually repulsed. Brian introduced me as a friend from college and I was so mad that I almost went up to him then and planted one on him to make him have to explain it. But the idea just made me sick so I acted surprised he was in the building and asked for directions to a place on the other side. And then I left and got the first flight after the conference.”

Will looked her in the eye. “Are you okay?”

Mac pulled his head down to hers again and gave him another lazy kiss. “It’s in your kiss.”

Will leaned in for another kiss, this one a little needy as he explored the inside of her mouth with his tongue. When the broke apart, both panting and smiling at each other, Will took a second and said, “yes to the game. I don’t remember if I said that yet or not. But I want to spend tomorrow with you and if you don’t mind watching football, even better. Unfortunately no to dinner tonight, I don’t know when I’ll be home and after flying 12 hours in the last two and a half days, you are exhausted.” Will stood up and pulled her with him. They held hands as they walked to his door. He picked up his briefcase as they exited. They walked to the elevator and while the elevator brought them down to the ground floor he said, “I’ll call you later about when I’ll be by to pick you up. We’ll make a day of it, and then, well, pack an overnight bag. I’m not going to want to be more than 100 feet from you until we leave for work on Monday.” When the elevator door opened, they walked to the exterior door and he gave her another quick kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	18. In the Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac realizes too late that she had it all.

Mac went home and slept for several hours after visiting with Will.  When she woke up she didn’t feel like the sleep did much good, but it didn’t bother her, she thought about Will and their date.  And their morning.  If she had any question in her mind about whether she made the right choice, this morning confirmed it.  She wanted to be with him and she couldn’t wait for tomorrow.  He had put so much thought into the dates he planned that she wanted to put in the same effort, let him know that she appreciated what he’s done for her.  And a college football game seemed like the perfect way to show him. 

She lay in bed smiling at her achievement, when all of a sudden she realized that she doesn’t understand a single thing about football.  She watched clips of games on the plane back, but then she fell asleep.  So her knowledge was basically that the two teams stagger themselves on a line until someone yells “Omaha” and then they run at each other and someone tries to carry a ball as far as possible before getting knocked on his ass.  She wanted to impress him with some knowledge of the game, she wanted to wipe that perma-smug look off his face.  She didn’t have a lot to do at work today, so she could find something online to get her through the game.  How hard could it be?

The office, she had to check in with the office.  Well, she really didn’t have to.  Since she planned to stay in LA for a few more days, no one expected her, but the professional side of her thought this would be a good time to put a few hours in and get caught up on email and other small projects.  She also thought visiting her newsroom and meeting some people couldn’t hurt. 

When she got to her office she remembered that Will’s EP wanted to meet with her when she got back.  She wondered what that was about since by this point Mary has worked with Will and Preston more than Mac did.  At least in a professional capacity, she smiled to herself.  Mac wondered how much longer just thinking about Will would make her giddy.  Mac called Mary and it just happened that Mary could come down now.  Since Mac didn’t have an agenda, she agreed.   Mary knocked on Mac’s door and then walked in.  “Mary, good afternoon.”  Mac held out her hand and Mary sat down forcing Mac to do the same.

“I’m going to get right to the point.  I want you as my Senior Producer.  I know it’s a step down for you, but I’m sure you know that in 6 months Will is going to be Managing Editor and the first thing he’s going to do is fire me and reject anyone as EP that isn’t you.  Joining me will make that transition easy.”

Mac was a little surprised.  “Are things going bad between you and Will?”

“Nothing that I can’t handle, but he’s made it clear that he thought you were the only person for this position and told me that he intends to fire me at his first chance.  He told me not to be offended.”

“Are you?”

Mary rolled her eyes.  She didn’t want a conversation about this, she wanted Mac to agree and that be the end of the discussion.  “He hadn’t worked with me yet, so it had nothing to do with the job I did.  The crew that worked with you during the auditions have been quoting you and he’s made it clear that he wants to use your philosophy of news as our guiding principle.  It makes sense to bring you on.  The anchor wants you, the producers respect you.”

Mac hadn’t expected any of this and she wasn’t exactly sure what to think about it.  Will wanted her in his newsroom, that didn’t come as a surprise.  And he’s used to getting what he wants.  And he’s been known to run over people who don’t give him what he wants.  It’s a personality flaw that she really doesn’t want to take on right now.  On the other hand, it felt good that the producers wanted her and her ideas.  She had made the impression on them that she wanted to and now her ideas would become the foundation of a show.  This almost seemed too good to be true.  She wanted this show and this was a way to get it.  Not as the EP out of the gate, but if Will planned to oust Mary as soon as possible, this plan made a lot of sense.  But something was wrong and she couldn’t put her finger on it.   

When Mac didn’t answer right away, Mary and continued.  “Look, we all know that there’s something going on between you and Will.  I saw the day he declared his intention to not touch you with a 10 foot pole.  I don’t know why you apparently forgave him, but you did.  If you two broke up during the first 6 months of the show, it’ll be easy for you to get on a different show.  If your relationship goes past that point, then at least this crew will know more went into your promotion than fucking your way to the top.”

Mac tried to hide her disappointment.  She had no intention of fucking her way to EP or anywhere else.  She earned the role.  “Is that what people really think of me?”

Mary gave her a look of disbelief.  “I’ve watched your work too, you do good work.  Your credentials are impeccable.  I don’t know why they didn’t give you the show in the first place, but who knows how these decisions are made.  I never thought you would be this naïve.  Do the math Mac.  He made that pronouncement like some lovesick fool who protests too much and then all of sudden no one sees any of his dates come through.  But we see you and him in each other’s offices more than needed to put together 3 hours of news over 2 weeks.  You haven’t been all that covert.”

“And we haven’t been fucking each other.”

“Look, no one on my show cares what your relationship is.  They seem to like the more relaxed and engaged Will.  And we need that version of him to carry this show because goddamned if Preston won’t be able to.  I wish they put in Will’s contract that he can’t take a vacation for the first 6 months, until we can ship Preston onto another show.  And then you’ll get the real show that you want.”

Shit!  This isn’t what Mac wanted.  She doesn’t want to be seen as the EP that’s fucking her anchor to get or keep her job.  She wants Will, she wants to be part of his life.  She wants his show, her show, the one that she created.  But she doesn’t want people to ever think about how she got it.  She earned the show, but all anyone will ever think is that she rode Will to her position.  And if they do break up, what does that do to her career?

“I don’t have a lot of time to wait on an answer.  Preston wanted to do a team building scavenger hunt and everyone should come back soon.  And even if they don’t, I need to work on the backdrop.  Thank you by the way for telling Will to not use a window.  Preston was about to win that debate, though I think I could have gotten Will to take that stand by telling him what Preston’s opinion was.  However, you giving him a reason put it over the top.  That was you, wasn’t it?”

Mac’s head was swimming, she had no idea what Mary was talking about.  “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“You have good instincts and this crew already respects you no matter what’s happening between you and Will.  I will have the EP title, so I will have to run Will, but I’ll let you run Preston and give you a show a week that you can run completely.  It gets you in on the ground floor and lets you pad your reel no matter what happens between you and Will.  Let me know by the end of the day.  And come out for drinks with us after work.  First round’s on me and the group would love to see you.”

“I don’t think I can do this.”

“Well, if you can’t go for drinks, don’t worry about it.”

“No, the Senior Producer role.  I can’t take it.  I earned my place here.  I worked my ass off to earn my place and I deserve it.  And I have been too careful in my personal life to let anyone ever think that I got here any other way.”

Mary could see Mac getting angry.  “You don’t have to convince me.  I’m going to be fired in 6 months.  But, if I were you, I would be careful about being seen with Will, especially here.  If you want to manage a bunch of partisans yelling at each other to prove yourself, go ahead.  Just don’t let anyone here have reason to think you and Will are anything besides colleagues.  Go out, have a good time.  He needs that.  But not here.  I’m not trying to be bitch, I think you have a lot of talent and I would give anything to be part of what you wanted to do with this show.  But I don’t think I’ll get that chance.”

Mac nodded her head as Mary left the office.

*** *** ***

Mac walked next door to the office where, Brian Morgan, the current _Crossfire_ EP resides.  She talked to Brian a couple times before going to LA and she was going to spend the week with him transitioning the show.  She tapped on his door and waited for him to invite her in.  “Mackenzie!  I didn’t expect you back until Monday.  What are you doing here?”

“I came back early and wanted to know if I could just observe tonight, get a preview of how the magic happens.”  She needed to be in a control room, now more than ever.  For Scarlett O’Hara Tara gave her power, put things in perspective.  That’s what a control room did for Mac.  If she had to prove that she earned this, she would do it in a control room. 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.  This is my last show and, well, you know.”

“Of course.  I’ll see you Monday.”

Mac had run out of things to do.  She went back to her office and sat in her chair looking around.  She pulled up her email and saw the confirmation for tomorrow’s Cornhusker’s game and smiled.  Part of her thought she should be less giddy about this.  Her relationship with Will could cost her her career.  But, she didn’t care – or maybe that’s wrong, she does care, she worked hard to get where she is and she doesn’t want to lose that because of some man that she’s known for a month.  But she kept smiling because she knew that this man was worth it.  He was worth taking a chance on. 

Mac grabbed her phone and texted Will. 

Mac:  Haven’t heard from you yet?  What does Preston have you doing today?  
Will:  At Union Station looking for a clue on a fucking scavenger hunt he set up.   
Mac:  That sounds like… fun? :)  
Mac:  Need some help?  Or relief?  We can find somewhere to meet that has nothing to do with his game and get some food until you have to go back.  
Will:  Can’t, he made himself my partner, so he’s watching me and saying hot or cold since he knows where he put the clues.  
Mac:  Oh, God. LOL!  
Mac:  LOL!  
Mac:  There’s no way to shake him?  
Will:  I’ve been trying for two hours.  But it’s good to hear from you.  I’m looking forward to tomorrow.  
Mac:  Me too.  Hurry up and find your clues so you can make the arrangements.  I have certain expectations.  
Will:  You asked me out, why do I have to impress you this time?  
Mac:  Because you said you would.  And it’s always a good idea to impress me.  
Will:  Have I ever disappointed?  
Mac:  Well….  
Will:  A picture perfect picnic and winetasting.  A night with Leonard Cohen with a bonus serenade.  I think I’ve been pretty perfect.   It’s you who needs to impress me this time.  
Will:  Mac?  
Will:  MaaAAAaaac  
Mac:  Still here.  And I’m with you, that should be impressive enough.   
Will:  More than I could ever ask for.   
Will:  Preston is starting to contort a little since I sat down.  I better go.  I’ll call later with an itinerary that will impress your ass off.

Mac smiled.  Yep, she made the right choice.  Years later, she would think back to this day, and the momentary panic she felt over what this relationship could do to her reputation and her career and realize that it didn’t matter.  It didn’t happen.  Her future boss would suggest that she brought out the best in Will, but the truth was he brought out the best in her.  And in the future when she only had memories and regrets about this time, she would think back to this moment and realize that if she hadn’t already been in love with him, this was it, this was the moment that she chose him as the person who she wanted for the rest of her life.  This was the moment she fell in love.  She wouldn’t admit that to him until after they were married, it would just confuse what happened.  She didn’t know in the moment, only after.  If only she had recognized it in the moment.  Mac didn’t have many regrets in her life, but not figuring that out early enough topped her list. 


	19. Savoring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching the Cornhuskers play may have been her idea, but it was Will's perfect date and he wanted to make sure that Mac enjoyed herself too.

Will stood outside Mac’s building staring at his watch until exactly 9AM.  He was anxious to see her, but thought that women typically need all the time they can get to be ready for a date.  At least that’s what TV suggested.  Will had the idea that Mac would need extra time today because despite her claims to the contrary, he knew she didn’t know a thing about what to expect.  Despite the short notice, he tried to think of everything, this may have been her idea, but it was his perfect date and he wanted to make sure that she enjoyed it too. 

When his watch struck 9, he buzzed her door.  Immediately she told him to come up and opened the exterior door.  When she greeted him at the door he smiled at her and gave her a kiss.  Then he saw that she was in jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt.  “You may want to put on another layer.  It’s pretty cold outside and even if the crowd is shoulder to shoulder, the stadium won’t be that warm.”  Then he produced an old, beat up jersey.  “If you want, I’d like you to wear this.”

Mac took the shirt and investigated it.  His name was on the back.  “You didn’t play football in college, did you?”

“No, you had to be humongous and have sawdust for brains to play for Nebraska.  But, there was a tradition that you would have a personalized jersey made and let your date wear it to games.”

“A kind of public branding them as yours?”

“I like to think of it as an acknowledgement that this is the person you want to spend the day… and night with.”

Mac smiled.  “Okay, you win that one.”  Mac took the jersey and put it on over her shirt.  “So are we ready to go or do you have to do some sort of tribal dance for your team’s success?”

“No dance, but there will be chanting at the tailgate.  And you do have to participate to really get into the spirit of the game.”

“I will yell so loud that their… guy who hikes the ball will hear me in the… place where he…”

Will laughed at how cute she is and gave her a kiss.  “It’s okay Mac.  You don’t have to scream, save your voice for later.  Just go and have fun.”

“I’m going to be with you.  How can it be anything but?”

The day went about like expected.  Will got an SUV for the drive and they had an engaging conversation that at times bordered on ridiculous.  During some of the more serious parts, he learned that she had never been a cheerleader in part because she has a bit of a clumsy streak and in part because she never knew if she’d stay somewhere long enough to finish out a season.  She was in an American school her sophomore year, but not until the end of October, so she all but missed football season.  Her team made it to the playoffs, so her first week in school she got to see a pep rally and then her team lost on the road.  Will was shocked that this would be her first football game. 

Will told her about some of his experiences as quarterback.  Mac was quick to remember what she learned about the different positions last night.  She told him she was impressed that he led the offense.  Will held back a chuckle, he’d never heard football talk sound so formal.  He explained that his school was real small so they were selected by their size.  Will was almost too tall to be QB, coach wanted him to try running back or wide receiver.  But he was smart, so coach let him have the ball. 

“I guess all the girls wanted to get with the quarterback.”

Will shrugged his shoulders.  “When you grow up in a farm community and have the same 15 kids throughout school, no one cares.  Besides, I graduated at 15 and barely knew what to do with a girl.”

“You dad didn’t teach you?  My dad tried to teach Simon how to date.  My sister Katie used to tell all Simon’s dates about that disaster.”

Will took a second to think about what to say.  “Dad spent a lot of time in the field.  We didn’t talk much.” 

Mac recognized that there was a weird shift in the discussion, but after Will took a deep breath, he started talking again about his college years.  He enjoyed those years and the freedom he had.  Not only was he the first in his family to graduate, but he did so with honors and could go anywhere he wanted.  He chose Columbia for law school because when he visited the east coast he loved the energy in New York City.  He thought it was a place he could call home for a long time.  And then he never looked back. 

“But you go back for holidays, don’t you?”

This was not where Will wanted this conversation to go.  She didn’t need to know about his fucked up family.  “We try to get together.  This year we probably won’t with the new show, I’m going to want to be here.  What about you?  Will you go home?”

“Usually we figure out who is where in the world and celebrate regionally.  We don’t always celebrate Thanksgiving.”

“Obviously.”

“So on Christmas, depending on who’s stateside and what side of the state, I’ll figure out who to celebrate with.”

Will smiled at her.  Finally, they were back to a place he was comfortable.  “Well, I’ll make sure you’re not all alone on Thanksgiving or Christmas.  If you decide you want to come over, I’ll make sure there’s something good to eat.”

“So this is a preamble to a day of college football?”

Will laughed, “How many times do I have to remind you, you got these tickets.  I would have suggested walking around the city or something.  Maybe even taking you shoe shopping.”

“Now you tell me.  Okay, from now on, you get to plan our Saturdays.”

Will looked at her and got more serious.  “I really appreciate this.”

“You’re welcome.”

When the pair got to the game, Will insisted on getting Mac’s face painted scarlet and cream.  She agreed only if he did so as well.  Their matching face paint, which they thought looked more red and white, made them fit in with the rest of the tailgaters better, even if they were a little bit older than most.  Will predicted correctly that Mac had reservations about eating hot dogs and hamburgers, but she was a good sport and ate, then stole chips from his plate.  When the fans huddled up and started yelling out cheers before going into the stadium, Mac joined them as loud as she could, much to Will’s amusement. 

The game itself wasn’t great.  It was a lopsided victory for the Huskers.  Throughout the first half, Mac would guess the play, and Will gently corrected her.  Will noticed in about the middle of the second quarter that she had a pretty good handle on play calling.  By the end of intermission, Will had them wrapped up in a blanket and Will smiled when he realized that she felt comfortable picking at the nachos that she insisted she didn’t want.  In the middle of the third quarter, Mac put her hand in Will’s jeans pocket for warmth, which Will didn’t mind.  The arm that Will had around Mac moved down and before Mac knew it, his hand was under her shirt and snaking around to her stomach.  Mac decided that her hand would be warmer under the waistband of his jeans and she grabbed his ass.  Meanwhile, Will’s hand had travelled across her back to her stomach and began moving up to tease just under her bra.  Mac used her other hand explore Will’s chest and when he started playing wither her nipples, her hand started travelling down to his pants.  Will began to lean in for a kiss when the fans around them jumped up and cheered, nearly knocking Mac out of her seat.  Will caught her and held her close. 

By the end of the third quarter, neither were paying attention to the game, which was for all intents and purposes had finished.  When they started making out, a fan behind told them to get a room.  Will took her hand in his and leaned over to her.  “We could do that, but, I don’t want to deny you any part of your first football game.”

Mac shook her head.  “I think I really understand the game now.  We don’t have to stay on my account.”  Will patted her hands as the quarterback threw a bomb down the field for a 60 yard touchdown.  Will jumped up and cheered with the Husker faithful.  Mac joined to keep in the spirit. 

At the end of the game, Will told her that they couldn’t go back to his place yet, dinner wouldn’t be ready, so he suggested finding a park and he’d teach her to throw a perfect spiral.  She teased him about being too old to remember, but Will let her know that he could throw just like he did when he was 15.  When they arrived, he told her he wanted to take a few “practice throws” and sent her away to catch.  He kept telling her to go further and further until she was a dot 60 yards away.  He then went on to brag about the 75 yard touchdown pass that sealed the win for his school in his last game.  He didn’t know if she could hear him, but before throwing he yelled, “Ready?”  She replied the same and he let the ball fly.  And it went… about 30 yards.  Mac took great joy in running it back to him and said, “75 yard bomb, eh?  You sure that wasn’t a fishing story?”

“I’ll google it for you.”

Will took the ball and showed her how to hold the football and with some more realistic expectations, they threw the ball back and forth, Mac getting better each time.

“I’m starting to get pretty good at this.  Maybe I can be the NFL’s first female quarterback.”

Will laughed at her.  “I wouldn’t sign anything yet, Peyton.  You need to be able to throw more than 10 feet away.”  Will shook his head.  “Tomorrow we’re going to order pizza and watch football games all afternoon.  Or there’s this movie that we can watch.  Have you ever seen _Rudy_?”

They continued throwing the ball back and forth while Will explained the movie to her and she tried to act interested.  She enjoyed seeing another thing that he loves.  She realized that while the things she loves are things she can think about and influence, for him it’s the things that he can go out and do.  When he finished talking about the movie, she watched him set his feet and she ran at him yelling, “Sack!”  She put her shoulder down so it hit his stomach and he lost his balance enough to fall with her landing on top of him. 

“No competitor in the history of football has ever yelled their intention to sack the quarterback.” 

“Hmmm, mmmm.  I just wanted to give you some notice because I didn’t want to injure anything before we got back.  By the way, when are we going back to your place?” He rolled them over so that he was on top and kissed her, which she returned.  As the kiss started to escalate, Will reminded himself that they were in public and he had better plans for tonight.  He eventually rolled off her, still holding her hand, and looked at his watch.  It was still a little early, but he took her back to the car and decided to take the long way home.  He enjoyed the simple pleasure of talking to her and didn’t think either would tire of that.  Will asked her what she thought about the game.  She told him she enjoyed it, but especially enjoyed watching with him.  Then suggested that one day maybe they could watch polo.  He laughed at her and asked if she ever played.  No, but she was a bit of an equestrian growing up.  Will cut off her descriptions of ride a horse before she got too carried away. 

When they arrived at his place, he walked in first to make sure everything was ready.  When he let her in and she was drawn to the beautiful table that was set.  “Will!”

He smiled at her.  “You said you wanted to be impressed.”

Mac used his bathroom to change into something that better matched the dinner he had arranged while Will lit the candles and turned on some smooth jazz before freshening up himself.  They enjoyed a gourmet meal prepared perfectly.  During dinner, Mac ran her foot up Will’s leg and Will scooted his chair over a little to squeeze her leg.  Mac took his arm and with the tip of her finger drew patterns on his forearm.  He leaned over and kissed her, then asked if she wanted anymore… dinner.   Her hands were feeling his chest when she said no.  He smiled as he let her know they could take care of the plates later.  He stood up and took her hand.  When she stood with him, he kissed her passionately, relishing the feeling of having her so close.  She immediately reached down for his zipper and he took her hands to stop her. 

She backed away from him, frustrated.  “What the fuck is wrong now?  You keep acting like you want this, but every time you back off.”  She saw Will smiling, almost laughing at her.  “Is this what you do?  You tease women.  Do you get off on that?”

“Mackenzie.  Mackenzie, look at me.” He took her hand.  “I’m not trying to tease you or drive you insane.  I just want to go slow this time.  I’ve had the opportunity to savor getting to know you and I want to savor this part too.  I want to slowly undress you and take my time exploring every inch and crevice of your body with my hands and my mouth and my tongue.  I want to fall asleep with you wrapped around me and I want to give you a kiss when we wake up.  I want to make breakfast and then spend the day doing whatever you want to do.  We can have a hot fuck later, but getting to know you slowly has worked so far, why should this be any different?”

Mac thought about what he said.  It’s never been like this for her and it made her a little nervous.  He had some serious expectations and she didn’t know if she could live up to them.  He stepped closer to her and whispered in her ear, “Trust me Mackenzie.”  She nodded her agreement and kissed him.  It was a slow, exploratory kiss.  Once he finished his thorough investigation of her mouth, he moved down across her jaw and to her neck.  He offered her his neck and she got to his collarbone before she met the material of his shirt.  She looked at him, silently asking for permission before she slowly unbuttoned the shirt, revealing the chest she’d imagined for weeks.  Once she had opened it up, she skimmed over his chest with her hands and kissed each of his nipples which he rewarded with a groan.  She walked around him taking the shirt off as she went, touching his back and then back to his stomach before he took off her shirt revealing the skin he played with earlier but didn’t get to see.  He looked her over appreciatively before touching, first with his fingers, then his open mouth and finally his tongue.  He purposely avoided her perfect, perky breasts that were still hidden behind her lace bra. 

Next their pants came off and Mac could see the magnificent bulge he had between his legs.  When she went to explore that, he stopped her.  “I don’t want this over too fast.”

Mac laughed as he laid kisses on her panty line.  “Believe me, no one is going to accuse you of being too fast.”

With that, he stood and picked her up.  She wrapped her legs around his waist and she kissed him hungrily.  He laid her on the bed and then laid next to her.  Her took her hand, twining their fingers together.  He took a second to just look at her. Finally she broke the silence.  “It’s never been like this for me.”

“Me either.”  He kissed her gently at first, but the kiss became more urgent.  They tried to stay measured as the last of their clothes came off and were thrown around the bedroom.  When he tested her, she was ready so he slowly entered her and stopped, letting her adjust.  He looked down at her and she smiled at him, feeling completely safe, knowing that he would take care of her.  And he did. 

When they finished, she cuddled next to him putting her head on his shoulder and draping her arm and leg across his chest. He put his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.  They lay like that until they fell asleep, neither knowing what to say.  The next morning he woke up first and watched her sleep, content to see her shoulders rhythmically moving up and down.  When she stirred and looked up at him he smiled and moved his head to kiss her.  In his fantasy of this moment, he forgot about morning breath, but he was okay with it and she didn’t say anything. 

He made her breakfast and they spent a lazy morning at his place with the TV on, though neither knew what they were watching.  In the afternoon, they walked around the city, hand in hand.  He took her to dinner and back to his place where things were just as passionate, but a little more frenzied.  On Monday morning they went to work together.  He made sure to kiss her goodbye in the cab and she let go of his hand when they entered the building.  It was the first of many perfect weekends. 

They didn’t see each other much at work, both busy on their own shows.  They tried, but didn’t always succeed at having at least one night after work together.  But like clockwork, Will would ask her to go somewhere with him on Wednesday and they would spend Saturday doing that thing.  It worked for them.  Mackenzie never lost that giddy feeling on Saturday morning when she waited for Will and though they seemed to be in a routine, it never felt monotonous or like a habit.  Seeing Will was always a new adventure that she looked forward to.  There were moments of strain, but no major bumps in the road.  They were content where they were, learning about each other and savoring the time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be after a time jump, so I'm going to take a week off to work on some other stories I have in my head and plan out the next section. I will be back on the 4th. Happy Holidays to all!


	20. Where Things Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's 6 months later. Will and Mac are still together and Will is one week from taking the title of Managing Editor of Just the Facts. Everything seems perfect, until Will learns some information in a meeting.

The truth was Dirk stopped listening to Will about 5 minutes ago. Maybe more. As Will started in on his third speech about why Just the Facts didn’t need Preston, Dirk tried to recreate in his mind a line from a sitcom rerun he saw last night. A Broadway producer explained to his nanny that under all circumstances actors were pains in the butt. As Dirk tried to remember the clever, yet appropriate for the family hour, way it was stated, he also wanted to talk to the writer of that line and expand it to include news anchors. And after nearly 6 months of anchoring his show, Will had become the quintessential anchor in this regard. He had more talent in his pinky than most anchors Dirk has worked with had in their entire bodies, but he also had more ego than most. And that drove their weekly Monday morning meeting from Dirk’s agenda to this monologue that Will delivered to defend why he planned to fire his Executive Producer and his co-anchor next week when he got the Managing Editor title.

Nothing Will said surprised Dirk. Will believed that Mackenzie McHale should have always been his EP and that Preston never should have received a contract. And six months ago, Dirk agreed. Even sitting here now, Dirk didn’t disagree with either of those statements. He and Mary had many conversations about how different Will acts on the days that Mac does not find herself in DC. And while Preston has charisma and the love of the audience, he’s not a newsman and that changes the feel of the show so that Will never really gets into a good rhythm. However, right now Dirk needs to tell Will that Preston will stay with the show – firing him is not a choice that Will can make – and he has to convince Will to keep Mary as his EP. Mac would do an outstanding job on Just the Facts but Mary is doing well and there’s not a good reason to disrupt the flow of all the shows just so Mac can keep Will in line.

“It’s not just about his idea of producing infotainment, we have a responsibility to the electorate…”

Oh God, Will knows that Dirk has a lot of respect for Mac and her opinions so now he’s quoting Mac. If Mac gave this speech, it would easily go 15 minutes. Will expounding on her points will drag it out at least twice that. Maybe that is a good enough reason to disrupt the shows. Dirk thought through the rest of his anchors and what it would do to them and decided either choice would be a pain in his ass. 

“Okay, Will, I hear what you’re saying. I really do.” It’s not entirely a lie. “But a couple points. Next week when you get the title, you will get to decide what’s on the air, but not who. Preston will continue as your co-host for as long as I deem to let him continue.”

“Mac is going to want a hard hitting news show. That’s what I want. We are in complete agreement about what we should be doing on this show and there’s not a place for Preston on it.”

Dirk took his time to pull out the results from a recent focus group. “The audience likes you better when he’s around. When you two banter your likeability goes up. When you’re flying solo, they think you’re a pompous douche.” Dirk slid the report to Will and watched his face drop. As Will studied the comments, Dirk thought he started to understand that Preston helped the show and Will’s popularity. They had a Matt Lauer/Katie Couric on screen chemistry. As long as people didn’t know that in real life they hated each other, the show would do great. 

For a second Dirk looked at Will and thought he may have gone too far. Anchors typically can’t handle hearing that the public doesn’t like them. But then Will brightened up again and said, “When he’s not around I’m seen as more trustworthy, Mac will help to focus that and my likeability will go up.”

Dirk rolled his eyes and tried to hide his chuckle. “And are you sure that Mac wants your show? She’s doing really well at Crossfire and last I heard she had turned down Mary.”

Will looked at his news director confused. “Of course she wants my show, she’s always wanted it. That’s always been our plan, we were supposed to launch the show together and keep going. What do you mean she turned down Mary?”

Now Dirk found himself confused. He knew that Mac not getting Will’s show came from left field, it did for him as well, but apparently Will didn’t know that Mary had offered Mac a co-EP position on their show a few times and Mac turned it down each time. Dirk didn’t want to throw Mac under the bus, but Will looked like a dog with a bone and wouldn’t likely give this up easily. “You’ll need to talk to Mac about that. And as for Mary, she’s looking for other shows. I think you should talk to her and tell her you want her to stay. She’s doing a good job with you and Preston and Mac will back me up on that.”

“Why doesn’t Mac want to work on my show? When has Mary talked to her?” Will waited for Dirk to respond and when he didn’t, Will got out of his chair and left the office. 

Getting to Mac’s office took a short elevator ride and a couple hundred steps. Will got there in less than two minutes. He opened her office door and didn’t notice her on the phone. “Did you tell Mary that you didn’t want to work on my show?”

Mac shot Will a look and said into the phone, “Excuse me Senator, can I put you on hold a second?” She reached for the hold button and put the phone down. “Will, you cannot barge into my office and start bellowing at me when I’m on the phone. I’m on a call with a Senator to set up an interview for tonight. If you need to speak to me, you will find a convenient time and talk to me like I’m an adult. Go back up to finish your meeting with Dirk and I’ll find you in a little bit.”

Will considered her words. “Just tell me, was Dirk lying?”

“No he wasn’t. Now get out and we’ll talk later.”

Mac watched as Will put his head down and walked out. She’d have to take a look at his ratings before she relieved Dirk. She’ll deal with that in a little bit. Right now she had to finish her call with the senator. She wondered how many more times she’ll be able to get away with putting a call on hold before Will arrives in her office. 

Mac finished scheduling the interview and sent an email to one of her handlers in DC. This senator would require white glove treatment. He wouldn’t even do a pre-interview unless it was with someone that had a high enough title. Sometimes Mac wondered if anchors or politicians were more full of themselves. Outside her office window she saw a gigantic picture of one of the morning anchors and thought she had her answer. But it was close. 

Just as Mac started to stand she heard a knock at the door. She sat back down and invited her guest in. “Hi Mary!”

“Do you know what he’s on the warpath about?”

Mac took a breath. “He asked if you had offered me a position. But he came from his meeting with Dirk and they were supposed to go over numbers.”

Mary nodded her head. “He’s doing fine, but if he looked too closely at the numbers he may see that likeability goes up when he banters with Preston and the focus group comments say he’s a douche.”

Mac thought about for a second. “Do you think Dirk pointed out they only say things like that when we press them to think about the anchors and most of the time the focus groups are annoyed with our questions?”

Mary smiled, “We try to keep that from the anchors. Gives us a little leverage.”

“How many times a week do you say the word douche to him?”

“I haven’t yet, but I will this week.” Mary and Mac knew they should feel bad about laughing, but didn’t care. Finally Mary got serious again. “You haven’t told him that I’ve been trying to recruit you?”

Mac sat back in her chair and started rolling her head against her back. “I haven’t kept it from him, it just never came up. We’ve got a good thing going, in part because we choose not to talk about work, and I don’t think we need to mess that up with working that close. I like where things are and despite the travel, I enjoy what I’m doing. And you’re doing fine with the show, so I don’t feel like I need to play savior.”

“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.” Mary looked at her friend. “Do you need reinforcements up there?”

Mac shook her head. “Nah, I know how to handle him.”

Mary nodded and left. Mac IMed Dirk and told him to send Will back whenever he’s ready. It took a few minutes before Dirk sent a return message that Will was on his way and Dirk wished her good luck. Two minutes later Will sat in her office chair again. It took him a couple seconds before he finally looked at her and said, “You don’t want to work with me?”

“It has less to do with you and more to do with my career.” She looked at Will and shook her head. He looked crushed. She really didn’t want to have this conversation with him now. “Will, I really enjoy where we’re at. I enjoy spending weekends with you it’s the high point of my week. You have to believe that. But the rest of the week, the time that I’m at work, I still have to prove myself. I don’t have any guarantees of where the next job is if one doesn’t work out.”

“You think I’d fire you?”

“I don’t ever want to put you in a position where you would have to make that decision.”

“Because you’re afraid of the rumors. And you don’t trust me or our… this… enough to want to work with me.”

Mac felt a flash of anger. After pursuing her so hard, he was the one who stopped them from getting serious. She knew he had a fear, but she couldn’t figure out what he feared. All she knew was that he couldn’t say certain things and because of that, it felt like their relationship stalled. It didn’t stall in a bad place, he still made incredible efforts on their weekend dates and they had a lot of fun together. She wouldn’t ask him if they were exclusive because of the reaction he might give, but they seemed that way. Sometimes he acted like a guy in a rom com that falls in love with the young ingénue. But if someone suggested that they were in a relationship, he’d almost physically react and it would take time before he relaxed again. She sensed that they’re relationship should be growing, but he stopped it from becoming more. 

“You don’t even know what ‘this’ is. I can’t risk my reputation. I have a good thing with my show. I think we have a good thing. I enjoy talking to you on the phone at night and I enjoy coming home to spend the weekend with you. I enjoy spending time with you.”

Will had a hard time controlling his anger. “Will you stop fucking saying ‘enjoy’?”

“What word do you want me to say Will? I can only imagine what the man who can’t form the word ‘girlfriend’ in his mouth would say if I say the word love, like I might say ‘I love gyros’. But something as benign as ‘like’ would get you wondering why I don’t say something stronger.”

“Appreciate, adore, revel in. All perfectly fine words that mean the same as ‘enjoy’” 

“Really? That’s what you’re concerned about? How many synonyms I can come up with?”

Will’s voice became quiet and almost timid. Mac wasn’t sure what to make of it. “I thought our dream was to work together on our show.”

Mac walked around her desk and half sat on it so that her knees rested against Will’s and she took his hand. “It was. And it still might be. But… Will, when people see us together, they assume that I’m your girlfriend and when I’m here, I need to be more than that. Can you understand that?”

Will squeezed her hand and looked up at her, not quite making eye contact. But his voice sounded stronger, more like himself again. “I would never do anything to hurt your reputation. I wouldn’t let anyone think that you got the job for any reason besides merit. And us together, we’d kill it in the ratings.”

Mac gave a chuckle, believing that Will was okay. “How exactly would you stop people from thinking something about me? You’re going to pound the thought out of their head?”

Will wouldn’t let her know, but he felt completely defeated as he looked at her. More than anything he wanted her to know that he would always defend her, he will always be next to her and in front. She should always feel safe with him because he’d rather tear off an arm than see her hurt. But he didn’t have any reserves left. The audience likes Preston more than him. That idiot is the reason that he has the likeability that he has. And Mac doesn’t want to work with him. He wants to spend every minute with her, how could she not feel the same? He thought he knew how she felt and what she wanted, but apparently not. He had this fantasy in his head that they felt the same, but kept it unspoken, but they knew. But maybe that’s all it is, a fantasy. Maybe his father’s been right all his life and… 

Will tried to fight back those thoughts the way Dr. Habib said. It makes sense that she doesn’t want to put her career on the line, but doesn’t she know that he will always… he’ll always give her his best. He wanted to tell her that, he wanted to say something significant, but he couldn’t. He didn’t have those words available. And he wasn’t sure that she’d even want to hear them.

Finally, he gave a half smile and asked, “Can I try to answer at lunch today?”

Mac smiled at him and then remembered, “My flight leaves at 3, I need to get to the studio a little early. Come by at noon and we can grab a quick bite and I’ll let you take me to the airport.”

Will opened his Blackberry and said, “I’m sorry I can’t. I have a meeting. I’ll call you tonight after my show.”

Mac smiled as he got up to leave. Mac saw some of the “research” Will did for being in a relationship. One site said that you know you’re in one when you have a weekend routine. Mac sometimes wondered if that’s why Will tried to change things up every weekend. But, they did have a routine. On Mondays they tried to have lunch together before she took a flight to DC so she could run Crossfire. The structure she inherited didn’t require her to be in the control room running her anchors, but that’s the part of the job she loved, so she made it part of what she did. On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights, Will called her when he got home from his show and they’d talk on the phone until they fell asleep. Thursday night she flew home after her show ended and then went to meetings in New York on Friday. Will took her to dinner on Friday night before she watched her show from her office and then they’d spend Saturday and Sunday together. With Will, nothing was ever routine. He made every weekend an event, even the ones where they simply stayed in and had food delivered. 

Mac didn’t think too much about the big questions, she really did like where things were and how they were, but part of her knew that she wanted more. She was still a little scared of “love” being thrown around, but she wanted some indication from Will that they were doing more than having fun. That’s what she wanted, just that assurance. In her heart she knew it was more and she felt like she read him well and it was more to him, that’s why she didn’t push. But she wanted to hear him acknowledge it. 

Mac turned back to her computer and continued working. She’d grab lunch from a vendor before hailing and cab and getting to the airport. Then she’ll fall asleep talking to Will. It’s not a perfect, whatever it is, but she really is satisfied where things are.


	21. With Great Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will gets some insight from Dr. Habib. Mac gives comfort to a friend.

Will busted into Abe Habib’s office at 3:00 exactly. They moved his meeting time to Mondays right after he usually drops Mac off at the airport because between his meeting with Dirk and his stress over his feelings about Mac, Mondays seemed like the right time. Abe liked to think he helped take some of the pressure off everyone else’s week, though he knew that was wishful thinking. Not that Abe told him all that, he just noticed that Will started getting anxious on Mondays, so Abe suggested a new time. 

“She doesn’t want to work with me.”

“And we’re off,” Abe thought as he held his professional face in place and waited for Will to finish. 

“Mary offered her a co-EP position several times and she never told me about it. I had to hear it from my boss.”

“And you asked her if it was true?” Will nodded his head. “Did she tell you why she hasn’t taken the position?” Abe had enough of these conversations with Will to know he had to dig before completely understanding the story. 

Will let out a breath. “She said that she needs to be more than my… you know… while she’s at work and I guess she can’t be that if she’s working with me or something.”

“And what exactly does ‘you know’ mean in that sentence?”

Will rolled his eyes. Since he started this… whatever it is… with Mac he’s stayed committed to meeting every week with Abe. Will thought that working with a psychiatrist would help him sort through his issues well enough that he wouldn’t have to tell Mac he had them. As far as he knew, his plan had worked, except that there are certain words that he can’t say. Girlfriend. Commitment. Relationship. Love. He’s told her over and over that just because he can’t say them, doesn’t mean they aren’t true, he just can’t say them. Mac has told him over and over that she actually likes where they are, she’s okay with not having a commitment. When she said that, Will felt relieved at the same time that he had a twinge of disappointment. But, he suspected that Brian moved her in too fast and so he didn’t get to enjoy being with her the way Will does. Actually, that was Abe’s theory and Will liked it enough that he took credit for it. Abe tried to point out that she’s as scared as him so maybe they should have an honest conversation about what they want. But Will hasn’t done it. When he thinks about having a relationship, he thinks about his parents. If he keeps her at arm’s length, then he doesn’t have to face the questions he asks himself. Is he capable of hurting her like his father hurt his mom? Is he capable of loving someone? Is he good enough to be loved?

Besides, she seems genuine when she tells him that she likes where they are. She even steps around the words he can’t say. But he struggles because he wants to say them. He doesn’t want there to be any confusion that he wants Mac and only Mac for a really long time. But he can’t. When he thinks about it, he has these images of his mom after his dad got drunk. He doesn’t ever want to do that to Mac, and he won’t give himself a chance until he knows that he won’t.

“It makes sense. Your name is part of the title of your show. CNN will do whatever they need for you will stay around, right?” Will nodded his head. “An EP is much easier to replace than an anchor. So if you two had a falling out, she’s the one who has to turn her life upside-down and deal with a reputation that comes from sleeping with her boss.”

“We would be equals. I wouldn’t think of myself as her boss.”

Abe nodded his head. “I have no doubt you would treat her as a equal, and probably better than that, but no one on the outside would know that.” Abe looked at Will who understood it rationally, but was still bothered by it. “Will, it’s not a rejection. She’s not telling you that she doesn’t love you or that you’re not lovable, she’s turning down a job that won’t move her forward in her career.”

“And she’s keeping a job that takes her away from her place, from her life, from –“

“You?” Abe asked pointedly.

“Yeah, from me. Three days a week she chooses to be in DC while I’m in New York. She doesn’t even have to be in DC, her Seniors are capable of running the show.”

Abe knew the answer to his next question, but wanted Will to remember it himself. “So why doesn’t she stay in New York and run her show remotely?”

“Because she loves running the production, it’s what makes the job for her.” Abe watched Will’s face change from looking being pent up and ready to explode to a soft smile of pride about the woman in his life. “That’s why she went into the news, not because she wanted to work on budgets and go to meetings where nothing gets done.”

“And you think she should do budgets and go to meetings?” Abe made a point to sound surprised by this hoping to elicit a reaction from Will.

“No! She can’t even balance a checkbook! That woman is passionate about the news and seeing it done well. She derives her power from being in the control room like Scarlett O’Hara derives power from Tara. That’s where she needs to be, it’s… part of her DNA I think.”

Abe wanted to shift forward in his chair but thought it might scare Will. “Then what’s the problem?”

“What?”

“You came in here concerned because she doesn’t want to work on your show, where I assume she wouldn’t run the lead anchor. And she has a perfectly reasonable explanation for that. Then you said that she doesn’t need to be in DC for half the week, but you know she does that because it’s what she loves. And you’ve said that she’s satisfied with where you are in your… whatever it is. So, Will, why are you in here looking like you’re going to fall apart?”

“Because I should be able to say the words. I should be able to give her more. And I can’t. I keep saying that the words don’t matter because we know that we’re together. I make sure that I call every night and that I make the most of our time together. Im trying so hard to do everything right with her. I try to show her the things I can’t say, but words are important. The label is important. And her perfect... whatever I am.. would be able to say it.”

“And you’re starting to sense that there will be some freedom when you can say the words.”

Will tried to smirk when he said, “Believe it or not I sometimes listen to you. But when I try…”

Abe looked at him with concern. “You’re still having the dreams.” It wasn’t a question. Abe had him on some anti-anxiety meds, but he would have to think about increasing the dose or changing it altogether. 

Will nodded his head. “I keep wondering if my dad felt like this when he was courting my mom. I imagine he said that he loved her, and maybe he felt like he did, but when did it change?” 

“Abusers believe they love their victim. For them it’s not a question of love, they need control and they feed on the control that they get from intimidation and violence. They try to control the insecure people in their lives.” Abe looked at Will very seriously, making sure that Will heard this. It’s not the first time he said it to Will and it won’t be the last, but he wants Will to hear it. “I know you won’t hurt her the way your father did because everything you told me about her tells me she does have the confidence to not take it from you and that’s one of the things you love about her.”

Will thought about what Abe said. He intentionally ignored Abe’s use of love and tried to focus on the rest of what he said. “I would rather tear out my right arm than to hurt her.”

“I can’t speak for Mackenzie, I haven’t met her. But if I were to make a guess I think that keeping this from her, making it so hard for her to know what your status is, hurts her. She’s obviously serious about you, nothing you’ve told me makes me believe that she’s in this just for fun or the sex. I think she wants something with depth and you’re keeping that from her. And you’re tearing yourself up by not opening up to the person you so desperately want to.”

“I can’t scare her away. She says she likes where we are. What if she’s telling the truth and I wreck it by calling her my… you know?” Will put his head down, a motion so unlike him that Abe immediately felt a concern he couldn’t show. “What if she doesn’t feel what I do? She knows me better than anyone. What if she knows me this well and doesn’t want more than weekends and phone calls?”

Abe took a breath before saying, “This is a simple rule of economics. The greater the risk, the greater the reward. When you let her in just a little, you’re taking a risk. That risk can go one of two ways, it can either cost you or it can have a huge pay off. The payoff in this case is another level of intimacy. It’s security for both of you. It’s allowing you to trust that you can disclose more to her and she to you. It’s scary, but’s it’s worth it. I’ve been married 30 years and believe me, the intimacy you’re talking about is worth the risk. And unless you are reading her completely wrong, and I think you’re pretty astute at reading people, I think she wants more. I don’t think, at least in the immediate, that she’s going to break your heart, she’ll actually be relieved.”

“The immediate?”

“No one can read the future Will. Anything can happen. And if there is a breakup down the road, it will hurt. But I think keeping her at a distance is going to cause even more harm.” Abe looked at the younger man and smiled. Will didn’t know what to think. Abe knew it would take Will awhile to act on the advice, but he had confidence that Will would. “Will, you’re about to hyperventilate. Calm down. I want to get you to where you’re open to the idea. You don’t have to take a plane to see her tonight and unpack all this.” The doctor looked seriously at his client again and added, “In fact, repeat after me, ‘I will not get on a plane tonight.’”

Will chuckled a little. “Okay, okay. I promised my EP I wouldn’t do that again.” 

Abe continued their session by asking about the ratings since he knew that was Will's other great stressor. 

*** *** *** 

Mac finished her show and went to a local bar to meet Molly Levy her childhood friend. Molly’s mother served as a diplomat under both Reagan and Bush so they bonded early over their childhood experiences of getting jostled from one place to another all the time. Molly married to Richard several years ago and seemed happy to finally have a sense of peace and stability. Richard was an accountant, so she knew he wouldn’t move her around the country. 

Mac immediately found Molly and based on the number of drinks surrounding her, Mac assumed she’d been there awhile. “Hey Molly, what’s going on here? Is everything okay?”

“I got caught.”

Mac’s heart dropped. Molly worked for the FBI, if she did something illegal… Will might be able to advise her, but he won’t be available until after his show. “What happened Molly?”

“I was having an affair with my partner. I don’t know how it happened. You spend all day with a person and get to know them. And I guess one thing led to another and before I knew it…”

Mac didn’t know what to say, so she stayed quiet and held Molly’s hand. 

“The four of us, him and his wife, me and Richard – we used to hang out all the time. Once Dave and I started sleeping together the couples got together less often. Anyway, Dave went to text me and he accidentally texted Richard.”

Mac swallowed hard. “So now what happens?”

“Richard packed a bag and is at a hotel. He’s going to start looking for an apartment. He wants me to stay in the house with Roland. My mom’s there right now.”

“I’m so sorry Molly. Is there anything I can do?”

Molly shook her head. “You know, I think you and Will have the right idea. No commitments, no strings. It doesn’t hurt when things get this fucked up.”

Mac wanted to argue, she and Will haven’t defined or put a label on whatever they are, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t committed. Mary made sure to let Mac know every once in a while that Will isn’t bringing women by the studio. Will makes a point of calling Mac every night she’s out of town. And Mac had to believe that if Will did pick up some woman, it would hurt. 

“Don’t look at me like that Mac. If you went up to that guy over there at the bar and brought him back to your hotel room, as long as you took Will’s call at 11:30, you would have no reason to feel guilty. He hasn’t committed to you and I know you keep trying to make the most of that, but he has no right to be upset. And you’re lucky. I’d give anything to not feel like I just threw away everything important to me.”

Molly started crying and Mac immediately put her arms around her friend. Molly explained in great detail to Mac all the ways she messed up and all the people she let down. Mac lost track of time when her phone rang. While Mac looked at her phone, Molly looked at her watch and told Mac to put Will on speaker. Mac put the phone to her ear and asked if she could call him back later. Molly loudly yelled a hello to Will. Mac heard Will chuckle and say she could call later. 

Mac made sure that Molly had a cab ride home before walking back to the hotel. Molly didn’t want Mac to stay at her house and she didn’t want to stay at the hotel. Molly had to face her mistakes and shame alone. Mac got into her pajamas and settled into her bed. When she looked at the clock it was later than she expected. More than anything she wanted to talk to Will. She felt like she needed to hear his voice. Maybe Molly was right, maybe not having that word made things better. They still have to work at impressing each other. They don’t get to take their relationship… or their whatever… it’s a fucking relationship, whether he wants to call it that or not… for granted. They can’t disappoint each other. She let that last thought hang. The logic seemed sound, but it didn’t feel right. She would be disappointed, she was sure of that.

She took out her blackberry and texted Will. “Are you awake?” Immediately her phone rang and she smiled. “Hey there!”

“Exactly how drunk are you?” Will asked with a laugh, he enjoyed thinking about Mac drunk. She didn’t lose control often, so the times he’s seen it have made him smile. 

“I didn’t drink at all. Molly drank enough for me and the people in the 3 tables around us.”

“You’re not becoming a teetotaler on me are you?”

“Never, I’ll drink you under the table this weekend if you don’t believe me.” Mac heard him chuckle and smiled. This is what she enjoyed about this… whatever it is. They could still talk and laugh. Besides her parents, she hadn’t seen truly committed couples enjoy being together. Maybe there’s something about commitment that makes you stop this part. 

Will got serious. “It sounded like I interrupted something when I called, is everything alright?”

“Molly was having an affair with her partner and Richard found out. He’s moving out.”

Will hadn’t met Molly or Richard in person. He’d talked to Molly on speaker a few times. Still, the news surprised him. “Wow! How is she?”

“She’s heartbroken.” Mac thought about what to say next, what she wanted to say. “People talk to me about whatever we’re doing and criticize, but I’m more convinced than ever that not having a label or a commitment is better. I like where we’re at Will, I really do. I like being able to talk to you at night and having fun with you on the weekend. People don’t do that anymore. I don’t ever want to ruin that.” Will didn’t immediately say anything so after a few seconds she said, “So how was your day?”

Will could barely hold back his laugh. “Well, Abe told me that I should open myself to the possibility of something more with you because with great risk comes great reward.” The pair burst into laughter. When they finally stopped laughing, Will got serious again. “I like where we are too. It’s not like either of us are looking for something else, right?” When Mac agreed he went on. “What if this weekend I go to DC and see your life there? You can stay there on Friday and be with Molly. And we can help Molly however she needs over the weekend and I’ll come back here on Monday for my show.”

“That’s very sweet of you. Thanks Will. Do you think that Mary would let you do your show here on Friday, maybe let me run you once?”

“I can ask. I talked to her today. I told her that the EP job is hers if she wants it. She asked if you decided you wanted to be my EP one day what would happen.”

Mac immediately jumped in. “I wouldn’t do that. Maybe if she left or if you had a bad EP, but I wouldn’t take her place, I just wouldn’t.”

Will smiled. “I know. I told her that if you ever did want the job, I would talk to Dirk and let him make the decision. I think you’re right that I shouldn’t have that choice when it comes to you. So I’m taking myself out of it. I told Dirk that too.”

Mac smiled and hoped it came across on the phone. “Thank you Will. That means more to me than you know.”

Will smiled too, knowing that he made her happy and that’s all he wants. “Good night Mackenzie. I’ll call you after my show.”

“Looking forward to it.”


	22. His Entire Value

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week in the life of CNN's newest anchor.

Will’s week got complicated quickly. He told Mac about part of his conversation with Mary, but he didn’t tell her that he asked for an evaluation of the show with recommendations for how to improve in the next 6 months from Dirk, Mary and the President of the News Division, Sandy Hill. He wanted a meeting to decide on the direction of the show once he began as managing Editor. Will made sure that Preston was not part of the process and justified it by saying that he didn’t negotiate for Managing Editor until a year into his contract. This set up a situation where Will can make decisions about what goes on the air without consulting his co-anchor. Everyone expected that Will would all but eliminate Preston’s airtime. Preston and Will knew that Will could not fire him, that’s something that could only come from the network, but he could veto Preston’s stories. 

After Will returned from his appointment with Abe, Preston went to Will’s office and demanded a talk, man to man. Will smirked, but signaled him to sit down. “I know that you have never respected me or what I bring to this show, but I’m able to read ratings and Qs and focus groups just as well as you can. I may not be a traditional newsman or have all of your diplomas, but I’m here and I’m successful because I try to put a positive spin on a job that exists to show the worst in people. That’s what got me in my chair, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you and your close-minded idea of what the news should be eject me from it.”

Will sat back in his chair and lit a cigarette. “Next week I become the Managing Editor and part of what I have to do is concern myself with what’s best for this show. I don’t know what that is yet. I’m taking a hard look at what we’re doing and what works and what doesn’t. Dirk and Mary are doing the same and we’re going to decide next week what the show will look like going forward.”

“You’re going behind my back to fire me and you didn’t even have the courage to say it to my face. You’re a coward Will. You strut around here like you own the place and we’re all here to serve your every whim. But being in your position is about more than not stuttering when the camera’s on, it’s about leadership and that takes interpersonal skills that passed you by your entire life. You’re a bully and bullies don’t make good leaders.”

Will gave him a chuckle. “Interpersonal, that seems like a big word for you.”

Preston smiled at him, determined not to let Will get under his skin. “I know polysyllabic words just like you. And while I may not have the same pompous intellectualism that comes with your JD, I’m good at what I do and that’s why I’m in the chair next to you.”

Will laughed. “You sit in the chair next to mine when we don’t have a place to send you like a fucking correspondent. And you’re only here because your sister had more power in a meeting than my News Director. Don’t mistake nepotism for talent.” Will took a drag off his cigarette expecting that to be the end of the conversation. When Preston didn’t move, Will put his feet on his desk. “I never understood why the fuck you took this job. You had the chance to go to my old position on the morning show where you would have been a better fit but you saddled yourself with a show that was never not going to hate you.”

Preston’s brown eyes locked with Will’s blue ones. “That’s the problem with you and the reason that the audience is going to turn on you without me there. You didn’t have the decency to tell me how to improve and to fit better with your vision. And you’re so fucking arrogant that you think your vision is the only one that should be considered. What if the news isn’t just about facts and figures? What if the definition of news is expanding to include what Americans think about topics? You want to dispel bad information, but you don’t recognize that as we become more connected there’s more opportunity for your precious electorate to have the wrong impression of what’s happening. You start with the idea that your viewership knows the facts as you see them and then your sycophants become an echo chamber of whatever moralizing you do during the show. Whereas I start at the point of how are people seeing this story and then how do we let them hear what’s really happening?”

Will chuckled and tried to sit further back in his chair. “My… vision… as you call it came from working with several Executive Producers who have a philosophy of news that I respect. And that philosophical difference is why you won’t be on a show that I host much longer. And as for your echo chamber, I deliver facts, I tell the audience what facts are important without the sensationalism that is prevalent in news today.” Will looked Preston up and down, then dismissively said, “Now, if your done, I have to keep your name in the title as long as you have a contract, but it won’t be long before the network realizes they’re paying you and you’re not working.”

“Then I guess my only comfort will come from watching you self-destruct when you lose the love of the masses. You prance around in this pseudo-relationship with Mackenzie where you don’t actually say anything significant while courting an audience who can’t say anything significant to you. In fact, when they start really thinking about you, they think you’re a douche. You don’t have a single fucking real thing in your life, do you?”

“You embarrass yourself and the show and you make them seem like they’re stupid. We want to have a smart show that allows people to see the facts of stories. We don’t want to waste time on entertainment that will—“

Preston cut him off, making it clear he was not going to buy into any of Will’s bullshit. “That will what? Teach some of the non-elite what’s going on in the world? You never gave my approach or me a chance. If you did, you would actually be part of a show that’s doing something a little innovative and you’d be something other than another generic talking head.”

With that Preston left Will’s office. Will didn’t know why he was so upset. Preston was right, he didn’t respect the man or his skills. But he hated the idea that someone disliked him as much as Preston did. It shouldn’t bother him, this will be a business decision. It’s what’s best for his show. And he doesn’t even have the power to fire Preston. But Will wondered how much truth there was to Preston’s belief that he makes Will more likeable to the audience. They’ll have to look at that when Preston’s time is cut. He’s sure that will be a decision they’ll make knowing that it will effectively force him out. 

On Tuesday, Will took a close look at the focus group results that Dirk showed him on Monday. It was brutal. He knew that Dirk, Mary and even Mac would tell him that trustworthiness and intellect were the only scores he needed to look at, but he watched closely and saw how Preston impacted his other scores. People nearly tuned him out when Preston didn’t help lighten up Will’s tone. As he watched, he realized that Preston might be right, the audience would turn on him. This success that he had in his head, his entire value as an anchor was more wrapped up in Preston than in what he did. Will left his office and asked one of the younger staff members if there was a way to monitor what people, real people thought about the show. The staffer, who Will barely recognized, showed him where to find discussion groups about Just the Facts. The reviews were not flattering. The posters thought that Preston was an idiot, but they also said that Will was a self-righteous blowhard that crammed his opinions down their throats. When he called Mac that night he was still reading comments. She could tell he was distracted and after the conversation seemed to die, she ended the call. 

On Wednesday he got a call from his agent who said that he should talk to a representative from Fox that reached out. Apparently Fox wanted to try having a late night line up and thought that Will could become a conservative version of Jon Stewart. Will returned the call and listened to the pitch but didn’t give it too much thought. At least not until the Fox representative, Mitch, mentioned how much people love Jon Stewart and The Daily Show. Mitch painted a picture of a live audience that will applaud and laugh when they’re supposed to. Mitch had watched Will on the morning show and knew he had a sense of humor and could be affable, but on Just the Facts he’s shown his skill in news, commentary and interviewing. Mitch called him a “Late night triple threat”. He ended the call by asking who doesn’t love a man that can make them laugh? Will was caught up in the image that Mitch painted and didn’t see that Mitch knew how to stroke Will’s ego and at the end of the call, Will said he would make it a point to watch a few episodes of The Daily Show and see what he thought. 

On Wednesday night’s call to Mac, Will confirmed his flight information for the next night while watching The Daily Show. Mac asked what he was watching in the background and he told her that someone had turned him on to this show and he couldn’t stop watching it. He asked her if she thought he could do something like this. He could tell she was surprised. “Of course you could. But then I’d lose all respect for you.” Mac laughed then added, “Why, are you planning to leave the newsroom to become one of Jon Stewart’s character actors?” Mac heard Will chuckle and left it there. It didn’t take long before she announced that she started getting tired and would go to bed. Will gave a half hearted, “goodnight” as he watched more of The Daily Show.

After finishing his show on Thursday, Will went immediately to the airport. Preston would join him on Friday morning and then leave for New York immediately after the show. Will thought if Preston intended that as some sort of protest to what Preston called Will’s booty call, it didn’t work. Will suggested that Preston just sit this one out, Will could handle a Friday show by himself, but Preston refused. On the plane ride over, Will looked over the evaluations he asked for as well as the trends in ratings and his popularity. Each evaluation said that the show was uneven, Will brought a far serious side and Preston tempered that by going too far for a laugh. While they each recommended that the show find an identity at one extreme or the other, Will took down notes musing about what it would take to have a lighter news program. Something that would allow him to show his affability and lighted up the hard news. As he tried to put his thoughts on paper, he heard Mac’s voice in his head. He would betray her vision of news, the one he got excited about. But if she didn’t want to work on his show, why should her vision matter? As long as he thought she would join him, he could fight the good fight and keep her vision alive for her to make it more of a reality. But if she didn’t want to work on his show, maybe he’d find a sweet spot in a softer format. 

When the plane landed, he immediately put all his papers in his briefcase. He would have to work tomorrow, but tonight basically started a long weekend for him. One that he would spend with Mac. For a second he wondered if she still looked forward to it the way that he did. He liked to think she did. She met him at the airport, which was easier for her to do than him since her show ended two hours before his did. They stopped meeting in New York on Thursday nights when he had to rush from the studio to meet her and then she was exhausted. When she saw him, she asked if he wanted to get a drink or if he just wanted to get back to the hotel. Will wouldn’t admit to his exhaustion and agreed to a quick drink. She took him to a bar near the airport and after getting a drink, they took a cab to the hotel room never unlinking their hands. Will asked how Molly was doing while Mac brushed her teeth and they had a quick conversation about that drama. When they got into bed, Will turned on Comedy Central for a repeat of Jon Stewart’s show, becoming more confident that he could do that. Mac cuddled up next to him and fell asleep during the show. Will eventually rolled over to spoon her and fell asleep as well. 

Will looked around and recognized the farm where he grew up. He walked into the barn and found his mom with a black eye and next to her was one of dad’s empty beer bottles. “Where is he,” he asked his mom. She pointed outside the barn, telling him not to go, it’s not worth it. He took the bottle and saw his white knuckles as he held it tight. He walked to the field and found Mackenzie. He’d had this dream before, he didn’t need to ask why she was there. He told her to stay where she was, he’d take care of this. Of course she didn’t, she never did. If there’s one thing he knows about Mac it’s that she’s going to do what she wants. He saw the figure standing in the field with his back to Will. “You’re not going to hurt them, I will protect them from you.”

“You’re a worthless piece of shit that doesn’t have a clue what you’re getting into. Do you think she really loves you? What about them?” Will looked around and saw a mass of faceless people watching Preston on TV. “The problem with you boy is that you take and expect that everyone will conform to what you want. But there’s nothing you can do to stop who you are. And when they find out…” All of a sudden the figure turned around and it was Will and he had Mac and was about to strike her. Before either Will could do anything, Will felt a jolt.

“Will! Will!” Will sat straight up. He was sweating and panting for air. Mac handed him a glass of water, which he took thankfully. “Someday you’re going to have to tell me about these nightmares.”

“I’m talking to Habib about them. We’re working on them. Go back to sleep.”

Mac went to pillow her head on Will’s chest, wanting him to feel that she’s with him and will help him through whatever this is. “I’m glad that you came here, Will.”

Will nodded his head and kissed the top of hers before rolling over the opposite direction. She tried to sling her arm over him but he moved it off. She rolled over on the other side so that their backs were facing each other. She wanted to reach out and comfort him, but she didn’t know how.


	23. Significant Somthings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes in life you have to speak your mind even if you, whatever he is, doesn't want to hear it. This is the position Will put Mac in.

Will and Mac had a great weekend. Mac ran Will and Preston’s show on Friday and then went out with Will for drinks after. Having Mac run him felt right. He was pretty sure it felt right to both of them. While walking to the bar, he asked Mac if she was sure she didn’t want to work on his show. She gave him a quick peck on the lips and said, “I really enjoyed, or really reveled in, working with you Will.” Will laughed when she made a point to find a different phrase than enjoy.

“But?”

“It’s really tempting, but no.” She saw Will’s face drop. “Come on, Will, let’s not ruin the weekend with work.”

Will took his hand out of hers and put his arm around her as they finished walking. Over the weekend they did all the touristy things on the National Mall that neither had done in decades. Mac told Will that despite spending a lot of time in DC with her dad and as an adult covering news, she’d never had a chance to just enjoy DC. Likewise, Will had made some trips out to DC as a grad student, but similarly never took the time after. They acted like two kids in a candy store as they walked around, looking at documents and monuments and trying to impress each other with trivia about the places they went and things they saw.

On Sunday morning he woke up first and she caught him working on his laptop, something he rarely did when they were together. She walked over to him and rubbed his shoulders until she had his ttention. He turned and gave her kiss.

“You look deep in thought.”

“I have this meeting with Dirk and Mary early tomorrow to discuss the direction of the show and I’m starting to think that we need to go in a different direction than I thought.” She could see that he didn’t like what he wrote, so she took the seat next to him. “Mac, I know that you don’t like talking to me about my show. You don’t want to step on toes, but I’d really like your input. You’re the smartest EP I know and I know if we were in New York I’d seek out an opinion like yours.”

She smiled at him, knowing he really did have that much respect for her. “You mean you’re not asking just because you want morning sex in a little bit and I can be as hard on this as I want?”

Will quirked his lips then got serious again. “I want your input. I want to know what you think.”

Mac nodded and looked at his plans. When she finished reading she took a breath. “Are you out of your mind? You can’t do this, it’s a mockery of everything you believe. You’re not a local news anchor and that’s what you seem to be modeling.” Will listened to her, not surprised by her passion.

“I have to try this, Mac.” Mac was taken aback by his apologetic tone.

“Dirk and Mary won’t let this happen.” Mac took a breath and held out her hand. “Come on, let’s get dressed and eat some breakfast. I think there’s a few more places we need to hit before you go back.”

“Didn’t you say something about morning sex, that sounded like a better plan.”

Will hated leaving late Sunday night. He wanted to go back on Monday afternoon, like Mac usually does, but he needed to attend a meeting with Dirk and Mary. Mac brought him to the airport and kissed him goodbye. “I guess you were right all those times about the romantic possibilities of an airport goodbye.” She gave him another kiss and said, “I’ll see you on Friday, right?”

Will nodded his head, “I’ll text you when I get in.” Will kept his hand entwined with Mac’s and rubbed her knuckles. “You’ll let me know if you ever change your mind about anything?”

Mac gave him a confused look. “Change my mind about what?”

“Wanting to work with me or anything else that you want.”

Mac gave him a dazzling smile. “Will, I’m serious when I say I like where we are. But if you wanted to change the dynamics of our relationship, I would listen and probably even agree.”

Will looked at her, considering her words, wanting to say something. Mac watched his internal battle until he finally settled on, “You know that even if I don’t say certain things, it doesn’t mean they aren’t true.”

Mac nodded her head and gave him another kiss. “Go get on your plane and have a good meeting. And remember, those numbers don’t matter.”

Will turned and looked her. “Thanks for showing me your life here.”

*** *** ***

Will made it up to Dirk’s office bright and early 8AM on Monday, grateful for the coffee Dirk already brewed. All three of the people in this meeting had evaluated the show and read each other’s evaluations as well as the president of the news division’s thoughts. Dirk began the meeting by officially calling Will the new Managing Editor of _Just the Facts_. He then asked what each thought they needed to focus on going forward. Will started and said that the feedback indicates they need to find a consistent tone for the show. Both Dirk and Mary braced themselves for a long monolog about all the reasons why they don’t need Preston to be part of the team and his lecture on the hard news tone that he thought they needed. Instead he said, “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. Dirk, you made it clear that we can’t cut Preston loose, so I think we use him as a true co-anchor. We have to get rid of the shit. No more man on the street interviews. No more montages set to Benny Hill. But we sit him next to me at the anchor desk every night and we let him cover the soft news. I’ll take the harder stuff, but with a softer touch.”

Mary looked at him suspiciously. “What do you mean softer touch?”

Will took a second, he didn’t want to say this, but he had to. He needed to make sure his ratings came up and that his likeability numbers at least matched Preston’s. It was a betrayal and a disappointment, but he needed the audience on his side. “Entertainment, human interest, the stuff the network wants us to do that we hate. We have to do it anyway, so lets make it part of the show now and give it to him.”

Will imagined Mac flying off the handle at that. He told her he was going to propose doing the show the way the network wants it done and giving Preston the light stuff, but he didn’t tell her how far he was going to go.

Mary had a dumbfounded look on her face. ”What does Mac think about this?”

Will smiled. “Mac hates the idea. She thinks it will make a mockery of the news.”

Dirk looked at him considering his statement. “So, what brought you to this epiphany?”

“Isn’t this where we’re going to end up anyway? I’m just getting us there faster. We have to cover shit news because that’s what people will tune in for, that’s ratings. And we need to have a softer touch on the hard news so that it’s more accessible to people.”

Mary looked at him a little concerned. “Accessible? You’re going to dumb down your coverage?” Mary stopped to think through what she was hearing. She got quiet. “You want them to like you better.” She looked at Will who wouldn’t look her in the eye. “Will –“

Dirk watched Will, curious what he would say. “It’s not about popularity, the guys upstairs need numbers. They gave a us pass for the first 6 months because we’re trying to find our footing, now what we do matters and we have to play by their rules, we have to bring in ratings.”

Dirk took a tone of warning. “My job is to deal with the ratings and the people upstairs, your job is to make a show that we can be proud of.” He looked closely at Will and said, “You want to keep Preston?”

Will shrugged his shoulders. “Is getting rid of him an option?”

“I expected…”

“I know what you expected and if it doesn’t work then that’s the next step. But if we have to keep him, then let’s see if he can actually work out.”

Mary jumped in. “You mean hope that his proximity to you will increase your already good numbers.” Mary hoped that Will would disagree with her, but he didn’t. “I want to produce the show that you proposed to do in the beginning. I don’t want a watered down version of the show or you. Dirk, I know that Will gave you complete control of whether we bring in Mac and I think we need her. Two anchors, two EPs.”

Dirk considered his options, doing another quick assessment of his resources. It’s always a tempting prospect and he wants to team up Will and Mac because he’s seen them bring out the best in each other. But he still can’t justify it. “No. She needs to stay where she is.” Dirk looked at the people in the room, and realized he didn’t like Will’s change of heart. It came too fast, something was off. But he couldn’t fight Will for the show he believed Will wanted if Will fought for the show Dirk planned to give. “What’s your end game, Will?” Will gave him a questioning look. “For the last 6 months all I ever heard from you was that you needed Preston off your show and you wanted Mac as your EP. You’re giving up both and I want to know why?”

Will nodded his head and showed that he wanted to carefully consider his response. “Because I’m responsible for it now. I have a responsibility to the corporation and the audience that I didn’t have before.”

Mary looked at him. “Bullshit. I’ve been listening to you rant and rave for the last 6 months about what the audience wants and needs. I know all about what you think news is. You don’t like what you saw in that focus group and now you’re scared.”

“That’s not what this is about. Yes, I want people to like me.”

“And you want them to like you more than they like Preston.”

Will looked at Mary, “It’s not about Preston or my popularity. This is the best compromise. I get to keep doing hard news, but I take care to be clear to the people Preston has been targeting.”

Dirk looked disappointed. “So you’re going to pander. It’s happening even earlier than I expected.”

Mary smiled. “I thought we’d have more time since he’s dating Mac.”

“I’m not pandering. But we have to be realistic. I don’t have the experience with the audience yet to be able to go out guns blazing.”

“You have their fucking trust, Will! We keep showing you your trustworthiness and intellect numbers because they’re the important ones. What you don’t need is popularity.”

Dirk listened to the anchor and EP go back and forth considering if he should say what he wanted. “I know Mac pretty well, Will, she’s going to lose respect for you if you go this direction.”

“What are our choices? We can do Mac’s ideal show without her and still spend time on the shit stories that focus groups like or we lighten things up so we can attract new news watchers. ”

Mary jumped in, “There’s more than two extreme options. But if those are the options, I vote we do hard news the way it should be done. You’re a lawyer Will, not a teacher. Selling out will lead to burnout, for both you and me.”

Will stood his ground during the rest of the meeting until finally Dirk seemed to give up. He told Will to put Preston in the anchor chair and to write a softer script for the night. Mary agreed to approve it unless it had factual errors. Right before dismissing, Dirk said, “I’m obligated to invite Will to our numbers meetings since he’s got the title. But Will, I want you to know that I don’t want you there. You cannot take these numbers too seriously, they are a snapshot and that’s it. I’m more interested in getting you to do a good show than a popular one. If it looks like you can’t handle these meetings I will disinvite you.”

Will nodded his head once before he left. Dirk sat back in his chair. He had such high hopes for the show. As much as he hated his ideology meetings with Will, he really hated seeing Will looking as defeated as he did. Maybe he should have worked harder to find a way to bring Mac on and send Mary to _Crossfire_. He went to his board that listed shows and EPs. He wondered if there was another way to arrange the pieces. He’d let Will do this show for a little while and see how it went, but if he needed to make a change, he would.

*** *** ***

Mac watched Will’s show from her office in DC and cringed. She didn’t say everything she should have because she knew that as an EP, she would beat down any EP that advised her talent. She didn’t want to do that to Mary, but maybe she let him off too easy because that show was shit. She decided to call Mary tomorrow and feel out what she thinks and get permission to push Will a little. She couldn’t call now, Will’s going to call in about a half hour and this is going to be a longer conversation than her time would allow. She decided she had time to get a drink at the bar. While waiting for her drink, she saw someone sit next to her and before she could say she wasn’t staying, she recognized the man. “Brian?”

Brian Brenner looked at her and smiled. “Mac? I heard you were working in DC!”

“How are things with your girlfriend?”

“Cutting right to the chase, that’s what I always loved about you.” He looked down and back up. “We broke up. I realized that I didn’t love her, so I left.”

“Seems to be a trend.”

“I didn’t leave you, you left me.”

Mac stood with her mouth gaping open. “Are you serious right now? After leading me on for 7 YEARS, you told me that you didn’t love me –“

“I was wrong.”

“That you didn’t see a future with me –“

“I was wrong.”

“And that you didn’t want to move out here to be with me.”

“I know.”

“You rejected me, Brian. I loved you and you rejected me.” At that moment Mac’s drink arrived and Mac picked it up and threw it in Brian’s face.

Brian smiled and watched her run out of the bar. When she got outside he followed her. “Mac! Mac!”

Brian caught up to her and put his hand on her shoulder. Mac turned around. “I’m waiting for a phone call. And, let me make this as clear as possible, I do not want to see you ever again.”

“Are you sure about that? I feel like I owe you a drink since yours ended up on me.”

Mac shook out of his hold and shook her head. “I have no interest in hearing anything you have to say.”

She walked away and Brian watched her. “Mac, I love you and I was wrong and I’m sorry.” Mac heard him and thought about stopping, but didn’t. Will was going to call her in a few minutes. She’d hear his voice and she’d get her perspective back. She kept walking and arrived at her hotel. When she saw that Brian wasn’t around she felt relieved. Walking back to her room, she replayed the conversation with him again. Did he realize that he loved her? It didn’t matter, she had something with Will and it was good. Whatever it was. She got up to her room and got ready for bed. When she lay down, she checked her phone, 11:45 and no messages from Will. That was strange. She called him.

“Will? Is everything alright?”

She could hear _The Daily Show_ in the background. “Yeah, everything is great. Did you see the show today?”

“I did. And we don’t need to talk about that.”

“They agreed it’s the best way to cover the news.”

“Will, what’s going on? Why are you watching that abomination? Why are you going soft? Is this a ratings thing, because I’ve seen your numbers, they’re not bad and you have –“

“Trustworthiness and intellect are off the charts. But it’s not enough, Mac. People like Preston more than me. If I’m going to make this show mine alone, I have to be more like him. Or like Stewart. People love Jon Stewart, you can hear how much they love him.”

Mac rolled her eyes. “He’s got a fucking show on the Comedy Central! He’s not doing news, he’s making a mockery of it, like you want to do.”

“I’m covering the news in a way that it’s accessible to people.”

“The hell you are! You’re trying to be something less than you are. The shit I saw today is beneath you.”

Will set his jaw, he didn’t want to fight with Mac about this. Deep down he hated what he did already, he didn’t need her to remind him of it. He gave her a derisive chuckle. “They told me that you would lose respect for me if this happened. Is that what’s going on?”

Mac didn’t want to fight either, this wasn’t why she called. She wanted to be honest with him, let him know that Brian was in town. “Look, I’ll let Mary and Dirk deal with that. But I wanted to tell you –“

“No, I want to hear it. Are you disappointed in me?”

“I’m not sure I’m allowed to be disappointed in you. But if you want to know what I think, you’re better than this Will. You’re better than that shit you just put on. It’s not about ratings, it’s about doing the news well.” Will went silent and she heard the audience laugh on _The Daily Show_ on the other end of the phone. “Is that what this is about, hearing what you want from the audience. Getting the love of the audience? You can’t get wrapped up in that. It’s not real. They’re not real.” She stopped herself before she finished with “I am real.”

“Mac, you don’t understand.”

“Do you really think I don’t? Do you really think I don’t know the pressure being an anchor is? I told you this would happen. Why didn’t you call?”

“I lost track of time.”

Mac exhaled. “Will, turn off that program. You’re watching because you want an audience that will react to you like that, but that’s not the show we do.”

Will couldn’t contain his anger either. “ _We_ don’t do any show. Remember? _You_ refuse to work with me. You don’t trust me enough to believe that I won’t fire you. You don’t trust our, whatever this is, enough to know that I will always look out for you.”

Mac’s voice rose, “Don’t you dare blame any of this on me. You won’t let me know what the hell this is. How am I supposed to put any trust in it? I have to protect my reputation and I get to do good work on a show where my anchors don’t dumb things down because their egos are a little bruised.”

Will knew enough to bite back his attack. He had Habib’s voice in his head, telling him she just gave an opening, a chance to sincerely ask what she wants. But he didn’t trust himself to say it without biting her head off. He wanted to defend the choices he made for his show, but he knew there was no defense. He hated what he just did and that he felt like he had to do it. He tried to calm himself down, but he heard himself throw back at her, “Did you have something you wanted to say to me, because if not, it’s been a long day and I need to get to sleep.”

“Nope, there’s absolutely nothing important going on here. Goodnight, Will.” She hung up the phone, wishing she had used the hotel’s landline so she could slam it down. Well, that didn’t take long, she thought to herself. When she read his plan, she knew he would lose his self-respect. She didn’t expect it to happen this quickly. She grabbed a drink from the fridge in her room. As she drank, she went through her thoughts. Will’s being an asshole. It comes with the territory sometimes.   Maybe she should try to find a way to spend more time in New York, he seems to do better when she’s there. That’s not a good idea, this is her job and the only thing in her life she’s certain of.

Well, that and Brian doesn’t love her. Of that she could be sure. What the fuck was Brian doing at that bar in the first place? Was that an accident? It doesn’t matter, she has this undefined thing with Will that usually goes well as long as he not being a typical anchor egotistical ass. She’ll get to New York on Thursday and go straight to Will’s place. They usually don’t do that, but she can tell already that he’s starting to spin out of control and she needs to nip it in the bud. Tomorrow she’ll tell him about Brian. She doesn’t have to, but it seems like something she should tell him because they are significant somethings to each other and if he knows, there’s some accountability. She’ll call Mary tomorrow and come up with a game plan for that and then during her regular conversation with Will, she’ll tell him about Brian.


	24. He Has Trustworthiness Off the Charts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The issue is really not that Mac doesn't believe Will. She, as many Americans if you can believe ratings and focus groups, believes every word he says. But when he says the wrong things, it still hurts.

Mac didn’t sleep much, she kept replaying the fight with Will and seeing Brian in her head. Tuesday mornings she had back-to-back meetings, so she had to wait before calling Mary, but she did have time to invite Molly to lunch. While waiting at a Mexican place across the street from the studio, she tried to piece as much together as she could about seeing Brian. Was he looking for her or did he just happen to go into the bar she frequents? She didn’t have an answer for that, but he knows where she works, so it makes sense that he would have made an educated guess. How long had he looked for her? No way to tell, she’d have to know how long he’d been in town. Since it was a Monday, she could make a guess that he’d come to town for a business trip. How long was he in town? Again, no way to know. Why did he want to see her? He said he still loved her. She had to admit, it was nice to hear, but she didn’t believe him. He moved a girlfriend in a month after she left. He obviously wasn’t devastated. Why does any of this matter to her? It shouldn’t, she chose Will. For better or for worse, she chose Will. He was the better man, and the better man for her. She still believed that. But still. She was curious about why Brian had a change of heart.

Molly finally arrived and Mac waved her over. Molly didn’t seem too happy. “Ok Mac, what’s the problem?”

“I saw Brian last night. He came to the bar when I was getting ready to leave.”

Molly looked seriously at her. “You brought me all the way down here to talk about your ex? If you had any idea what’s going on at work…”

Mac’s journalistic side kicked in immediately. “Is there something going on with the FBI?” Molly shot her a disbelieving look. “I’m sorry Molly, I’m still a journalist.”

“This isn’t _Sex and the City_ , Mac. I have a real job and a son I need to take care of without his father. You want to carry on about the douchebag you’re sorta with or the asshole you’re not with, find someone else to talk to. I have real problems.”

Mac looked at her surprised. “You think Will is a douchebag?”

“When are you going to get it? He doesn’t want a commitment and you do.”

“I do not! I had one of those with Brian and it broke my heart.”

Molly shook her head. “Your boyfriend said mean things to you and your heart broke.” Molly looked daggers at Mac, “I had a man who made a real commitment, put a ring on my finger and I threw it away with both hands for a man who’s now fighting for his marriage. As many overtures as Will makes to you, he doesn’t want to commit or else he would have by now. And you may say you don’t want a commitment either, but you do. You would give anything to hear him say that he loved you just once, to tell the world that you two are together. I know you Mac, you want that security the same way I did. Fuck Brian, don’t fuck him, I don’t give a fuck and Will won’t either.”

“I wasn’t going to sleep with Brian, I just didn’t know if I should go see him.”

Molly rolled her eyes and began to laugh. “And where do you think seeing him will lead?”

“No where. Will and I have something and it’s solid.”

“Oh, so you told him about Brian being here?”

“I didn’t get a chance.”

“You need to think about why that was. I’m sorry Mac, I need to go. Give Brian my best when you see him.”

Mac was confused. “I have no intention of seeing him again.”

“Your curiosity won’t let you stay away.”

Mac watched Molly leave before her salad arrived. She was curious, but not that curious. She should check on Will. He’s not doing well, that much she knows, but she’s not sure exactly why he’s in this funk. She took out her Blackberry and called Mary.

“Mac! I was getting ready to call you. Where are you and Will sitting at the Correspondent’s Dinner?”

“Oh shit, I was supposed to get a headcount during this morning’s rundown. Thanks for the reminder. Um, I guess this year we’ll sit with _Just the Facts_. I hope that Will doesn’t mind me shopping for accessories this weekend.”

“Come on Mac, don’t do that to us. He’s already grumpy, a weekend of shopping with you and he’ll be impossible.”

Mac smiled, at least she wasn’t the only one dealing with a moody Will. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. What’s going on with Will? When I talk to him, he’s distant and distracted.”

“Is the honeymoon over?” Mary gave a little laugh. “You know that he implemented these changes to the show. He hates what he’s doing and I hope he’ll see that soon. Once he’s doing what he enjoys again I think he’ll be back to normal.”

Mac thought about that. “I don’t know about that, Mary, he seems more obsessed than usual about the numbers.”

Mary nodded her head. “That was the feeling Dirk and I got at the meeting yesterday. Dirk showed him a focus group last week and since then he’s become obsessed with how people see him.”

“Going through with this is going to make him miserable. I told him last night what I thought about his show and it wasn’t pretty. Do we need to have an intervention with him when I get back in town?”

Mary considered her question. She and Mac had several frank conversations and Mac made it clear that she would never do anything to undermine Mary’s role in Will’s show. It’s one of the reasons they’ve become friends. Mary does not feel threatened by Mac. And she knows that Mac is asking for permission to make her show better. Still, this is Mary’s problem to fix. “Let’s keep that in our back pocket for now. I’ll talk to Will again, help him figure this out on his own. Don’t do anything that’s going to put your, whatever you have, in danger. Will, Dirk and I will look at the numbers in a couple days. If Dirk and I frame it right and if his likeability is down, we may not need to step in.”

Mac understood Mary’s answer, but she thought Mary was wrong. She couldn’t say that she wouldn’t make the same decision, but she wishes that Mary took her up on her offer. “Do you know why he’s watching Jon Stewart every night?”

“No, but that doesn’t seem like something to be alarmed about. He’s a funny guy.”

Mac nodded her head. “Okay, maybe I’m just being paranoid about nothing. Let me know if anything else weird happens.”

“Of course! Have a good day, Mac.” Before she hung up, Mary added, “Mac! I don’t think he’s with anyone else if that’s what you’re concerned about. I really think it’s about ratings.”

Mac smiled. “Thanks Mary. I trust him, he has trustworthiness off the charts. And I think you’re right. He gets his ratings up a little and he’ll be fine.”

Mac hung up the phone and texted Will, “Hey Will, wanted to see how things are going today.”

When she didn’t immediately get a response, she assumed he was in a meeting and finished her salad, looking at her messages every once in a while.

*** *** ***

Will saw Mac’s message come through and didn’t want to answer it. Besides, he had to get to his agent’s office. They were going to meet with Mitch from Fox. Last time they talked on the phone and Mitch gave a quick overview of what they thought about a potential show with Will. Today, Mitch would meet with Will and Scott face to face and give a more formal pitch.

Mitch said all the right things. He told Will that he could become “the most trusted name in late night”. While Mitch meant that as a part of the ego stroking he did, Will paused. Since when should a comedian be considered a trusted name in anything? Will thought about the visual of a comedian sitting behind a news desk sounding like a journalist. It felt wrong. He stopped that thought and continued listening. At the end of the pitch, Mitch asked if they could start negotiations. Mitch said he had a good feeling about Will. Will asked who else they were considering for the job.

“We had talked about a few people, but when we said your name, we couldn’t think of anyone we would rather see doing this.” If the trusted name in late night comment didn’t bother him enough, this answer sobered Will up. An anchor of six months whose other work included reading headlines on a morning show and answering questions for a second rate cable network would not be the first and only choice for a deal like this. But Will wanted to keep that tidbit to himself until he could figure out what to do with it. If whoever they really wanted fell through, being on standby might land him the show, if that’s what he wants.

“Scott, go ahead and start negotiations. I need to get back to my show. Also, can you get me on Letterman, let Fox see how I do unscripted.”

“That’s what I love about you, Will, you have a work ethic. And that’s a great idea, get used to having a live audience.”

Will smiled as he left, silently thinking about how to outsmart this asshole. When he arrived at the studio, Mary went to him immediately. “You’re going on Letterman? Isn’t this one of those things you should talk to your EP about?”

“It’s just down the street. I’ll be back in time for the show.”

Mary nodded her head. “What’s going on with you Will? This can’t just be about those numbers you saw last week.”

“I’m fine Mary.”

“Mac’s worried about you too. She says you’re distant and distracted.”

“I’ll talk to Mac and I’ll tell her just like I’m telling you that I’m fine.”

Mary wasn’t done trying to reach him. “You know Will, I consider you a friend as well as my anchor. If you need to talk –“

“Noted. Are we done?” Mary waved her hand and he left.

*** *** ***

After Mac’s show she immediately went to the bar, planning to get a drink and then go back to her suite to watch Will’s show. She looked down at her phone. Will still hadn’t returned her text. It wasn’t a big deal, it was just weird. He usually texted back immediately and if he didn’t text back at all, he must be avoiding her. If Mary doesn’t talk to him, she will have to, he can’t go on like this. As Mac nursed her drink down, she wondered why she’s even here in DC. She likes her show, but they don’t need a hands on EP, the crew has enough experience that the seniors can run the show. And Dirk would like her in New York so she can assist him a little more. But running the show is what she loves, always has been. This is one time she doesn’t want to be spontaneous. Deciding to spend half her week in DC was a spontaneous choice and she always feels like she’s visiting, it doesn’t feel like where she belongs.  

Mac’s internal debate ended when she heard the _Just the Facts_ theme music. She looked up at the TV to watch when she heard a familiar voice behind her. “Rumor is your network has him on a short leash so he’s now making an ass of himself instead of his annoying sidekick. Any comment?”

Fuck. She didn’t think she’d see him here tonight. Even if Molly would tell her that’s what she really wanted. “Does _Newsweek_ actually pay you to research articles? What the fuck are you doing here, Brian?”

“Same as you. I wanted to see if I’d catch you here.”

“I didn’t come here to see you.”

Brian smiled at her. “Of course you did, Mac. You wanted to see if I would come back to see you. And I did.”

“Brian, you said everything you needed to when you told me you didn’t love me then called to ask if you could sell my clothes.”

“And you sent a message when you had that asshole call me back on your behalf. I can’t believe you were afraid to all on your own. I expected more from you, Mac.”

“First of all, he’s not an asshole when you really get to know him. Second, I didn’t ‘get him’ to do anything. Is it so hard to believe that a man would go out of his way to impress me?”

Brian laughed. “He has a pretty impressive reputation. And I know you’re smart enough to stay away from a guy like that.”

“Well, I guess you overestimated me again. We were on a date and despite his reputation, he respects women and especially me.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself of that?”

Mac lost her patience. “Brian, what the fuck are you doing here?”

_“Newsweek_ wants me in DC now, and like I told you yesterday, I’m still in love with you. I know I fucked up.”

“What does love mean in your world? That you miss having a regular fuck buddy?”

“That’s not it and you know it Mac. We lived together for 7 years. We loved each other or it wouldn’t have lasted.” Brian leaned in and kissed her. She pursed her lips against him and pulled her head away. When he moved back, she shoved him away at his shoulders.

“You had your chance with me and you blew it. I don’t give a damn what the hell kind of epiphany you had after you ran through your little girlfriend, but I don’t want to see you anymore. I’m sure you can find a different bar to go to after work.”

Mac threw some money on the bar and left never looking back. Mac didn’t want to go back to her room, so she went to the hotel bar. At 11:30 her phone rang. “Hey Will.”

“Mac.”

Mac listened to the silence and thought it was a good thing, no _Daily Show_ on in the background. After a few seconds of neither saying a word, Mac finally said, “So how was your day?”

“You’re not in your room, are you?”

“No, I came down to the bar in the hotel for a little bit. You never answered my text.”

“Oh, it slipped my mind, but I wasn’t sure why you’re anxious to see someone who’s distant and distracted.”

“Oh, you talked to Mary and that’s why you turned off that insipid show. I’m not going to apologize if that’s what you’re hoping for. You’re not acting like yourself and I’m concerned. Maybe I can’t be concerned as your girlfriend, but –“

“Don’t start this shit Mac. I don’t want to have a girlfriend, but you know how I feel about you.”

“I get to be concerned about my friend I think. I don’t think there’s a rule against that. And how the fuck should I know how you feel, you won’t say it. And just because you’re having a hard time looking at those fucking ratings and wondering if the audience loves you enough, doesn’t mean you get to treat me like shit.”

“You keep telling me that you don’t need the words or the commitment. And I’m not treating you like shit, I’m just in a funk. It’ll end.”

“Well maybe I‘m in a funk too, but you’re too self-absorbed to notice. Maybe there’s something that I wanted to talk to you about, but you can’t see past your own ego to ask about it.”

Through a clenched jaw, Will said, “Fine what do you want to talk about?”

“Just fuck off, Will.” Mac hung up her phone. Mac wondered what got into her. How did that get so out of hand so quickly? She picked up her purse and went back to her room. When she settled into bed, she called Will again. He picked up and she just listened to him breathe for a second. “Mary wants to know where we’re sitting for the Correspondent’s Dinner next week. I told her that we’d sit with your show since you’re the face of it, but I will need to visit my show’s table too.”

Will shook his head. He can’t seem to do anything right. “I forgot to tell you, my sister’s coming to town next week and I said I’d bring her. She’s never been to a white tie event. I thought she would enjoy it. I’m sorry.”

Mac loved events like the Correspondent’s Dinner. Dressing up, pageantry, dancing. All the things Mac loves doing. And this year she planned to go with Will. He doesn’t let her say that they’re a couple, but he said that he wouldn’t have a problem with people assuming when they went to this together. They stayed in on New Years and she was in DC for Valentine’s Day. This was the first time that they were supposed to be together with their friends for a big event. She took a second to collect herself before she answered. “You’re only thinking of this now?” She took a breath, fighting to stay calm, even though she was beyond disappointed. “At least I get to meet one of your sisters.”

Will hated hearing the disappointment in her voice and didn’t know how to address the first part of what she said, so he tried to ignore it and said, “Yeah, I guess I’ll introduce you. She’ll be at the studio Friday.” He realized that since the dinner is in DC, Mac probably won’t come home next week. “But you’ll be in DC already, you’re not coming back are you?”

“Wasn’t planning to.”

“I’m sorry, Mac, I should have told you sooner. You know, maybe we can all plan to sit together. The three of us. That’ll be fun, won’t it?”

Mac bit her lip. “Are you sure you want to introduce her to me? I mean you may have to define who I am.   I wouldn’t want to make you go through that.”

“Mac I’m trying. I don’t know how this is supposed to go.” Mac heard him exhale loudly. “I’m not seeing anyone else, and I don’t want to. And I know that you deserve more than that, but I don’t know if I have it give.” Will could imagine her face, on the cusp of tears that she would refuse to shed. The Dinner was important to her, it was closest he’d come to making a statement about what they were. He promised himself a long time ago that if he couldn’t give her the words, he would take every opportunity to show her what he felt. Damn he fucked this up. “And of course you want to meet my family. Until I just heard you say that, I didn’t think you did. I’m not close to them, she called me the other day and said she’d be in town for work and asked if she could come by to talk about my brother. I told her yes, and while we talked she said something about my glamorous life and one thing led to another and I invited her to the dinner. I wasn’t thinking or else I wouldn’t have.” Mac heard his voice crack. He was really upset about this. It served him right, she was too, but she hated hearing him struggle like this – even if he deserved it. “And I know how important the dinner was to you. I know I promised that I would show you off and never leave your side, make sure everyone knew that we were together. I know that’s the least of what you deserve from me. Please Mac, don’t hate me for this. I’m sorry. That’s all I got, I’m sorry.”

Mac squeezed her eyes closed. She knew her family was important to her and that Will’s family dynamic was complicated. He’d never talked about it, but when she asked about them, he always got uncomfortable. She believed him and she wanted to understand and take it in stride. But felt like a slap in the face that she didn’t deserve. “It makes sense Will, I just wish you could have told me earlier.” She didn’t want to hear anything else he had to say. She could tell that he was going to apologize again, but she didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t know if she could hold herself together for it. “I have a busy day tomorrow. I need to get some sleep.”

“Mac, it’s not even 11. Can we please talk about this?”

“Will, I need to go to bed.”

Will nodded his head and though the phone she could hear a brokenness in his voice as he said, “I’ll make it up to you this weekend. We’ll do something real special. Goodnight, Mac.”

Mac lay in bed realizing that she always had a date to the Correspondent’s Dinner and the man who took her the last 7 times introduced her as his girlfriend.


	25. Be Bold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After realizing that he messed up, Will decides to be bold and talk to Mac.

The next morning, Will woke up early and met Dr. Habib in his parking lot. Met may have been a little strong, since Will didn’t call first, just went. Will insisted on taking Abe’s first appointment of the day, and Habib told him that someone else already had it scheduled. Will told him this was an emergency, so Abe asked about the emergency and when Will said he fucked up with Mac, Abe found another time that Will could come back. When he did, Will explained about his sister and brother and how he broke Mac’s heart with the Correspondent’s Dinner and didn’t know how to fix it. Abe watched him pace and run his hand through his hair, until finally Abe told him that he wouldn’t like what Abe had to say, but that he needed to make a big gesture to Mac and open himself about his current relationship with his siblings.

“I don’t think she wants to talk to me.”

“She probably doesn’t, but the only way for her to know that you aren’t backing out on your promise to let others see you’re together is to open up about why you want to bring your sister. It’s up to you to do something bold and make her understand. And I think she will want to. You need to trust that she wants to understand.”

“I don’t know if I can. She’s so perfect and her family is so different from mine. I don’t know that she can ever understand what I came from.”

“Will, you love this woman and you are in a relationship with her, whether you call it that or not. If you want her, and don’t want to hurt her, you’re going to do this for her. Just talk to her Will. Talk to her on the phone if not seeing her face makes it easier to have the conversation. Be bold, I know you have it in you and I know that you want to take this step. When this goes well, it’ll make the next step easier, but you gotta start somewhere, and this is where you are right now.”

Will stood up determined to be bold. Abe tried to remind him about courtesy when scheduling appointments, but knew it fell on deaf ears as Will kept pumping himself up to be bold.

Will spent Wednesday thinking through how to be bold with Mac and how the conversation would go. He sat in rundown meetings distracted, allowing Preston to give ideas without Will turning them down immediately. Usually, he and Mary would tag team to turn down his ideas, Will saying no and Mary giving a reason. Instead, Mary found herself telling him no and giving the reason. Mary asked Will to stay after and asked him if he felt all right. He looked at her very seriously and said he had to be bold, and then left. Mary wondered if she should call Mac, but decided not instead shaking her head and saying, “Anchors”.

Will decided he needed to talk to Mac during their regular phone time because he knows how hard she works during the day. Luckily it was a slow news day so he was on autopilot for most of his show. He spent most of the day in his office, talking to the staff even less than usual. Finally as soon as he ended the show he raced home to call Mac. With each ring, he reminded himself to be bold. And when it went to Voicemail, he hung up, feeling a little dejected. But then he gathered himself together and tried again, a bold person won’t give up after the first try. And it went to voicemail a second time. And then a third. So he texted her.

Will: Mac. Can we talk, please?

Mac: Not tonight.

Will: Are you still upset with me?

Mac: Yes

Will: I’m sorry and I want to explain. I want to be bold.

Mac looked at his last message and wondered what the fuck that meant. The question was almost enough to make her talk to him, but not quite.

Mac: You told me you’re sorry already. We can talk face to face on Friday.

Will: Please Mac!

Will: Please

Will: Mac?

Will gave up and lay in bed thinking of his next bold move.

*** *** ***

Thursday night Will stood in the airport waiting for Mac’s flight to arrive. Will had always considered himself a man of action, so he decided to make that part of him Be Bold initiative. He decided to have Preston close the show and got a company car to pick her up at the airport. As he stood there, watching strangers get into cabs, he went over what he wanted to say. He scripted it out like a news broadcast, hoping that it wouldn’t sound too rehearsed, and more heartfelt. Habib said they were in a relationship, that meant he should sound more like her boyfriend than an anchor. He still struggled with the relationship part, but he trusted Abe. And if they already had a relationship and that’s what he wants, then… something. He’ll figure that out later, right now, he has to be bold. He has to trust her enough to tell her something about his sister. He can do this.

Will recognized Mac before she saw him, so he called her name and waved. It was dark and there was a lot of distance, but he was pretty sure she rolled her eyes. However, the fact that she changed direction to go to him instead of the next free cab gave him hope. He walked to her and tried to give her a kiss, but she moved away from him. He took her bag instead and put it in the back of the car. When he got in next to her, it seemed clear that he needed to keep some distance from her. The driver took off and the car fell into complete silence except for the motor running. Will saw the driver’s eyes in the rear view mirror and could have swore he was thinking, “You idiot”. Of course that could just be what Will projected onto the driver.

“How was the flight?”

Mac glared at him. Finally she exhaled. “This is silly. If you’re here to apologize Will, don’t bother. I get it, she’s your sister and you want to impress her. I can’t hold that against you. But it’s a big disappointment.” Will tentatively put his hand on hers. After a couple seconds, Mac rolled her eyes and looked away from the window. “I’m not going to take it away, Will. It’s okay.”

Will relaxed, daring to put his arm around her. “I missed you.”

Mac put her head on his shoulder. “I missed you too.” Will kissed the top of her head, elated. Maybe he only mostly fucked this up, not completely.

Mac watched the scenery go by and realized where they were going. “We’re going to my place?”

Will nodded his head, “I figured since you’ve been away from home for two weeks, you’d probably like to sleep in your own bed.” He felt her smile, “Besides, I’ve missed your microscopic bathroom.” That earned him an actual laugh from Mac. Slowly, the pair fell into their normal rhythm of easy conversation and laughter. Will looked up at the rearview mirror and thought he saw the driver nod his head to say “good job!”

When they arrived at Mac’s apartment, Will unloaded her bags and asked if she could take a grocery bag that he put in the car before picking her up. He intended to cook her dinner. He told her he didn’t know what she had on hand and what was still edible since she spent an extra week away, so he went simple, frozen pizza and salad. He could count on her to have 20 different dressings at all times. That almost got him a playful slap, but she had to open the door. Once inside, Will told Mac to get changed, he’d start dinner. When she got back, now wearing yoga pants and a camisole, dinner was just about finished. Will had set the table and poured some wine.

Over dinner, Will watched her yawn. “Long flight?”

“Thursdays are always a little difficult. It’s another reason that I don’t mind you not picking me up.”

“Right, but I thought we needed to talk. It seemed like the thing mature people do.”

Mac smiled. “Are you calling me old? I am 12 years younger than you.”

“Mac I’m serious.” Mac did a double take. She hadn’t expected a serious conversation with Will, they usually skirt around those whenever possible. She had to wonder if he’d talked to Dr. Habib today. Will looked down and gathered his thoughts.  He decided that he could talk about his show easier than his sister, so he would start there.  “I value you and your opinion, more than I can say. I know what you think about what I’ve done to my show and the truth is, I hate that you’re disappointed in me.”

Mac noticed that he couldn’t look her in the eye when he said that. He reminded her of a scared little boy. She scooted her chair closer to him and took his hand, twining their fingers together. “I see you selling your soul for popularity and I can’t stand it because I know that one day you’re going to wake up and hate yourself for what you’re doing.”

Will squeezed her hand and looked at her. “I know. And I already hate it. I'm betraying of everything you taught me and everything I love about the news. But ratings count now. And if I want to get rid of Preston, I have to get my likability up.”

“At what cost, Will? If I were your EP, I would never let you do this.”

“I know.”

“You’re a news anchor, no one needs to like you, they need to respect you. That’s why we keep saying intellect and trustworthiness. That’s your bread and butter.”

Will nodded his head. “Do _you_ trust me?”

Mac looked quizzically at him. “It’s not a question of trust, at least not going that direction. You need to trust your EP. She knows what she’s talking about.” Mac saw that Will was looking at her waiting for an answer to a different question. She thought back to what he asked. “But if you’re asking about me, of course I trust you.”

“Thank you.” He gave her a kiss and then put his arm around her. “I can’t explain what I’m trying to do, I don’t even understand it, but I gotta try this. Maybe just get it out of my system.”

Mac nodded her head. “It’s not my show, not my call. I just don’t want to see you become miserable because you’re not living up to your God given potential. You’re better that the shit you’re doing right now. I don’t want you to wake up hating it.”

Will nodded his head again. A quick fleeting thought about the Fox offer and the Jon Stewart audience flashed through his mind and he realized that Jon Stewart didn’t have with his audience anything close to what he had his arm wrapped around. He wanted to give her so much, to tell her so many things. His heart started pounding, though so he decided to take a different route. Then he remembered he had to be bold And he kissed her.  "Thank you for caring."

Mac watched him as he swallowed hard and started shaking.  She wanted to say something, but knew that he needed to talk first.  Finally he took a deep breath and said, “About the Correspondent’s Dinner, I know the damage between us has been done, but I thought you should know that my sister called and said that she doesn’t have a dress for something like this. She went to Lincoln and they don’t have anything. So, if you haven’t made any other arrangements, I’d still like to go with you and show you off the way I intended.”

Mac looked at him, trying to read all the different emotions in that statement. “You really want her to come don’t you?” Will looked down. Mac tried to figure out what he didn’t want her to see. She could see he felt vulnerable, she was seeing something that scared him to show. She didn’t understand what was happening, but she knew she had to let him disclose what he could on his time. This was important to him.

Will wanted to avoid the question. He could get away with saying that he really wants to go with Mac and she’d appreciate it. But there was a small voice in his head telling him to be honest. He eventually recognized it as Dr. Habib’s voice telling him to test the waters and see what happens if he tells her the truth. Just a little bit of the truth. He had to be bold.

Mac watched as he kept opening and closing his mouth like a fish who was just taken from the water. “She’s my sister Mac, and I haven’t been a great brother to her since I left for college. I’ve cut myself off from them. I want her to know that it’s not because of her. I want to be part of her life and I don’t know how and I think maybe…”

Mac moved his face into the crook of her neck. She’d never heard him talk about his family, he’d only ever said he had one – mom, dad, brother, two sisters. She knew his mom passed away 5 years ago. Maybe that’s why the idea of his family tore him up. Whether that was true or not didn’t matter, he was opening up more than he had before and that little bit he gave her was significant. She didn’t understand all of it, but knew she wanted to support him, whatever that meant.

“Bring her here when she comes in. My massive closet has several appropriate dresses. Let her pick one out and then take her to a tailor to get it fitted. On Saturday morning before the dinner we can take her shopping for any accessories she still needs.”

Will looked up at Mac, wonder in his eyes. “You would do that?”

Mac tried to play it off as if it was nothing. “You don’t wear those dresses a second time.” She noticed that Will kept staring at her, not knowing what to say. “Will, she’s important to you, so it’s important to me. We can make sure she has a good time.”

Will didn’t have any words, his heart was pounding and he didn’t know why. He felt like his eloquence should come though in some off the cuff speech, but he didn’t have any words. So he did the only thing he could think of, he framed her face in his hands and kissed her, trying to put all the feelings he couldn’t say into the action. Finally, he moved his head back and said a simple, “Thank you.”

Mac took her thumb and wiped away a stray tear that had fallen from his eye and gave him a dazzling smile. “Now you understand that you will need to get into my apartment when I’m not here, so you’re not going to freak out if I give you a key?”

Will chuckled. “I promise I will not freak out.”

“Okay. I’m holding you to that.” Mac continued smiling at him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Will stood up feeling stronger than he has in a long time and started clearing the dishes. “I feel great. Go on and get ready for bed, I’ll be in there in a second.” Mac started picking up the leftovers but he stopped her. “Let me do this for you. Please.”

Mac smiled at him and nodded her agreement. She didn’t know what was going on, but it seemed important to Will, so she let him. She got into bed before him and fought off sleep as she read a book. When he got in, he took her book and kissed her slowly. She’d gotten used to this side of Will. He told her once that he tries to be intentional with her. He explained that’s why he was so careful their first time together, he didn’t want that to remind him in any way of the other women he had been with and he wants to always remember that she’s different, she means something to him. With feature light touches, he caressed the length of her arm before moving his hand under her shirt and looking up at her to make sure this was okay. He knew she was tired and he planned on going home after they talked, but he has so much he wanted to express. If his words failed him, then he wanted to express himself like this. She nodded her agreement and he took his time to explore her body. It never ceased to amaze him, he was familiar with the female form and they’d been together every weekend for the last 6 months, but he never tired of his exploration.  

When they were finished and tangled around each other, she said to him, “Don’t take this the wrong way but I think you need to talk to Mary about getting you a room by your sister’s. She’s going to be your date next weekend, you want to make her feel as special as you make me feel every weekend. You can’t do that if you’re planning to ditch her to see me.”

“I wouldn’t say I plan to ditch her.”

“Yeah, but it’s close enough. Plan to spend the weekend with her. I’ll hang out with my show. Next year you’ll be mine for the Correspondent’s Dinner. This year I’ll share.”

“Once she’s in bed, can I still come up to see you?”

“I may be out partying all night with my escort.”

Will stopped and looked at her. “You lined up an escort?”

“Yep, a stripper.”

Will looked a little panicked. “How do you know a stripper well enough to ask him to this?”

Mac laughed. “He does sound for us. And he’s gay. You have nothing to worry about with him. But I should warn you that when I chose my dress I had planned on you taking it off me. And well –“

“Goodnight Mac!”

*** *** ***

Will and Mac were back in their typical rhythm on Friday, even Mary commented on how nice it was to see Will a little more relaxed. She went to Mac’s office and begged her never to leave again. Mac sat as an observer during Will’s show just to kill some time before they could go out with some of his staff for drinks. Saturday Mac gave Will permission to watch whatever sport was in season all day while she went shopping for accessories. They spent all day Sunday together at the site of their first date enjoying the sunlight and the waves of his special place.

On their way back to her apartment she thought about how perfect the weekend had been. She didn’t know what exactly changed, but something did. They seemed closer than before. She remembered Molly telling her that if she picked up some guy, Will wouldn’t have reason to feel disappointed. Looking at Will driving and singing to the radio, Mac knew that he would be disappointed, maybe he didn’t have a right to be, but he would be. Mac laid her head on his shoulder until they got back home.

Monday he helped her pack up the rental car she would drive to DC. She insisted she did not want to put her dress on a plane, claiming that she didn’t want her stripper escort to see a less than perfect dress. Will told her straight guys wouldn’t be looking at the wrinkles if the dress met with his fantasies. “And here I thought that all of your fantasies had me naked.”

“Well, they all end that way.”

Before she left, he made it a point to make sure she knew which side of the road to drive on and asked her to let him know when she got to work. He kissed her passionately up against the car before he let her leave. When she did leave, Will recognized that he felt light. He felt like he could conquer the world. His sister would arrive on Wednesday and he’d see Mac again on Friday. He had a lot to look forward to. For a second he wondered what he did to have this good fortune and he even felt optimistic enough to fight back the question in the back of his mind of how he will inevitably fuck it up.


	26. He's So Easy Sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac meets the first of the McAvoy siblings and Will pays the price.

Mac met the CNN plane at the airport. She looked forward to meeting Peg, Will’s sister. Will had met each of her siblings as they’ve come to town over the last 7 months, usually for an informal dinner. During those dinners Mac enjoyed Will being especially charming. Her siblings absolutely adored him and he never had anything bad to say about them. He would usually tell her the similarities he saw between she and her siblings. She wondered what attributes Peggy, Les and Nancy shared with Will.

Will talked about his siblings during their calls early in the week. He didn’t know a lot about them, but he said what he did know. Will was the oldest, then came Peg who married her high school sweetheart Ray. Ray took over his father’s farm a few years ago and Peg works for a food distribution company in Lincoln. Even on the phone, Mac could hear Will’s smile as he told her that Peg managed the house like a drill sergeant, he heard her barking orders to the family during their phone conversations. Apparently, he thought her no-nonsense approach to running a house reminded him of Mac’s approach to running a newsroom. Peg – which is what she prefers to be called now, though Will slips up and calls her Peggy out of habit – and John have three kids a boy and two girls. Will wasn’t entirely sure of their names, so Mac didn’t memorize them given Will’s problems with remembering names.

After Peg came Les who calls himself an inventor. He moved to a suburb of Cleveland and he works a boring office job so that he can make things. Everyone in the family is a little cryptic about Les. Will wasn’t sure if that’s because they don’t know or something else. He’s the one that’s pushing for the family to come to the farm. Mac thought that sounded like fun, but Will didn’t seem interested in going. Nancy is the youngest and has two kids. She recently divorced her husband and works as a nurse in Seattle. As the baby of the family she always seemed a little more immature than the rest. Mac thought for a second to be offended until Will explained that he has a soft spot for youngest children, he wants to protect them more than the others. Mac thought he said that to stop her from protesting, as the baby of her family, and she decided that it worked.

Peg arrived Wednesday and met with Will for dinner and then he let her watch him do his show. After the show, they went to Mac’s apartment and picked out a dress. Peg apparently immediately fell in love with one dress, it was the only one she even looked at according to Will. Peg couldn’t believe that she would ever be able to wear such a thing. With that introduction, Mac asked which one she chose. She could hear the smile in Will’s voice as he said, “the black one”. Mac stopped, certina that Will would come up with some other distinguishing feature. But he didn’t. She told him she had several black dresses and tried to get more detail. He sounded overwhelmed by the number of descriptive options she gave. She asked him to get a picture so she could direct him to shoes and other accessories that Peg will need. Will reluctantly agreed.

On Thursday, Will and Peg carved out some time to bring her to the studio where the wardrobe team said they would help with alterations. Will sent Mac a picture of Peg in the dress and said, “I imagined you in that dress, and I gotta tell, you, it made me a little hard.” Mac clarified that he was looking at his sister. He answered, “Maybe I didn’t say that right.” Mac laughed at him.

Mac watched as familiar faces started coming out of the airport. Somewhere in the middle of the pack Mac saw Will’s 6’3 frame with an attractive women several inches shorter than him. Will looked animated as he talked to his sister. When Will looked up he saw Mac wave at him and he steered his sister to her. Mac noticed a pride in his face that she hadn’t seen before. She liked Peg for that reason alone. Will went to Mac and immediately gave her a kiss, surprising her because usually he didn’t do that with so many people around. He put his arm around her and Peg came right up to her and said, “You must be his girlfriend.”

Will shot her a look and with a warning in his tone said, “Peggy.”

“What else am I supposed to call her, you dolt? You haven’t stopped talking about her since I got in.” Mac laughed. “Look, I don’t know what the fuck you people do in the big city, but where we come from, the person you spend this much time with, who gives you a key to her apartment, and who you obviously feel that strongly about is your girlfriend.”

Will was about to say something, but Mac cut him off. “She does have a point.”

“We’ve talked about this!”

“I never said I would be opposed to it. Besides, I want her to like me.”

Mac had moved closer to Peggy as Will looked at the two laughing wondering how this happened. “She doesn’t have to like you, I have to like you.”

“But we already established that you like me.” Mac turned to Peggy who laughed at this entire exchange. “So what's he been saying about me?”

Will decided this was the time to take control of the situation. “Let’s go to the hotel, we need to check in.”

Mac tossed him the keys to her rental car and said he could drive, she wanted to sit in back an get to know Peg. Will acted like a grouch, but he really enjoyed hearing Peg and Mac talking and giggling all the way to the hotel. Will made sure that he and Peg had rooms close to each other in Mac’s hotel so they would all have easy access to one another. After Will checked in he and his sister, she told him she could find her room if he wanted to go to Mac’s. Will looked at Mac, who made a “Are you kidding?” face and he said he would help get his sister settled in her room. Mac volunteered to help as well, hoping to hear embarrassing childhood stories about Will. Mac asked if Will really was the star athlete he claimed and Peg explained that he did captain all the teams, but that wins were elusive for his teams. Will tried to blame his teammates, but Peg had her stories. Eventually, Peg said that she’s used to going to bed much earlier than this – Will explained that she had to milk the cows at 5, which got him a slap – and said she wouldn’t be able to stay away much longer.

As Will and Mac started to make their exit, Peg gave Will a hug and slipped a condom in his hand. She patted him on the cheek and said, “Happy humping.” Neither of the women had ever seen him turn a brighter shade of red. Will escorted Mac out and they went back to his room to get him settled and have some drinks.

“I like your sister.”

“You’d like anyone that can torture me like that.”

Mac smiled. “Yeah, you’re probably right. But you’re so relaxed around her. I didn’t expect that. You’re usually so tightly wound when you talk about your family.”

Will nodded his head. “We’ve been through a lot together.” Will got serious for the first time since they arrived. “My family, our dynamics… aren’t like yours. But it’s good to see her, see how she turned out.”

“You’re proud of her.” Will looked up at Mac, surprised at the statement. “It’s okay, Will. I’m proud of my siblings too. I remember growing up with them and to see what they’ve become. It’s okay to feel pride about that.”

Will nodded his head. “Growing up, we didn’t get to see much of a future beyond the farm, so seeing them make something of themselves. I guess I am.” Will smiled at the observation. He didn’t feel good about his family often, but he did tonight. “Can I ask you something?”

Mac gave him a smile that made the corner of her eyes to crinkle. “Of course.”

“Were you telling the truth at the airport, that you want me to call you my girlfriend?”

Mac let out a sigh. “Will, I was teasing. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

Will steeled himself. During his regular time with Abe this week, Will told him about Mac’s gift to him and his sister. Abe said that being honest will increase intimacy between them and will produce more moments like that. He said it’s the foundation of a lasting relationship and encouraged Will capitalize on it by being willing to have more conversations like that. Will took a breath, deciding to follow Abe’s advice. “I’m not asking what you’re willing to put up with, I want to know what you want. Do you want a label?”

“Are you asking me to go steady?” Mac asked in teasing voice. When she looked at Will who started looking a little dejected, she got serious. “I want you to be able to say it, that’s what I want. Everything else is just semantics. If being with you means being in this strange limbo where we’re more than dating but less than committed, I can live with that… I just want to be with you.”

Will nodded his head, trying to find the words to say. “I'm working on it. I want you to know that. I think we both want the same thing, and more than anything else I want to be able to loosen my tongue. But I'm not there yet."

Mac smiled and squeezed his hand. "I know." Finally, she decided to put him out of his misery and stood up walking to him and giving him a kiss. “Lets go ahead and put your sister’s gift to use.”

Will smiled and took out the condom, “We haven’t needed one of these in months.”

“Okay, then we don’t have to use it. But I still want you to take me to bed right now and fuck me. You think you can do that?”

“See, if you just tell me what you want, I can do almost anything.” He stood up and kissed her hard, cupping her hips as he walked her to the bed and she started working on his shirt.

“Okay, well, in that case, what I want more than anything is for you to take all my clothes off and I’ll take yours off. Then I want you to get me off with your tongue and then I’ll get on top of you and return the favor.”

By the time the back of her legs hit the bed he had the hem of her shirt out of her skirt and he was working that off her. “See, I can do that. That’s what good communication is all about.”

“Well, we are journalists, we should be good at communication.”

“We’re good at a lot of things, Mackenzie.” Will got her legs on his shoulders and started nuzzling her. They may not always communicate well, but when they’re together, it’s easier.  

In the morning, Peg knocked on her brother’s door. She laughed as she noticed that Mac was still in her clothes from the previous night. “I didn’t know people our age still took a walk of shame.”

Mac looked at Will, “Well, I won’t tell you too much about your brother, but he does make it worth it.”

The two women enjoyed watching Will blush. He went to Mac and kissed her hard, rubbing up against her. “And don’t you ever forget it.”

“Do I need to give you two a few more minutes, Billy?”

Will and Mac’s heads both snapped at the same time. “Billy? I’ve never seen you as a Billy.”

Will put his head down, shaking it. “Yeah, he was a Billy all the way through high school.”

“One of the reasons I graduated early.”

“He hated the name, remember that time you came back from law school and Dad said –“ Peg saw the look that Will gave her and she stopped the thought. “I think that only family still calls him that.”

“And that’s all that will ever call me that,” he said pointedly at Mac.

Peg shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know, I think being your girlfriend makes her family, doesn’t it? I mean, 7 months, you have to be –“

“Mac, why don’t you go upstairs and get changed. We’ll meet you for breakfast.”

Both of the women could see that Peg had gone a step too far, so Mac nodded her head and left. Peg waited for her to leave and looked at her brother.

“What’s your problem, Will? It’s obvious you’re in love with her and if you’re not thinking about a future with her –”

“Of course I’m thinking about her and the future. But it scares the hell out of me. I start thinking about getting her a ring and saying something significant and I think of Dad.”

“You’re not Dad, Billy. You’re the one who protected us. You’re the one who didn’t want to be held back by his farm and got out to the big city where you crusaded for kids who grew up like us.”

“I know.”

“Billy, we all had to learn how to live our lives despite him and what he did. It’s obvious that she makes you happy. Don’t put that in danger because of that asshole.”

“I’m trying Peg, I swear to God I’m trying.” Peg squeezed his hand. “Let me get a shower and we can go down for breakfast. She’s going to be at least an hour, but will only grab a yogurt and coffee. We’ll have time for real food.”

Peg nodded her head and started leaving. Before she opened the door she turned to her brother, “Try real hard Will. She’s worth it.” Will nodded his head.

As Will said, Mac finally got to the hotel’s continental breakfast about an hour later after Will and Peg had their fill of waffles, eggs and bacon. Mac met them at the table with her yogurt and coffee and shook her head over their empty plates, saying something about farmer diets. Mac announced the agenda for the day, Mac would take Will’s credit card and Peg out to get some accessories. Will just had to get Peg’s dress to Mac’s room and then meet them in time to buy them, and her stripper escort drinks before leaving for the dinner. Will rolled his eyes. “Why do I have to buy your date drinks?”

“Because you want to have drinks with me.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Mac looked between the siblings. “Well, she wants to have drinks with me.” Peg nodded her head enthusiastically.

Will laughed as he put his head down and shook it. “Spend my money and I’ll live one evening with your stripper. But I’ll be the one bringing you back here.”

Peg piped in, “Actually, you’re bringing me back here. But you’re free to go to her place after you do.”

Will put his hands up in total surrender. He gave his sister a peck on the cheek and he gave Mac a more thorough kiss. “Just make sure he doesn’t do that with you.”

“Well, I’d imagine he’s more the bump and grind type.”

Will gave a stink eye and finally left. “5:00, I expect to see you down here at 5:00.”

Peg looked conspiratorially at Mac. “He’s so easy sometimes.”


	27. Correspondent's Dinner Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will, Mac, Peg and Mac's stripper Javier get ready for and go to the Correspondent's Dinner.

It didn’t take the women long to get what Peg would need for the evening. Peg’s tastes were pretty simple; Mac assumed that came from not always having a lot of money. Will went the other direction; he’ll buy anything to show people that he can. Peg almost seemed nervous about wanting anything more than the bare necessities. Mac tried to ease her mind by reminding her that this was on Will, but it didn’t help and after a little while, Mac didn’t push.

The two went to lunch at an outdoor café that Mac had heard about, but never tried. For the first time she could tell that Peggy had something on her mind. Mac held back a laugh when she recognized Peg giving the same look Will does when he’s trying to find the words to say something that he can’t say. Finally Peg said, “How much has Will told you about why I’m here?”

Mac scoured through her memories of conversations with Will about his siblings. He’s been pretty open, but he hasn’t said anything really deep. “Just that your brother Les wants to get the siblings together on the farm and Will doesn’t want to go.”

Peg nodded her head and looked exactly like Will when he’s sorting through how much more detail he should go into about an issue. “Did he tell you why Les wants to put this together?”

Mac wanted to scream. It’s bad enough when Will relies on his lawyer background to interview her to either gage what she knows or shock her with the truth of something. But having Will’s sister who looks so much like him doing it was too much. “For God sake, just say what you want to say.”

“Les is dying. The doctors are giving him a few months and he’s refusing treatment. He wants to get us all together one time before he dies. All of us left home as soon as we could and we haven’t stayed close with each other. But this is our brother who has a last wish to see the family together.”

“And Will’s refusing to go. Do you know why?”

Peg looked at Mac. Since Mac had to ask, Peg knows that Will never told her about their childhood. She wants Will at the farm, but she won’t break that confidence, she won’t do that to her brother. “I do, but it’s not my story to tell. He has a good reason, no one thinks poorly of him for not wanting to go back. But he needs to be the one to tell you why.”

“You want me to talk to him.”

Peg nodded her head slowly, feeling a little embarrassed. “He’ll listen to you. Convince him to give us just a weekend. He can stay with me and Ray, we’ll probably do most of the hosting anyway so he doesn’t have to go to dad’s farm.”

Mac took a breath. “I don’t know that he will. I want to help Peg, family is the most important thing in life. But your brother puts up these walls when we even get close to certain subjects. I don’t think he’ll listen to me.”

Peg took her hand. She wanted to say a few things and tried to put them in the right order. “I’ve watched him with you. I see how he looks at you and how he talks about you. He trusts and respects you and your opinion. He’s a good man Mac, under his gruffness and the bullshit he does, he’s a good man.”

Mac nodded her head. “I know he is. He’s infuriating at times, but when I want to give up on him, I remember that he is a good man.”

Peg didn’t know if she should say this, but decided to anyway. “Don’t give up on my brother. He spent his childhood protecting us and thinking he never measured up, that leaves scars and I guess you have to bear most of those. But here’s so much good in him, and you bring it out. I know he loves you, even if he won’t say it because he’s scared. And for him, that’s something that will never change no matter what.”

Mac smiled. “I wish that he could come up with the words for how he feels.   But I’ve accepted that he just can’t right now.” Mac looked at Will’s sister, a doppelganger of him. She wondered if that was why she could open up so easily to her. “Peg, I promise, I have no intention of hurting your brother. And I’ll talk to him. I can’t promise anything, but there is nothing more important than family and he should be with his.   I think seeing you will help him see that.”

Peggy squeezed Mac’s hand before they went to get their hair and makeup done.

*** *** ***

Later, in Mac’s room, the women stepped into their dresses and Mac presented Peg with a few more trinkets of jewelry that she snuck to a cashier without Peg knowing. Peg’s face lit up when she saw one bracelet in particular that she had admired at the store. Once they were ready, Mac called Will and told him to come on up, he’d want to get there before the stripper. That got Will moving quickly. He knocked on the door before he remembered that Mac gave him the spare key to her room. She opened the door and his mouth opened of its own accord. Peg yelled from inside, “You’re going to catch flies in that thing.”

“It’ll be worth it.” Will gained enough composure to smile at Mac and say, “I am such an idiot. You’re going to turn the stripper straight.”

Mac gave a hearty laugh and kissed him. “You look beautiful would have been good enough.”

“No, it wouldn’t have.” Will grinned taking her hands and rubbing her knuckles with his thumbs. “Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m not your official date, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t last five minutes there without ripping this dress off.” Will leaned in for a kiss and Mac playfully pulled her head back.

“Your date is in there.”

Will yelled in the room, “Peggy, I’m going to cheat on you for a few minutes. Hope you don’t mind.”

“As long as I don’t have to see it.”

“My date says it’s okay.” Will started to lean in again.

“Just be careful with the makeup. Do you know how long it took to get it right?”

“Well, on a typical day it’s at least an hour.” Will got a playful smack. “Besides, I’m going to get you back here tonight and ruin it anyway.”

“You will, but that’s only after everyone sees me.” Will rolled his eyes at this and Mac twined their fingers and walked him inside where he saw his sister who he had never seen decked out like this. He realized that even though she was only a grade level behind him, but since he left for school early he never got to see her dressed for a prom or a social at college. She and Ray eloped after she got pregnant, probably to make it so they didn’t have to tell his father while she still lived with their parents. So he’d never seen his sister dressed up. He gave her a peck on the cheek, “You’re beautiful, Peggy. We need to make sure Ray gets a picture of this.” He went back to Mac and whispered in her ear, “thank you!” She squeezed his hand.

“Peggy, just so you know, the Correspondent’s Dinner is one of these events that’s all about the drinking. Javier will meet us at an upscale bar real close to CNN headquarters then we’re going to take a limo to the dinner. All four of us.”

“You don’t have to keep reminding me about your date.”

Mac thought about it for a second. “I think I do. I really, really do.”

Peg added, “And when she’s not around, I think I’ll be forced to as well. You were kinda a jerk, big brother.”

“I… You’re here because… I mean, yeah, but…” Will shook his head. “I’m so glad the two of you are getting along so well. This is going to be such a delightful evening.”

Mac put her arms around him and gave him a peck on the lips. Peg said, “Mac and I can switch dates. I mean, going to this with your brother has to be like taking him to prom.”

Initially Will seemed to like the idea, but then he thought about it. “So, am I supposed to say I want my married sister to spend the night with a gay stripper? That doesn’t sound right.”

Peg laughed and took her brother’s arm. “Just do what Ray does when he doesn’t know the right thing, go to the kitchen and grab a beer.”

“This is Mac’s place, she only keeps fine wine.”

Mac laughed, “I’ve got a few cold beers in there.”

*** *** ***

Will kept physically connected to Mac during their time at the bar and at headquarters during appetizers, leaving Javier and Peg hanging out together. She had also hit it off with Mary during the week and surprisingly Preston. She spent some time with those two and their spouses as well. On the limo ride over, Javier and his Brazilian accent kept the women laughing while Will rolled his eyes with his arm still possessively around Mac. When the Limousine stopped he tried to take Mac’s hand to walk down the red carpet, but she gave him Peggy’s and whispered, “You’re supposed to make her feel like a queen tonight. It’ll be my turn again next week.”

Will gave her s small peck on the cheek and then walked his sister out. Javier and Mac went next holding hands and Will smiled a little when he realized Javier was about an inch shorter than Mac in those heels. Their tables were not close to each other so Will watched Mac make small talk with everyone around her and tried to not be too much of a bear during dinner. Stephen Colbert hosted the program and Will counted down the minutes until President Bush got up to give his speech. Will thought the president went on way too long, he didn’t remember the speech he pitched in on for his father being that long. But it finally ended and he was free to get up and find Mac. Will, Mac and their dates went outside to enjoy the cool air and listen to the band. After a few songs, Will invited Mac to dance and he just reveled in the feeling of her in his arms.

“My sister really likes you, and that makes me glad.”

“She’s great. She has several facial expressions that are dead ringers for you. I was glad I didn’t get confused and smack her a few times.” Will laughed. “We had a nice time. I really like her too. She’s so down to earth.”

The pair finished out that song and Will saw someone signaling for him. He gave Mac a kiss and excused himself. He found himself back in the hall with Mitch and another man from Fox named Marvin. Mitch introduced Marvin as his boss. Like Mitch, Marvin was excited at the prospect of working with Will. He saw a bright future for him at Fox. Will’s eyes narrowed and he said, “You really think this is the best place to do this? I have no interest in letting my current employer know that I even know your names until I have something in writing. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m here with the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in real life and I am not going to make her wait for me.”

“I understand, but I wanted to make sure to make this connection, because we are going through the terms of your CNN contract and hope to have something official out to you this week.”

“I’ll make sure I give it the consideration it deserves when I see it.” Will walked back out and saw his old friend Charlie Skinner. “Charlie! How the fuck are you?”

“Even drunker than usual. I see you’ve been doing some good work on CNN. Too bad. I keep having the misfortune of bad timing when it comes to you.”

Will smiled. “You know, there is nothing I would like more than to work for you again. Leading off ACN’s weeknights, doing hard news.”

Charlie gave a chuckle. “Well, show me that you can actually do hard news again, stop looking for things that are beneath you, and finish out your contract with CNN and we’ll talk. I’d love for you to come home.”

Will looked panicked. “You heard that conversation?”

“Don’t worry, Will, I’m not going to tell CNN that you’re playing the market. I just hope that Fox isn’t screwing around with you.”

Will clapped Charlie on the shoulder. “It was good to see you Charlie. And I might just take you up on your offer.” Charlie raised his glass as he walked off to find his wife.

Will looked around the dance floor and found Javier and Peg dancing, Peg looking like she was having a good time. Will went in to break them up. “You know she’s married, right?”

“Will, he wasn’t that close. Don’t you remember the scene you caused with Melissa –“

“I’d definitely have to punch him if he felt you up like that in public. Or Mac. Did you see where Mac went? Isn’t she supposed to be your date?”

Peg laughed. “Do you really want a guy who looks like that with his hands all over Mac?”

“You make a good point. Okay, you can dance with him, but a little space for the Holy Spirit.”

“You didn’t just say that, did you?”

Will laughed. “I still have to be a big brother.”

Javier jumped in, “Go find your girlfriend.”

Will nearly corrected him, then stopped. He looked at Peg and asked seriously, "Are you okay here? I'm not being a good date."

Peg smiled at him. "You're doing fine. Go find Mac, she's who you should be with. And don't worry, Javier will take good care of me."

Will wasn't sure if that made him feel better or not. After starting to say something and stopping, he finally left, much to Peg and Javier's amusement.

*** *** ***

Mac used Will’s absence as an opportunity to use the ladies’ room. As she walked out, she saw Brian Brenner. She tried to walk behind him without him seeing her, but she was caught.

“Come here alone? I saw you with that beefcake, but he doesn’t seem your type.”

“Well, judging by my most recent ex, I guess my type would be lanky with no upper body strength.”

“I guess I walked into that one.” Brian looked her over. “I’ve always loved you in red. Never could keep my hands off you when you wore it.”

“And that is so unbelievably different than every other man who has ever looked at a woman in a red dress. And yes that Brazilian stud down there is my escort for the evening.”

“You mean the one that’s dancing with Will McAvoy’s date.”

“That’s his sister. I’ll actually be going home with Will tonight.”

Brian laughed at Mac. “Are you even hearing yourself? Just twisting and spinning and none of it makes sense.”

“And now I remember why I could never have really stayed with you.”

“As I recall, you were the one who wanted to stay. You even came back. I always wondered why you did that, why you visited me and my girlfriend that day a few months ago.”

“I can’t believe there was a time that I thought I loved you. And I almost gave up the best thing in my life until I realized that I couldn’t stand the idea of kissing you.”

Brian gave a hearty laugh. “And what exactly is the best thing in your life. The brainless beefcake or the guy who doesn’t want you so much that he brought his sister to this?”

“Either is 10 times the man you have ever been.” With that, Mac turned and walked away.

 


	28. Correspondent's Dinner Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Mac continue to (mostly) enjoy the Correspondent's Dinner.

Will thought he had looked everywhere for Mac, and couldn’t find her, but he found Peg sitting at a table with Preston, Mary, her husband and a few others from his show. “Hey Peggy, Is Raul with Mac?”

“Who?”

“Whoever the fuck Mac brought here.”

“Javier. He’s over there talking to one of the servers.” Will looked over at the men and grimmaced. “You know, you don’t have any reason to worry about him.”

“I know. I just want to make sure. You saw how she looked in that dress. And in general.”

Peg laughed at her big brother. “Yes I did. I get the feeling she really enjoys going to things like this. You should make it a point to bring her to more of them.”

“This isn’t my thing, Peg. I hate wearing a fucking tuxedo and pretending to like people. I'm surprised that Mac enjoys these things. She’s so genuine and people who come to these are so superficial.”

“Mac loves to get dressed up and to dance and be seen with the man she loves.”

Will gave a soft chuckle. “Did she tell you that or are you just projecting romantic fantasies onto me and Mac?”

“She didn’t have to tell me. She’s charming and sophisticated and completely in love with you. I told her to never give up on you, and now I’m telling you to not be an idiot and to make some commitment to her. Any guy here would love to have what you have with her.”

“Except her date and the guy he’s trying to pick up.”

Peg laughed. “Yes, except for them.” She looked at her brother. “What the fuck is wrong with you? How can you not see what’s so clear to anyone with eyes?”

Will looked around at the table full of people he knows pretty well who all seemed to agree with his sister. “It’s not that simple, sis.” Will smiled at his sister. “I need to find Mac. I promised her I’d dance with her a few more times and I think Raul should dance with you as long as he can keep it in his pants.”

Peggy laughed. “He’s been a perfect gentleman.”

“I know, but I still don’t like him.” He smiled at Peg laughing. “Seriously, you’re okay here? Mac can take care of herself, so if you want me here, I can stay.”

Peg smiled and gave her brother a kiss on the cheek. “Go find your girlfriend. And get used to calling her that.” Will smiled at her and started walking the grounds again looking for Mac.

*** *** ***

Mac wanted some time alone. She shouldn’t care what Brian says, but it stung because he was right. At least he was partly right. She was genuinely happy to see Will spend time with Peg. She wasn’t jealous of Peg, but she wanted to flaunt Will in front of Brian, let him know, let him have that visual of seeing her with Will so he would always know that when he gave her up, she didn't sit around pining after him, she found a person who wanted her as much as he should have. She wanted him to be sorry that he broke her heart.  

Seeing him also reminded her why she wanted to come to the Correspondent’s Dinner with Will in the first place. She wanted something, some gesture that said they were together. Maybe she was wrong last night when she said the word didn’t matter. Maybe it did. She knows it’s just a word and it doesn’t mean anything until he can say it without reservation. She wished she knew what reservation he had. She didn’t think it had anything to do with her, it had to be something else, but not knowing for sure… it shouldn’t be this hard. She told Will she wanted him, and she knew that was true. But she also wanted him to want her and she didn’t know if he did. She thought he did, but she can’t count on that until he says it.

She pulled herself together and took a breath, ready to rejoin the group and find Will. He owed her a few dances. Before she could stand up, she felt a hand on her shoulder and smiled as she turned around. When she saw Brian at the end of the arm, she rolled her eyes and slumped down.

“Where are your boyfriends?”

“Fuck off, Brian. I don't have to explain myself or Will to you. He brought his sister at my insistence. That's all you need to know.”

“You forget how well I know you, Mac. You love these things because you love being the center of attention. There’s no way you would let anyone, not even a sister, take that away from you.” He looked at her appreciatively and said, “For the record, you deserve every bit of attention you get tonight. I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you.”

"Then I feel sorry for your date.”

Brian gave her smirk. “She’s at the bar.”

“I always wondered, do you tip those kind of dates in the morning or is it flat fee that’s all inclusive?”

Brian quirked his eyebrow. “I could probably ask you the same question.”

“Actually I was counting on your experience. But if you must know, I have two men here who wanted to come with me.”

“What I know is that Will walked in with a woman who wore the dress you wore to this event 3 years ago.” Brian looked at the surprised look on Mac’s face. “I bet tomorrow Will won’t know what dress you’re wearing now.”

“Tomorrow Will will trip over this dress when he gets out of bed.”

Brian ignored her response. “Do you remember being here with me three years ago? I remember that night. I remember walking around the grounds holding your hand and never wanting to leave your side.   I didn’t want to let you go because I was afraid some other guy would swoop in and take you away. Tonight you sat with a gay guy during dinner and after one dance with you, Will took off to talk to a couple guys from Fox. It doesn’t sound like he’s the best date you’ve ever had. And I would know.”

He had a point. They went to several of these together and he stayed with her through all of them. He was great at socializing and networking. “And you don’t think that’s a little creepy. That you’re living out that Police song you loved so much.”

Brian reach out and caressed her arm. “I came here with the hope of seeing you and having the opportunity to tell you again how much I love you and how stupid I was to let you move here without me. I made a mistake, and I don’t want to pay for it forever."

"6 months ago I might have fallen over myself to hear you say that, but everything changed when I started dating Will."

Brian laughed, withdrawing his hand when she said Will’s name. "Don’t you see that he’s making a fool of you? I have friends at CNN. I know that he announced to an entire newsroom that you were the only women in the tri-state area he had no intention of touching. I know that you gave him a career and that he didn’t take you with him to the show you basically created for him. I know that you choose to spend half a week away from him in DC despite this supposed relationship that he won’t even acknowledge. Mackenzie Morgan McHale, you are not a stupid woman, but you are starting to act like one.”

Mac felt like she had been slapped. She could see how someone could interpret her life the way Brian did, but she knew it wasn’t true. She wanted to defend herself against each of those statements, but she decided she didn’t need to. “Sometimes I wonder why people don’t trust the press, but I guess I only have to look at the reporters who use schoolhouse rumors as sources to see the reason.”

Mac started walking away when Brian reached for her shoulder. “Mac, please. Just listen to me. Even if you really are with that asshole, I love you. I never stopped. If he’s willing to say that to you and you feel the same, then go find him and I’ll leave you alone. But if not, Mac, we have 7 years together and they weren’t bad years. I can’t believe that you don’t feel anything for me.”

Before Mac knew what happened, Brian grabbed her and kissed her. Mac immediately shoved him away and slapped him. Mac wasn't sure what caused her to turn around, but the next thing she knew Will was walking toward them. Mac watched him and put herself in front of him and kissed him. When he ended the kiss, she held his arm around her. He wanted Brian to know she was with him. “Is this asshole bothering you?”

Mac smiled at Will. “Not anymore. You remember Brian don’t you? You worked a few hours with him on September 11.” Mac saw how angry Brian got at the dismissive way she described his anchoring debut. Mac stopped, remembering something. “I had given him a note about your wardrobe and you told him that when I became your EP, I could dress you anyway I wanted.”

Will played along and laughed, realizing that his right hand was balled up in a fist while his left arm was wrapped around Mac. He had to keep his focus on playing along with Mac before he did what he really wanted to do and showed Mac who he really was. Even if Habib didn’t think he was anymore, he had to fight off every instinct. And then he’d have to find a way to rationally figure out what happened. He saw Brian lean in for the kiss and Mac immediately slap him, he had to believe that this asshole forced it on her. If he hurt her… He can’t think about that. He has the smile plastered on his face and a comeback on his lips, he has to get that out. “You didn’t have to become my EP to dress me did you?” He even gave Mac a smack on the butt for good measure. She cuddled into him.

Will’s eyes got deadly serious as he looked at Brian. He looked down at his clenched fist. He tried to run through everything he knew about questioning a witness without losing your cool. Will had 4 inches on Brian, he could hurt Brian if he wanted to, and he wanted to. He had to battle the image of Brian kissing Mac. He looked at Mac and it didn't look like she was hurt. She was standing tall and confident. She was okay.

Will looked back at Brian and the smug look on his face. It wouldn't take much. One solid punch and... he couldn't do it, not here. Not with Mac in his arms. She deserved a good night. This asshole took that from her, but he wasn't going to make it worse. He kept his eyes locked on Brian and had an awareness of his hand ready to strike if necessary. He felt Mac move and thought she might be getting nervous. Did she see his fist? Did she know what he’s capable of? He finally blinked and took a breath.

“I don’t give a fuck what you heard about him or us, I want to make sure this image is seared into your head. I'm here with him and that’s all you need to know.” Mac gave Will another kiss and then took his hand and walked away. Will followed her lead feeling a little sick. Once she got them far enough away and found a place for them to sit far from the crowd, he started shaking.

“Are you okay, Will?”

Will nodded his head. “Yeah, yeah, just give me a minute.” Once his heart stopped pounding and his breathing returned to normal, he turned to Mac. “What happened out there? What did he want?”

Mac looked at Will with concern. “Will, what's wrong? You look like you do after one of your nightmares. Do you need some water?”

“I’m okay. I was out looking for you and I saw him and you and I wanted to make sure you were okay. When you started clinging to me, I thought he may have been trying to hurt you or something. What did he want?”

“It’s bullshit. Everything with him is bullshit.” Will put his arm around Mac, trying to comfort her, though it seemed he needed the comfort. She wanted to end her answer, but he kept looking at her for more details. “He told me that he loved me and then told me some of the rumors he’s heard about us. It wasn’t anything, Will. But I’m worried about you. That wasn’t like you out there.”

“He told you he loved you?”

“Will, it doesn’t matter. I’m not with him, I chose you, remember? I had to get him out of my head and my heart to be with you and I did it, because you’re the one that I want to be with.” Mac squeezed his hand. “You came to save me even though you didn’t know what was happening?”

“He hurt you Mac. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you.”

Mac smiled at him and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “Your sister told me today that you’ve been protecting your siblings all your life. It’s sweet, but Brian’s not some kid in the schoolyard pulling my pigtails. He’s just a guy from my past that doesn’t mean anything to me. I can handle him.”

“You slapped him.”

Mac gave a smile that showed she was proud of herself. “Damn right I did. And he’s going to feel it tomorrow.” She looked at Will who didn’t show the mirth she expected. “Will, I’m okay. I promise, he didn’t hurt me.”

“He told you he loved you and he kissed you. That’s not nothing.”

“For him, being in love means getting fucked regularly by the same person.” Mac had to think about what she wanted to say, how to say it and stay within the rules that Will inadvertently put on them. “I’ve learned from being with you that… whatever we have is more than just fucking and I like. I watch you and see what you are willing to sacrifice for me. I feel more passion for you than I ever did with him. And this, whatever it is, is just more than what I had in seven years with him. I wouldn’t trade whatever we have for my old relationship with Brian for anything in the world.” She smiled at Will and hand her hand down his cheek.

Will looked at his hands, now finally unclenched from the fist he had. “You deserve to hear it, every day. That’s a sacrifice you make because I can’t say the word.”

Mac put her arms around Will. “Hey, hey, I wouldn’t call it a sacrifice, because I still get you and you’re worth it to me. And I believe that you will be able to say it eventually.” Mac could feel him shaking. She didn’t know if he was still shaking from the confrontation with Brian or if he was crying or if she’d gone too far. She clutched him tighter until he loosened his grip on her and kissed her. One again he wanted his kiss to say the things he couldn’t say.

Finally he took her hands and stood up. “I believe I promised that I would dance with you tonight with all our friends around. I know we’re not out there with all of them, but, we can still hear the band.”

Mac smiled and stood up, pressing herself against Will as tight as possible. He wrapped his big arms around her and they began to sway as the band changed songs. Mac felt the vibrations in his chest and he chuckled when he recognized the new song. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing funny, just…” His voice trailed off until he started to sing to her with the band.

_Tale as old as time_  
True as it could be  
Barely even friends  
Then somebody bends  
Unexpectedly

_Just a little change_  
Small to say the least  
Both a little scared  
Neither one prepared  
Beauty and the beast

Both would remember this as a perfect moment. For Will it gave hope, he heard the words she said and when he discussed it later with Dr. Habib, eventually he realized she said he was worthy of her and her love. He didn’t immediately accept it, but he always remembered this moment as the one where she found a way to say what he needed most to hear. Years later when she looked back at this moment between bombings and gunfire, she knew it was the last perfect moment between them. The last time they were this free and open with each other without a secret between them or angry hurtful words hurled like weapons. Even years later, after they were married, she couldn’t listen to that song without remembering this moment and how everything went so wrong so fast.

 


	29. Goodnight, Will

Will and Mac eventually joined the party and found Peg, Javier and one of the servers sitting at a table talking and laughing. When the duo joined the group, Peg made a show of checking them to see if any hair, makeup or clothing was out of place. The group sat at the table and talked and laughed until the party started breaking up and people began tearing down unused areas of the outside. Will asked Javier and the server where they wanted to go and the limo dropped them off, then took the rest to Mac’s hotel. Will and Mac walked Peg to her door and she made it clear that she wasn’t going to invite them in. The pair went up to Mac’s room in a much better mood than earlier in the evening. Mac asked Will about “Beauty and the Beast” and he mumbled something she couldn’t understand and then kissed her. Lying naked in bed, Will just couldn’t get enough of touching her. He felt secure and when he looked at her, he thought she did too. He held her close and drunk in her nearness talking and laughing until they fell asleep smiling, content and wrapped around each other.

Mac woke up feeling Will thrashing in his sleep. She woke him up and gave him a glass of water, which he took gratefully. “I know that you’re talking to Habib about these dreams, but you can talk to me too.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be okay.”

The dreams happened often enough that Mac knew to nod her head and roll away from him. He didn’t want her to touch him after one. She started to roll away then stopped and took his hand, twining their fingers. “Will, I’ve watched you try to open up to me in the last week or so. I feel closer to you because of it, and I like that. If you can just talk to me about this, you might feel better and I promise, I’ll still be here when you’re done. Please Will.”

Will closed his eyes in a gesture she recognized as an internal battle. She always imagined that this is where the angel on his shoulder and the devil fought about what he could and couldn’t say. What he would and wouldn’t tell her. She always assumed everyone has that internal battle, but while most people’s would yell at each other from a distance, Will’s supernatural beings used weapons that drew blood. He breathed heavy as he closed his eyes tighter. She saw the moment he gave up before he started shaking his head. “I can’t, Mackenzie. I just can’t.”

Mac nodded her head and kissed his shoulder. “Okay. Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do?”

Will put his head down. “No. I’ll be okay.”

She finally rolled away from him and he watched her. He didn’t want her even that far. He still felt the fear and saw the images, but he put his arm around her and rolled her back, placing her head on his chest. She snuggled into him and went back to sleep. He didn’t, he just wanted to give her something to hang onto, no matter what it did to him.

*** *** ***

Mac and Will met Peg for brunch. Will stayed quiet seemingly unnoticed while the women made up for his silence. Mac asked Peg if she had to leave today or if she would go back to New York with Will tomorrow. Peg said she had to go back today to be at work on Monday. Mac asked when she had to leave for her plane and then said she and Will would take her to the airport. Will shook his head. “Mac, would it be okay if I took her by myself? There’s something I want to talk to her about.”

Mac was a surprised but said, “Sure.”

“Thanks. I’ll get you for dinner.”

“Yeah, great. Peg, do you need help packing or anything?”

“No, thanks. I’ve been living out of my suitcase so I have everything packed already. And you have your dress. Thanks again for letting me borrow.”

“Don’t mention it. I really enjoyed getting to know you and finding out some more about your brother. He sang Old MacDonald at a 4th grade talent show. That will come in handy some day.”

Will took his keys out of his pocket and said, “Before I forget, Mac, here’s your apartment key.”

Both women simultaneously shot him a look. Peg looked like she wanted to beat some sense into him and Mac was just dumbfounded but she took the key and thanked him. Will stood up and had a dazed look on his face. “I’m going to go back to my room for a little while, try to get a nap. Peg, let me know when you’re ready to go. And you two, enjoy your day.”

Peg watched Will until she couldn’t see him anymore then gave Mac a questioning look. “He’s been having nightmares and he won’t tell me about them. I don’t think he went back to sleep after last night’s.”

“Do you know when they started?”

“No. I think the first time I know of was after we started… getting…” Mac put her head down in frustration. “With anyone else I would say getting serious. With Will, I don’t know what the fuck to call it. A few months ago things were going well, we had a routine and every once in a while he would say something about the future. Then he started having these nightmares and all that stopped. That’s when he started acting weird when someone would call me his girlfriend. It was like he got spooked.”

“I’ll talk to him. See what’s going on.” Peg looked at a disappointed Mac and took her hand. “Don’t give up on him. I know he doesn’t say or do everything he’s supposed to, but I also know that he loves you and love doesn’t come easily to him. You are the best thing in his life and I would hate for him to lose that because he’s a shitless bone head.”

Mac smiled at that last part. “He is that, and I promise I have no intention of giving up on him. It may be stupid, but I’m invested in this, whatever it is.”

“It’s a relationship Mac. I’ll say it for him. And when you need to hear it, you call me and I’ll remind you.”

Mac nodded her head, took a breath and when she put her head back up, she smiled genuinely and said, “Well, let’s not let him put a damper on the day. I still have his credit card, so where do you want to go? We have a few hours before you need to be back here.”

Peg said she was fascinated with the studio in New York and she had heard from Will that no one is more passionate about a news studio than Mac, so Mac showed her around CNN and got her several souvenirs from the gift shop before bringing her back to the hotel where Peg called Will. When Will came to her hotel room, the ladies hugged goodbye and Mac walked past him to leave. Will took her hand, tugging her back to him and gave her kiss. He whispered to her. “I just need to talk to her and I’ll be back for dinner. I promise.”

“Give me a call when you get back.” He nodded his head and gave her another quick kiss before she left.

When the door clicked shut, Peg stared at him. “What the fuck happened to the two horny teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other two days ago? Did someone flip a fucking switch on you? You’re lucky that she’s willing to put up with that shit and you better figure out how to fix it before she dumps you.”

“I know.”

“Did something happen when you went to look for her? Everything seemed fine until then.”

Will slumped down on the bed. “I saw her with her ex. He kissed her and she immediately slapped him. And I just about lost it. I felt myself get angry and I imagined hitting him and not being able to stop.” Will looked up at Peg, near tears. “It’s in me, Peg. I have it in me to hurt someone like dad did. I wanted to hurt him, Peggy. I can’t stop thinking that I could hurt Mac like that. If it’s in me to do that to her ex, why wouldn’t it be in me to do it to her?”

Peg looked at her brother, seeing the fear in his eyes and sat next to him putting her arm around his shoulders. “Will, it’s not in you to do that, because you _didn’t_. You’re different because you _didn’t_ hurt him. Wanting and doing are different and you were able to stop.”

“I… I… How did you do it? When you and Ray got married, weren’t you afraid of turning into dad? You were pregnant with Junior, so you must have thought about it.”

Peg considered her answer for a second. “I was scared shitless. Dad always told us that having kids as early as they did ruined his life. I was even younger than mom was when she had you. I was scared of ruining Ray’s life, of being a punching bag like mom was and of Ray looking at me and our kids like Dad looked at us.”

Will could see the fear in his sister’s face even all these years later. “Did you ever get over it?”

Peg closed her eyes and took a breath. “I had to. I spent the first few years of our marriage trying to be perfect. I’d apologize for the stupidest things. I remember one time he asked why I apologized for not using my turn signal when I drove him somewhere. I used to give him a list of things I did every day. Not because he asked, but because I thought I had to account for my time. I made sure that the house was in order and as clean as possible at all times. I tried to be the perfect wife and mom, I thought that would make me worthy of him and his love.”

“Didn’t it?”

Peg chuckled to herself and shook her head. “No, it just drove me insane. One day, Junior was a 3 or 4 and Janey was 1 or 2. I lost track of them, it happens when you have kids. I was swapping laundry around and Junior got into a drawer and took out a big knife and cut Janey on the head. I’d never been more scared. Janey was all right. We didn’t need to go to the hospital, but it’s scary to see your kid bleeding like that. And even worse, I couldn’t hide it from Ray. Ray came in from the field and Janey immediately ran up to him and showed him her owie. That’s kid speak for where she got hurt. Ray looked at the wound and asked if Mommy kissed it and made it all better and Janey said yes. Then Ray said he’ll kiss it too so it will heal faster. He put Janey down and went to the kitchen where I was. I remember standing in corner, trying to hide from him. I was waiting for the beating. How could I have been so irresponsible? How could I have let that happen? Did I know what could happen if the story got out? I was terrified. But Ray put his arms around me and told me how scared he was and asked if I was too.”

Will looked at her and she could tell he wasn’t connecting the dots. She put her head down, not able to make eye contact with him. “Billy, he never laid a hand on me, but I was still afraid of him because of what dad did. But that day, I started asking myself why he seemed so loving and eventually realized that love isn’t about worthiness. He loved me unconditionally because he loved me. I didn’t have to do something to earn it, he just loved me. It took a long time for me to accept that, but when I did, I felt like a weight had been taken off.” Peg looked her brother, touching his face. “Will, she wants the chance to have this kind of conversation with you. To have this intimacy. She should be the one sitting here, hearing all this and putting her arms around you. Let her show you that you’re worth it, just like Ray did.”

Will grappled with the idea. “You didn’t think you could be loved.” He remembered things that Dr. Habib told him, it started making more sense after hearing his sister say she had the same experience.

“I asked him once if he was disappointed in me when I didn’t do something he asked for perfectly. He told me that he watches me all the time trying to be perfect, but that’s not what he wants from me. He loves me and so he wants to be part of my ups and downs, that was more important to him than my ability to help her hang drywall on a ceiling. She doesn’t expect perfection, all she wants is you.”

“I don’t know if I can do it, Peggy. What does that conversation even sound like? Do I just say, ‘Hey Mac, I just want you to know that my dad used to get drunk and beat the shit out of me and my family and I have all these fucking nightmares of turning into him and hurting you and I’m scared because that’s the last thing I ever want to do.” Peg felt him shaking as she remembered their past. She remember her big, strong brother who put himself in front of her more than once before their dad could hit her. Her brother who spent his childhood trying to be a perfect farmhand, and student, and athlete. The brother who made it out of their town outside of the town outside of Lincoln and made something of himself. The strong man that she always looked up to. She never thought she’d see him like this.  

When his breathing evened out, Peg took a deep breath. “That’s exactly what you should say. If you tell her that, she’s going to get it and I bet she’s going to put her arms around you and show you how much she loves you.”

“She couldn’t. I keep blocking her from seeing the real me. I don’t let her get too close. At least that’s what my shrink says. How can she ever love someone that she doesn’t know?”

“She knows you better than you think. And she’s worried about you and she wants to be with you, but she doesn’t know how. You told me that you think about a future with her. This is how you start that future.”

Will nodded his head and stood up. “Come on, we need to get you to the airport.”

Will took her bags and they walked to the car. They didn’t talk on the drive over. When he gave her a hug goodbye, she said to him, “Promise me you’ll talk to Mac. You can do it tonight or find a way to get a few extra days with her this week. Whatever you have to do, but talk to her. Trust her. She loves you as much as you love her, but she’s scared.”

“I know.”

Peg looked him in the eye. “Promise me.”

Will thought about it. “I promise. I’ll talk to her tonight over dinner. And if that doesn’t work I’ll ask her to spend the week in New York with me, she doesn’t have to do her show from here.”

Peg hugged her brother again. “I’m going to hold you to that. I want to see you and Mac at the farm next weekend looking like a couple horny teenagers again.”

“Peggy, I can’t make that promise. But I will talk to her. Compromise?”

Peg nodded her head. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted, but she wouldn’t get more, so it was good enough. She gave him one last hug. “Thank you and Mac for an incredible weekend. I love you bro.”

Will nodded his head and watched her go into the airport before getting back in the car.

Will went back to his room before calling Mac. He thought the conversation would be easier if he wrote it out and kept it with him, like a piece of news copy. If he could think through what he wanted to say, he could organize his thoughts and report the facts, he doesn’t have to get emotional. He was just about to put the finishing touches on his script when his phone rang.

“Will, are you back yet? I invited Mary and Ted to go to dinner with us and I told them we’d be there in about 10 minutes.”

“Oh, that sounds great. Um, yeah, I’m here and I can come up to you. I’ll be there in a second.”

Mac stopped him from hanging up. “No, I’ll come to you I’m waiting for the elevator.”

Will nodded his head. “Sure. Um, do you think you can work from New York this week?”

“What? Will, I’m getting in the elevator. I’ll be there in a second.”

When Mac arrived, Will gave her a quick kiss and took her hand as they walked out of his room. “What were you saying on the phone?”

“I was wondering if you could spend a few days in New York with me this week. There’s –“

“I can’t. I have a new Senior Producer I need to train. In fact I’m going to have to stay through Friday’s show. I told you that.”

“I must have forgotten.”

Mac looked at him a little puzzled. “Are you okay?” Will nodded his head so she made the concession, “If the training goes well, then I might be able to stay in New York a little longer next week.”

Will nodded his head. “Actually, Mac, would you mind if we stayed in for dinner tonight? I’m still not feeling well and I, I want to… please Mac.”

Mac took a breath. “Why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll meet Mary and Ted. I haven’t seen Mary in a while. Do you have your 8:00 with Dirk tomorrow?”

“What? Yeah, I think I’m supposed to be there at 8.”

“Get some sleep and maybe we can get some lunch at the office before you go.” Mac gave him a quick kiss before leaving for dinner. Will spent the next several hours stressing and second-guessing his speech to Mac. Finally he couldn’t stand it anymore. He decided to text her, hoping to go upstairs and talk.

Will: Hey Mac, have you made it back?

Mac: Yeah, just getting ready for bed.

Will: Can I come up? Just to talk.

Mac: I don’t think it’s a good idea tonight Will. I need to be in early tomorrow.

Will: Then can I bring you an early breakfast?

Mac: Goodnight Will

Will: Goodnight


	30. I Knew I Would Find a Way to Fuck This Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will makes another attempt to talk to Mac.

He read over his script one more time and put the speech in his pocket before going to a local bakery that Mac took him to last time he spent the weekend in town. He planned to use the bagels to gain entry to her room and then read her the statement over breakfast. It would be harder for her to make an excuse if he was there and she wouldn’t want to do this in her office. He didn’t want to do this in her office. It needed to be private and personal. And if it got to be too much, he had the paper to give him somewhere else to look.

As he stood in front of her door, he started panicking about whether or not she had a toaster. Since she lived in a suite, she should have a full kitchen, so she should have one, but Will couldn’t remember if he’d actually seen it. He could go back down to the dining room of the hotel and toast the bagels, but he didn’t want to waste the time and honestly take the chance of losing his nerve. He thought real hard and remembered they had bagels from Lockerman’s the other time he was in DC, so she must have a toaster. That settled, he took a breath and knocked on her door.

While he waited what seemed like days for her to answer, he reminded himself that Peg and Dr. Habib told him they were confident that Mac would listen to what he said and accept him despite it all. He believed it too. She wouldn’t reject him, he had to keep telling himself that. He checked his pocket for the folded sheet of paper, he felt relieved that he still had it there. He was going to put it all on the line. He was confident that this was the right thing to do. So he waited and knocked again.

“Just a minute. I just got out of the shower.” Will smiled. He loved Mac fresh out of the shower.

Mac opened the door to see a smiling Will holding out a bag. “I brought us breakfast. I got you a sour cream and chive and I got a blueberry because despite what you said, I don’t believe those flavors belong in a bagel. But I will insist on getting a bite of yours. It seems fair since I got up so early to get these.” When Mac didn’t say anything right away he added, “You do have a toaster don’t you?”

Mac debated with herself. She was still pissed at him, she didn’t want to deal with whatever mood he was in today. But she has a weakness for his smile when he’s trying to make up with her. She took a breath and stepped away from the door to let him in. “You think I’m sharing with you? These are the best bagels in the world.”

“Does that mean you accept my apology bagel?”

Mac laughed as she closed the door. “Is that what this is?” When Will nodded his head she said, “I guess that depends on how big a bite you want.”

“I’ll just take the left overs.”

“Why do you think there will be any leftovers?”

“Because on the few occasions you eat, you don’t eat nearly enough and these are huge.” Their banter felt natural to him, it made him relax for the first time since he saw Brian in the distance at the dinner. If he was going to do this, he needed that normalcy. Will put his arms around her and gave her a kiss. “That’s for missing you last night.” He gave her another kiss. “And that’s for the one I didn’t give you this morning when I woke up.”

She smiled and gave him a kiss. “That’s just because I enjoy kissing you.”

Will gave her a smug look. “Is that why you can’t stay mad at me for long?” He kissed her again and said, “And for the record, kissing you is one of my three favorite things to do in the world.”

“Three?”

“We have time to do the other two.”

Mac grinned at the smile on his face and took the bagels to the toaster over, which made Will feel a sense of relief. “Even with sexy talk I’m still upset with you.”

Will saw that she was more serious than she wanted to let on, so he crossed to her and took her hand, weaving their fingers together. “I know. I don’t know what got into me last night.” Will put his free hand in his pocket and felt for the paper. “I’m here because… I wanted to talk to you alone since yesterday. That’s why I wanted dinner alone with you.”

Mac gave him a surprised look as he stared at her and blinked. All of a sudden, he realized what he planned to say and then the fact that she was still mad at him made him question how she would respond. He put his hand in his pocket to feel the paper. It’s still there, he can take it out and read it if he needs to. He started to get his courage back up, but Mac was relatively certain he wasn’t going to say anything so she decided to fill silence, “I was hoping to talk to you too. Your sister told me about your brother and the visit he wants you to make to the farm.”

Will’s face got white and he tried to calm himself. He really didn’t want to have this conversation right now. The toaster oven finished and while Mac started plating the bagels, he said, “I already talked to Peg about that before she left, she knows that I’m not going and she understands why.”

“Will, your brother is dying, he’s not going to make it through the summer. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t say goodbye.” She took the three steps back to the table and laid out the food.

Will looked up, his internal voice telling him to segue into the statement he had prepared. If he told her about his past, she’d understand why he can’t go. He was about to pivot the conversation, when she said, “I was thinking. Meeting Peg went pretty well and I would assume that Les and Nancy are just as great as you and Peg. And I’d love to meet your dad. What if I went with you? It’ll take some of the heat off you while they interrogate me.”

Will immediately thought about Mac and his father. John McAvoy cannot have the chance to take her away. To show her what life with him could turn into. What the fuck has he been thinking, he learned that love generally comes with bruises and breaks. He learned that from his dad, the man who was supposed to form Will. She can’t see what he came from. Not until… no. She cannot see that. He has to protect her. Will’s head jerked up and Mac recognized the fear in his eyes as something she sees when he wakes up from a nightmare. She felt fear and didn’t know why, but she knew she said the wrong thing.

“Absolutely not. I will not allow you to go there ever.” Will knew that he said it sharper than he intended, and he saw the look of devastation on her face and it killed him. He had to make her understand. He had to read her what he wrote.

“Ok, it was just an idea.”

“Mac you don’t understand…”

Mac tried to hide the hurt and anger she felt, but she just couldn’t. It all came out without any forethought. “You’re right, I don’t understand. I’ve tried to be patient, let you work through whatever the fuck it is you’re going through. I’ve let people think I’m an idiot for staying with you because I keep thinking that deep down you want a commitment, but you’re just scared. And the fact is, I still think that. I think that’s what you really want, but I can see the fear or whatever the fuck haunts you when you’re asleep and when you think about commitment. Even after you opened up to me, that fear isn’t going away. And I don’t know what to do anymore, Will. I want you, you have to believe that.”

Will had his eyes closed. He felt like someone was taking a knife to his heart. “I do believe you and I do too. I want you more than you know.”

Mac took his hands. “I know you do. But you’re not able to explain this… fear or whatever it is. I know that you want it, but you’re not ready for it, Will.”

The voice in Will’s head told him this was it, this was the time to take out that paper and read. Let her know everything he wanted to say because if he didn’t, then he might not get another chance. Hell, he could just hand it to her if he didn’t think he could say it. No, he had to say it. He had to. Just take out the fucking paper, McAvoy. The other voice in his head told him it was too late, she’d made up her mind and decided against him and their relationship. He desperately wanted to say, “I am”. That’s all he needed to say. If he tells her now that he is ready he can take out the paper and read it and make her understand. Let her know that he wants to be closer to her and he wants the commitment and everything that goes with it. But he keeps looking at her, her face and body language letting him know how much he hurt her, and no words will come out of his mouth.

Mac almost felt sorry for him as she watched yet another internal battle, one that she watched him lose. When his shoulders slumped down and he stopped trying to say whatever he tried to say, she kneeled in front of him and took his hands. “It’s okay Will. It’s okay. You’re not ready for a relationship, that’s what you kept telling me. I got my hopes up for something I didn’t know I wanted. I thought that maybe you were ready, but you aren’t. And that’s okay.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Mac looked at him, she didn’t have it in her to hurt him anymore than he already was. She didn’t have it in her to let him go, even if she knew she should. She shook her head. “No, Will, I’m too invested in you and this… whatever it is. I’m not breaking up with you. I’m resetting my expectations for us. After you told me why you wanted to bring your sister here, I started thinking that maybe we were making progress toward something more than what we were. But the idea still makes you hyperventilate.”

Will shook his head, his fingers still on the paper in his pocket. If nothing else, he can give it to her. She can read his handwriting and decipher the scratch outs. He needs to let her know what’s on that paper. Damn it, why can’t he say it or give it or anything? He’s going to lose her if he doesn’t. “That’s not it Mac. You’re wrong. I’m ready, Mac.”

He could only describe the look she gave him as pity. “I wish you were, Will. But I pushed you too hard to open up and you’re just not ready. So I think we need to take a step back and just go back to how things were before this started. Go back to dating. Having fun on weekends, phone calls on weekdays without the expectation of something more serious. I can get use to just dating you again.”

Will felt completely defeated. When did he lose control of this conversation? Why can’t he take that paper from his pocket? “It’s not just dating, Mac.”

Mac closed her eyes tight and turned away from him. “It really is, Will.” She looked at her watch and said, “I have to meet a new senior producer and there’s a few things I need to do before she arrives. Stay here as long as you need, finish my bagel, text me when your plane lands and then give me a call tonight after your show. It’ll be just like before.”

Will sat slumped in her kitchen chair, he knew he should probably walk out with her, but he didn’t have it in him. Mac turned back to him before she opened the door to leave. “I really do think that you should go back to Nebraska and see your family. They need you and you need them more than you think.” Mac turned around and left before he could say anything.

Mac got into the elevator and rested her head against it, tears beginning to stream down her face. For the first time she admitted to herself that she wanted more with him and the fact that he didn’t have it to give devastated her. She took a deep breath, she’d get used to it again. Nothing really changed in the first place, she just had a hope for a change in their relationship. Getting used to what they’ve been for the last several months won’t take long. She’s disappointed, but she’s not giving up on him. She promised Peg she wouldn’t, and more than that, she didn’t want to.

Will listened to the door click shut and put his fingers to his lips. The day she came back from California she told him that she saw Brian kiss his new girlfriend goodbye and felt jealous over that little gesture that he never gave her. Since then, Will made it a point to kiss her goodbye every time she left, no matter where she went. Until now.

He pulled her plate to him and looked at her half eaten bagel, finally taking a bite. It actually tasted better than he thought. He took the paper out of his pocket and read it out loud one more time.

“I know that I’ve been keeping you at a distance and stopping us from getting closer, but it fucking ends now. Mackenzie, I want you. I want us to have a committed relationship, the kind of relationship where we think about and talk about the future and where I get to walk around the city and call you my girlfriend, because Mackenzie, it’s hard for me to say, but I love you. And my only wish is that I could have said it before now, because it’s been true since the day I met you. And because you deserve to hear that everyday.

You also deserve to know why I kept you at a distance. I’m scared Mac. I grew up believing that men hit and yelled and put people down and called it love. My nightmares are that I’m going to turn into that and it scares the hell out of me. The idea that I could hurt you scares me shitless. It’s the last thing I ever want to do. And that’s part of why I’m telling you this. I know that it hurts you when I don’t talk to you and I never want to hurt you again.”

Will crumpled up the sheet of paper. “FUCK! I knew I would find a way to fuck this up!” He pounded his fist on the table and felt the tears roll down his cheeks. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

*** *** ***

Mac went through the motions of showing Linda around the newsroom and getting her settled. She noticed Will walked past her office several times.   She didn’t intentionally miss him, but she felt relieved that she didn’t have to talk to him right now. She would get used to their old relationship, the one without expectations. The one that resembled dating more than anything else. She deserved more, but she couldn’t give up on him. She was invested in whatever they have.

At 2:45 Mac got a text. “At Habib’s office. I’m going to fix this. Taking your advice, will go to Nebraska Thursday after the show. Will call tonight.”

Will did call at 11:30 as usual. For the first time their conversation seemed strained. Neither seemed to know what to say so the call ended early. They both knew that their relationship changed, it took a step back, one that neither wanted to take and one that neither knew how to undo. As Will hung up and put his phone on the charger, he promised himself that he would find a way to make it right. He’d find a way to read her what he intended to read that morning. She’s the best thing in his life and he’s not going to let her go.


	31. 4:45 Eastern/3:45 Central

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Will goes to visit his family, Mac sees an old friend when she gets drunk.

**3:45 AM, Lincoln, Nebraska**

Will got a rental car and a hotel room near the airport for this visit with his family. Peg wanted him to stay with her, but he argued that he’d come in really late and there wasn’t a good way to do it. Besides, he had the money to spend on a hotel. Peg assumed he wanted someplace to escape if necessary, so she begrudgingly agreed and said she was glad he decided to come. Will heard the disappointment in her voice and thought to himself that he seems particularly good at disappointing women these days. Even his key demographic numbers are slipping.

So here he lies, staring at the ceiling, trying to decide if calling Mac falls into the parameters of their new/old relationship. Everything has felt out of sync with her all week. Mac has made it an issue to not let him talk about anything serious. But that has somehow spilled over to not being able to laugh with her or talk to her the way they had. Their conversations and vigorous debates about nothing that used to border on ridiculous, now seemed more like weather reports and schedule making. He missed the fire that came through even on the phone, the passion that he fell in love with.

He lingered on that thought, “the passion he fell in love with”. When he wrote out what he wanted to say, telling her he loved her took a lot of effort, but once he did and he said it a few times, it became a relief. He loved her, and he probably has sine the moment he met her. Will McAvoy was in love with Mackenzie McHale. The thought that scared him shitless just a week ago made him smile. Even here, even so close to his childhood home. Even when he knows he fucked it up so badly.

He has to call her. Or at least text. If it’s 3:45 in Lincoln, it’s 4:45 in DC and he knew that she usually slept another hour or so. The rules of this relationship, even that word is getting easier to think, are that he can do everything he would have done just a few weeks ago. He would have texted her when his plane got in a couple weeks ago, he has no doubt that he would. So he’s going to do that.

Will: Mac, plane got in, I’m settled in my hotel.

Maybe he was wrong. If he brought her, he’d be able to talk to her right now. That’s all he really wants. The sex would be great, but lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, he misses the intimacies that he actually allowed. The talking and laughing.   Surprising her with hidden talents. Taking out his guitar and singing to her. He fucked this up, he’s going to have to figure out how to unfuck it up.

Will: I miss you.

**4:45 AM, Washington DC**

Mac woke up with a start and looked around. Her head was swimming, probably from the drinks she had. She felt disoriented. She heard her phone buzz, so she reached over for the nightstand and touched a person. That’s weird, Will sleeps on the other side of the bed. She rolled over to go back to sleep. Almost immediately, her eyes flew open and she remembered everything from the previous night.

“Holy fuck!” she said to herself.

She felt sick. She wasn’t sure if she could get dressed and leave without losing what little dinner he had. Way to Mackenzie, not only did you drink too much, you drank on an empty stomach.

She checked the man whose bed she was in, She knew he was always a heavy sleeper. She took her phone from the other side of the bed and saw that Will had texted. She thought she was going to throw up. Quickly, she felt through the pile of clothes that they made at the foot of the bed, putting on just enough to be decent. She pulled her wallet out of her purse before stuffing it with what she didn’t put on and then replaced her wallet and phone. She felt a tear sting her eye. She squeezed them shut. She had to get out before she started crying. She didn’t want to wake him. It had nothing to do with consideration; she didn’t want to face him.

She left the apartment quiet as a mouse. They didn’t call it the “Walk of Shame” at Cambridge, but for the first time she understood what the phase meant. Last time she left a man’s room in yesterday’s clothes, Will’s sister used the phrase and Mac left Will’s hotel room like it was a badge of honor. She didn’t care who saw her leave. Tonight she felt the full measure of shame as she took out her phone to call a cab, not sure of even the address she was at.

Mac found a small rock to prop the main entrance open while she looked for landmarks or street names. Once she knew where she was, she took out her phone, Will’s unread messages still waiting. She called the cab company and went back in the hall. She never wanted to go into that unit again.

It would be 10-15 minutes they said. All she could do was wait and wonder how she let this happen.

**9:00 PM Washington DC**

_Crossfire_ wrapped for the night and she typed out and printed her notes for her seniors and the producers. She talked to the anchors for a couple minutes and then to Linda, the new senior. “Tomorrow it’s your show, but I’ll be here for questions and so will all the other seniors.”

“Do you really think I’m ready?”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

Linda thanked Mac and Mac went back to her office. She had an hour before _Just the Facts_ started, but she didn’t know anymore why she watched it. Of all the things on the “things she doesn’t talk to Will about” list, his show is 4 th after their relationship, his family and his feelings. She should call him. She should tell him to relax, she knows that this trip is fucking with his head, but she’s proud of him for making it. But saying that means she would talk about two things they don’t talk about anymore. She made up these rules, she defined this iteration of their relationship. She can break the rules, especially when she knows that they are driving a wedge between them. She feels it in every conversation, he has to as well. They’re both holding back. That wasn’t her intent, and now she needs to fix what she fucked up.

She took out her phone ready to find a way to make him smile and to let him know that she may not have the right to be, but she is proud of him. She looked at the clock, 9:15. The stage manager won’t get him for another 15 minutes. The phone rang and then went to voicemail. “Hi, Will. It’s me. Hoping to talk to you before you leave. Give me a call after the show.”

**9:15 New York City**

Will saw Mac’s call come in. He debated with himself about taking it. It should be a no brainer, but he didn’t know if he could talk to her without biting her head off, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He’s been yelling at everyone in the newsroom all day. Maybe that’s why she called, to yell at him for yelling at them. No, he didn’t want to talk to her. Not right now. He sat back in his chair and waited for the stage manager to walk in to tell him to get set. When she did come, he dismissed her with more attitude than necessary and texted Mac quickly,

Will: Sorry I missed your call. Gotta get to the studio. Hope you had a good day. May go radio silent while in NE.

**9:30 Washington DC**

Mac read the text and knew he was avoiding her, she can’t blame him, she’s done it this week too. She decided to go to the bar. She wanted to be drunk. She can get shitfaced tonight, she doesn’t really have to do anything tomorrow except be available during the show and then she’ll see Will on Monday at work. She did this. She did it for good reason, but she did this to them. And now she just wants to forget.

She went to her familiar bar, put in her order and told the bar tender to keep them coming. She thought another drink was on its way when she heard a familiar voice. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Mac scoffed at him. “How many times do I need to slap you before you get it through your head, I don’t want you and I’m wi--, I’m dating –“

Brian laughed. “It’s just a drink Mac. I’m not inviting you to my place.”

“Is there anyway for me to make you leave?”

“I know that look, you want to get shitfaced. I’ll make sure you get home safe. How about that?”

Mac laughed. “You said that the first night you bought me a drink and I ended up in your bed.”

“If you don’t want to end up there, I won’t take you there. But, I think you’ll find that between the familiarity and the my natural charm, you will want to be there.”

“Brian, go away.”

Brian smiled at her. “I don’t think that would be very gentlemanly of me.”

**12:15 New York**

Will found himself in a cab riding to the airport, angry at the situation. He didn’t want to see his father. He didn’t know the names of the nieces and nephews that might be there. His brother is dying. He’s been an asshole at work. His numbers are down. How the fuck are all his numbers down? He wasn’t getting the bump from being so close to Preston he expected. His strategy backfired. Will and Preston’s likability has gone down and Will’s trust and intellect scores went with them. If Mac would just talk to him, she could always make him understand the numbers. He didn’t always like what she said, but he could understand it. They could work through this. She would tell him the show he should be doing and he’d agree with her, but argue anyway because… because he thinks he knows better, even when deep down he knows he’s wrong.

Ratings are going down. The network can pull the plug. His big break and he may have ruined it by not listening to Mac. Dirk will commandeer the show soon, make changes that he wants. And by he, he means the network. What the fuck is the network going to do to his show? They aren’t likely to do the hard news show that he should be doing with Mac. He doesn’t want that think tank messing with his show. They’re going to ruin whatever dignity he still has. Mac will know how to fix this. She’ll tell him he has to talk to Mary and do everything she says, then drop some advice about what that should be. He needs to talk to Mac. He needs to talk to her like they used to talk, not like they have this week.

He took out his phone and listened to the message from Mac again. He should call her. Habib would say so. Peg would say so. Peg _will_ say so, he’s going to see her in just a few hours. Her and Ray and everyone else. Including his father. That thought makes his heart pound. He can take his father, beat him the way that he wanted to beat Brian, but not if he wants everyone to have a nice weekend.

He didn’t understand his reluctance to call her other than she was reluctant to call him. He wanted to hear her voice, to talk to her the way they used to. Get advice that he would ignore… and then follow later when he realized she was right or just because he wanted her to know he heard her and he trusted her. Maybe that message never came through clearly. That’s the reason he’s going. He trusted her opinion. She should know that. He knows this is a bad idea, but he’s getting on this plane because he trusts her that much. That has to mean something to her, but only if he tells her.

He selected her number and called her. He wasn’t going to tell her everything in the note, he decided to do that face to face. He had to do that face to face. He just wanted her to know that he trusted her. And that he missed talking to her. It’s like being away from his best friend. She used to say “No matter what else we are, we’re friends.” He’s never appreciated that more than now. He missed his best friend.

Her phone rang 4 times and went to voicemail. “Hi Mac, it’s me. I’m on my way to the airport, and you should know this is all your fault. I’m only going because I trust you, so if this doesn’t go well, I’ll blame you. See you Monday.”

Will was kind of proud. He was able to find the right amount of charm and sarcasm for the message. He imagined her laughing when she heard it. This has to thaw some of the ice between them.

**12:15 Washington DC**

Brian put his arm around Mac. “When we were together, I couldn’t wait to introduce you to my family. It was our first week if I remember right.”

Mac shot him a look. “That’s because you were still living with them.”

“Still, I knew right away that I wanted you in my life and I couldn’t wait to introduce you to my sisters, I knew you would fit right in.”

“Zora thought I was a bitch. And the feeling was mutual.”

Brian laughed. “She thinks everyone is a bitch, and you did fit in with them. But the fact is Mac, I wasn’t ashamed to bring you to meet my family.”

“He’s not ashamed of me.”

Brian shot her a look. “He’s either ashamed or not willing to commit. I have known since the moment I met you that I wanted you and I didn’t care who knew about it. That’s why I wanted you to move in as soon as I got my own place.”

Mac swallowed hard, stood up and excused herself. Brian watched Mac walk to the ladies room on wobbly legs and smirked a little. He’d have to cut her off soon, so he decided to settle their tabs now.

Mac used her time away from Brian to listen to the message that Will left. She got very angry, very quick. How dare that prick accuse her of something like that? She suggested he see his family for his own good, she didn’t demand he go.

Mac left the restroom and found Brian with the cashier. She took out her credit card and he shook her off, telling her tonight was on him. She looked at him and said, “Good, let’s go back to your place.”

“You’re not saving yourself for the old man anchor?”

Mac looked at him seriously. “Do you want to fuck me tonight or do you want to remind me all the reasons I shouldn’t?”

Brian took her hand and led her out the door. They went back to his place and immediately to his room. He didn’t want to use a condom, saying that he trusted she had been careful and he was clean too, but she insisted. When they finished, she got up to take a shower and leave. He held her back and told her she didn’t have to go. He didn’t sell all of her clothes on Ebay so she had a few things to sleep in and go to work in. He asked her to stay. It had been less than a week since she shared the bed in her hotel with Will, she didn’t want to go there tonight after what she did. She took a shower and set her alarm on her phone before getting back in bed with Brian. She felt dirty and rolled away from him.

**2:30** **AM On a Plane Over Mid America**

Will looked at his phone, willing it to ring.

**5:03 AM Washington DC**

Mac arrived at home wanting to scrub herself again. She also needed coffee, really strong coffee. As she sat down waiting for her coffee to brew, she took out her phone and finally read the text messages Will sent.

“I miss you too. I’m so sorry.”


	32. Work Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will looks forward to working on his family farm, while Mac thinks in her office.

Mac arrived at her office and immediately typed an email to Dirk asking if there were any positions that would keep her in New York. She hoped that if she lived in New York she wouldn’t make another mistake like the one she made with Brian. After that, she went through her day. Since she usually didn’t spend Fridays in DC, she found herself in everyone’s way. So she went back to her office, not able to concentrate on her work. She kept thinking, how would things be different this morning if she went back to New York last night instead of staying and getting drunk with Brian? After looking at it every possible way, she decided that it didn’t matter, Will made it clear that he’s not ready for the relationship she has to believe they both want. As she sat with that thought, it never felt right. She wondered, even if she had a right to do it, did that make what she did right?

Finally, when she couldn’t stand the sound of her own thoughts anymore, she called Molly and asked her to lunch. Since Molly had her own affair, she would know how this feels. She tried to think of other people she could call, but she didn’t have anyone else. Her sisters wouldn’t understand. She couldn’t take the chance of telling anyone at work, not until she figured out how and if to tell Will… and even then she probably couldn’t. She didn’t want to cause him any pain. She thought of the look on his face when he asked if she was breaking up with him. It broke her heart. That’s the last thing she wants to do, but she can’t think of a way this ends without him hurt.

Molly agreed to meet at a restaurant close to FBI headquarters. When Mac put her phone down, she realized she hadn’t responded to Will’s texts last night. She finally decided to call him. She just wanted to hear his voice, it might be a form of masochism, but she hoped that if she heard his voice, she would know if they still had a chance. That’s what she wanted more than anything, a chance to get back together with him.

*** *** ***

Will took his time getting out of bed and getting dressed to go to Peg’s house. No one would be there until later, except Ray who would be in the field. Early May is prime time for sowing the fields for just about any crop he would grow. Will purposely packed a couple pairs of well-worn jeans and some ratty t-shirts Mac made fun of him for keeping so he could help Ray. Before leaving, Will remembered how working with his hands gave him a feeling of accomplishment that nothing else ever did. He wanted to work with his hands this weekend. He also wanted to blend into the scenery, be a little invisible. The less he had to engage with people the better off he’d be.

While he drove to Ray and Peg’s farm he heard the phone ring, but couldn’t dig it out of his pocket so he let it go to voicemail. He parked his car next to the truck in the overly long driveway and took a breath. Everything around him seemed so familiar, and yet like it came from a lifetime ago. He imagined bringing Mac here and showing her around. He’d be able to do it. He came here last in 2000 for his mother’s funeral. Out of respect for her he didn’t allow he and father to come to blows, but he came close. He remembered that day and the look his father gave him as he accused Will of turning his back on his family and breaking his mother’s heart. That was the reason he didn’t want Mac here. He didn’t know if he could hold himself back this time. But he also knew that if she did come, if he would have let her, she could have helped diffuse situations. He could imagine her wanted to go out and sow the field with a shovel in a pair of heels, just to prove a point.

He looked at the barn that sat just behind Peg’s house and wondered if it’s the one he helped Ray’s family raise in high school. Back then, he and Ray were best friends. Ray started dating Peg after Will went to school, but one weekend when he came home, Peg showed him where Ray had carved his and Peg’s initials into the barn inside a heart. Will sarcastically said, “Awwwww, it’s high school love.” He didn’t think that high schoolers were old enough to find real love, whatever that meant. Even 35 years later, he was still figuring it out. But Ray and Peg got it. He envied them. He wondered if the carving was still there. As he thought about it, most of his school had carved their initials in that barn at one time or another. He never did, but he did bring a couple girls to the barn. Ray’s family welcomed everyone. He tried to keep everyone off his property, he didn’t want them to see his father drunk. But everyone went to Ray’s farm. He had some good memories here.

Will skipped giving himself a tour of the barn and opted instead to knock on the door of the house. When no one answered, he went to the field to see if he could find Ray. In the distance was the tractor, so he walked towards it. It took Ray a couple minutes to see Will, but Will know the instant that Ray did. The vehicle stopped and Ray jumped out running towards Will.

“When Peggy told me you were coming, I couldn’t believe it. The great Billy McAvoy coming home.” Ray greeted Will with a hug and a smile and Will felt relaxed for the first time in a week.

“Well, I’m a little surprised to be here too, but that wife of yours can be pretty persistent.”

“I understand that hard-headedness runs in your family.” Ray looked Will over. “You decided to dress like you’re slumming it. Weren’t you unable to find a pair of bib overalls to complete the ensemble?”

Will laughed, “My girlfriend already makes fun of me for keeping these around, she would burn a pair of overalls.

“You’re girlfriend eh? I guess my wife really has gotten through to you.” Ray smiled at Will who looked like he had just been caught. “Be honest. This is the most comfortable you’ve felt in years, isn’t it?”

“You get used to suits. Never the tie. But I came here to work with my hands. What do you have for me to do?”

“You sure you haven’t forgotten how to work a field, city boy?”

Will smiled. That was intended as an insult. “I bet I can remember.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want your network coming after me when you’re in traction from working too hard.”

“I can still throw a slider and I can plant a field.”

Ray shot him a look. “You could never throw a decent slider.”

“I was the best pitcher we had!”

“Isn’t that like being the best ditch digger?”

Will had to admit Ray was right. There wasn’t a lot of competition for “best” anything athletically related. Ray suggested going inside to get some lunch, Will thought it was a little early, but Ray reminded him that his day started at 5.

Over lunch, Ray got serious and thanked him for hosting Peg the previous weekend. He also said Peg will grill him about the girlfriend, so he won’t broach that subject. “So what’s it like being a popular newsman who has it all?” Will sat back in his chair and thought for a long time. When he didn’t say anything, Ray added, “Big, fancy apartment, enough money to buy and sell this place a hundred times over, beautiful girlfriend. You left here and made something of yourself. We’re all proud of you Will.”

“It’s not as picturesque as you make it sound. I spent a lot of time trying to leave this place, but things here are simpler. I love where I am and what I’m doing.”

“And according to Peg, your girlfriend is intelligent and gorgeous.”

“I thought you weren’t going to grill me about her.” Ray sat back and smiled. “Okay, she’s perfect in every way. But sometimes, I miss just working with my hands. Everything in my world feels phony most of the time. I want to get my hands dirty.”

Ray put his napkin in his plate and smiled at Will. “You really were serious about working the field, weren’t you?” He stood up and ushered Will outside. “Come on!”

*** *** ***

Molly arrived at the restaurant just after Mac. When they got to their table, Mac started immediately, “I cheated on Will.”

Molly smiled at her. “He finally made a commitment to you?”

“Well, no, but…”

Molly smiled. “Then you didn’t cheat, you found someone else.”

Mac looked at Molly like she grew an extra head. “No! No! I got drunk last night and Brian came in, and one thing led to another. And it was meaningless. And now I feel horrible.”

Molly looked at her more seriously. “Why would you feel horrible? You can fuck any man you want. You’re not attached to anyone.”

Mac didn’t want to answer the question. “But we are together. And I feel guilty. Didn’t you feel guilty?”

“Mac, you and Will aren’t some old married couple who are looking forward to the rest of your lives together. You went out and had a good time, then had bonus sex with your ex. There’s nothing wrong with that. Embrace it! Think of it this way, last time you were with Brian, he broke your heart, he rejected you. If you don’t want him, you can do that to him. And as long as Will has his head up his ass, you can go home with anyone you want.”

“I don’t want to break up with Brian. I want to be with Will. That’s what I want. What I did with Brian was a mistake.”

Molly rolled her eyes. “Honey, you know I love you, but you’re just a fling to Will otherwise he would be more serious about you.”

“He is serious in his own way. It’s like it’s right there, it’s what he wants, he’s just… scared or something. And what I did felt wrong. Didn’t it feel wrong when you were with Dave?”

“That was different. I was married and had a son. I knew that if my husband ever found out, I would lose everything important in my life. I justified it the best I could. I told myself all the reasons Richard deserved this and what he did to lead me to that point. After a little while, that’s the only way I could live with myself. I don’t think we ever want to see ourselves as being in the wrong.”

Mac put her head down. “I keep trying to tell myself that it was okay.   Will will never know and we’re not together. But it’s not working. If he ever finds out, this thing that, we haven’t labeled it, but it’s something, it’ll be ruined.” Mac thought for a second. Maybe this won’t hurt it anymore than she did when she redefined their relationship. “I just want a do over. A second chance to get it right.”

“Mac I told myself whatever I needed to stop the guilt, because I did betray something that was real. I guess if you want to put yourself through that torture you can, but you don’t have to. You’re entitled to do whoever you want because you’re not tied to him.”

*** *** ***

Peg got home with Junior’s three kids and looked around the house for Will. When she didn’t see him, she went to the field to ask Ray where he went. The rental was in the driveway so he couldn’t have gone far. When she saw her brother and husband doing something with rakes that looked more like gardening than farming, she smiled and walked to them, with the two year old on her hip. “Now this is a picture that Mackenzie should get to see. Will, standing here shirtless after a major workout with my sexy husband.”

“Oh, honey, I have a feeling that Mackenzie knows what he looks like shirtless and sweaty after a good workout.”

Will smiled, “We’re not exactly under the covers, lights off people.”

Peg smiled at her brother. “First of all, ew. More than I wanted to know about my brother.” She gave him a hug, “Second, I’m so glad she changed your mind.”

“Why do you assume that this is Mac’s work?”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah, but you don’t have to assume it.”

Peg smiled up at him. “Well, no matter why you’re here, I’m glad you are. So how is Mac? Did you talk to her? What did she say?”

Ray gave Will a knowing look. “Can we save the grilling for a little later, us men have work to do out here.”

“You’re making him plant my garden?”

Ray shrugged his shoulders. “There was no way I was letting him near my tractor.”

“Will and I and our little helpers can finish the flowers. Why don’t you go out and finish that field. We’re a little behind.”

Will looked at Ray as he began to leave. “I can go with him. I won’t touch anything.”

“Nope, you’re staying right here and you’re going to tell me everything I want to know about Mac.”

Will relayed the whole story. He wrote out what he wanted to say, he tried to talk to her at dinner and then at breakfast and what she said and how they kept missing each other all week. But he also told her that he’s able to say he’s in love with her without passing out and he intends to talk to her about a real relationship, not this half assed thing that they have now. It hurt him when she insisted they were just dating. Peg agreed that Mac needed to hear that, but told him not to wait until they were face to face. He could text her right now or call her tonight. He doesn’t have to say everything, just that he had an epiphany and he wants a real relationship. Peg thought she might pass out with just that much. Will nodded his head.

*** *** ***

Mac sat in her office in DC, mostly trying to pass the time until her show started. She zoned out while looking at the computer when Dirk’s response to her email came in. He told her that he didn’t have any EP positions open in New York, but he did have another role that she might be interested in and invited her to talk to him on Monday.

She accepted his invite and started looking at how the competition was covering today’s news. While reading a third story, she heard her phone beep. She got excited, hoping Will had texted. Instead it was Brian, “I planned to get you breakfast. A little bistro down the street. Next time. If you want to come over, you left a few things at my place.”

Mac could feel the bile stir up in her stomach again. She needed to find a way to get out of DC for good. If she can get away from DC, she doesn’t have to face Brian and be tempted by the man who will say the words that Will won’t.   “Anything I left there, you can burn. That’s what I plan to do with what I wore out.”

Never again. She won’t ever do that again.

*** *** ***

Peg sent Will into the house to get some water and when he went in, he saw his father. He looked different, smaller than Will remembered, but it was him. And he had a beer in his hand.

“Well, well, well, the prodigal son has returned.” With that, John McAvoy raised his bottle as if he was making a toast. Will’s face changed immediately from the smile he had with Peg to a dead serious look of disgust at his father. “What? No hug for your old man? What kind of manners did they teach you at that ivy league school I paid a fortune for?”

Will swallowed hard, trying to keep his composure. Peg had grandkids outside, they don’t need to see their great grandfather like this. “I suggest you put that bottle down. You’re not getting drunk here when the kids are around.”

John jumped out of his chair and launched himself towards Will. “I am your father and you will show me proper respect. If I want a fucking drink at my daughter’s house, I will have a fucking drink at my daughter’s house. And no prissy ivy school elitist asshole who thinks he’s better than me is going to stop me.”

Will knocked the bottle out his hand sending it to the wall several feet away from them. They heard it break. “There are children here and they will not deal with their great grandfather drunk. Not while I’m around.”

“Then I suggest you get the fuck out of here. I was invited and I intend to see my family.”

“I was invited too and I’m going to do whatever the fuck I have to to protect your family from you.”

“You turned your back on your family to go to your East Coast schools and now you expect everyone to just bow to your demands because you deigned to come see us. I don’t know what the fuck your problem has been all these years. Your mother and I did nothing but love you and this is the thanks we get.”

“The hell you did.“

John got in Will’s face, ready to slap him. “I loved you, more than the rest of them. You were so much smarter and better at everything than the rest. I was proud of everything you did. So I had to toughen you up a little. If I knew you’d become a Jew loving, Harvard elitist, I wouldn’t have bothered.”

Will stared down his father and gave him a smirk. “Afraid to hit me now, old man? I’ve got four inches on you and you’re giving up about 30 pounds. I’m not your damned wife and I’m not a little kid anymore. You move that hand above your waste and I will knock you the fuck into next week. You take one more drink when I’m around and that’s the last drink you’ll ever have. What you did to us was poison and I will not stand here and listen to you call it anything but. Now I’m going outside to give Peg her water. If I come back and see you with anything stronger than Kool-Aid, our next conversation will not be this cordial.”

Will stormed outside and immediately Peg intercepted him. “It’s okay Billy.”

“You heard all that?”

Peg cocked her head towards the door. “I heard the bottle crash and then listened in case I needed to go in.”

“He was drinking Peggy. You know what happens when he gets a few beers in him.”

Peg nodded her head. “I know what you remember, but a lot of things changed. There was an incident while I was pregnant with Janey. Ray immediately got in his face and said that if he ever touched anyone in his house again, they wouldn’t find enough pieces of his body to make an identification. For years the kids didn’t see their grandparents even though they lived just down the street. Mom came out every once in a while, but,” Peg stopped from saying what she always suspected, there was no reason to get Will more agitated. “But not as often as we wanted. Eventually we let them come over, under the condition that dad was never left alone with the kids. And it worked out. Then after mom died, dad changed. He kinda exists. He floats between the two houses and doesn’t do much else. We let him come over whenever he wants because it’s the only way to make sure he’s still alive.”

“You shouldn’t have to take care of that asshole.”

Peg gave her brother a serious look. “He’s family, Will. And I have to insist that while you’re here, you’re not going to stir anything up with him.   We won’t let them alone with him, that’s a rule and they don’t understand it, but everyone accepts it. You don’t have to be everyone’s protector this time.”


	33. WDM +3M

Mac looked at the clock on her computer, 4PM. She looked down at her fingers as she counted, four hours until her show starts. Five hours until it’s over, then it’s a quick dash to give notes, say good job to Linda, and off to the airport. She listened to the silence. She’ll get to New York and not see Will until Monday. Her chest felt like ice as she realized she’d have to cancel spending Saturday with her sister. She can’t tell Camille. In fact, there’s no one she can tell this to, she made the worst mistake of her life and she has to face it alone.

She has to convince Dirk to give her something in New York. If she could leave DC behind and live full time in New York, she would make it up to Will. She can’t do that from DC. She can’t work on what’s wrong from here. She looked out at her newsroom floor. Could she give it up? Could she give up running a show from the studio and exclusively do the administrative work? That’s what Dirk did. He was her EP until he decided to move up the ranks for his family. He sacrificed what he loved for his family. Or maybe he had a field producer role open. No, that would be considered a step down, and even if it wasn’t, he’s not that “the weeds,” he would only have high level studio positions or administrative. And since he’s said he doesn’t have any EP positions for her, it has to be administrative.

She considered it. Could she really give up what she loves for a man who may never want her? She’d have to figure that out if that’s her only option. Dirk has something for her. She can’t make a decision until she knows what he has. But right now she feels like she would take anything that would keep her in New York.

4:00 Eastern, 3:00 Central. Will’s been in Nebraska for about 12 hours. She wants to call him and just hear his voice. She doesn’t have many friends, especially friends outside work. But she has Will and she’s going to keep him as long as she can. She pulled out her phone and pressed the buttons to make the call. It went to voicemail. That must mean he’s not in his hotel and so he’s with his family. That’s what he should be doing.

“Hey Will, it’s me. Tall, brunette, English accent. Just checking in, wanted to make sure everything is okay.” She paused, thinking about whether their new relationship would allow her finish what she wanted to say. Fuck it. This new relationship is the reason she’s in this mess. “And I miss hearing the sound of your voice. Call me when you get this. I know what I said Monday, but I regret it. I regret a lot of things. Just call me.”

*** *** ***

Junior, Ray and Peg’s son, arrived at the farm next with Nancy and her two teenaged kids. Nancy looked ragged and the kids weren’t in much better shape. As Will watched them, he wondered if his father was the only person he needed to watch around drinks. The last time Will saw Nancy was at his mom’s funeral 6 years ago. The kids were 13 and 10, now that they’re teenagers and able to drive, Will barely recognized them.

Nancy and Will shared an uncomfortable hug as Will did the math. He left for college at 16 and Nancy was 5. He left and never looked back, he’d never bonded with Nancy, or Les for that matter. He didn’t know anything about the woman she had become other than she worked as a nurse in Seattle. And she had two kids with two men. She married one of them, but it didn’t last long. He always had the impression that he beat her, but he never got that confirmed.

Once the perfunctory hug was over, Nancy asked why everyone was working, it’s the weekend and they’re here to celebrate their brother. Will and Peg were just over a year apart so they grew up together. Les and Nancy were about the same and he assumed they grew up together in the same way. Nancy would have been 9 when Junior was born, Les would have been 11. Peg, being a wife and mother, probably couldn’t look after them. Will felt a pang of guilt over not protecting them.

Peggy told Will, Nancy and Junior to take the kids and go inside, she just had a couple more things to do with the garden. They agreed though Will wanted to stay outside. He felt comfortable with Peg, but everyone inside were strangers he let down… and his father.

Will got a glass of water while Nancy checked the fridge. “What, no beer?” John yelled from the living room to check the drawers. “Found it. You want one dad?”

John gave a wry smile, “Our elite Harvard graduate is looking down his nose at our beer.”

“I went to Nebraska and then Columbia. And I don’t care what kind of beer is here, just that you don’t drink it.”

“He mistakes proper punishment for drunken abuse.”

Will remembered Peg’s warning. He didn’t want to rock the boat. He won’t let his father drink, not with kids around especially, but he decided to let that one go in the name of family harmony. As Will eyed his father, Nancy decided to break the ice. “So I hear you’ve got a regular thing with some girl in New York. Sounds pretty serious.”

This was going to be a long night. “Her name is Mackenzie and it’s pretty serious.”

John’s face lit up. “Peg showed me some of the pictures. She’s a knockout.” Will shot him a look. “It’s okay if I say that, right? I mean, I can have opinions, can’t I?”

Will had visions of his father meeting Mac and immediately wanted to let him know that he will keep his hands off her. But he stopped himself and said, “Yeah.”

“Just be sure that she’s not some tramp after your money. I’ve heard about women like that. Convince you she’s in love with you while having someone else to split the profits. You can tell by how good a lay she is.”

Nancy added, “Yeah, like that, uh, Anna Nicole Smith bitch. Married the old guy for his money.”

“Now that woman had to be good. How much was he worth and she got him to marry her? I’m telling you, it was all about how good she could fake it while being fucked. You gotta watch out Billy.”

Will watched his hand clench into a fist and open again several times as he bit back the urge to prematurely carry out one his earlier threats. “No one’s been able to prove that. And Mackenzie isn’t with me for my money. She’s an accomplished woman in her own rite. One of the smartest people I know.”

John looked at his youngest daughter. “Is that, uh, that one of those things people just say?”

Will gritted his teeth and heard himself breathing. “She went to Cambridge in England. She’s considered one of the best in the world at her job.”

John shook his head, obviously also trying to keep his temper in check. “See Billy, you need to stop being such a prick.”

“What the fuck did I say?”

“I know that Cambridge is in God damned England, shithead. And why’s the first thing you tell me where she went to school?”

Will’s attention went back to the two year old who ran around in circles screaming, while the 5 year old started banging on one of Peg’s pots with a spoon. Will wasn’t used to all this activity around him. He lived alone or he had Mac with him. Mac could get loud, but nothing like this. Will was having trouble concentrating so he looked at Junior and asked if he should pick one of them up. Junior took his youngest and told him to quiet down, which didn’t seem to deter him. John got up and walked toward the 5 year old and Will immediately stood in front of him giving his father a glare. John clenched his jaw and stood down. “I was just going to take the pot away.”

Will continued staring at his father and then calmly turned around and took the pot and spoon. Peg came in soon after and pulled out some toys she had set aside for the kids with an ease that amazed Will. Ray came in soon and announced that he needed to get a shower before dinner. Will asked when they were expecting Les. Peg said that Janey would meet him at the airport about now so they should have him here in about an hour.

Peg showed Nancy where she and the kids would stay. The kids had the entire basement to themselves. It was a favorite place when Peg’s kids were growing up. Nancy would be in the guest room. Les and Bruce would stay in Janey’s old room. When Will heard who Les was bringing home, he did a double take. John however got angry.

“He’s bringing that fucking faggot here to embarrass me? None of you kids ever appreciated the sacrifices I made for you. And this is how you repay me. One kid threatening me every five minutes for the great sin of wanting a god damned drink. A grandkid who doesn’t know how the fuck to control her fucking children, and a third kid who plans to traipse around my town making a fool of me by showing the world he’s a faggot. Nancy, get me a fuckin’ beer.” He looked directly at Will, “I’m the father, I’ll make the damn rules.”

“Don’t do it Nancy.” Will said staring at his sister.

She returned his look with one of disbelief. “It’s one damn beer. There’s no reason to deny him that.”

Will looked at Peg hoping for a sign that she would back him. He heard her say, “Will, do you want to see the barn you helped raise when you were in high school?”

Will took her cue and left with her. They went to the barn with Peg telling her brother to calm down. He was having a hard time. His nerves were on edge. He paced around the barn a little until his heart stopped racing and his breathing normalized. “I don’t know if I can do this Peg. I can’t stop remembering.”

“He doesn’t ever come here. You’ll be okay here, anytime you need to just get away. That’s what Ray does. If he gets to be too much, come out here and cool down. You can do this Will. If you need to talk, just ask me or Ray to come with you or call Mac. We’ll get you through this.”

Will nodded his head and checked his phone for messages, a habit he’s gotten into, even though he knows it a little rude. “Mac called, I need to listen to her message.”

Peg smiled. “Go ahead and call her back. Take your time.”

“Are you sure?”

Peg laughed, “It’s okay Billy. We’re glad you’re here and you’re always welcome, but she’s your real life, and I’m happy for that.”

“I couldn’t bring her here, Peg. When I first pulled up, I thought I made a mistake. But the thought of him and her in the same room. I just can’t.”

“You still feel like you have to protect us from him, but he’s not a threat. He’s not going to hurt anyone. And if he does, Ray and Junior and even Janey will have his ass out of here faster than a chicken can slip out of your hands.”

Will laughed, remembering the time that he tried to show off by recreating the chicken chasing scene from Rocky. Peg smiled at her brother. “You’re going to be okay, Will.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to leave. After she left the barn, she turned back around and yelled, “Now call your girlfriend!”

Will smiled and looked around. Mac is a city girl, but she’d like it here for short periods of time. She does have an appreciation for the quaint. If there was a way to get her here without his father… He looked closer at the walls and smiled when he saw some scratches on one of the wood planks. As he looked at them closer, he realized they were two sets of initials inside a heart. There were hearts that were scratched out and he found an area with initials he recognized, ones from his family. Ray and Peg, Junior and Holly, Janey and Mitch. He assumed LM and BB were Les and Bruce. Even his parents had a spot. Caught up in the nostalgia, Will took out his keys and considered adding his own scratching, when he heard someone clear his throat. Will turned around to see Ray trying to hide a laugh.

“Go ahead. I’m surprised Peg hasn’t done it already. Your sister is a sucker for this. The plank I used for us in high school rotted a long time ago. When I replaced it, I cut out the heart I made for us, did some restoration on it and built a frame for it. Peg keeps it on her night stand.”

“Did Peg send you out here to spy on me or to talk to me about what happened in there?”

“Neither, I just wanted to walk. I’m no more comfortable in there than you. So I took a couple beers and thought I’d keep you company.” Ray added with a smile, “That is if you aren’t too elite for a Budweiser.”

Will took the beer and smiled, “It’s what I keep at home.” The two drank in silence for a little while until finally Will said, “I know that you trust him. You’ve been with him when I haven’t been, so I need to trust your judgment. But when I saw him that close… I don’t have any memories of him taking the toy away, unless he hit us with it.”

Ray nodded his head. “It took a long time for me too and I still don’t completely trust him. I only let him here out of family loyalty. I saw him punch my wife once and he lost three teeth before he got off the property. Peg and I begged your mom to stay with us. When she wouldn’t, we tried to get Nancy and Les to stay here. I don’t understand why she stayed there. It was a few years later when Peg convinced me the kids needed both sets of grandparents. But I never got over it.”

“So you understand.”

Ray nodded his head. “But you have to understand that none of us are going to let him hurt any of the kids. He’s on a short leash and he knows it. I don’t want to put you on a leash too.” Ray gave a chuckle as he said, “Now, get your initials on that wall, call your girlfriend and come inside. We’re having real food tonight, none of that tofu crap that you’re used to.”

“I promise, I have never tasted fucking tofu in my life. I’m a Nebraska boy, I only eat slaughtered food.”

“Good for you. I’ll hold Peg off for as long as I can, but I can only promise a few minutes.”

Ray left with a smile as Will carved a heart on the wall and wrote “WDM + 3M” inside it. He quickly took a picture and texted it to Mac. Within a minute his phone rang. “What am I looking at?”

Will took a breath and said, “In high school we used to carve our initials and our girlfriend’s initials on this wall.”

Mac felt tears begin to well up in her eyes. She couldn’t tell if they came from the guilt or excitement of what he was saying. “Does this mean you’re asking me to go steady?”

“I’d give you my letterman jacket if I was there.”

Mac had to keep her voice level as she said, “I still have your college jersey.”

“That doesn’t work. That’s only for one day. This is more than a quick college fuck.”

Mac laughed and Will breathed a sigh of relief. As tense as it is to see his dad, talking to Mac centered him in a way that Peg and Ray couldn’t. She is his real life.

Mac asked, “Does that mean we’ll only last until you leave for college in the fall? I kept having to leave my high school boyfriends.”

“Boyfriends? How many did you have?”

“I know you haven’t spent your life at the one hand show.” Mac stopped to give him time to look a little guilty. “But if we’re just talking about high school –“

“Wait, I don’t think I want to know this.”

Mac gave a laugh. “I never got serious about anyone in high school. We had to move around too much. One boyfriend in college for like a month and another that lasted a couple years. I spent a few months with a guy in grad school and then Brian. That’s it.”

“Don’t I make the list?”

For the first time during this call, Will thought she sounded serious. “Will, we need to talk when you get back.”

Will nodded his head. “Yes we do. We definitely do because I’ve missed the sound of your voice too… and I miss my best friend.”

Mac felt a tear sting her eye. How did she let this happen? How did she let things get so out of hand. “I’m at work and I need to go.”

“We’ll talk soon.”

Mac hung up the phone and cried. If she hadn’t gone to that bar last night… But she did and for the first time in their… whatever it is… or whatever he’s calling it now… for the first time she feels insecure about them. When they were something, she always felt like they were serious, even if he never said so. But she violated that. She made the decision to trample on that and now she doesn’t know where that leaves them.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a lot of John McAvoy's dialogue from the episode Oh, Shenodoah. So a lot of credit for this chapter and last (maybe even next, they're starting to run together in my head) goes to Aaron Sorkin. Or maybe more credit than usual since besides using his characters, I try to stick something from the show in somewhere.


	34. Around the Table

When Will went back inside, Les and Bruce had just arrived. Will saw how skinny and sickly Les looked. He didn’t expect to see a strapping young man, but he wasn’t prepared for that pale skin tone or the sunken face. For the first time, it became real to Will that his brother was going to die. This man that he should have protected, won’t see his next birthday. On one level Will knew that he couldn’t have stopped Les from getting sick, but he wasn’t there when he did. And now Les is another person in his family that Will doesn’t know and he regrets it.

Les gave his brother a hug and said he never misses his show. Bruce added that it’s like he already knows Will. Will shook Bruce’s hand and nodded his head saying, “thanks for watching” realizing, maybe for the first time, that his viewers don’t actually know him and he doesn't know them. He’d have to ponder that later since the family began sitting down to dinner. Will looked around the table and noticed that except for Peg, Ray and their kids, no one looked real comfortable. It made sense. Except for Peg, each of the siblings left home and didn’t come back except for emergencies. If one had to visit the area another lived in, they would arrange to have dinner, but that was it.

Dinner tonight went on seemingly forever, something that Will remembered from growing up. During the harvest, mom always had to cook enough food for all the farm hands. They put in a long day and everyone ate as much as they could and stayed as long as they could because they had no where else to go. Will didn’t think that was still the practice, but Peg acted like it was. She made an elaborate meal that could feed this group three times over. She was also real good at getting conversations started. Before long it seemed everyone had relaxed and started laughing. This is what Will thought family should be. It’s not what family had ever been for him before, but seeing it and experiencing it, he wondered if he and Mac could pull something like this off. He’d seen Mac play hostess when needed, and though she did it different, she could make a room full of people feel comfortable. He’s more the cook than she is, but she has a knack for setting a tone and getting everyone introduced and talking.

“Will! Will? Are you even listening?”

Hearing Peg’s voice startled Will. “I’m here.”

Les asked, “That’s nice, but where were you?”

Peg started laughing, “Look at that blush. He was thinking about Mackenzie.”

Will blushed even more, if that was possible, so Bruce looked around the table and finally said, “Peg, why don’t _you_ tell us a little about this Mackenzie.”

Peg made a big show of getting comfortable before starting. “Well I guess the first thing you need to know is that Will could not stop talking about her. The first thing he noticed about her was her ballsiness.”

Will rolled his eyes. “That’s not even a word.”

“Everyone knows what I mean. She was in a meeting the day Hurricane Katrina made landfall and her show wanted to have some complete shit of a reporter cover the story, she said no, left the meeting, took Will by the hand and dragged him to her meeting and announced that he would cover the story.”

Will smiled at the memory. “She left no room for discussion. The evening news director had to make a decision between this hundred pound soaking wet senior producer who’d been around for a couple weeks or the EP of the show that’s been there a decade or more and she won. So she spent the week running me.”

John shot a look at Will. “You let some woman tell you what to do?”

“She’s the best executive producer in the business. If she told me to do her laundry, I’d do it without a question.”

“That’s some of that backwards liberal thinking there. The man should be the head, the woman follows.”

“In this case, that woman is smarter than me in every way conceivable. She’s far more accomplished than I can ever hope to be, and she makes me a better person just by being around me.”

John stood up and walked toward his eldest son. “You just can’t stop yourself from letting us know how superior you and your little whore are to everyone.”

Will emphasized his movements as he stood up and then looked down so he could make eye contact with his father. “Watch it dad. You will show her some respect.”

“The little bitch isn’t even here. What the fuck kind of respect do you expect for her?”

“You will show me respect by showing her respect. She’s not a bitch, she’s not a whore. When you refer to her, you will call her Mackenzie or Ms. McHale.”

“You and your northeastern air of superiority. You really think that she’s not halfway across the country right now fucking some other guy? You think that she’d save herself for just you? You used to be too smart for the rest of us. You know, that’s why I drank. But now look at you, getting cockblocked by some whore who’s using you.”

Ray sat closest to Will and watched him closely. He could see that Will was close to losing it. He gave a look to his wife, who said, “Will, dad, sit down. We’re having a nice time and I’m not going to let you ruin it.”

Will closed his eyes and started to silently count to ten. Finally, he turned to get back in his seat. He felt a hand on his shoulder pulling him back around and before his father could say anything, Will punched him in the face. Ray immediately jumped up to hold Will back and when Bruce saw he was having trouble, he helped as well.

“Come on old man. You forget that I can hit back? All those years of beating the shit out of your wife and kids, and you go down with one hit? You want to show me what it means to be a man, here’s your chance.”

“Will!”

Will looked around at his family who for the most part had their mouths agape. Nancy crouched down by their father to make sure he was okay, the kids looked horrified. Junior and Janey looked like they were in shock. Peg gave him a disappointed look while Les looked down. Ray turned him around and said, “come on”. As Ray and Will went outside, Will heard one of Nancy’s kids ask her mom if he told the truth, that grandpa used to hit them.

When Ray and Will were outside, Will immediately said, “I’m sorry, Ray. I didn’t mean to do it.”

Ray saw how freaked out Will was.   “If you tell anyone I said this, I’ll call you a liar to your face, but he’s had it coming for awhile. I’m not sure I’d have done anything different, except maybe do it a little sooner.”

“Peg told me that you’d kept it from the kids.”

Ray shrugged it off. “They’ve known for a long time that there was some reason they couldn’t be alone with their grandfather. I’d be surprised if they didn’t know already.”

Will looked at his hands that still shook. “I thought I had better control.”

“Will, why don’t you go back to your hotel room and come back tomorrow. You don’t need to be here right now. We’ll take care of everyone.”

Will nodded his head and left for his car.

*** *** ***

_Crossfire_ ended without any major issues. As had become her custom, Mac printed out a set of notes and began putting them on her senior staff’s desks. She also made it point to talk to Linda and see if there were any concerns about the show. When Linda said no, she really loved running the show, Mac felt a tinge of pride. Mac still felt the excitement of running a show and loved seeing it in someone else’s eyes. For a second she wondered how many more times she’ll get to run a studio. She tried to stop thinking about it. She doesn’t even know what Dirk has for her.

She said goodbye to her staff and reminded them she’d be in New York all next week. One of her producers started singing, “Let’s Get It On” and she laughed. “Marvin Gaye you are not, but yes, I’m sure a lot of that will happen when I’m not writing reports and working 18 hour long days. If you need me, you all have my cell.”

Will’s call had given her some hope, it also made her feel guilty, but she felt hopeful that she could put this back together. She’d have to learn how to forget that it ever happened. She took the elevator down to the lobby and walked outside where she found Brian.

“Come on, we need to talk about last night.”

“Why? It was a mistake. A lousy, drunken mistake. And I have a plane to catch.”

“Can’t you stay in DC just a little longer?”

Mac shot him a questioning look. “Why?”

“Because you wanted it as much as I did and I think despite your protests, you enjoyed it as much as I did.”

“I’m going to the airport.”

Mac turned away from him to get her car. Brian yelled behind her, “I know you Mac. You're trying to be something that you aren't. He's got you believing you have to be a more perfect version of you to stay with him. I stayed with you even though I knew you weren’t perfect. You’re reckless and flighty. Does he know that? If he did, I can guarantee that he wouldn’t stay with you. You’ll never measure up to what he wants. I loved you despite that.”

Mac got in the car and took a breath. She always knew that Will saw her as more perfect than she is. Is Brian right? Has Will blinded himself to who she is and once he finds out she’s not as perfect as he thinks, will he give up on her the way Brian did? Was she hiding who she was and playing the part of a perfect woman for him? She knew that he held back a lot of himself, probably because of fear or something. Had she done the same? Brian couldn’t know what her relationship with Will is like. He couldn’t possibly know if she’s putting on an act for him. She has to get to the airport. It’ll be a few days before she can see him, but she needs to be anywhere but DC. As she started to drive to the Reagan National Airport, her phone beeped with a text message from Peg. “Give Will 45 minutes to get back to his hotel and then call to check on him.”

“Will, what the fuck did you do?” Mac didn’t have time to text Peg back, she had a short window to get to the terminal and turn in her car before actually getting on her plane. By the time she had settled into her seat, over an hour had passed so she called Will.

“Is everything alright?”

Will felt caught. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Your sister texted and said I should call to check on you.”

Will exhaled slowly. He’d disappointed everyone in that house tonight, now he had to talk to Mac and he didn’t want to get into this with her. He didn’t think he could stand her being disappointed too. “Would you believe me if I said everything is fine?”

“Would you be lying to me?”

Will smirked a little. “You know me too well. I guess that’s why I carved our initials on that wall.”

“Will. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

“My sister’s worried about me. It’s part of her charm. Are you on your way home?”

“I’m on a plane.”

“I’ll be getting in on noon Monday. Will I see you at work?”

“You know you haven’t successfully changed the subject. And yes you will see me. I’m in New York all week.”

Will smiled. A week with Mac. They have some making up to do. “Mac, I’ve spent the week missing you, even when I was avoiding you. But as much as I would love to spend the rest of your plane ride talking to you, it’s been a long day.”

“I know. And you know that anytime you want to talk, you can call me, right?”

“I know. And I promise I will. And not just because Peg browbeats me.”

Mac gave a little snort. “Good night Will, and make sure you put a glass of water next to your bed.”

“Thanks, Mac. Good night.” Will hung up the phone and got the glass of water. She really did know him too well.

Just like Mac predicted, Will woke up from a nightmare. The whole family watched as Will and his father faced off in a boxing ring. Before the bell started them, Will scanned the crowd and made sure that Mac wasn’t there. While the men were supposed to tap gloves, her heard the different things his father said today, so instead of tapping gloves, Will hit his father in the face and then got him with a sucker punch. While Will prepared to give him an uppercut, Mac walked in. “Will, he’s your father!”

“Mac, you don’t understand.”

Peg jumped into the ring, “I do, and I’m disgusted with what you did.”

“Peg, please.”

Ray came in as well, “I want you out of my house.”

“Ray, I’m sorry.”

“He’s our father, Will, and you just traumatized my kids.”

“You just don’t get it, Nancy.”

The three siblings then turned to him, standing between him and John. “You didn’t protect us then, why the fuck do you think you can now?”

The whole group of them started walking toward him with their fists clenched.


	35. Brothers and Sisters

Will woke up he realized he didn’t have to be back at the farm until noon for a picnic. Last night after calling Mac from the barn, he had an idea of something he wanted to do and now this might be his chance. He’d have to buy some supplies in Lincoln, but he was sure he could find his way around town. He put on his Cornhuskers shirt, jeans and a hat in hopes that he could stay incognito. He felt silly walking into a hardware store to find a piece of plywood, a reciprocating saw, a chisel set and some stain. He brought his supplies back to the hotel and began working. As he began his work, he heard his phone ring. When he picked it up he didn’t recognize the number. “This is Will.”

“Billy, hi! It’s your brother. Les.”

“Hey Les! What’s up?”

“Well, Bruce and I were wondering if we could come over for a little bit.”

Will smiled at his project and said, “Sure. I’m working on something right now, but planned to go to breakfast soon. Why don’t you two meet me there?”

Les agreed and they planned to meet in an hour at a favorite restaurant in Lincoln.

*** *** ***

Mac woke to the sound of her phone ringing. When she saw it was her sister Camille, she rolled her eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Camille is a photographer who bases herself in New York, though she gets jobs all over the world. The sisters typically see each other about once a month for lunch or dinner. Camille especially adores Will. She’s actually told Mac that if they ever broke up, she would take Will’s side. Since Will was going to be out of town, they decided to spend the day together, until Mac tried to cancel yesterday. Mac didn’t want to tell Camille what happened with Brian and she knew her sister would figure out something was wrong.

After Camille called for a third time, Mac answered the phone and Camille told her that if she didn’t get to the bagel shop, Camille would drag her out of bed and out the door no matter what clothes she was or wasn’t wearing. Mac hated the idea of meeting anyone, but decided to get out of bed and meet her sister. She’ll figure out later how to not tell her about Brian.  

*** *** ***

Will looked at his art project one last time before leaving for breakfast. Les didn’t give a lot away with his invitation, but Will had a bad feeling. He looked at his at his project again, hoping that it can somehow put off the inevitable. He he ran his hand over it and smiled. He was proud to give Mac something tangible, something he made. She may not understand it, but he felt like he had to make this for her. He was glad he did. It gave him something to do in a state where there’s not must to do ever. Unfortunately, now he had to see his brother and he started feeling anxious.

One more quick call to Mac. He laughed to himself. He didn’t know what to say. As often as they talk on the phone, he felt nervous about calling her after putting their initials on his sister’s barn wall. All of sudden, everything feels different for him. But he has to call. She centers him, she gets him back in balance. Times like this are when he wishes he brought her. Times like when he hit father are when he’s glad he didn’t. Some day he’s going to have to explain that. Hopefully that won’t be today.

“Will? I thought you were going radio silent.”

“I didn’t know what was going to happen when I got here and I didn’t want you dragging a river.” Will smiled into the phone for a second. “I’m on my way to breakfast with my brother and then I guess we’ll be back at Peg’s for a picnic.”

Mac could tell by his voice that something was wrong. “Will, are you okay? If there’s something going on, tell me about it. Camille would be happy to wait for me if she knows that I’m talking to you.”

“Oh, you have plans today. I should have known. I’m sorry Mac. I won’t keep you from your sister.”

“No, Will!” Mac looked at her phone to confirm the call was disconnected. “That’s not what I meant.”

*** *** ***

Will met Les and Bruce at a hole in the wall diner in Lincoln, Nebraska. Bruce explained that he used to be a cop and these were always his favorite restaurants. Chains were always overpriced and half the things on the menu were for people in other geographic places. These mom and pop establishments gave more food for less money and always had a local charm. Les laughed and said, “Plus they were better at comping him meals when he wore the uniform.”

“It was a perk. Besides the chains did it too.” Bruce smiled wide, “they just had smaller limits.”

Les explained to Will, “Before I met him, he was all about the free food. Even after we started dating I usually paid.”

Bruce’s voice got a little higher, as if this was a conversation they’ve had on several occasions. “I wasn’t a deadbeat, I just appreciate free food.”

Will laughed and said, “Well, this meal is on me, get whatever you want. If I can find an angle to test your hole in the wall theory, I may even be able to write this one off as a business expense.”

Bruce looked excited, “Preston could do the story.”

“He’s the only person I would even suggest it to.”

Les saw the annoyed look on his brother’s face. “Okay, we gotta know. We discuss this all the time, are you and Preston best friends like you act on the show or do you seriously want to murder him every time you see him?”

Bruce shook his head, “His first move as Managing Editor was to put Preston in the anchor desk. That’s a sure sign of confidence in him.”

Les countered, “Okay, maybe I’m not in the entertainment business like you, but I know what I like and I know that Preston dumbs him down, and I don’t like it.”

“It’s not dumbing him down. _Newsweek_ is covering them. I just read the story.” Bruce turned to Will to explain, “I do some freelance editing for them every once in a while. Our writer argues that _Just the Facts_ made a conscious decision to be more mainstream to add viewers. Now Will is more like a Jay Leno and Preston plays the role of side kick.”

Will tried to keep up a façade of enjoying this conversation. Bruce kept talking excitedly. “The writer thinks like you do, Les, that it’s the dumbing down of the news and a trend in the wrong direction. But I think it’s a brilliant idea. After Will spent all that time on the morning show, it opens the news up to a more mainstream market.”

Will finally broke in. “So, Les, it sounded like there was something else you wanted to talk about besides my ratings.”

Both Les and Bruce got serious looks on their faces. “Billy, you should know that after you left last night, Nancy got a concerned about dad. You got him good in his cheek and nose. The swelling in his cheek hasn’t gone down and we think his nose is broke.” Les looked at his brother with a sad smile. “Dad didn’t want to go to the hospital and we all know how to set the nose. He’s been putting ice on his cheek.”

Will nodded his head. “And now no one wants me at the picnic.”

Bruce answered, “That’s not exactly true. The over 40 crowd, except Nancy, is insistent that you come.”

“That’s not even the worst of what he did to us. I sat there and heard every word and as far as I’m concerned you were a hero for doing it.” Les added.

Will tried to give his brother a smile, “Thanks, Les. But I take it the under 40s see me as a belligerent, violent, elitist, rogue who’s not above elder abuse.”

Bruce said, “I don’t think they used those words.”

“So you’re mostly here to thank me for coming and to ask that for family harmony I don’t go back. Or if I do stay, I sneak around so that only the people who want to see me can.”

Les gave his brother a questioning look. “Billy, this is my party and I’ll have anyone there I want and I want my big brother. I remember you standing in front of him a few times so I didn’t get it. I’m not kicking you out. I’m just letting you know what to expect.”

Will nodded his head as their food arrived. Will stayed mostly quiet as Les and Bruce talked animatedly about how they met.

*** *** ***

Mac met Camille for breakfast, each getting a bagel and a green smoothie. Camille showed Mac pictures from her trip to Alaska. Mac couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of her sister who could just get up and go at a moment’s notice and see all these beautiful things. When her sister asked what she was thinking about, Mac said she’s starting to feel a little restless. She’s been with CNN since August and she wants to try something new. She wants to be the free spirit that her sister is. She wants to chase the story and go places to delve deeper.

“I thought you loved what you do? Studio producing. That’s always been your goal.”

“I don’t know, I’m just feeling a little trapped.”

Camille gave her sister a look. “What’s going on with Will?”

“Nothing, nothing has to be going on with Will. He called me from Nebraska last night and said he wants to have a relationship. At least I think that’s what he meant. He’s not real clear a lot of times. Which is ironic given what he does. And he does it better than anyone I know. In fact he does a lot of things better than anyone I know. You know what I mean?”

Camille took a second and started laughing. “I don’t think _you_ have the foggiest idea what you mean.”

“It’s just that, if I was field producing, I could go out there, like you do. And I’d be able to do something real.”

“And?”

“And what? And that’s it. I would be able to do something real and deliver real news that people really want.”

Camille grew up with long conversations between her father and her sister about the importance of news and every aspect of news that could be discussed. All the siblings tried not to be jealous of Dean and Mac’s relationship, but it was hard sometimes because Camille knew that if dad was here, he would vigorously debate her sister on a topic that Camille didn’t actually care about, though she would take a side to be part of the conversation.

“My experience as a viewer is, unless you’re in a war zone, field producers typically are covering what coffee shops are best. There may be a place for that in the news, but not in the type of show you’ve always wanted to do.”

“But am I doing the type of show I want to do? When Will started his show, he wanted to do the type of show I wanted to do and now he’s throwing that away for what he thinks will drive up ratings and popularity.”

“What exactly are we talking about here Mac?”

Mac sat, looking on the brink of tears. “I’m restless. That’s why I did it. I thought I wanted something else, but obviously I didn’t. And I don’t want to do _Crossfire_ anymore. And I don’t know if I can face him. Either of them. Ever again.”

Camille looked at her sister. “What did you do?”

“You couldn’t understand. I don’t even really understand. Will and I, we weren’t broken up, I made sure of that. I didn’t want to give him up, but I didn’t think he could commit and it hurt because I started thinking he could and then he couldn’t. And there was Brian, saying the right things. He said he loved me, he reminded me that he was a good boyfriend, better than I remembered. He was attentive when we were out together. He wanted me to meet his family. He did and said all the things that Will couldn’t. In a moment, Will sent a voicemail that, I listened to it later and it wasn’t what I thought it was. He was joking. But I didn’t hear it then and I went to bed with Brian.”

Camille sat with her mouth open. “Oh my God. Mackenzie Morgan McHale, you didn’t.” Camille took a breath. “Come on, we’re going back to my apartment to talk.” Camille took her by the hand and they left the bagel shop. They sat in silence on the subway to her apartment/studio.

Mac always loved this apartment. Mac’s place looked cozy but lived in, Camille had an artists eye with white walls and clean lines and the most beautiful pictures she’s ever seen. Mac looked at some of the images Camille was editing. She found several shots from the cliff Will brought her to on their first date and was drawn to one in particular taken from behind a couple who sat looking at the ocean on a cloudless night. He played a guitar and she had her head on his shoulder.

“You got out there?”

“Well, you did commission me. I call that one, _First Date_. I was saving it for your birthday.”

“It’s beautiful.” Camille saw her sister’s eyes well with tears. She moved them into the living room and sat them on the couch.

“What happened?”

Mac told her that Will opened up just a little about his family and Mac thought maybe he was getting use to the idea of being in a relationship and she found that she liked the idea. Then she met his sister who kept pushing the idea that they were a couple and that he loved her. She not only wanted to believe it, but she did. She didn’t think seriously about Brian when he was at the Correspondent’s Dinner, all she wanted was Will. The next day he was acting like an ass again. He gave her her keys back, he didn’t want her taking his sister to the airport, he didn’t want to get together when he came back, and then to top it off, he expected she would cancel dinner plans to spend the night with him. Despite all that, she let him come in for breakfast the next morning and that’s when he got kupset that she would suggest going to Nebraska with him and she couldn’t stand it anymore, she couldn’t live with his mixed messages. And she told him.

“You broke up with him?”

“I wanted to, but he looked so hurt. And I , I don’t know. I don’t want to not be with him. So, I decided that I would step us back to where I thought we were comfortable. Back to dating without the hope of more. I thought I could get used to it again. But nothing went right. We tried talking on the phone and we couldn’t. Eventually it was just easier to not answer calls than to work at having pseudo conversations.”

“And that’s when Brian came in.”

Mac shook her head. “I asked him to leave. I knew it was a bad idea. But I had a couple drinks and he said all the things Will couldn’t. And it felt good to hear them, even if it was from the wrong guy.”

Camille looked at her sister. “You loved him for a long time, maybe that doesn’t go away easily.”

“I thought I loved him. And maybe I did. Maybe I still do. I don’t know. What I know is with Will everything is more. Brian was always safe, Will takes chances. Brian and I had a routine that worked for us, Will tries to do something new every time we see each other. Having sex with Brian is down and dirty and gets the job done, Will takes his time and worships and makes sure we’ve both get something out of it. Will’s intense, in a good way. Brian just isn’t. I believed Peg when she said he loved me because he acts like he does. Brian made me feel loved, but not in the same way. But when he said it, I wanted to believe that someone did. And then Will’s message came in and…”

“And you went home with Brian.”

Camille watched her sister fight tears forming in her eyes. Mac bit her lip as she said, “Will texted a picture yesterday of some tradition he did in high school and I think he just said he wants to be in a real relationship with me. Or maybe he wants to take me to prom. I’m not sure, but it’s so Will and so perfect and… I ruined it, Camille. How do I face him now? If he tells me that’s what he wants, how do I face him?”

“Is it what you want?”

Mac couldn’t look at her sister. “I thought it was, but then I saw Brian last night. He waited for me outside the studio and he told me that who I am for Will isn’t the real me. And he might be right. Will thinks I’m perfect, but I’m not. I like how I feel when I’m around him, but, sometimes I don’t want to be worshipped, I just want to be fucked, you know what I mean?”

Camille put her arms around her sister. “I think you need to ask yourself do you change who you are for him or are you changing because of him?”

Mac wasn’t entirely sure what her sister asked, but she realized that it felt good to let some of this out.

*** *** ***

Will told Les and Bruce to go back to Peg’s. He’d make it back there, he promised. He went back to his hotel room and looked at his project. He had cut out a heart and put his and Mac’s initials on it, just like in the barn. Then he stained it a nice cherry color. He thought he could give it to Mac, like Ray gave to Peg. When he thought of this gift, he had this fantasy of giving it to her. She’d get it, he was giving her his heart. He wanted her to have it, he trusted her with it. And she’d accept it happily and enthusiastically. He asked himself why anything Les and Bruce told him would make any of that less true. If he believed before that she would take it and treasure it, why wouldn’t she now? Finally he just threw the heart against a wall, shattering it.

His family didn’t want him. Some of them were afraid of him. If he went, he’d have to apologize for punching his dad. He’d have to apologize to that son of a bitch and all those people who didn’t grow up with his father beating the crap out of them would still think he was the bad guy. They would still think he lost his temper and hit a feeble old man. And he couldn’t argue that. It’s a fact. He hit his father. And it wasn’t self-defense. And he wasn’t protecting anyone. He fell back on the lessons his father taught him. The ones he spent a lifetime trying to unlearn.    

Will walked to the broken pieces of plywood and felt as shattered as that heart. He loved her and she deserved so much better. It was a stupid gift anyway. Besides, she made it clear that she didn’t want him either. That’s what she said in her hotel room. No, that’s not true, she seemed to love the picture and what he meant by it.   Why the fuck didn’t he just bring her? Things make more sense when she’s around. She would have kept him calm. Dad wouldn’t have said what he did if she was there. He was always a miserable coward. Those are the only people who hit people weaker than… That’s what he did. He took a shot at a man who was weaker than him because he could. He laid out his father just like his father laid him out before he could defend himself. He was no better than that bastard. Peg would disagree, Les would disagree, but they’d be wrong. He’s no better.

How could Mac think he’s any better either? If she ever found out about this, she’d have to wonder about him. What he’s capable of. She already thinks he’s a failure because of his show. She won’t say it, but he knows that.   He knows what she thinks he’s capable of and Les says he’s being dumbed down and Bruce thinks that’s a brilliant strategy.

Will put his head in his hands, almost panting for breath. Who could ever learn to love a beast, indeed?


	36. Regretting Things Left Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will comes to some conclusions as he finishes his trip to Nebraska.

Mac spent the rest of the day with her sister pampering her. They went shoe shopping, they got mani-pedis, they wandered around the city. At the end of the night, Camille told Mac to have a serious talk with Will. She shouldn't mention the mess up with Brian, because it will only hurt Will, but she needs to tell him what she wants. Will needs to hear everything Mac said earlier. Mac nodded her head and Camille gave her a hug, hoping her little sister would heed her advice, but not expecting her to. Camille loved her sister, but she knew what Brian meant when he called her flighty and reckless. The mature option was for Will and Mac to talk, but she didn't expect it. It was too bad; Camille knew being with Will changed her sister for the better, like love should do. She let Mac go hoping for the best for Will and Mac, but not sure how to get them there.

Will went to the picnic, but mostly observed his family. His father looked bad, so Will spent the day stewing over the realization that his father did him a favor by not going to get checked out. Will hated being in the man's debt, but knew that his father could have had him arrested. That could have ended his career as well as his relationship with Mac. He watched the rest of the family seemingly have fun, while he convinced himself that they didn't need him to interrupt that.  

The siblings and their significant others, except Nancy, would occasionally go over to Will and talk to him. Will kept an eye on his father's alcohol consumption. He had a few beers throughout the day, but nothing stronger and he kept himself under control. As Will watched, John seemed kind of silo-ed in an area like Will. Will noticed that when a kid would go towards his father, another adult found a reason to go over as well. No one needed his protection. That’s the way it should be. That’s the way it always should have been.

As day turned to evening, Junior and Janey’s kids went home with their spouses while Peg’s kids stayed at the farm. Next, Nancy’s kids went inside to watch TV. When it was just the siblings, their spouses and John, Peg brought them all in around one table to play the game _Apples to Apples_. Will tried to get out of it by saying that he should go back to the hotel and call Mac.  

“Your little bi—you’re with your family, I’m sure she’ll understand.” John barked.

Will bit back his initial reaction and sat down. He decided they don’t have to talk; he can just ignore the man. They played the game for about a half hour before John announced that he needed to go home, it was getting late. He thanked Peg for a nice day. Nancy was next to leave, saying that with two teens and travelling back tomorrow she needs any opportunity to sleep. Will, Ray, Peg, Les, and Bruce stayed and talked. Bruce kept everyone laughing with different stories about things he'd done. It seems Bruce had a colorful past that gave him experiences in a lot of areas. Will watched Les every once in a while who looked adoringly at Bruce. It occurred to Will that that’s what Les wanted Bruce to do and what he wanted this weekend to be about. He didn’t want to gather everyone to talk about his impending death; he wanted them to have a good weekend together, full of laughter and fun. He wanted a memory of this place that was good. And Bruce helped to provide that. Will remembered Mac telling him that it’s okay to be proud of how his family turned out, and he realized that he was very proud of his siblings. He smiled knowing what his brother found. He felt like he should say something to his siblings but thought that as distant as he was all day, it wouldn't be welcomed the way he wanted.  

During a lull in conversation, Peg started going through how everyone would get to their planes tomorrow and Monday. Junior can’t get back to take Les and Bruce to the airport as she had planned, so Janey would have to take all of them at once, which would mean Les and Bruce staying at the airport for a few hours. The guys said that was okay, but Will thought about it and said, “no, I can do it. I have the rental and I can take them.”

Peg’s face dropped. She looked down and gave her big brother a hug, which Will returned. She whispered, "I'm sorry this was such a hard trip for you."

Will whispered back, “You don’t have to apologize for anything Peg.” Peg squeezed his arm before stepping away.

Will stood up and looked around. “We all know what went on a few farms down, right? And we sit here acting like it’s some secret to be ashamed of. Maybe it is, I don’t know. But we all survived. And somehow, at least most of us have found a way to get past all the shit he put us through. And I’m proud that you did. I’m proud of the family that’s out here and in that house. I am. And I hope that despite all the mistakes I made, that I can have the life that you all have.

“Les, I was sitting here thinking about your courage to put this together and try to replace your memories of our life here with good ones. Thank you. And you too Bruce for filling in conversation when we couldn’t. For making this a memorable time for my brother. And Peg, for making sure it all came together and working so hard to making me feel welcome.”

Will realized he could say all that, but he didn’t. He told Peg that she didn’t have to apologize and then Peg squeezed his arm and told her guests to come and go as they pleased but she had to go to bed. Will realized that once again he missed an opportunity to say something important and like with Mac, his hesitation could cost them ever hearing it. And that would cost him. The fee would be unbearable.

Will left soon after Peg went to bed, promising to be back for breakfast and he’d make sure Les and Bruce got to the airport.

*** *** ***

Will got back to the hotel and texted Mac. “Is it too late to call?”

Mac called him back. “You’re never too late. I guess you had a better day today.”

“It was a different day.” The silence scared Will as wasted moments flooded his mind, times that he could have and should have said something significant, moments he would never get back. He was determined to not let another pass him by. “You know, I’ve thought about you all weekend. Things that I thought you would like, things I wanted to show you… even things that I didn’t want you to see because I’m ashamed of them.”

“I thought about you too. I spent the day with my sister and we talked a lot about you.” Mac bit her lip, not wanting to start the conversation Camille suggested they have, even though she knew she should.

“You’re holding back from me right now, aren’t you? I know why, I haven’t made this easy for you. I’ve shut down and shut you out.”

Mac stopped him. “Will, don’t make yourself more vulnerable than you can handle later. I don’t want you to regret anything you say. No one should have to live with regrets.”

Will gave a self-loathing laugh, “If I regret anything it’s the things I haven’t said. It’s the missed opportunities. I wish I had brought you here. If I would have…”

“If you would have a lot of things would be different.” Mac thought about what would be different on her end. If he didn’t tell her he didn't want her there, she wouldn’t have reset her expectations. If she didn’t make the suggestion... “Will, I want to fix what’s wrong. I asked Dirk for a position that will keep me in New York full time. He invited me to lunch on Monday to discuss something he might have for me.”

“Another show?”

“I don’t know what it is, but it doesn’t sound like a show.”

Will nodded his head. “I don’t know how this is supposed to go, but, um, before you decide anything, will you talk to me about it? I don’t expect to have the final decision, but I want to, um, give you advice or support or whatever you need.”

Mac tried to hide her laugh. “You can count on it. Your plane comes in at noon on Monday and I know you have your 3:00 with Habib and you have a show to put together, so can we talk over a late dinner Monday?”

Will nodded his head. “Yeah, that sounds good. Dinner on Monday.”

“Why don’t you come to my place after the show and I’ll have something edible. Don’t worry, I remember your no tofu rule.”

Will laughed. “I’ll plan on it.” Will thought for a second. “You said it’s a lunch meeting with Dirk. Does that mean that you’re not going to meet me at the airport?”

“Sorry, Will, I can’t. We’re both pretty booked on Mondays, that was the only time we both had open.”

“I was hoping it wasn’t going to be another whole day. God I miss kissing you.”

“You’ll be at my place Monday night, you can do a hell of a lot more than kiss me.”

Will took a breath. “That’s not what I meant. I meant, I miss you, Mac. I just miss you.”

“I do too, Will. But you’re where you need to be right now and I’ll be here waiting when you get back. I’m not going anywhere.”

Will nodded his head. “Goodnight Mac.”

“Goodnight.”

*** *** ***

Will did as he promised, he had breakfast with his siblings and their significant others. At 1:00 they all said goodbye to Nancy and her kids. At 5, Will and Ray loaded up Will’s rental car with Les and Bruce’s things. Peg cried as she hugged Les goodbye. He reminded her that he’s okay. He understands what’s about to happen and he’s at peace with it. She hugged Bruce goodbye and told him to take care of her brother. Bruce had a tear in his eye as he nodded his head.

Will watched Les put his arm around Bruce and thought about a story he read recently that concluded by saying that loving during the good times is easy, but choosing to love during the hard times is real love. That’s what he sees between his bother and Bruce. Les chose to be with Bruce during this time, Bruce chose to walk through this with Les. More than anything Will wanted to have his arm around Mac while he watched what he knew would be Les and Peg’s final goodbye. His turn would be in about an hour or so and he knew that he would want her there for that as well.   It’s not about the kiss or the sex, it’s these moments that he misses her most.

Peg pulled her older brother into a hug. “You’re going back today too, aren’t you?”

“I appreciate everything you and Ray have done, but I need to talk to her. I want what you have, and I can’t have it with phone calls and text messages.”

Peg gave her brother a kiss on the cheek. “Go get her big brother.”

Ray gave a round of handshakes to the men and looked at Bruce as he told all of them that they were always welcome back. The three men got into the SUV Will rented and headed to the airport.   Before arriving, Will said, “I was watching you last night, Les, and it occurred to me that you wanted to replace some of your bad memories with good ones, didn’t you?” Les nodded his head. “Did it work?”

“I remember having good times. Dad taking me fishing. Mom and her apple pies, giving her a heard time for actually letting them cool on the windowsill. I remembered my big brother protecting me, standing in front of any threat that came near. I'll always have the image of you standing with a clenched fist until he backed down. And now I also have a memory of a real family. I think we all get to choose how we remember things and people and that's what I want to remember.”

“And I will never forget your boyfriend who covered for your fears. Who made it all easier for you.”

Les squeezed Bruce’s hand, “I couldn’t have come here without him.”

Bruce chuckled and said to Will, “I don’t know how the fuck you did it.”

The trio laughed. “I’ll have to run it by Mac, but I’d like her to meet you. Could, uh, could we try to find a time to come out?”

Bruce squeezed Will’s shoulder, “we’d love it.” He smiled at Les, “We’re going to have a celebrity at the house.”

“Nah, just my brother.”

Will dropped off the car and waited at their gate for their plane. Before they boarded, Will hugged Les and Bruce goodbye. He watched their plane take off before going to his own gate. As he sat and waited to board his plane, he took out his phone.

Will: What are you up to today?

Mac: Housecleaning and some reading. Slow news day.

Will: It’s always a slow day here. One of the perks of the country.

Mac: Sounds nice. Are we going to get you back?

Will: You’ll get me back, I promise.

Will put his phone in his pocket as they made the first boarding call for his plane.

*** *** ***

Mac heard a knock at her door and it surprised her. She put down her copy of _Doctor Zhivago_ in Russian and looked through the peephole. When she saw Will standing, she opened her door. “Will?”

“I don’t have much time, the cab is downstairs.” Will put one arm around her waist and the other cupped the back of her head as he pulled her close enough that only their clothes stood between them. He looked in her eyes for a second before he kissed her tenderly, but thoroughly. When he had to break apart for air, he rested his forehead on hers. “I kept putting this off, thinking I needed the right moment or words or something, but this can’t wait another minute.” Will kissed her again, shorter this time, but no less passionately. He took another breath, well aware of the tightening in his chest. “I love you, Mackenzie.” He kissed her one more time, stopping her from any response besides to return the kiss and then repeated a little breathlessly, "I love you, and I'm sorry I waited this long to say it." He gave her one more kiss, one that Mac thought felt a little desperate, then he turned around and left.

Mac wasn’t entirely sure what just happened. When she opened her eyes, he was gone. It was like he had disappeared. She wondered for a second if she had imagined it, but knew that she didn’t. She could still taste him. She looked at the elevator and assuming that’s how he made his escape, saw that he had reached the ground level. “What the fuck is happening right now?”  


	37. Now We're Getting Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Mac recount what happened after Will's surprise visit.

"You kissed her, told her you love her and then left?" Dr. Habib sat completely dumbfounded by this part of Will's story. So much changed for his client since the last time he talked to Will and Will seemed in better shape than the psychiatrist would expect. That concerned Abe.

Will started the session by saying that he had multiple epiphanies while visiting his family. He watched his sister and brother with their significant others and it empowered him to go after what he wanted, Mac specifically. He told the psychiatrist that he was inspired by his brother’s bravery and the way he and Bruce were facing Les’ impending death. And then he said that he made a decision, took an early flight home and went to Mac’s apartment to kiss her and say he loved her.

"She couldn't believe it either. She called me before I reached the cab and asked if she had just dreamed that.” Will looked at his doctor and smiled. “I guess I should tell you about my plane ride. I had an epiphany."

"You mentioned you had several over the weekend."

"I was sitting on the plane, planning what I wanted to say. I wanted it to be perfect; she deserves that from me. I played it out in my head, every possible outcome. First, I decided that I would have the cab drop me off at her place and then if she told me to fuck off, I could get another."

"Did you really think she would say that?"

Will shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't know what to think. I’ve never done this before. I thought about what you told me and what I thought would happen. I weighed it all, but there was still the chance. So I prepared myself.”

"But she didn't."

Will smiled brighter. "She kissed me back. And I wanted to stay, but I thought about the plane ride and the next decision I made. I didn't want her to think I said it because I wanted sex or I wanted her to say it back. I wanted her to know that I said it simply because it's true. So I took those things off the table and left."

Will looked at the older man trying to read his face, which didn't change. "And what did Mackenzie say about that?"

"She got sick."

<O><O><O><O><O>

Mac sat in her office and talked to her sister on the phone. “He wasn’t supposed to be in until today, but then he was just there, at my door. I opened it and I think he said something, but then he kissed me and told me he had something to say that couldn’t wait anymore then he told me he loved me.”

“He said it? He actually said the words?”

Mac smiled as she remembered the incident. “Yes, he said the words. And then he left.”

“Where the fuck did he go?”

“Back to his cab. I called him and asked him how he could drop something like that on me and then leave. He said that he didn’t want to make it about sex or me saying it back.”

Camille smiled, “That’s so sweet.”

Mac got serious, biting her lip. “Then he told me that he’s been trying to tell me all week, but he couldn’t get it out. That’s why he wanted me to cancel dinner with Mary last weekend and why he went to my hotel room –“

“The day you broke up with him?”

“I didn’t break up with him. I reset my expectations. It was a mistake. Everything after that was a mistake. And when I realized it, I started feeling sick. I had to hang up with him while I ran to the bathroom.” Mac’s stomach started feeling queasy again. “Three days, if he would have said it three days earlier, I wouldn’t have gotten drunk that night or gone home with Brian.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O>

“She told me she ate some bad fish at a restaurant.” Will looked at Abe. “I know how that sounds. If it was anyone else I would think they lied, but Mac wouldn’t. She’s the most annoyingly ethical person I know.” Abe nodded his head as he filed that away. “I was afraid she would follow me home, but since she didn’t feel well, it worked out.”

“Why didn’t you want her at your apartment?”

“I was exhausted. Between flying to Lincoln late Thursday and coming back on Sunday and everything that happened in between, I just didn’t think I could be great company for her. And I had this perfect moment in my mind and I didn’t want to ruin it for her.”

Almost under his breath Abe said, “Despite having declared your love for her.”

“I had to do it. It wasn’t a choice for me anymore. I love her and I didn’t want another missed opportunities. I almost lost her, I couldn’t let…” Will stopped himself and took a breath. “I didn’t want another chance to pass me by. I don’t like being afraid. And she needs to know. She needs to know that she hasn’t been wasting her time.”

“What were you afraid of?”

Will thought for a second and swallowed. “I didn’t tell her when I wanted to and she almost dumped me. I didn’t tell Les and Peg how proud I am of them and I let them down, they may never hear it. When Mac finds out about me and leaves me, I want her to know that I love her.”

“What do you think she’s going to find out about you? And why would she leave you over it?”

Will thought for a second. “My history. My past. A guy with all that baggage isn’t exactly attractive to a woman.”

<O><O><O><O><O>

“So you didn’t actually get to talk to him about anything important?”

Mac shook her head. “We were planning to get together after his show tonight. It’s a long night, but I can start to get ahead on some of my work while I wait for him.”

“So what are you going to say to him?”

“I still need to know more about where his head is, because I don’t know.”

Camille didn’t like where this was going. “And what about you?”

“I don’t know. I want to have the great adventures, like you do, but I also want to see where things go with him. As long as he never finds out about Brian, I think we have a chance. I just need to know what he wants.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O>

“What do you want Will? Where do you want things to go from here?”

Will looked resolute while he said, “Mac. I want Mac.”

Abe nodded his head. “Anything else important happen in Nebraska?”

“I need to tell her what you’ve been saying I need to say, what else do you want me to say?”

“It’s your story, I just want to make sure I got the important parts before I ask what happens now?”

“Now? Mac had a meeting with Dirk and she’s hoping that he’s got something for her that will keep her in New York.”

“That sounds like a step in the right direction.” Abe studies Will for another second. “And that’s all that’s happening at work right now? No stress there other than finding a way to cover the news?”

Will hid his reaction to the idea that he was actually covering the news. He wasn’t and his show had become a new standard for medicroty. And if he wasn’t completely aware of that fact, he had a conversation with Dirk today.

_“Will, we need to talk.”_

_Hearing the sound of Dirk’s voice took Will right out of his reverie. “Fox has been doing some digging into your contract with us.” Dirk looked Will over, but Will wasn’t giving up anything. “Is there something you think I should know?”_

_“The contract is a public document.”_

_“Will, CNN has invested a lot of money in you and your show, we expect to get more than 6 months and mediocre ratings out of it. Now my bosses want to know why a competing network seems to be working with you on a deal.”_

_“It’s not a real deal. They’re using me for leverage. I’m just trying to figure out how to best use this to my advantage with them. I don’t have any intention of leaving here.”_

_Dirk shook his head. “The man who first filled an anchor desk when no one else was available, doesn’t think that it’s a big deal when a competing network starts pursuing him. Let me make it clear that if you continue to pursue this, we’re going to make it as hard as possible for you to actually get on the air with them or anyone else. Now, onto matters on hand. Assuming that this continues to be a slow news week, I’ve asked all my EPs to let their seniors run their shows so they can start evaluating all our shows. I’m looking for ways to improve each show, and yours is at the top of my list. Do you think your ego can take your... whatever Mac is, going on record saying what she really thinks of your show."_

_"Mac is my girlfriend and I already know what she thinks of the show.”_

_“And you won’t stand in her way of writing a fair evaluation?”_

_Will laughed. “I don’t think I could stand in her way if I wanted to.”_

_“Okay, so the last thing on my agenda is your ratings. I know we have our numbers meeting with Mary on Wednesday, but I think you should know that the network is planning to make some drastic changes to your show. Your numbers are not where we need them to be.”_

_“I know, I made the decision to bring Preston behind the anchor desk and it backfired.”_

_“It did, but people like Preston a lot more than they like you. The viewers who are staying stay because of him, the ones who are leaving leave because they don’t see the intelligent coverage that you should bring. Will, I’m afraid the network is going to want to keep the viewers they have and not go after the ones they lost.”_

_Will tried not to look panicked. “So what are we going to do?”_

_Dirk gave Will a hard look. “They’re talking about several ideas, but we both know that in a situation like this the EP is the first person to go.”_

_“If they make you fire Mary, then you can hire Mac and she’ll get things on track. That’s what should have happened in the first place.”_

_Dirk rolled his eyes. “I have another plan for Mac. Just brace yourself for some changes that you may not like.”_

_“If the next EP gets us back to doing real news, I won’t fight him.”_

_“Well, let’s hope that’s what he does.”_

Will told Dr. Habib that there isn’t anything going on at work. He smiled as he said that things couldn’t be going better for him.

<O><O><O><O><O>

Mac finished with her call to her sister and went to Mary’s office. Mary was leaning back in her chair and listening to Dvorac’s Symphony No 9. “Well, this sounds ominous.”

“I’m in an ominous mood.”

Mac sat down across the desk from her friend. “Anything in particular?”

Mary shook her head. “Just reading the tea leaves. I won’t be here much longer, I don’t think. I never should have let Will have his way on this show.”

“Will outranks you, you didn’t have a lot of choice. And Dirk knows that, he’s not going to fire you.”

“A show’s failure falls on the EP and this show isn’t doing well where it needs to.”

Mac nodded her head. “Isn’t that why we’re all evaluating each other’s shows this week, to see how to fix them?”

“And what do you think people are going to say about my show? The obvious thing is that I’m not using my lead anchor’s strengths. That’s the end all, be all, of my job. I have to use my anchor well.”

“You have two anchors and one of them insisted on being dumbed down. That’s not your fault.”

“When the fuck has that ever mattered?” Mary shook her head. “Mac, I know you’re trying to help and I appreciate it, but I need to figure out what my next steps are.”

“You mean you need to get angry at Will and you don’t want me to see it.”

“That’s part of it.”

Mac nodded her head and began to leave the office. “For what it’s worth, I told Will that he was a son of a bitch for doing this to his show. I wouldn’t blame you at all for taking a hard line with him. In fact, I’d help you do it.” Mary nodded her head as Mac left the office.

Mac thought back to her lunch with Dirk. He offered her a job as his assistant. She would manage the EPs and work with affiliates, while he worked with talent and corporate issues primarily. He let her know that it meant she would give up the studio, but the selling point was that she’d be in New York doing a lot of the things the had her doing to help him. Mac focused on the staying in New York part. She decided on Friday that’s what she wanted more than anything. She hated the idea of giving up the control room, but the further she could get away from DC and Brian, the quicker she could forget what she did.

As she talked to Dirk, she realized he seemed disgusted with the situation, she asked what was wrong. Dirk explained that this is the cost of success. He loved his job as an EP, just like Mac, but he was too good at it and had to move up the ranks. He had to give up what he wanted for what seemed like a better life, but it wasn’t. And he hates setting her up for the same choice, but she's too good at what she does for the network not to notice. And he trusts her too much not to at least give her the option. And this type of role will be in her future no matter what he does.

Mac said, "But I get to craft how my EPs define news. And I get to be part of what they're doing."

"You'll get to sit behind a desk wanting to be them, but never really being what you should be. You're going to hate it Mac."

Mac thought for a second. It would be a step up. It would get her out of DC and let her spend most of her time in New York, and she could travel. If she missed producing, she could pinch hit... if a situation called for it, but primarily she would be helping to make shows better, she wouldn’t run them herself. But she'd be in New York... and not DC.. and she wouldn't have to see Brian. Dirk intimated that Mary would go to _Crossfire_ if Mac took this position. Mac almost said yes on the spot, but remembered she promised to talk to Will first. That’s what she’ll talk about tonight with Will. If Will comes over and he can’t talk about what he said, she’ll talk about the job offer. It'll be a safe conversation.

<O><O><O><O><O><O>

“Why are lying to me, Will?” Will gave his doctor a questioning look. “You spent a weekend in Nebraska with your father and nothing noteworthy happened? All you’ve talked about for the last few weeks has been how you’re afraid of hurting Mac because of what loving others has always done to you, but you’re just fine with telling her that you loved her and then not stopping by her office at all today. Don’t think I don’t know why you left her place last night, you’re still afraid of rejection because that’s all you’ve ever gotten. And after your long rants every Monday about your ratings and popularity, you think I don’t know that something happened at work? Will, if you’re hiding things from me, that’s fine, but I also believe you’re going to hide these things from everyone and you’re going to dig yourself into a hole that you can’t get out of. Now, what happened with your father? Don’t say it for me, say it for Mac who needs you to be honest.”

Will struggled with himself, trying to decide if he should say it or not. Finally, with tears in his eyes, “I punched him. One of my multiple epiphanies was that I am capable of hitting a person who’s weaker than me. I love her, Abe, and I want her in my life. I spent a week without her and it was fucking hell. She deserved to know that I love her. She stood by too much not to hear that, no matter what else happens, I love her. But I don’t know what to do. I can’t stay with her if there’s a chance I’ll hurt her. And I can’t be without her, she kept me sane throughout the weekend.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.”


	38. One More Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will has another surprise for Mackenzie as more of his fears begin to surface.

Mac sat at her desk staring at her computer, eyes blurring. She hated writing reports. She assumed that every job has some degree of report writing, but it didn’t make it any better. Put the green dot in the right cell of the table in the PowerPoint and then line it up with the other multi colored dots so the execs don’t get the egos bruised or confused or whatever the fuck by someone being just a little askew. She needs an assistant to do this shit. Why do anchors get assistants? She’s going to have to ask for one when she starts her job as Assistant Primetime News Director. She smiled at the title. It’s a step up. And it’ll keep her in New York. And ultimately she gets to help define what news is at CNN. This is a good thing. She’ll miss the control room, but this is a good thing.

She promised Will she would talk to him before taking a job, but she has to take this job and get away from DC. She decided a long time ago that she wanted Will and now that he seems able to give her something, she has to do whatever she can to keep him. She can’t imagine that she would ever just pick up some random guy, so she only has to stay clear of Brian. Obviously she has a weakness for him. Though for the life of her she doesn’t know why.

Mac focused her eyes on her report again just long enough to confirm that somehow the green dot made it into the right cell and lined up with the other green, red, yellow and grey dots, as well as the black check marks in that column. That accomplished, she exhaled loudly and pinched her nose with her fingers. She didn’t know if she saw him in her periphery or if she just sensed him, but she felt a smile creep on her face and butterflies in her stomach. Without looking up, she asked, “How long were you going to stand in my doorway watching me?”

As Will walked in he said, “I could watch you forever.”

Mac got up and started walking towards him while making a point to close her blinds and eventually the door. “You’d have to take a bathroom break eventually.”

“Do you have to ruin all my romantic gestures?”

With the pair as isolated as Mac could make them, she walked to Will and looked him in the eye. “The only gesture I want is for your mouth to be where my mouth is.”

“God I love you.”

Will did as he was told. Mac backed him against the nearest wall and started pulling on his shirt. “You know it’s May, you don’t have to wear long sleeves.”

“They make me wear suits on air.”

“You’re not dressed for the broadcast yet. Or if you are, I’ll need to talk with wardrobe.”

“You’re not my EP. But you do have good taste, or you taste good or –“ When Mac started reaching for his belt, Will reluctantly stopped her hands with his. “What has gotten into you? You know it’s the middle of the day at work, don’t you”

“That’s why I closed the door and blinds. No one can see us here.”

Will laughed and rubbed her arms. “They’re blinds Mackenzie, not an invisibility cloak.”

“We’re on the second floor, the door locks and my crew is in DC.”

“You don’t make it easy for me to be a gentleman.”

“I want to make it as hard as I can.” Mac rubbed herself against Will. “And it feels like I’m starting to succeed.”

“You definitely are.” Will pushed her back and tried to focus. “How did your meeting with Dirk go?”

“He’s offering me a promotion. I’ll be his assistant, I’ll work with EPs and affiliates while he works with talent and the network. Less travel, but I get to go to more places than DC.”

“I thought you liked, DC.”

Mac shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t mind DC, but, I’ve been feeling a little restless.”

“You split your time between New York and DC, they aren’t exactly boring cities.”

“This is a great opportunity. People spend their entire career wanting something like this.”

Will smiled proudly at her. “And you deserve it. I just want to make sure this is what you actually want. You love being in the control room. If you take this, will you miss it?”

“It’s a trade off. I get to stay here with you most of the time. There will be trips, but I won’t be gone half the week every week.”

Will’s face dropped. “You’re giving up what you love for me? Oh, Mac, don’t do that. I don’t want you to be unhappy because of me.”

“Will, it’s a promotion, one that I need to take. Remember when you wanted to change your show and you told me that it was something you needed to do even though you couldn’t explain why? It’s the same for me. This is something I have to do.”

“You know that I hate the show I’m doing, my numbers are down and the network is going to make a hostile takeover. I don’t want that to happen to you.”

Mac nodded her head, intentionally missing the point. “I’m going to get a say in your show and we’ll save it. No hostile takeover. ”

Will looked at Mac who had a sad look on her face. “Can you promise me that you’re not doing this just to be with me?”

“Staying here with you is one reason I want this, but it’s not the only one. This is the natural career path. I could be the next Charlie Skinner if I keep going.”

Will smiled at Charlie’s name, he had fond memories of the man. “I told you that I know you get to make this decision and it sounds like you have. I also told you that I wanted to support you, so you have that, as long as you aren’t doing this for me. We don’t know where things are going to go and I never want to see you unhappy.”

“What? What do you mean we don’t know where things are going to go?”

As Mac started filling in blanks that Will knew she filled in wrong, he went to her and put his hands on her arms. “I love you Mac, and you know I don’t say that lightly. I love you and I’m standing by it. But this still feels new to me and I don’t know what I’m doing yet.” He hoped that appeased her. He can’t tell her what he needs to say right now, not in the middle of his workday. They need to talk. “I love you Mac and I have no intention of leaving you ever. I promise. We’ll talk tonight at your place, just like we planned.” He kissed her again, hoping that it calmed her down.

Mac squeezed his hand, letting him know that things were okay for right now. “Go to your rundown. And be nice to Mary, she’s having a hard time today.”

Will smiled at Mac, his girlfriend – for as long as she’ll have him. “She thinks she’s about to lose her job.” When Mac didn’t say anything but raised her eyebrows, Will cocked his head. “What do you know?”

Coyly, Mac answered, “Nothing I can say.”

Will started laughing. “We’re never going to be able to keep secrets from each other will we? I can read you like a book.”

Mac plastered a smile on her face, “And if you’re lucky, like a book in braille.” She noticed Will didn’t seem to follow the joke, so she took his hands and put them on her hips, “Because you’re so good at reading me with our hands.”

“I better get to my rundown. I’ll see you at dinner.” Will gave her a quick peck on the lips and squeezed her arm as he left.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

After _Crossfire_ Mac went by Will’s hair and makeup room to give him one last chance to make a dinner request, which Will pointed out was a horribly veiled attempt to come by and see him.

“Well, it’s good to see your ego’s back. It’s been a long time since you’ve been a pompous prick. I was beginning to get worried.”

“I’m still trying to impress you. When I’m here, I get to be big dick.”

Mac took a second to look down. She whispered in his ear, “I know all about your big dick and I can’t wait for it’s appearance tonight.”

“Well, I guess I should be glad that you respect me enough to feed me first.”

“It seems like the polite thing to do.” She smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss. “After the show, you get to my place, no pit stops.”

Will squeezed her hands and pulled her to him. “Understood. And, I know you have some plans for tonight, but I think we need to talk. Okay?”

Mac gave him a kiss and smiled. “Have a good show.”

Will watched her walk out staring at her legs. God he loved her. He knew that she was acting strange, far more open about their relationship than she in the past. It’s only been a week. But they are now in a relationship, maybe that explains it. Habib said there would be freedom that came with that word. Or, he chuckled to himself, “Maybe I really am that good.”

One of the makeup ladies said, “I sincerely doubt that.”

<O><O><O><O>

Mac had _Just the Facts_ on while she finished dinner and set the table. Her new job will mean forcing Will to do real news, not that shit he’s doing now. She has to believe that doing real news will not only make him a better anchor, it’s going to make him happier and the ratings will come up naturally. She’s known for a long time he’s not satisfied with what he’s doing. Taking this job will help his show and him. Not directly, but when a new EP arrives, she’ll have influence. And until he does, she can step in and let the new EP see the show he can do and that will convince the new EP. And it’s not just his show that will benefit, but all the prime time news shows. She knows she has a clear vision of what _Just the Facts_ should do and she knows what _Crossfire_ can and should do. That leaves two more shows to learn as intimately and get them all firing on all cylinders. And she’ll be able to stay here and fix what’s wrong between her and Will. If anything actually is. Other than the Brian thing – and she’s taking care of that – it doesn’t seem like there’s anything wrong with her and Will. She just has to make sure he never finds out.

It’s a 10-minute cab ride to her place. Only a few more minutes. If she goes ahead and pours the wine and dishes out the pasta, that’s less time they have to spend talking. She wants to talk to him, she really does. She wants to know about his weekend, but she also wants to feel like she’s his, really, really his. She messed up with Brian, but she can make it up to Will. And she just knows that when he puts his arms around her, she’s going to feel safe. He’s going to mark her as his and she wants that. She doesn’t need to be worshiped tonight, she doesn’t deserve that.   Tonight has to be a penance to him for the things he can never know about. Not that sex with him is a chore, but she has to make sure his needs are taken care of. Even if she can't say it, she has to let him know how sorry she is.  

Will arrived at her apartment carrying a bouquet of flowers that she gladly accepted. As she found a vase, Will said it smelled good in there. Mac told him to make himself at home. He sat at the table and took a sip of the wine.

“I hope this is okay, you didn’t tell me what you wanted, so I thought I’d go simple, pasta and salad.”

“It’s all perfect, Mac. Everything is perfect.” Will listened to the music she had playing and held out his hand to invite her to dance. She smiled and put her arms around his neck while his loosely wrapped around her waist. She put her head on his shoulder as they gently swayed to the concerto that she picked out. Her mouth went to his neck, careful not to leave any marks that makeup would have to cover tomorrow, although she didn’t mind if makeup saw that he was taken. She unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt and started kissing is chest.

“Mac, the food’s gonna get cold.”

“I have a microwave.” She kissed his mouth, probing his lips with her tongue until he finally parted them, then she sensually dueled with his tongue.

“We need to talk, Mac.”

“We can talk later, I’m here all week, remember?”

Will’s hands found the hem of her shirt and went under it, feeling her smooth skin. “God I want you.” When he kissed her, she smiled and started pushing him back to her room. After a few steps, he stopped her and heard her frustrated groan.

“God, what’s wrong now? That’s the one place that I know we get things right. But apparently we’ve pushed past that and straight to the part where you can’t say anything to me because of your God damned fear or whatever the fuck it is.”

“To be clear, I’m the one who wants to talk, you're the one propositioning me.”

“Oh, go fuck yourself Will.”

“At this rate I may have to.” Will could feel himself starting to cower, a voice in his head told him to put this off until tomorrow. Give her what she wants, what he wants too, and wait until tomorrow. They can talk in his office after the show. They can close the door and having people there will make it less likely that they can find themselves in this situation again.

In his head, is sounded like a good idea, but he shook his head and walked to her, putting his hands on her arms from behind since she turned her back to him. “Mac please. I want you, that goes without saying. But this can’t wait.”

Mac heard the desperation in his voice. He needed to say whatever he had to say, just as much as she needed to repay the debt she couldn’t. She nodded her head and moved to the table. “We can talk and eat.”

Once he heard Mac sit down, Will, still planted to his spot on the floor, said “I never thought I could fall in love. I thought I was incapable. I always thought it was something that would be held out like a carrot, something that I could see and want, but never have myself. And I still don’t know why you put up with me.” Will glanced over his shoulder towards her and when she started to stand up and say something, he cut her off. “Don’t Mackenzie, please, let me say this.”

Mac watched as he walked to the window in her living room. She could see that his shoulders shook as he looked out. All the anger she had just a minute ago melted away as she understood that he needed to say this, whatever it was, more than he needed to fuck her. Carefully, she stood up and walked over to the window he was now looking out. She put her arms around his waist and rested her cheek between his shoulder blades.

“After you have one of your nightmares, sometimes I’ll wake up again and see you standing at the window just like this and I wonder what you’re thinking about. I always think you look like a scared little boy. I’ve never asked because I’ve had the sense that you want to be alone. But this time you told me you don’t. What are you thinking about Will? What are you so afraid of?”

Will looked down at his hands and saw them shaking. He has to do this. She has to know. She has to know and decide if this is something she wants. He can’t be with her until she knows, and probably not even after. There’s too much risk that he can hurt her, if she even wants him after this. She has to know the animal, the beast that he is. It’s only fair.

Fuck he wished he could put this off, have one more night with her. But he’s come too far. “I hit him. My father. While I was at my sister’s house, he was insulting… me. I warned him. I tried to ignore him. Peg and Ray, they could see I was about to lose it and they made me leave the house a couple times so I didn’t. I thought I had my temper under control. I know better, I spent years as a prosecutor, I know not to fight with my hands. I know that I don’t have to. But I did it. I hit a septuagenarian. I went to sit down and he pulled me to face him again and I just clocked him in the face. I’m no better than he ever was. And I’m afraid Mackenzie. I’m afraid of doing it to you. I’m afraid of what I might do to you.”

Mac tried to put the pieces of what he said together, not entirely sure she had the whole story, but she had enough of it. “You’re afraid of your temper? Is that what keeps you up at night? What the nightmares are about?” She tried to replay what he said. He said that he’s no better than his father ever was. “Your father hit you as a child. And you’re scared of doing the same to me.”

Mac felt like the life was knocked out of her as realization started to dawn. Her brain tried to figure out all the implications of this statement, while her body moved so that she tried to fit between him and the window, forcing him to face her. She saw that he wouldn’t look at her, he looked over her head, not necessarily at anything. He fixed his gaze somewhere besides her. She took his arms and put them around her waist and her hands around the back of his neck, pushing his head down to look at her.

“Look at me, Will.” She could tell that his eyes were glazed over. “I am not afraid of you. I’m not. I don’t understand the guilt or shame or whatever the fuck is on your face right now. But I intend to be with you through it. You trusted me with this and I will not betray that trust. You are the kindest, gentlest, most generous man I ever met. And if this was a test to see if I still want to be with you, I do. There’s no question that I’m going to be here for as long as you’ll have me.”

Will continued to give her a blank stare and she wondered if he heard her. Then she saw a tear begin to run down his cheek and his head went to her shoulder and she could feel him shaking as he started crying. He cried into her neck, “I love you Mackenzie. Thank you.” He placed a peck on her cheek and began to walk to the door.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

“You need to think about this. I hit people. It’s only a matter of time before –“

“Stop right there. You hit one person who has a history of hitting you. I trust you Will and I want you to stay here tonight because I don’t want you to be alone right now. You can sleep on the couch if you want, but I’d rather wake up with you because I feel protected when I do. Please Will, don’t go.”

Will put his head down and Mac could see the pain in his face. She wondered if she made a mistake, if she was asking too much of him. She was about to give him an out when she saw him nod his head in agreement. She told him to go get ready for bed and she’ll put the food away. When she finished in the bathroom, Will was already asleep. She cuddled as close to him as she could get and Will rolled away from her.

Will woke up the next morning, in Mac’s bed with her wrapped around him. He felt better rested than he had, possibly ever. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed circles over the t-shirt she was wearing and enjoyed the closeness he felt with her wondering how much longer this could possibly last.


	39. You're Worth It to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac comes to a conclusion after a week of Will acting strangely.

On Tuesday Mac woke up and Will had already made breakfast and as she got up, he said he was just about to wake her. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before he pulled out her chair and they sat down. After breakfast, they went to work and Mac went directly to Dirk’s office to accept the new position. Dirk nodded his head sadly. “Are you sure you want this? It’s going to break your spirit.”

Mac smiled, “It won’t. I get to influence what news is. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.” Dirk knew that this job wouldn’t live up to her hopes, but he couldn’t convince her otherwise. Instead he told her that it would still be a few weeks for everything to clear HR.

Mac went to Will’s office and told him she took the job. She said that she knew he didn’t want her to do this to be closer to him, but she saw it as a perk of the position. She asked where they would celebrate tonight. Will tried to smile at her and dutifully said they could go out after his show. He picked her up from her office and they went to an Italian place she likes. Will was the perfect gentleman, and while she’s come to expect that, something seemed off, like he tried too hard. After dinner, he took her home and gave her a kiss outside her door. Mac laughed, “Will, come in.”

“Not tonight.”

Mac spent the week watching randomly chosen episodes of the other shows on the CNN primetime line up to evaluate. Dirk wanted all his EPs to watch each other’s shows and find new ways to make them better. On Wednesday night Will took her to dinner and again dropped her off at home. On Thursday, he looked exhausted and said that he was sorry, but he just couldn’t tonight. She nodded her head and went home. She tried not to take it personally, but she wasn’t sure how. He said he loved her and she believed him, but since Monday and what he told her, he’s been off. He’s been an ideal boyfriend, but not himself. He’d always been perfect in his own way. He didn’t follow a script, he put himself into everything they did together. This week he wasn’t present in the same way and she missed him.

At 10AM Friday, when the mail came through, Mac had finished watching her first episode of _Anderson Cooper 360_ , or as one of the PAs called it, “the Anderthon”. Anderson did a fine job and his EP showed real talent. He might even be able to teach her a thing or two. Maybe. However, seeing the mail came as a relief for Mac, an opportunity for a break. She went through the mail and found the new issue of _Newsweek_ and started flipping through it _._ Towards the back she noticed a picture of Will and Preston so she started reading the hatchet job they did on _Just the Facts_. She looked at the byline and saw Brian’s name. She wasn’t surprised. She could imagine him at home laughing hysterically at calling Will “the Jay Leno of news” and referring to he and Preston as “Black and Decker, because they are a couple of tools.”

Mac immediately went to Will’s office and saw him reading it. “I just got mine. How are you doing?”

Reading from the article Will said, “McAvoy seems to want to blend news and entertainment like Jon Stewart, but he has neither the charm, class or intellect to carry that off. He should allow Tippen to take the lead and see what a real talent can do.”

Mac took his copy of the magazine and said, “My ex-boyfriend came after you because he saw us together at the Correspondent’s Dinner. He’s a jealous prick and that’s all he will ever be.”

“It’s okay Mac. I knew it was coming.”

Mac gave him a slack jawed look, “How?”

“My brother’s boyfriend does some editing for them and saw the article. I thought it would be a few more weeks before it came it out.”

Mac stopped for a second. “Your brother has a boyfriend?”

Will started to laugh, “Why does that surprise you so much?”

“I just thought your whole family were Republican nut jobs.”

“We are, but Les just happens to be a gay Republican nut job.”

“There’re gay republican nut jobs?”

Will didn’t know if she was trying to make him laugh or not, but he did. “There are, but they usually stay in the closet a little longer.”

Mac gave him a serious look, still trying to decide whether to believe him. “You’re really okay? You’re not lying to me?”

“Thanks for checking on me, Mac. I’m fine.” He looked her over. “And you’re not going to do something stupid like call the jealous prick, are you? Because I can fight my own battles.”

“I’m craftier than you.”

“How’s Anderson doing?”

Mac gave him a dreamy look. “He’s cute and he’s polished. He even does real news.”

“You know he’s gay too. And in a committed relationship.”

“I love it when you get jealous.”

“It’s just good manners. I think I’m going to start a mission to civilize.”

“You think I need to be civilized?”

“That’s not what I said. I just don’t want –“

It was nice to laugh with Will, to see him get flustered when he put his foot in his mouth. It almost made her want to listen to his rambling about whatever the fuck he was talking about.

“Okay, okay. If you’re okay with this, then I need to go back to my Anderthon. I get another break around 11:45, can you do lunch?”

Will’s moment of relaxation ended and he went back to not being able to look her in the eye. “I promised my lunch hour to Mary. She wants to go over a few things with me.”

Mac tried to hide her disappointment. “Do I get you tonight? Like all night?”

Will rolled his eyes and walked to his window. “Come on Mac.”

Mac pierced her lips and said, “Okay. I’ll see you after your show. Unless you want to pop some popcorn and watch Anderson with me.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O>

Mac went back to her office and started watching another episode of _360_. As Anderson ended the C block, she picked up _Newsweek_ and looked at Brian’s critique again. Anderson’s face came up on the monitor welcoming her back and she responded to the TV, “Fuck off.” And then she picked up her phone and called Brian.

“You keep telling me to stay away from you, but you keep the lines of communication open. I don’t remember you being the queen of mixed messages.”

Shit, apparently Will’s most worst attribute is rubbing off on her. “Did you write this shit because you’re jealous of him?”

Brian laughed. “Ah, I didn’t know if it was out yet. Can you honestly read that and say a single word of it is untrue?”

“If you want my attention, don’t go through him to get it.”

“I had a job to do and I did it. I thought it was a fair representation of the shit show he’s doing. He’s going out of his way to not piss people off. You’re the one who always used to preach about how that’s not the way to do the news.”

Mac couldn’t disagree, “Well, that won’t be the case for long. I’m going to be the Assistant Director for Primetime at CNN and we’ll get Will’s show back to where it should be.”

“So you’re scared of being around me anymore. I guess there are worse ways to do it. But don’t forget sweetheart, you haven’t completely gotten over me or else last week wouldn’t have happened.”

Mac hung up her phone. She needs to forget his number, just delete it from her blackberry. She should do that. But if she did and he called her, she might answer it and have to talk to him. Besides, he’s wrong, she’s over him and Thursday with just a drunken mistake. She’ll make it up to Will. She will. She’ll find a way.

<O><O><O><O><O>

Mary stopped by Mac’s office after lunch. “I need a break. I’ve been staring at your show all day.”

“I’ve had Anderson today. As it turns out there is such a thing as too much Anderson Cooper. America will be disappointed.”

Mary laughed. “Let’s go downstairs and get coffee, and tea for you.”

Mac out of the office. “Did you really come here for a break or is something else going on? Has Will finally had a reaction from Brian’s critique?”

“Brian’s? Do you know him?”

Mac took a deep breath. “He’s my ex and I think he wrote that after seeing us at the Correspondent’s Dinner.”

Mary took a second. “Does Will know that?”

Mac nodded her head. “Is he still acting like he’s okay?”

“Yeah, it’s a little scary. What’s going on?”

As they arrived at the cafeteria, Mac said, “Will’s been a little off this week. He’s been distant and like he’s trying too hard to be perfect. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he’d expected me to break up with him. Oh my God!” It finally hit Mac what was wrong. He was afraid. He told her that. He said it very directly. For him to be with her, he couldn’t allow himself to lose his temper. The man is going to give himself an ulcer unless he lets it out.

“What’s going on, Mac?”

Mac stood up to leave. She had to figure this out. “Enjoy having a day with Will being relatively sane. I’m not sure it’ll last much longer.”

“You sure you don’t want some coffee or something? We can compare notes. Unless you don’t want me seeing my future boss’s thoughts.”

Mac smiled. “You’re not supposed to know yet.”

“Dirk offered me _Crossfire_ and he had to tell me where you were going.”

“So is this brown nosing?”

Mary smiled, “No, it’s congratulations.” Then she shrugged her shoulders. “And maybe a little brown nosing.”

<O><O><O><O><O>

Mac sat at her desk waiting for _Crossfire_ to start when she heard a text message come in. She looked down and saw a message from Brian. She opened it with the intent of deleting it immediately, but something caught her eye. “Have you ever wondered what would have happened if we stayed together?”

Mac shook her head and held her finger over the delete button. She used to think about that all the time. She imagined a life of domestic bliss with the man she thought she loved. She hadn’t thought about it in months, but since he asked, she let her brain go there. She imagined life with a person she tolerates while longing for the man who gives her butterflies in her stomach. She tried to remember why she ever stayed with Brian. She thinks of him like a ratty sweatshirt. It may feel comfortable, but you don’t want to be seen with it and you should really throw it away.

She knew she shouldn’t answer him. If she ignores him, he’ll eventually lose interest and find someone else to annoy. But she felt compelled to answer. “I’m sure that it would have been a continuation of the 7 years of complacency that we had together.”

There, he won’t write back. And if he does, then she’ll just delete it and it’ll be over. Five minutes until her show starts and she’ll be completely engrossed in making sure it all goes well. Not that there’s anything she can do from back here. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard the beep of another text message. She didn’t want to read it, she really didn’t. But to delete she had to open it and she wasn’t surprised at his shock over her use of the word “complacency”. He insisted that he loved her and she wrote back that he didn’t know the meaning of the word.

She put her phone on vibrate so she wouldn’t see anymore of his messages come in. But since the phone was on her desk, she heard it anyway and they went back and forth a few more times until he finally stopped texting her. When she realized he wasn’t going to text back, she deleted the messages so that Will wouldn’t accidentally see them.

<O><O><O><O><O><O>

After finishing the final episode of the Anderthon, Mac went outside for a gyros. She had an idea of what to do about Will, but it seemed risky. Once Will’s show ended, Mac took a breath and waited for him to come by her office. Like every other night this week, he would come by to take her to dinner or tell her why he couldn’t. Mac looked around outside her office just to make sure most people had left for the weekend. She wouldn’t do this if there wasn’t enough privacy.

Ten after, Will gave a courtesy knock before sticking his head in. “You ready to go?”

Mac took a breath, “actually, can you come in a minute?” Will gave her a questioning look and did as she asked. “I need to confess something to you. I called Brian today. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind for what he wrote.”

Will took his time answering and Mac. “Mac, I specifically asked you not to do that.”

“I know, but I couldn’t help it. If he had stuck it to you because he was jealous, it was my fault that he wrote that trash and I wanted to make sure he knew that it didn’t do anything to change my opinion of you.”

Mac watched as Will started fighting with himself. “I appreciate the thought, but I’m an adult, I should be able to handle a tough critique. Is that it?”

“No, he admitted it and he told me he wanted me back.” Will started breathing through his nose and his jaw started to clench and unclench. “I let him know in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t going to happen, but it upset me more than I thought it would.”

Will couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I told you I didn’t want you to call him. I didn’t want him to upset you. And frankly I don’t like the idea of you with him at all. Even if it’s just talking. Why did you call him?”

Mac got in his face and yelled, “I had every right to, Will. You don’t get to make decisions about who I can or can’t talk to.”

“I—But—Okay, I don’t. I know you’re an empowered woman and can make decisions on your own, but that was a stupid one. Did you do it just because I told you not to? Because if that’s the kind of relationship we have, it’s gonna get old quick.”

“No I didn’t call him just because you said not to. And by the way, what the fuck kind of relationship do you think we have? One minute you tell me you love me, the next you refuse to fuck me when I make myself very available. After that you don’t want me to take a job that’s close to you because you don’t know where things are going. What the fuck kind of game are you playing?”

“I’m not playing fucking games with you Mac. I wish you would just get it over with and dump me.”

Mac believed that had prompted Will’s strange behavior this week, but even so, hearing him say it hurt. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? How dare you decide how I’m going to react to anything? How little do you think of me?”

“Mac that’s not what I meant.”

“I called your sister to find out about what happened between you and your dad. She told me how you refused to touch him all weekend until he spun you around and your reacted.”

Will felt like his privacy had been invaded. “You called my sister? My word wasn’t good enough for you?”

“I believed there was more to the story, so I called her to find out what that was. I didn’t do it to hurt you or to make you angry, but I can tell you’re angry.”

“Of course I’m angry! You called your ex-boyfriend after I told you I would handle it. And you called my sister instead of believing what I said happened.”

“You can barely string five words together on this topic. And I knew you didn’t tell me the whole story. I’m a journalist, I find out facts. And once upon a time, that’s what I thought attracted you to me. And who the fuck are you to tell me that I can’t call anyone the hell I want?”

“I’m the man who’s in love with you and I never want to see you hurt and that’s all he’s going to do and that’s all I’m going to do to you.”

Mac took a breath and said, “He’s not going to hurt me, because I don’t want him. And neither are you. And if you want to break up, then you’re going to have to do it, because I know that I’m in no danger from you. If you were going to raise a hand to me, you would have just now.”

Will stopped for a second to let that sink in. “You were testing me?”

“I needed you to see what would happen when you got angry. I already knew. I knew that I wouldn’t feel at all threatened by you. And I wasn’t. I was never scared that you would hit me. Will, you don’t have to prove to me that you’re worth my time. I know that already. That’s why I’ve chosen over and over again to be with you. And why what you told me Monday didn’t scare me, it made me appreciate a whole new layer of you that I didn’t know about. It made me feel special because you chose to trust me with that.” Mac looked at Will’s face and couldn’t tell what he was thinking and for the first time since he told her about his fears she was afraid. “Maybe I overstepped and I’m sorry if I did. If you’re still angry, I can eat at home tonight, but I’ll be at your place tomorrow and the next day until you take me back. You’re worth that to me.”

Mac turned away from him and started towards her door. When she opened it, she heard Will’s small voice. “I’m worth it to you?”

Mac put her head down, hurting on his behalf. She closed the door and the blinds before going back over to him and crushing his head against her chest. “You’re worth everything to me, Will. Will you please trust my judgment?”

Mac felt Will’s head nod in agreement, slowly, but he definitely did it. He stood up and took a breath before giving her a kiss. “Promise me that if I ever do hurt you, you’re going to leave immediately.”

“I promise.”

When Will kissed her again, Mac knew that he still didn’t feel confident, but it was a step in the right direction.

 


	40. Can I Take You Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some transitional fluff

"Can I take you home?"

Mac smiled at him, unable to believe the question. "Of course. That’s what I’ve wanted all week." He gave her one more kiss as he took her hand, almost amazed at the feel of it. It felt like a life raft thrown out to him in the ocean and all he wanted was to climb on shore. He maintained contact between them as they walked out of the CNN building, got into the cab and took the elevator up. He didn’t know what he did to deserve Mackenzie McHale in his life, but he had no intention of letter her go.

When they walked inside and he closed the door, he gently held her face in his hands. He had to be sure, so once again, he asked, “Are you sure? I’m not the good guy you keep thinking I am. Are you sure you can live with the risk.”

Part of Mac wanted to push him against a wall and show him how sure she was, but she knew he needed a different kind of answer. “I know the man that I’ve spent the last 8 months with. I wish you hadn’t hit your father, but that’s not who you are, Will. It’s not. It’s something you did, it’s not who you are. The man who has been with me for 8 months has always been my protector and I’ve never felt like I was in danger from him. And I’ve never felt as loved as I did when he told me he loved me. So yes, Will, I am sure.”

Will rested his forehead on hers. “I’ve never felt like I do right now. I love you Mackenzie.” Will caught his breath before kissing her again, letting his tongue slide into her mouth, exploring it as he pulled her shirt out of her skirt. He had to stop and catch his breath before lifting her shirt over her head and drawing slow patterns over her nipples through her bra. Mac took his hand and walked him to his bedroom. Mac let Will set a slow pace as if he was re-learning her body while she tried not to think about how she didn’t deserve this. After Will pulled out of her, he gave her one more slow and sloppy kiss, before pulling her to him, still unwilling to stop touching her.

“I’ve laid a lot on you this week. Is there anything you need me to explain?”

“Is that everything, or is there something else that’s going to make you go tortured soul on me?”

“I’m serious Mac. I know I haven’t been fair to you and I want to make sure that I make all this right.”

Mac smiled at him and caressed his cheek. “I’ve watched you for months fighting with yourself and putting all this distance between us. I guess I learned that you would say what you need to when you’re ready. I’m not going to push you to say more than you can.”

Will kissed her forehead. “When I got to Peg’s farm, my first thought was how much I wished I had you there. How much I wanted to show you where I grew up. And that whole weekend was a reminder of how much I needed you with me. I knew that I needed to tell you that and that I loved you as soon as I got there. And then I saw my father stumble backwards and fall when I hit him and I thought that I had turned into him and it scared the shit out of me. It still scares the shit out of me that I could.”

“But it’s not –“

“I know, I know what you think and I love you for thinking it, for believing the best about me. But it doesn’t change that I hit a man who couldn’t hit back. I have that in me, Mac. I promise I’m going to fight that part of me as long as I have you.”

Mac snuggled in closer to Will and he held tighter. “I won’t let you or any man hurt me, I promise. But if you thought that was in you and that I would, break up with you or whatever people in our whatever we are do, why did you tell me you loved me?”

“Because you needed to know. I wanted to make sure that you would break up with me and know that it wasn’t your fault, that it was all me. That I adored you and would do anything for you.”

Mac laughed in his chest. “You know you’re a jerk, right?” When Will gave her a surprised look she said, “If your little plan would have worked, it would have been more heartbreaking for me, not less.”

“I stopped you from being confused.”

“By confusing the shit out of me. You told me you loved me then walked out before I could say anything to you.”

“I didn’t want to give you the chance to turn me down.”

Mac gave him a playful slap. “I wouldn’t have turned you down, I would have pulled you into my apartment and taken you against the nearest flat surface I could find. Then you knew what I wanted the next night.”

“So a goodbye fuck would have been better?”

Mac looked at him seriously. “It wouldn’t have been goodbye.”

“It never even occurred to me that it would be anything but. I wasn’t going to take advantage of you.”

Mac kissed his chest. “It’s things like that that keep me with you when you’re acting like an asshole. I can’t give up on you. You mean a lot to me, Will. And after I thought I was going to lose you, all I could think about was how I wanted to show you how much you mean to me.”

Will kissed her hair, still drawing random patterns on her back. “You have, Mac. You have. You don’t have anything else to prove to me.”

Mac twined her fingers in his and felt a tear roll down her face. She didn’t deserve him. She didn’t deserve this. How could she ever make what she did up to him?

Will wiped the tear from her cheek and gave her another kiss before snuggling into his bed and falling asleep.

As Mac watched Will sleep that night, she felt guilty. He can never know what she did. She has to make sure that she never sees Brian again. Delete his number. Whatever she has to do, she can’t let it happen with Brian again. She can’t let Brian come between them.

Saturday morning, Mac woke up first and decided to duck under the covers to wake up Will. When he figured out that this wasn’t a particularly vivid dream, he enjoyed Mac’s ministrations. They didn’t get out of bed much that day. Or the next.

On Monday, Mac went to Dirk’s office first thing in the morning. He told her that it would be two weeks until she could officially take over her new position and due to HR rules he would have to interview her and a few others. He gave her another chance to back out, hoping for her sake that she would, but knowing that she wouldn’t. At the end of their meeting, Will came in for his weekly meeting with Dirk.

“Ah, look, your boyfriend’s here.” Mac stopped and stared at Will and back at Dirk. “It’s okay, isn’t it? I thought you said last week she was your girlfriend.”

“I did. Honey, what’s wrong?”

Mac shook her head to get out of her daze. “When did we agree that I was your girlfriend?”

“Remember the initials on the barn?”

“That’s what you were saying?”

“Yeah, what the fuck else would that mean?”

“Well, your sister thought it meant we were practically engaged.” Mac shot him a smug look, knowing his realizations did not extend that far. “But knowing that would freak you out, just like it’s doing now, I didn’t know what to think.”

While Will tried to come up with a retort, Dirk interjected, “I would ask if I needed to leave you two alone, but since we’re in my office…”

Mac nodded her head and started to leave, when she turned around. “Did you call me honey?”

“It kinda slipped out. If you don’t like it I can try something else.”

Dirk couldn’t help laughing. “Did you two just start high school?”

“I think Honey’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Will smiled at her, oblivious to the presence of their boss, while Mac remembered that they still occupied Dirk’s office, and turned back to him. “Was that all you needed from me?”

“Start working on your transition plan. I want you to take Mary to DC when she starts _Crossfire_ and then Wednesday through Friday that week I need you to cover a media conference for me in Chicago. Do you know when you’re moving out of the suite? We need to make that available again. No hurry, except we want you out.”

“Understood.”

Will looked at her and some fast calculating. “We could go down there the weekend before Mary starts and move you out. I’ll take your stuff back and you just stay a couple more days to get her acclimated. DC is beautiful this time of year. We can spend the weekend --”

Dirk rolled his eyes. “I’ll let you two figure this out some other time. Mac, go away. Will, sit down.”

Mac couldn’t help giving Will a quick kiss just to make Dirk turn a little more red before she left. “See you later, Babe.”

Will, still oblivious to Dirk’s discomfort stuck his head out the door after Mac, “Babe? Can we try something else?”

“Sit down, McAvoy!”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

For the next two weeks Mac stayed in New York and let the senior producers run the day to day at _Crossfire._ She missed being in the control room, but Mary let her drop in on _Just the Facts_ every once in a while, usually without Will expecting it. On Mary’s last night, Mac called into the control and asked Mary to put her directly in Will’s ear during an interview he was conducting. The control room erupted into giggles as Will attempted to keep his focus while hearing Mac describe in great detail her plans for later. During the next break, Will threw out several expletives that the control room didn’t hear while Mary thanked Mac for a memorable final night.

During Mary’s last week on Just the Facts, Dirk asked Mac to come to his office. Mac brought her notes listing what she wanted to do in her role. First on her agenda was a reformat for _Just the Facts_. She told Dirk that she wanted a meeting first thing when she came back with him, Will and Preston to discuss 3.0 and set the requirements for the eventual EP. Dirk took a long breath. “The network has already hired someone. He’s coming in on Monday.”

“I thought I would get to hire the new EP.”

“So did I, but someone up there is very high on him. Michael Schoedinger.”

“Shit!”

Dirk was surprised at her response. “You know him?”

“He was one of Brian’s close friends. Very excited about the entertainment part of the news.”

“Sounds like you two got along well.”

“He’s not going to work out. I need to set the tone for what news is, and that shit isn’t news.”

Dirk was hoping to keep her from seeing what working this close to the corporation was like a little longer. “We’ll talk when you get back. But it’s his show.”

“And I’m his boss.”

“It came from above me, we’ll figure out how to make this work. Is there anything else?”

“No, I guess I’ll talk to you when I get back. But I’m leaving this conference if I see any dancing bears on the show--”

“I’ll let him know to stay conservative.” As Mac was about to walk away, Dirk called after her. “I expect that Brian will be at the conference, stay clear of him. I don’t want to have to post bail or have Preston cover _Facts_ because you got in trouble.”

For the fist time, Mac realized that Brian would be at a Newsweek sponsored media conference. His name was on the fucking masthead as their media editor. Of course he’ll be there. Oh shit!

<O><O><O><O>

Mary took a few days off before starting at _Crossfire_ , letting Mac run Will’s show. Mac ran it as the picture of professionalism, and not just because Dirk visited the control room to make sure she did. At the end of the week, Will, Mac, Dirk and a few guys from the control room went out for drinks after the show. After the control room guys left, Mac asked how Sheniqua, Dirk’s wife, was. Dirk took a second, staring at his drink before he said, “She left me.” Mac gasped. She’d been friends with both of them since she moved to California. Sheniqua was her first friend when she moved. Dirk continued, “It’s not an easy job, Mac. I hoped you wouldn’t take it because I saw how it changed me. I hope you do better.”

Dirk finished his drink and left. Will put his arm around Mac. “We get to work together and that’s something we do well. That won’t happen to us.”

Will and Mac drove down to DC to pack her things and while Mac stayed in DC to introduce Mary to her new staff, Will took Mac’s things back to New York. Before Will left, he asked permission to keep some of her things at his place. He told her he had created some closet space and a drawer in the dresser. He joked that as long as she didn’t take over his entire vanity he even has some space there for her. Mac was touched. This was a big step for him.

Will unpacked her things and went out to get a nightlight. When he’d teased her in the past about getting one for his place, she said that she only has one as a comfort, she didn’t need that when she’s with him. He thought that she would feel more at home with one and though he wasn’t planning to ask her to move in, he could see himself doing that sometime.

 


	41. Mutiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meets his new EP. Mac stays in DC for a few days. A broadcast goes off the rails. And a secret is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So funny story. Sunday I come in here, I pasted this chapter in the editor, I previewed it, and then apparently I went to church without actually hitting post. So I spent the last 3 1/2 days wondering where the love was. No hits, no comments, no nothing (I can only hope that it affected me less than ratings affect Will). I started my final read through of chapter 42 and went back here to see how I ended 41 and thats when I saw my error. I like to think this chapter is worth the extra wait. And I wanted you all to know that I didn't forget, I wasn't late, I just... didn't hit a button.

“Will McAvoy!”

Will looked up from his newspaper as he walked through the newsroom and looked at a blonde haired, blue eyed man who he could only hope he looked like 10 years ago. Will nodded his head and continued walking.

“I’m Michael Schoedinger, your new EP.”

Will nodded his head and continued walking. “Good to meet you.”

Michael smiled and put his hand on Will’s shoulder, “I was hoping we could have a quick chat before Dirk gets here and undoubtedly starts introducing me to my staff.”

Will turned around. “They’re my staff, as are you. And from what I understand, you’re a network sycophant who’s here to turn my news show into a fucking three-ring circus. So I just want you to know right off the bat that I’m the managing editor and I get the final decision on what we run or don’t.”

Michael nodded his head. "I see Mackenzie has told you I'm friends with her ex-boyfriend.”

“And you have perfect fucking teeth. What’s your point?”

“Mac and I have… differences about what makes news. But we’re closer philosophically than she would have you believe. And I assure you my friendship with Brian will not have anything to do with how I work here.”

Will’s face got serious. “Let’s get one thing straight. We are not going to talk about my relationship with Mackenzie. That is none of your fucking business. Now, if you truly want to talk philosophy, then you should know I am in complete agreement with her.”

“I'm not here to break you up, and I honestly don't care who either of you are currently fucking.” Will stood a little straighter as he stared down his new EP. “Here’s how this is going to go. I’m going to give you your rundown and you’re going overrule it. That’s OK, that’s your right. But, I’m going to it escalate up to my boss.”

“Mackenzie, who’s going to agree with me –“

Michael laughed. “Oh, fuck no. I’m not going to Mackenzie. Or Dirk for that matter. I’m going to the people at the network who hired me and who told me the type of show they want to see. And they’re going to go to Dirk and Mac in a closed-door meeting and you won’t know what happened, but you’ll end up doing my rundown. So, do you want to do this now or wait until Mackenzie gets back next week so we only do this once?”

“I’m a news man, we’re going to do the news.”

Michael smirked at him, “Like you’ve been doing the last month? You broke character the other night while she was performing phone sex in your ear during an interview." Michael shot a hard look at Will. "Yeah, I heard all about that. We won’t be that unprofessional.”

“Are all of that dickhead’s friends as smug and arrogant as you?”

“Looks like that’s her type.”

Will continued as if he didn't hear his EP's comment. “I don’t know who fed you that line of shit, but nothing of the sort happened. Mackenzie has never been anything but completely professional and her philosophy of news will be the guiding light of this show for as long as I’m on it.”

“I’m going to be in my office pulling stories for tonight. It was a pleasure to meet you Will.”

On his way back to his office, Will ran into Todd Stuckright, his senior producer. When Mary was first brought on to run the show, Mac fought for Todd to stay with the show, hopeful that he would remind the group what the news was. He’d become Mac’s protégé after Aaron’s show ended and before she took over _Crossfire_. Will accepted Todd before he accepted Mary or the rest of his crew. After Mac started working in DC half the week, she kept teasing that she would take Todd from _Just the Facts_ , insisting that he liked her better than Will. Mac never offered him the senior role, but Will liked to think he would have chosen _Just the Facts._

“Todd,” Will signaled Todd over with his head. “Watch this new EP. He’s going to suck us down the entertainment trap unless we can stop him. We’re all that can fight him until Mac gets back.”

Todd slowly nodded his head and Will patted his shoulder on his way to his office.

<O<O><O><O><O><O><O>

“Don’t let him do the show until I get back. Call it on-boarding. Make him write evals of all the prime time shows. I don’t give a damn, I don’t trust him and I don’t want him messing with my shows until I can talk to him. Todd can run the show and Michael can take a flying leap for all I care.”

“He came straight from the network. My hands are tied, Mac.”

“Just buy me some time, Dirk.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Mac hung up the phone and saw Mary standing outside her office. Mary’s office. She’s going to have to get used to that, she’s not the EP anymore. But, last week she worked with Will and they did a couple good shows. At least they have that.

Mac waved her in. “Sorry for taking over the office. Old habits.”

“You’re fine. It won't feel like home until it gets painted next week.”

Mac looked at her former crew. “This is a good group. You’re going to enjoy them.”

“You ready to give them up?”

Mac sat back in the chair. “This crew, yeah. I’m not sure I’m ready to give up the job.”

“You did great work last week. That’s the best I’ve seen Will since I started working with him. You bring out the best in him.”

“I bring it out of him professionally, he brings out the best in me personally.” She stopped herself from saying "when I'm not fucking things up with my ex-boyfriend." Other than that one instance of really bad judgement it is true. She wants to be a better person for him. For a second she thought about her sister asking if she is changing for him or because of Will. She really couldn't ponder this right now.

“I think you two bring out the best in each other all the time. And I think you’re going to miss this more than you think.”

No, Mac knows exactly how much she'd going to miss it. But it'll be worth it. It will.

<O><O><O><O>

Will kept looking at Dirk during the 15 minutes he stayed in the hour long rundown meeting. When Will left, Dirk followed him.

“This isn’t going to work, Dirk. It’s not. Mac should have had a say in who has this position. She took this job because she wants to define what news is. That shit he’s talking about isn’t news. Look at the producers. They haven’t been happy since I made those changes, but they weren’t as beat down as they are now.”

“It’s been 15 minutes Will, you’re imagining things.”

“I’m not imagining a puff piece on the greatest moments of the 2005-2006 TV season. That’s not fucking news and you know it. I thought you were one of Mac's mentors. You can't be okay with this.”

Dirk gave a little chuckle. “I was her boss, but she already had a strong definition of news before I met her. You don't have all her passion, but you know what's good and right. Go in with ideas. If he’s turning down honest ideas, I can make an argument to the network against him, but if he's the only one putting up ideas, the network is going to tell me he has to fill 42 minutes of air.”

“I don’t want an argument. I want him gone and I want to be doing fucking news.”

Will went back to his office and saw that he had a voicemail message. He tapped the keys on his phone and heard his agent’s voice. “Will, it’s Scott. You were wrong. Fox is serious. They just sent over a deal memo and you need to see this.”

Will slammed down the phone and then dialed Scott’s number. “Tell them I want a real contract or it’s no deal. In fact, tell them that there’s no fucking deal. If they’re not going to deal straight with me, then I’m not going to fucking deal with them at all.”

“Will, Will, you don’t understand. You need to see this.”

“Not interested. I want to do real news.”

Will hung up the phone and sat back in his chair. By some miracle he managed to get Mac back without any damage done after he fucked all that up. Now he’d have to find a way to get his show back to what it needed to be. He'll fucking figure out how to do that.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Mac and Mary went to dinner after _Crossfire_. “I guess Will’s been keeping you updated on what’s happening with _Facts_ today.”

“Do you believe in karma?”

“You haven’t fucked up badly enough to earn that show.”

Mac bit her lower lip. “You don’t know what I’ve done. But that EP, he’s a friend of Brian’s. He knows a lot about me that not even Will knows.” Mac shook her head. “We’re just getting things back on track again. Why can’t the past just stay in the past?”

“The way I see it, Will owes you for his… issues. He needs to listen to whatever you feel like you need to confess.” Mary looked at her friend. “Do you want a trial run with me? It won’t go anywhere else, I promise.”

“No, I’m okay, really.”

<O><O><O><O>

Will read through his copy. He wasn’t sure what he hated more, the stories themselves or the fact that Preston was covering most of the night. He had an idea, but he had to wait for the right time to do it, and tonight wasn’t it. Will looked outside his office and saw Todd walk down the hall. Will stepped out and called Todd’s name. “Do you know what a mutiny is?”

<O><O><O><O>

Mac watched the show with Mary from her suite. When Will began an interview with Kenny Chesney, Sara Evans and Keith Urban after their Country Music Award wins, Mac picked up her phone and called the control room.

“Hey Todd. Get me the fuck in Michael’s ear.”

Todd set up the earpieces so he and Will could also listen to the exchange. “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but this is the last night we’re going to have puff pieces on this or any other prime time show. You’re going to put me in Will’s ear right now and after the next break, I’m taking him through the Montenegrin Independence Referendum.”

“It’s my fucking show, Mac.”

“It is, but for this week I’ll be running it long distance while you go through some on boarding exercises and when I get back, we’ll have a long discussion about where we’re going to take the show.”

“The network wants me here, Mac.”

“I’ll send you those activities in the morning.”

“Have fun in Chicago with Brian.”

The show went to break and Todd switched the headset. “Mac you’re on in the control room and the studio.”

“Thanks Todd. Everybody, we’re going to do the news for the rest of this hour. Will, what do you know about Montenegro’s freedom?”

<O><O><O><O>

Will called Mac when he got home from the show. It felt like old times, but better. They were on the same side, fighting for what was right. “Dirk’s going to have your head, you know?”

“I don’t know. I think I can get him to join out little rebellion.”

Mac could hear Will chuckle. “Is that what we’re calling it?”

“It’s better than a mutiny.”

“You talked to Todd.”

“I think everyone in the newsroom called me at least once today.”

“Dirk thought it was all in my head. But I knew, they were all at least a little dead inside.” Will laid back in his bed. “Honey, I don’t want to ask this, but I need to know if there’s anything that Michael can blindside me with about you. He keeps hinting at a secret. I don’t care what you’ve done in your past, just don’t let me be surprised by it.”

Mac considered what to tell Will. It had occurred to her that Michael may know about her night with Brian. But there was something else she needed to tell Will. “Todd has always blamed me for moving Brian out of Atlanta. He thought that I helped Brian get a job in Alberta after I cheated on Brian with Michael. Things got messy and I wanted to leave, so I had a friend who was able to get him a job.”

“You slept with Michael and his perfect teeth?”

“It wasn’t my proudest moment. We got drunk and I don’t even remember how it all happened. But it did. And according to Michael, instead of facing the consequences, I ran. And he was kind of right.” Will laid in bed, thinking. He’d never thought of Mac as a cheater.

“Will? Are you going to say something?”

It took Will a minute to process this. “I don’t know, I’m just surprised I guess."

“ Will, I’m not as perfect as you seem to think. I’ve done things I’m not proud of and I’ve hurt people I wish I didn’t. But you don't have anything to worry about with Michael. It was one time and didn't mean anything. It used to be the worst thing I ever did.”

“Hey, hey, I’m not judging. I guess that’s, how did you say it? It’s something you’ve done, it’s not who you are.” Will could hear Mac smile on the other end of the phone. "So if cheating on your boyfriend was the worst thing you ever did, what took its place?"

Mac tried to laugh off the question, but she felt very uncomfortable. "Well, that's a story for another time. I will conference into your rundown meetings tomorrow and I’ll plan on being in your ear tomorrow night. Work with Todd on your mutiny plan. I’ll make an announcement that I’m over Michael and no one should pay attention to him until further notice.”

“I’ll stand by anything you say or do, Mac.”

“I knew I could count on you.”

After the two finished their call, Mac thought about the worst thing she ever did. She could never let Will know. When she cheated on Brian it didn't affect her like sleeping with Brian a few weeks ago did. By far, that was her biggest regret.


	42. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk lets the team know the consequences of last night's show. Mac starts to see the consequences of Will's choices and lives out some of the consequences of her own.

Dirk spent the first hours of Tuesday morning in a closed-door meeting with his bosses. Afterwards, he called Will, Preston and Michael into his office and called Mac on the phone. Reluctantly, they agreed that _Just the Facts_ would have half news and half entertainment. Michael will come up with a plan to allocate the time between the two types of reporting and allow Will and Preston to work in their areas of strength. Dirk made it clear that Mac will not take over a broadcast the way she did and that until she gets back, any issues that arise will go to Dirk and not her. When Mac clarified that she called in when she watched the shit show that was being put on, Dirk repeated himself that if she feels that strongly about something on the air, she should call Dirk and not the control room. Under his breath, Michael wondered if there was anything that Mac didn’t feel strongly one way or another about. Will didn’t hear the exact words, but reacted to the insult to Mac by standing up and saying something about her passion that Preston, who was sitting between the two, didn’t completely understand because he expected that if they came to blows, he would be squashed like a bug.

Dirk raised his voice to tell Will to sit down. When Will didn’t right away, Michael stood up to be at eye level with him. Preston took the opportunity to stand on the other side of Dirk’s desk. When Mac realized that no one made any noise, she yelled into the phone, “William Duncan McAvoy, sit down. Now!”

Will did as he was told, followed by Michael. Dirk knew the situation wasn’t diffused, but at least they didn’t look like they would start wrestling in his office. “You’re going to go back to the newsroom and you’re going to announce that this is how things will be and you will show a united front. Any issues come to me. Understood?” The three other men in the room nodded their heads and made affirming noises. “Mac?”

“Understood.”

“Mac, stay on the line. Gentlemen, go to your rundown.”

Mac couldn’t see Dirk, but she knew what he looked like when he was this furious. She imagined him sitting back in his desk taking long slow breaths. She stayed quiet, not wanting to rush his process. Finally he said, “Do you really think you can do this job?”

“Of course I do. I’m highly qualified for it. I have –”

“I had to consider that you are dating one of our anchors and what that could do to your judgment. I took the chance because I can’t imagine a better person for this job. And then I started hearing things about the last few weeks. What the fuck were you saying to him when he turned red on the air during the interview with the NASA director?”

Mac thought about it. “I don’t think you want to know.”

“You’re damned right I don’t, but I had to, Mac. There’s a lot of talk about it. You know better, you’re far more professional than this.”

“Whatever you heard was conjecture, I made sure I was on a closed channel.”

“It doesn’t matter, it was unprofessional for anyone, but especially for someone in your position.” Dirk took a breath and lowered his voice. “And last night, what the fuck were you thinking? I went to bat for you Mac. I told the VPs that you were ready for this and one night in --”

“I stood up for the integrity of this network. I won’t apologize for that. The type of show that he should be doing –“

“Is the opposite of the one he chose to do. And I’m fucking tired of hearing excuses for his ratings and his popularity because he’s doing the wrong show. He’s the fucking managing producer and these are the consequences of his choice. If he would have listened to what everyone told him, he’d be anchoring solo and you’d be his interim EP. Just like if you would have stayed with the plan and not spend a half week in DC, he would have been content doing the news. “

Mac was shocked. Obviously Dirk was blowing off steam, but she didn’t understand what he was saying. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You didn’t have to go to DC half the week, you could have stayed here and if you did I think Will would have continued doing news.”

“He made that choice in spite of my advice too. He wanted to see his numbers go up, it backfired on him.”

Dirk’s voice got calmer. “As long as you were here he wanted to impress you. Now you’re back and he wants to impress you again. Except now it’s harder because of the choices he made. And now I have to wonder what will happen if you ever break up or if you go somewhere for an extended time. What will he decide is okay on the air and what will the consequences of that be?”

While Dirk paused, Mac thought about when she made the decision to spend time in DC. She and Will had been doing well together. She was starting to see a future with him and she liked the idea. She doesn’t know when it happened exactly, but he started having his nightmares and then he made a big deal about not calling her his girlfriend and not saying he loved her. It was weird for her because she wasn’t asking for those things, but he let her know that he wouldn’t give them. It made sense to her some time after that started to work from DC during the week. This was the first time she wondered if Michael was right, did she run away from him when things started to not go her way. She shook her head out of the thought. She loves being in the control room, that’s why she decided to be a hands on EP for _Crossfire_.

Dirk kept talking and Mac hoped she didn’t miss anything. “Mac, I need to know if you’re going to be able to put your feelings for Will and Michael aside. I know that Michael’s a prick, but the network wants him and they typically get what they want until someone can convince them they want something else because it’s more profitable. Frankly I don’t have another place for you if this doesn’t work out.”

“I can put my feelings aside.”

"Good, because you're too good for me to have to take the next steps." Dirk took a second to collect himself. He took a few deep breaths and calmer asked, “How’s Mary doing in DC?”

“She’s a good fit. She’s going to do well.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Michael started the rundown meeting with Will and Preston sitting in their normal places. “I know that there was some confusion last night, but Will, Preston and I have met with Dirk and have a plan going forward that I think you will like. We have 42 minutes of airtime to fill. 21 minutes of that will go to Will for hard news and the other will be given to Preston for a lighter feel. I’m going to work today with Will and Preston to split you all up into groups that will specialize in one or the other. I’ll also work on how to mix up the blocks so both of our anchors are featured in each block.”

Todd shot a look at Will, whose face he couldn't read and asked, “What if there’s a big news story? Will we be able to cover it the way we should?”

“If there are stories that require a re-allocation of resources, we’ll look at it on a case by case basis. For tonight, lets start with the hard news and as Preston and I start tapping people to work on the lighter stuff, we’ll figure out how to integrate.”

<O><O><O><O>

Mac finished her last _Crossfire_ and walked out with Mary before going back to watch _Just the Facts_. The show wasn’t the cesspool of the previous night, but it wasn’t good. When Will called, Mac said, “Well, I liked your part.” Will filled her in on the two-team approach that he said Michael had pulled out of his ass. Mac didn’t want to admit it wasn’t the worst idea she’d ever heard, so she asked if they could talk about something other than work. Will responded by taking out his guitar and singing to her.

“You know, you don’t have to sing me to sleep, I can sleep on the plane.”

“Well, I’m expecting any day now Preston is going to push for an on-air talent show. He’ll show his skill in driving tractor trailers and I’ll sing something.”

Mac laughed, “What are you going to sing?”

“Will you be in the control room or not?”

“You’re not doing a talent show if I’m EP.”

Will nodded his head in understanding. “I wouldn’t expect to, but would you come to observe that night?”

“I won’t come for Hank’s hoedown, but I’ll always be in the front row for you.”

“Then I guess I better do something special.” Will started strumming his guitar.

“I may not always love,  
But long as there are stars above you  
You’ll never need to doubt it  
I’ll make you sure about it  
God only knows what I’d be without you

If you should ever leave me  
Life will still go on, believe me  
The world could show nothing to me  
What good would living do me  
God only knows what I’d be without you”

As Will finished the song, Mac smiled. “You’ll beat his truck driving skills any day.”

“You’re going to be okay at the conference?”

“I don’t see why I wouldn’t. I go to these all the time. Lots of boos, little content. Mostly we’re just networking.”

Will’s voice got quiet. “Brian will be there.”

“Are you nervous for me, or for you?”

“Mac, you’ve never given me a reason to doubt you, except when you wanted to face him in California.”

“And I came back and told you I chose you.”

Will nodded his head, trying to stay mature. “You did. And then he kissed you and declared his undying love at the Correspondents Dinner.”

“Which prompted me to punch him.”

“You’re right, you have never given me any reason to doubt you. But he’s given me no reason to trust him. You were with him for a long time.”

Mac wondered if Will sensed somehow that she was still hung up on him. How long would she have some kind of connection with Brian? She doesn’t want him, she knows that, but obviously something’s there that she didn’t expect and she can’t honestly say it won’t happen again. She doesn’t want it to, but she can’t be sure. “Does this have anything to do with what I told you about Michael? Are you nervous because you know that I’m not perfect?”

“Mac, I don’t care what happened before me, I only care about now. And I don’t want him to hurt you.”

"Are you sure? You're not just saying that because it's easy?"

Will took a second to think and take a breath. "I don't like the idea of the two of you together. I know it's out of line, but I don't like that you called him after the article came out."

Mac was quiet as she said, "I don't like that I did either. I wish I hadn't. But I used it to pick a fight with you and where would we be without that? You'd still be trying to get me to break up with you and who knows; maybe I would have by now. I promise Will, nothing is going to happen this week."

Mac hated saying that, she didn't trust herself. She didn't want Brian, that much she knew, but she didn’t want him that night either. Will calls her his girlfriend and she doesn't want to betray that. But Brian still has a hold on her. They were together for a long time and she does wonder every once in awhile, what if. And she likes hearing him say that he loves her. It’s not the same as when Will says it. When Will says it, it means something to her. When it comes from Brian, it feels more like a validation of the time she put in with him. She loved him once, it's got to be normal to wonder, even if you're trying to move on. And she wants to, she wants to move on. She wants to move on with Will. She doesn't know what she feels for him, but it's something better and different than she's felt with anyone, including Brian. Even after all this time, she still gets excited about seeing him.

She heard Will’s voice again, "I don't want you to get hurt. Not by him pushing you too far, and not by me."

“I won’t let him hurt me, I promise. Now, you have to pitch some stories tomorrow so you need your sleep. I’ll try to watch the show, but you know how these things are.”

“And you’re a lightweight, got it.”

“I can drink you under the table.” Mac laughed thinking of the last time they got shitfaced together. It started as a contest, but by the time they got back to his place, neither of them could claim victory... or stand.

Will laughed thinking of the same night. “Goodnight, Mac.”

“Goodnight, Will.”

“Love you.”

<O><O><O><O>

Will, Todd and a few others felt like they had some solid stories for Will’s 21 minutes on Wednesday. During the pitch meeting, even Preston seemed a little envious that he couldn’t do some of it. When it was Preston’s turn, he started off by saying he thought that he and Will should sign up to run a marathon and keep a video diary of what it takes to train. He and his team talked about inspiring the audience to run with them. Todd looked up local races and said, “The NYC marathon is in November. Do you really want to keep up a feature like this for 5 months?”

“That’s how long it takes to get in shape for one of these. And if the two of us make it like a buddy comedy...”

Will shot Preston a look. “That’s your 21 minutes, not mine.”

“It can come out of my 21, but it only works if it’s both of us.”

“Then it doesn’t work. I’m not running a fucking marathon. I’m not getting ridiculed by my audience like that.”

Michael stepped in. “Let’s table this one for another time. We don’t have time to get a segment put together for this today. What else do you have?”

“Hometown visits. We go on location throughout the summer showing off our hometowns. That’s me, Will, and all our regular correspondents.”

Will shook his head. “I’m not bringing a camera crew to Nebraska to meet my family.”

Michael tried to hold in his frustration. “Will you can’t say no to every idea he brings.”

“Well if he brings a fucking good idea or one that doesn’t sound like it belongs on a morning show, I’ll agree to it.”

Preston jumped in, “I think we need to embrace a morning show like format. People like their morning shows, and their morning anchors.” At that last part, he gave a look to Will.

“I didn’t work my way up to this place so I can go back to reading headlines.”

Michael shook his head and then raised his voice to calm everyone down. “Preston, what ideas do you have for tonight?”

After the rundown, Michael asked Will and Preston to stay. He told Will that he needs to be open to some ideas and he told Preston that the rundown meetings need to only have stories for that day. After he reminded the anchors to show a united front, he sat back in his chair. Maybe this would be a harder job than he thought.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Mac’s plane arrived in Chicago on a rainy Wednesday afternoon and things couldn’t have started worse. The rental company lost her reservation and didn’t have a car for her to use. She didn’t bring an umbrella so she got drenched while waiting for a cab. When she got to the hotel, she couldn’t avoid seeing Brian, so she ignored him. She tried calling Will, but when she figured out the time difference, she realized he was in a meeting.

Brian served as master of ceremonies for the conference. The first night she was part of a panel and Brian made sure she was skipped whenever possible. After the panel, she planned to go back to her room to watch the shows she now had charge of, but some old friends found her and wanted to go to the hotel bar for drinks. Her friends didn’t know that she and Brian broke up, so they were shocked when they saw him very obviously draped over some woman and whispering in her ear. Mac had to tell the whole story of leaving him for a new job and she made Will out to be some sort of white knight. Unfortunately Will’s reputation preceded him and by the end of the drink they started listing people they could fix her up with.

Mac got to her room well after all her shows ended and she did a belly flop onto her bed. She didn’t want to watch her shows. She could almost guess how they went. Except maybe _Facts._ And even that, she knew was a train wreck, but she didn’t know exactly how.

She checked her phone and saw that Will called just to check in. She texted him back, too tired to do anything else. She lay in bed when she heard a knock at the door. “Whoever the fuck it is, go away, I’m sleeping.”

“Come on Mac, we both know you don’t sleep this early.”

Ah, fuck, what was Brian doing here? “Don’t you have some bimbo to entertain? Or was that the quickest one nighter ever?”

Mac wasn’t sure why she opened the door. “Mac, listen. I came here to apologize. I knew that you could see us, so I made a show of walking out with her. She’s helping me coordinate this conference. That’s all.”

“That’s nice. Why the fuck do you think I care?”

“Because I saw how you looked at us. I know that you still have feelings for me and it was a dick move to walk out with her like that.”

Mac laughed. “I don’t know what you think you saw, but it wasn’t me being jealous.”

“Are you about to invoke the name of Will McAvoy? Come on Mac, can you honestly tell me that you’re in love with him?” With this, Brian stepped into her personal space and took her hand, playing with her fingers. “Mac, if you can say that to me, I’ll leave here and never come back.”

Mac wanted to say it. She needed Brian to know that she was serious about Will, or at least that Will was serious about her. He was, and so was she. She can’t say that she loves him, not yet at least. She thinks she can say that she’s falling in love with him. His unpredictability scares her, but when he’s stable, there’s no one she would rather be with.

Brian put his other hand on her hip. “I know that I still love you and I was an idiot for letting you go.”

It was nice to hear. After all that time thinking she wasted 7 years of her life on him, it gave her a charge that he wanted her back. But she thought of Will and said, “Brian, I think you should leave.”

Brian nodded his head and walked backwards away from her. “If you really loved him, you wouldn’t have been with me. And if he really loved you, he wouldn’t have given you reason. I’m in room 247, Mac and my door’s always open to you.” Brian turned around and walked out of her sight.

Mac closed her door, proud of herself for not giving in. She was scared that she might give into him again if she saw him, but she turned him down, which means she can do it. This may not be as hard as she expected.


	43. Are You Coming Up?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preston chooses his instrument of torture for Will while Mac has to make a choice.

Thursday was the only full day of the conference and it began with a continental breakfast. A friend of Mac’s from ABC waved her over to a table and as introductions were made, someone else invited Brian to join them. Brian didn’t take the open seat next to Mac as Mac initially feared. In conversation, Brian told a story of moving from Atlanta to Alberta. They were pretty poor back then and not very accomplished yet, but Brian had been offered a job anchoring the local news and he umped on it. They couldn’t afford movers, so it was Brian and his girlfriend each driving a car in the middle of a snowstorm that covered the Midwest. 2AM and they needed to stop. Mac knew this story. It was their favorite moving story to tell. She had listened to the story, not wanting to identify herself as the girlfriend, but she couldn’t help it.

“Actually, _you_ needed to stop. _I_ wanted to keep going. If you would have just gotten a cup of coffee at a drive thru, we would have been fine.”

“You were in the Mustang your dad bought and I had the moving van and my car towing behind it.”

“So we were both going slower than we should have.”

Brian shook his head, laughing. “We needed to stop. Even at normal speeds it was a 34-hour drive and we weren’t doing that in one sitting, no matter what she says.”

“He flashed his lights to let me know that he needed to stop, so I turned into a parking lot and with the snow cover, I didn’t notice that it was a mud puddle. When I felt my car sinking, I jumped out and started waving my arms at him, trying to get him to turn around.”

Brian picked up the story to minimize the embarrassment, though everyone at the table felt comfortable laughing. “Since when does flapping your arms backward and forward mean go back? You were waving me in.”

Mac’s voice raised an octave as she laughed. “That’s not what I was doing. Your eyes were blurring your sight, I was crossing my arms like a big X.”

Brian smirked at her. “Either stopping was a good idea because I was too tired to drive or you didn’t signal me right. Which is it?”

“Which ever it was, doesn’t matter since you didn’t sleep at all because it was 5AM before both vehicles got out of the mud and there was no way I was sleeping in that motel.”

Brian looked around the table. “It was horrible. I believe they actually had a per minute rate.”

As the group separated to go to their first breakout sessions, Brian and Mac stayed behind. Brian looked at her longingly. “We had some good times, Mac.”

“A few.” Mac walked away before she could start thinking about him. She forced herself to think about Will. Their first date, he took her on a drive in the country because she told him the story of driving with her father. The night in the empty control room, something that Brian never would have done. That night she thought about Brian and how she would have wanted to share that with him, but he was never interested. And there was Will who watched her, and didn’t say she acted like an idiot; he thought it was the greatest thing he’d ever seen.

Mac slowed down her pace letting Brian catch up to her. She knew this was a bad idea. She should avoid him at all costs, but she wanted to know and she couldn’t stop herself. “Why didn’t you ever want to come by the control room when I worked?”

Brian stopped, surprised by her question. Mac couldn’t blame him; it felt out of the blue for her too. “I didn’t think you wanted me there. That was always your thing and you were always protective of it.”

Mac didn’t know what answer she expected. She didn’t think he was ever interested in that part of her life, she thought that would be his answer. But he didn’t feel welcome in that part of her life surprised her. She nodded her head started walking faster again.

“If I knew you wanted me there, I would have been, Mackenzie. Just like I think you would have gone to my hockey games if you were invited.”

She gave a humorless laugh to herself. If Will would have been better at communicating with her, who knows where they would be? If she would have been better at communicating with Brian… But Will seems more serious than Brian did. Or maybe it’s passion. Brian was never passionate with her or about her or ereally anything at all. And whatever she felt for him fells less than whatever she feels for Will. What does any of this matter? She’s with Will, and she wants to be, she just needs to get away from Brian.

“I don’t want to be late for this session.” Mac quickened her pace again and sat in a session about using graphics effectively in all media.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Todd asked Michael for the entire A-block for a feature tonight on the senate bills that are on the floor and what they mean for people. Will asked Todd to make that request because Todd can do it more diplomatically than Will. This gave Todd an opportunity to restate for the group what they believe news is. In this case, news needs to be put in the context of what it means to voters. He said that he’d like this to be a weekly feature they do because another important part of news is educating the electorate with the hope that citizens will take action for or against what Congress is doing.

Preston suggested that they could do this as a full episode, but he and Will debate the different bills. Will shook his head, “We need to report, not influence.”

Todd agreed, “I don’t want people to take a position on a bill because they either like Will or Preston better.” Will gave him a smile knowing that Mac’s heart would swell with pride over that answer.

Michael asked what Preston was thinking for his part of the A-block. Preston made a case for the decline of soap operas and the treatment of the daytime Emmys. Will watched as Michael put his hand on his forehead. “Let’s put that in the B-Block. Will, you need to find a way to integrate Preston into the A-block, we’re not going to ignore him. And he’s getting the whole B-block, so you better find something to say about the Emmys.”

“Actually, my team was talking and we really want to have a weekly segment on marathon training, so we’d like to produce something showing Will and myself signing up for the NYC marathon tonight. Could Will do that instead of the Emmys?”

Will wanted to object. He didn’t want to run the fucking marathon at all, but they made a decision that Will would participate in one weekly segment that Preston chose out of several ideas he had. Apparently this was his choice, so Will bit his tongue and nodded his head. Five months of training with Preston. This was going to be hell.

<O><O><O><O>

Everywhere Mac went that day, she intersected with Brian. She didn’t think he had designed it that way and she sure as hell didn’t. But it happened. He was everywhere. He didn’t seem at all affected by her; he played his game. He was a master of networking. No one she knew could work a room like Brian Brenner. He has a charm about him. For some reason it never translated on camera the way he thought it would. He could handle himself on panels, but any more than that and he came across as a douchebag. Mac wanted to think that’s really what he was, but she couldn’t bring herself to think it. Without trying, he reminded her why they were together as long as they were.

After lunch, Mac went to a coffee shop across the street. She needed to hear Will’s voice. She felt like there was some pull that Brian had on her and she hoped hearing from Will would fix it.

“Hi honey. How’s the conference?”

“Happy hour starts at 5. Until then, we’re all just going through the motions. Though I’ve got some notes from a graphics session –“

“More boring than I can comprehend would have been enough.”

Mac laughed. “More boring than you can comprehend. What kind of abomination will you be subjecting all of America to tonight?”

“The history of daytime television and an editorial on the state of the daytime Emmys. Oh, and we’re signing up for that marathon.”

“Seriously? Okay, two episodes and I’m back. I’ll talk to Dirk in person and we’ll figure out how to fix this. As cute as you and Preston will be in matching compression wear, that’s not where I want to see the show going.”

Will laughed. “Well, I decided, if you’re not successful, then you’re running this thing with me.”

“What?”

“I was thinking, if I have to do this, I want to see your skin get all pink and sweaty while you breath hard. It’s my favorite way to see you.”

Mac laughed, “But that’s because I’m usually horizontal and naked when I look like that. Aren’t you afraid that seeing me splotchy and chafing is going to ruin some of the fantasy? Besides, will your ego be able to handle it if I lap you in a marathon?”

“First, that’s not how marathons work. The original Greeks did take a lap at the end to parade in front of the king, but we’ll just do a course and cross a finish line. And I’m not worried at all about my fantasies because even if you’re pink and chaffing, I can definitely imagine other things to get you in that state. And I’ll have you know, I was a high school athlete, 26.2 miles is nothing to me.”

Mac could never turn down a challenge. “Really, you’re going there? You’re not in high school athlete shape. I mean, you look good for a man your age, but I’m still 12 years younger than you and visit the gym everyday.”

“Do we need to put a wager on this?”

“Let’s see what I can do with Dirk first.”

Mac hung up the phone smiling and confidant that she never felt like that with Brian. She needed that conversation with Will. It will get her through the rest of the day.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Just before Will left to shoot signing up for the marathon, apparently a major production in the studio, his agent called him and said he needed to get to the office immediately. “This better not be about that fucking Fox offer.”

Will and Preston sat at the anchor desk in the studio and went through the motions of acting like they were signing letters of intent and then they shook on the plan to race. After that, Will left for Scott’s office, wanting to get whatever this was over with. As Will expected, Scott showed him a very generous Fox offer.

“This is almost double what they initially offered you. Apparently they like what they see you doing on the air right now. They have a show they want to pitch you that sounds like it uses all your strengths. They’re going to buy out your contract and then double what CNN is paying. I know you hate what you’re doing now, Will. This is your big break.”

Will looked over the deal memo. A deal memo is binding, but there’s some understanding that it’s not as binding as an actual contract. “If they were serious, they would send over a real contract. Don’t waste my time like this again.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

All the attendees gathered for a night of entertainment by the _Newsweek_ staff. It was a talent show of sorts. Mac sat with several affiliates she would need to work with in her new position and waited for a chance to leave. One of the affiliates, Rylee, asked her what secret talent her boyfriend had and Mac’s head snapped to look at her.

“I thought Brian was your boyfriend.”

“He’s my ex.”

“Well you look so cozy. But if that’s the case, would you mind introducing us after this is over?”

Mac agreed and excused herself. She didn’t understand why that bothered her. Brian was most definitely not her man anymore. She didn’t want him, but she also didn’t want him with someone else. Mac splashed some water on her face and pulled out her phone to call Will. When she saw the time and made the conversion to the east coast, she realized this was a bad time for him. She decided to make the introduction. If she knew what Brian was doing tonight, she wouldn’t have to think about him at all. Just have a boring night counting down the hours until she gets home.

The talent show ended with Brian and a few others doing a mock striptease, but then stopping before they shed too many clothes. After the show, Mac waved Brian over to the bar where she and Rylee sat. Mac made the introduction and once it looked like they were talking, she excused herself and went back to her room. She had some news to watch. She got back in enough time to watch all her shows when they repeated. Will called her during one and told her how well he thought the Congressional Bills block went. She was excited to hear how excited he was to do real news. And he seemed to believe that Michael liked the piece as well.

When they got off the phone, she laid down to go to sleep. She wondered if Rylee would be leaving Brian’s room right about now, disappointed. He’s not the worst lay ever, but he’s not that good. She never laughed with him after, he usually just rolled over and went to sleep. She was with the better man, and she knew it. But she couldn’t get the thought of Brian with someone else out of her head.

At about 12:30AM, she got a text message. She assumed Will couldn’t sleep and he wanted to see if she was awake. She picked up the phone and automatically started to type that she’s awake now. Then she saw the message came from Brian. He wanted to know if she wanted to come up to his room.

Mac: What about Rylee? I thought you two hit it off.

Brian: She’s cute, but not my type.

Mac: I thought anything with a vagina was your type.

Brian: No, that’s your other boyfriend. You coming up here or not?

Mac knew what she should say, what she wanted to say. With everything that Will’s told her and the fact that she’s in a good place with Will, going to see Brian would be the stupidest thing she could do. Stupid and reckless and he expected that from her. That’s why he invited her, because that’s how he will always see her. She needs to say no.

Brian: Mac? Are you on your way?

She’s over this guy, she’s said that several times and she always sounded like she was telling the truth. But there are things she just didn’t remember. Since being with Will, she’s realized that she wasn’t really in love with Brian. Not really. When she puts Will and Brian next to each other, Will is the better man in every category. She doesn’t want to do anything that would hurt Will. But somewhere in all this thinking about them, she forgot how charming Brian can be. She forgot why she was with him so long and even wanted to marry him. Sure he’s boring, but he’s stable. He’s never turned her down. He’s never confused her. With Brian, what you see is what you get. Will’s more complicated than that, and while it can be fun and exciting never knowing what he’ll do next, other times it’s stressful and even hurts.

Mac looked at her phone. He wants her. And for the first time since she left their apartment in LA, and maybe even before then, she likes how it feels that he wants her. He’s bad for her, and she knows it. But damn she wants to go up there. It would be stupid. It would be self-destructive. But she wants it. She wants him. She has to admit that to herself, she wants him. Maybe he was right. Maybe she wanted him the first time. Since she’s done this once before, this doesn’t make her a worse person. And Will won’t ever have to know, she can make sure of that.

Mac started typing her response, that she would be there in a minute, when she heard the TV. It was Will’s voice and she looked up.

Mac: No I’m not.

After she hit send, she texted Will to see if he was awake. When she didn’t get a response, she took a shower and tried to go back to sleep.


	44. Jakarta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big news story calls Mac home early and causes friction at CNN.

“Mac, you need to get on the next flight home.”

Mac did manage to fall asleep and just as she had hit REM sleep, her phone rang and she picked it up.

“What?”

“Mac, it’s Dirk. There’s been an earthquake in Indonesia. We need you back here immediately, we have to start planning broadcasts.”

“I’ll get a cab and be right there.”

Dirk took a breath. “Go get some coffee and I’ll send you flight information.”

Mac really had no idea what he was talking about, but coffee sounded like a good idea if she had to get to the office.

Mac’s flight landed at about 5 and around 5:30 she was in the newsroom, which was abuzz with the morning show as well as producers she recognized starting to put their packages together. Dirk met her in her office and told her she could have stopped at home. She said she knew, but since Will was storing some of her stuff at his place, she thought he could get something for her. At that point, she remembered she hadn’t texted Will yet.

Dirk told her that with the 11-hour difference, rescuers were getting ready to finish for the night in Jakarta, but during primetime, they should start hearing news again. She would be responsible for making sure the coverage all night was coordinated and up to date. She decided that she could turn one of the conference rooms into a command center and talk to the EPs who would run the coverage. She started making plans for graphics and thinking through lists of people to reach out to. As she started to really ramp up her thoughts, Dirk smiled knowing that he made the right choice in his assistant director. Before he left her, he reminded her to call Will and get some clothes. Mac nodded her head as he left.

At 9:00 AM, Mac was in full swing. She had meetings scheduled with her EPs to let them know the plan and to get them started on ideas for packages. They had 4 hours of primetime to cover and almost all of it would be during the rescue efforts in Jakarta. The EPs had each been briefed and assigned a theme for each show. They had one correspondent in Jakarta and another crew en route so they can start gathering new images and stories. For Mac, today would be a lot like an election night. She lives for days like this.

15 minutes until she meets with her EPs and she hears a knock at the door while she’s on the phone with the crew leader going to Jakarta. When she looked up, she saw Will’s face smiling at her. She put up one finger to let him know to give her second. She told the man on the phone to just get her anything. And then she hoped he could understand her.

When she turned back to Will, she remembered that she never called him. “Shit!”

“Did I do something?”

“No, it’s not you. I was going to ask you to bring me one of my suitcases and I didn’t call.” She took a second to look up from her computer and saw that Will pouted at her, so she got up from her computer and walked over to him, taking his hands. “Good morning, Will.”

Will looked at her smile and smiled back. “Good morning. What’s going on?”

“Earthquake in Jakarta. Primetime will get to cover when rescue efforts start up again. Causalities in the thousands.”

“Does that mean we get to suspend the half and half rule?”

“That’s what I’m going to say in the EP meeting in a few minutes. We’re all hands today, and I get to run it. You may want to talk to Todd and get a start on some story ideas.”

Will smiled at her obvious excitement. It's a strange world they live in where they get excited about stories like this. Will looked at her desk and the volume of notes she took and articles she printed and read. “Have you had anything at all to eat today?”

“Huh?”

Will nodded his head, still holding her hand. “So I’m going to get you a sandwich and some clothes. I'll bring Todd with me so we can start brainstorming. When’s your meeting over?”

“It’ll go as long as it needs to.”

“We’ll be back here at 10 and if you’re not in your office, I’m rushing the meeting.”

Mac gave him a quick kiss. “Thank you.”

"Big news means we all pitch in where we have to. But I get the best job, taking care of the Assistant News Director."

<O><O><O><O>

Mac went to one of the conference rooms so she could videoconference with Mary and Eric, Anderson's executive producer. Michael and Dirk attended in the room with her. Mary planned to come home today, but Mac called her and asked that she stay an extra day for the broadcast.

Mac set up her whiteboard with a diagram showing what would happen. She would stay stationed in this conference room, which she circled. She drew a dotted line to the teams she would stay in contact with and a solid line to the EPs. The EPs had dotted lines to their production staffs, and a solid line to their anchors. She explained this mean that they assigned to one group and they were responsible for informing the other. She used a red maker to draw a dotted line from each production staff back to the command center since they will feed her projects. When she finished her drawing, she asked if there were any questions. Michael asked, “yeah, can you tell me what the red line means again?” When she turned around to show him, she knocked over the white board.

Once she set up the white board again, she abandoned it and went around the group to find out where their shows will focus. Anderson would work mostly with the human side of the story. His coverage will focus on setting the stage for who the Indonesian people are, preparations for the rescue efforts and interviews with family of those in Jakarta. He won’t have a lot of updates until rescuers can start working. Mac wanted to work on more hard news, but this was his best option. Mary said _Crossfire_ would discuss the politics of the tragedy. The would look at our response, which humanitarian groups will send help and debate how much fiscal help the US Government should give. Mac wondered if there was a way to set up that debate without making one side or another look like dicks, otherwise it would be a hard sell to get any elected officials on the air. Mac suggested that maybe they could do a story on where government dollars have gone in the past and what types of initiatives the government might want to invest in. Finally, _Just the Facts_ will close out the night and by the time they come on, they should have some hard numbers. Michael painted a picture of opening with an overhead flyby shot of the devastation of an earthquake and Will's voice narrating the weight of the loss. _Facts_ , he said is perfectly placed to be a recap of the night, so Preston can talk to survivors and rescue workers while Will can talk to Indonesian leaders about their plans going forward. Will can also take talking to US humanitarian efforts about how to help while Preston will give phone numbers.

Mac considered Michael's plans. She told him that she didn't like the opening idea, It's good TV, not good news. But using that hour as a recap time made sense. She was concerned about interviewing survivors who spoke a different language, but if he can find a way to do it, she'd work with their correspondents to make it happen. She also reminded him that Will was the lead anchor and would need to be featured more than what Michael indicated. She told him, as she said to the other EPs, that she'll be watching the shows and working with the EPs in real time to help them decide who and what to show.

Michael began to object, but Mary jumped in to tell him that she'd worked on his show for 7 months and Mac had a good handle on the anchors. Preston is good at his niche, but that doesn't extend to interviews. He lets interviews get away from him even when she tried to carry him. Will is better suited for the type of night they will have.

"All due respect Mary, but it's my show now and I've been working with him."

Mac shot a look to Dirk who signaled not to fight him. "If we need to talk about the breakdown of work at _Facts_ , lets take that offline. For right now, unless there's something else to discuss, go back to your staffs and get them prepared."

"Actually Mac, I have one more question." Mac looked at the screen in front of her with Mary's face, "are we going to extend coverage?"

Mac considered the question. "We probably should. I can talk to Will and we'll spend a few hours throwing to packages. Once we make it all the way through once, we can just repeat until the morning crew gets in." Mac looked at Dirk who nodded. “I'll have to make sure that they can find everything we have and new stories that are filed overnight since that's when our correspondents will be able to work."

As Mac thought through her plan, which included her using the extended time to edit stories herself to help the morning show out, Michael began to raise his objection. "I can EP Will and Preston through that. You don't need to be here multi tasking. You can concentrate on just editing as stories come in."

"Actually, it's going to be a pretty slow time, Will and I can cover."

Michael gave her an intense look and said, "Mac, let me do my job. If _Facts_ is going to go extended, then I need to run my show."

"We're not going to call it _Just the Facts,_ and we're not going to need Preston or you to help with it. It'll be a production of CNN Primetime and that's my role."

"What the fuck do you have against Preston?"

Mac ignored Michael and looked back at her other EPs. "You know what you need to do. Get started on your rundowns and get me some good material." She quickly disconnected with the videoconference. "You will not speak to me that way in front of anyone at this office again. I am the fucking Assistant News Director and you will respect that role. Preston would work better on a morning show, he's not cut out for news and that's why I'm pushing Will. If you have a problem with that, you can schedule a meeting with me to discuss it behind closed doors and when we're not in the middle of a big story."

"The network wants --"

"I don’t give a fuck what the network sent you here to do. We're not doing it right now. If we drop the ball on this story, it's my ass on the line and I'm not putting it there so Preston can decide to write a song with a banjo for the people of Jakarta."

"I'm going to run my show."

"You are going to fall in line or I'm going to take over again and Dirk can fire me on Monday. You're done tonight at 11 and Will and I will finish up. Now go to your rundown."

Michael turned around and left the office. Dirk looked at Mac and said, "I'll watch the rundown. You set up the command center."

"Was I wrong, Dirk?"

Dirk stopped and considered his answer. "You were completely in your purview and I think you made the right decisions about what we're putting on the air. If this goes to the network, I don't know what they're going to say." He took another deep breath. "Do me a favor and make sure tonight goes well."

Mac nodded her head as Dirk left. Within a few minutes, Will walked in with a garment bag and a bag from her favorite breakfast place. Todd followed with cups of coffee. “Everything okay?”

“That depends on what you brought me.”

Will smiled, “They’ve been hanging in the closet all week.” When he saw her quizzical look, he added, “I thought I’d help get you unpacked. Seemed like the nice thing to do. I have the stuff you’re bringing back to your place in the suitcase still. I thought it might be wrinkled.”

Mac smiled at him. “If we weren’t at work and Todd wasn’t here, I’d--” She drew his head close to her and whispered something in his ear that made him turn red.

“Well, that sounds like fun.” Will took a breath and grinned at Mac. “We should get to the rundown. I’ll check in here throughout the day to make sure you’re eating.”

“That reminds me, I need to make sure we’re feeding our staff.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

No one would say that coverage that night went off without a hitch, but they would say it went as well as could be expected. Mac looked at the clock on the wall and the run down she had made for _Facts_ and said to herself, “Make it through _Facts_ and we can go on autopilot.” At the top of the hour, Mac watched Will read through the same script she read through. Will would open the show with the facts as they know them about the devastation on Java Island. He’ll interview their guy on the ground for an update and then go to Preston with a segment on the Red Cross. Preston would close the A-Block by giving the Red Cross phone number.

Just before air, Mac’s correspondent said he might have a rescued person that can speak decent enough English to be interviewed. Mac told him she’d like to talk to him after Will interviews the correspondent, which will be up right after Will’s intro. She counted him down and once the interview was over and Preston began talking about the Red Cross, Mac talked to the rescued man. Mac decided could speak well enough to go on air with Will. She switched over to Michael and told him to get Will ready to start the B-Block with an unexpected interview. When Michael heard who the interview was with and that their correspondent would stand just off camera, he said that Preston could take it. Mac insisted on giving it to Will. Michael gave Preston a countdown before it went back to him and then once they were in commercial, Mac heard him prep Preston for the interview, promising to help him through.

“Son of a bitch.”

Mac heard Michael ask to be switched to Mac only. “Survivors are Preston’s wheelhouse.”

“And interviews are absolutely not.”

“I’ve got this, Mac.”

“You sure as hell better. If you fuck this up, I’m taking over 45 minutes early.”

Mac stayed silent during the first part of the interview. When it was obvious to everyone that Preston had let the interview get away from him, Dirk turned said into his headset, “Am in the control room and with the anchors?” Todd answered that he was. “Will’s taking over this interview. End of this answer, camera on Will and then Will start your follow up. Mac will feed questions if you need them. Todd, switch me to Michael’s ear only.” Michael let Dirk know no one else could hear. “We’re not fucking up like this again. For the next 20 minutes you’re going to do exactly what Mac tells you and if you don’t, Mac has my permission to take over again and if anyone questions it later, I will play that interview on a loop until your ass is fired.”

Mac didn’t hear from Michael the rest of the broadcast and at the end, Will closed the show by promising he’ll continue covering Jarkarta into the night. Michael left before Mac arrived, taking the headset like she owned it the space. “Will, can you hear me?”

“How many people can hear me?”

Mac smirked. “Just me, but we should probably keep this clean anyway.”

“It’s good to hear you boss.”

Mac gave him his first set of instructions, keeping banter down to a minimum, they just wanted to get through this.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Michael sat in his office, steaming. He started to pack up his things, and he saw the Newsweek article that Brian wrote about the show. His old friend wasn’t wrong, though he was obviously as pissed with Will or Mac as Michael was. He started to re-read the article and picked up the phone.

“Brian… yeah, it’s been awhile. How would you like to come up to New York and work for a few days as a consultant?”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Will left the studio feeling better than he had all week. He changed out of his suit and went to Mac’s office. When he didn’t find her there, he went to the control room. “You ready to go?”

Mac pressed some buttons on a machine he’d never seen before and stretched. “Give me just a second. I want to make sure this is ready for the morning team.”

Will took a seat and just watched. “Besides bed… or the shower, I think this is my favorite place to watch you. I’ve never seen someone as passionate as you when you’re in here. You know that’s the reason I didn’t want you to take the job. But as it turns out, you’re just as good and passionate doing this job as you are anything else.”

“Is that your way of apologizing?”

“I told you I would support any decision you made and I did. This is just me admiring you and being in complete awe of you.”

Mac felt herself blush. “You amaze me when you’re doing what you should be doing too.”

Will looked around to make sure they were alone before walking to her and tilting her head to give her a kiss. “It’s because of you. I do my best because of you.”

The couple left the studio hand in hand. “So I really have closet space and a drawer? Does that mean I have to make space at my place for you?”

“Well, they don’t cover it in my relationship sites, but it seems fair.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

They arrived at Will’s place and once they settled into bed, Mac rolled over and saw the nightlight which made her laugh. “I told you, I don’t need a nightlight as long as I have you.”

“As it turns out, having a nightlight makes me feel like you’re here and that comforts me.” Mac gave Will a quick kiss before rolling on her side to that Will could spoon her.


	45. The Lucky Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Mac get ready to welcome Brian to the newsroom.

Mac stomped into Michael’s office and threw the paper on his desk. “What the fuck is this?”

“It looks like a receipt that I need you need to sign.”

“Why the fuck would I sign anything to bring Brian Brenner to any CNN production as a consultant?”

“Because we need the media on our side if we’re going to get our ratings up.” Michael continued to sit back in his chair. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a rundown to put together.”

“A few weeks ago all your colleagues sat down and watched episodes of your show to help you come up with ideas for how to improve it. If you don’t like those ideas, my door is open and we can brainstorm some ideas. And if that doesn’t work for you, then we have a list of consultants we use and I can arrange for any of them to help you out.”

Michael pretended to give her suggestions some thought, then said, “No, I want to use my guy. Brian comes here, we go out for a few beers like old times, he tells us how to improve the show and then the next write up isn’t as bad as this one is. It’s a win-win-win.”

“What the hell does he know about producing a news show?”

Michael grinned at her. “He lived with a person my anchor calls ‘the best executive producer in the business’ for 7 years, I assume he picked something up. Besides that, he spent, was it a year, as a local anchor in Alberta while his then girlfriend was hiding from her embarrassment of sleeping with the wrong guy. And he’s the fucking Media Editor for _Newsweek_.”

Mac shot him a disbelieving look. “Is that what this is about, the fact that we slept together and then Brian got a job offer he thought would lead to bigger and better things?”

“No, Mackenzie. I was over sleeping with you 15 minutes after you left."

"Which if I remember right was about 20 minutes after it started," Mac mumbled under her breath.

Michael continued as if he didn't hear her. "You freaked out over not living up to your standards of ethics or whatever the fuck. It’s not like either of us were in love. You thought Brian was sleeping around and I thought you were a nice piece of ass. This is about getting the ratings up. That’s my job. And if you weren’t such a sanctimonious bitch, you’d see that if I can do my job then you look good doing your job."

"And you think Brian Brenner is the way to do that? He has the production instincts of a camel."

Michael took a second to think about that. "I don't know what the fuck that means. All I want is to do my job. If you won't let me, then I guess I just have to just make you uncomfortable enough that you decide to run away.”

This time Mac laughed. “How are you going to do that? If you tell Brian that you fucked me when we were together, he either won’t care or he’ll get upset with you, not me. And I’ve already told Will, so you don’t have that bomb to drop on him.”

“The speed with which you came here to let me know that you disapprove of my consultant says that things there aren’t nearly as over as you would like everyone to believe. Besides, I loved the idea of seeing your face when you realized that we would pay good money to have him give ideas for your beloved show.”

Mac looked Michael in the eye and said, “My love life is none of your concern. If you want that asshole here, you’re going to have to find another way to pay for it. And as for your ratings, if you spent less time trying to figure out how to screw me over and more time looking at the numbers, you would know that we won the night of the earthquake, and the stunt you pulled proved that people couldn’t stand watching Preston cover news, but Will won big. Take a look at this while you decide what's best for this show.”

Mac threw the ratings on Michael’s desk and left. As she stormed down the hall, Will intercepted her from the elevator. He matched her steps as they finished the walk to her office. She slammed her door shut.

“That arrogant, conceited, egotistical, bigheaded, condescending, gormless tosser.”

“Five words that mean the same thing and a couple British insults to boot. We’re not talking about me are we?”

Mac shook her head and took a breath. “You’re fine for right now. It’s Michael. He wants to bring Brian here to tell us how to do your show.”

“He what?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Can I just ask what the fuck you saw in either one of them?”

Mac shot Will a look. “You can't be serious right now.”

"It was rhetorical. But someday I might want to know just so I can make sure I'm not a, what did you say? A wormless takeout?"

"Gormless tosser. It's a person with a complete lack of sense and an asshole. I haven't wanted to call you any of that for a long time."

"You've wanted to call me Gertrude Tipper?"

Will's jokes fell on deaf ears as Mac let out a noise that almost scared him. "Dear God, man. Focus."

Will rested his hands on her hips and made her look him in the eye while he smiled at her. "He can't do anything unless it's in his budget and you sign off on it, and I know you're not going to sign off on it." When Mac opened her mouth to reply he said a little louder, "and if the network signs for you, then what's the worst that can happen when Brian's here? I'll make sure you're never alone with him, not because you can't be, but because it looks like you don't want to be. And then I'll take you home and remind you that you're not missing anything with him. Okay?"

Mac looked like she was about to agree, then she wiggled out of his loose hold and walked away, "Why did it have to be that asshole? What the fuck was the network thinking bringing Michael here?"

Will leaned against her desk and looked at her hard. When Mac noticed his look, she got nervous. "What are you so scared of? Mac he's only going to be here a few days tops, right? What's this about?"

Mac leaned against the desk next to him so that the backs of their hands barely touched. "He's my ex, Will, and he always makes me... I don't know, I always feel a little insecure around him, like I'm not living up to... something. I always felt like I was lucky to find a guy like him who would put up with me."

Will looked her dumbfounded and took her hand, weaving their fingers together. "You're serious aren't you?" Mac found herself shocked by the look he gave her. "I don't know what that dumb beetle moppet said or did to ever make you feel like that, but speaking from experience, I can say there hasn't been a day in the last 9 months that we've been together that I haven't felt like the lucky one to have you with me." Will looked at her and saw her mouth quirk up, like she was going to blow his words off. "I'm serious Mac. Mackenzie, there are days that I wonder why you would ever stay with me, but I'm glad you do because I'm just a better person when you're around."

Mac wanted to make a joke, but she saw how serious Will was. "I want to be better person because of you. But I don’t know if I can be." She stopped talking and looked at Will, considering whether she should say what she was thinking. Will watched her head move so she wasn't looking at him and she quietly said, "He reminds me that I can never live up to the person that I want to be."

Will took his hand from hers and put his arm around her. He carefully kissed the top of her head. "Do you know what I'm learning from you? That I can be anything I want to be. I can't imagine where you think you fall short, but I know that you can be whatever you want to be. But if it makes you feel better, I'll make sure I'll be with you the entire time he's here, if he's here. And we don't know that he will be. But no matter what, I love you and you're perfect to me. And that's not going to change." Will smiled at her until she was able to smile back. He wanted to do so much more, just a peck on the lips if nothing else, but he couldn't. He needed to respect her position and not draw attention to their relationship. Dirk reminded him that it's not professional and will end up hurting her in the long run. He gave her a quick kiss on the head and then stood up to leave.

Before he reached the door, she said, "Thanks Will. And by the way, I'm the lucky one."

<O><O><O><O>

The week passed with several frustrations. One of the network guys signed off on bringing Brian to the newsroom as a consultant for three days the following week. Will and Preston had their first training session for the marathon. When Will looked at his body hugging compression pants, he loudly asked why the fuck he was wearing a pair of tights. Mac explained that the pants are designed to engage his muscles, stop chaffing and move the sweat away from his body. He asked if she was going to wear something equally revealing to their training and she said, she's not contractually obligated to run this marathon. "I thought we were a team!"

"We are in a lot of things, but this is one time you're on your own." She smiled as she took a pair of basketball shorts out of her bag. “But in the spirit of teamwork, and because I don’t want the female demographic badly enough to put you on display, here’s something to go over your pants.”

Will laughed. “Getting a little jealous there?”

“Not jealous, just don’t want some insane woman cornering you in a elevator or something until I’m done with your goods.”

After their first segment aired, Will left the studio, took one look at Mac and said he was going home alone if she didn't get that smirk off her face. "I thought you and Preston in your matching outfits looked cute." He shot her a look and left.

Throughout the week, Michael fought Mac every time she gave a suggestion for his show. It got to the point where Mac almost started giving him bad ideas just to see if he would do the opposite.

<O><O><O><O>

Brian arrived on the following Tuesday and Mac found him in her office after lunch. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I was invited. And I'm getting paid quite a bit to be here. I have to admit, I was a little surprised that you signed off on this."

"I didn't. But I am surprised that you would agree."

Brian continued smiling at her. "It's a check and I get to have my ideas heard by a major cable network. And who knows where that can lead. I probably won't make it to anchor, but a regular gig on CNN could lead somewhere."

"I remember how important that was to you." Mac crossed over to her desk and looked at her ex seriously. "What are you planning to tell Will?"

Brian's mouth quirked into a half smile until he saw how scared Mac was, then he got serious. "Nothing. I have no intention of telling Will about anything that happened a few weeks ago."

Mac looked at him suspiciously. It can't be this easy, can it? Her one time with Michael didn't mean anything to him, and she understood that. But, she thought her one time with Brian meant something to him. "Why not? What's the catch?"

Brian laughed. "No catch. The way I see it, Will has the talent to be a bigger name than he is. His show is fucking him over, but I assume you already know that. Once he gets to be big enough, his ego won't have a place for you. And that's if something else doesn't make him dump you before then. When he dumps you, I want you to come back to me. If you blame me for your break up, you won't."

Mac bit her lip for a second then scoffed at him. "You're so sure that he's going to dump me and I'm going to be pathetic enough to just let you swoop in and be a rebound fuck?"

"You did it once." Brian smiled at himself, and then he got serious again. "Mac, I don't want you to be heartbroken, but you don’t seem to understand how this is going to end. You have to learn this on your own. He's going places. And when he does, he's not going to have time for an executive producer, no matter how good you are. And when he tires of your tirades and your, let's call them quirks, he'll dump you. And then you'll see that I'm the only one who will accept you as you are."

Mac laughed at him. "This is how you woo a woman? By telling her that she's just good enough for you to put up with?"

"By telling her the truth, Mac. I love you, and I know you love me. I want to protect you from that asshole, but you need time for things to play out, I just want you to know I'll be here waiting for you."

As Mac took a breath to tell him to get out, she saw Will at the door. "Brenner, good, you're here. I was wondering if we could take a walk." He looked over at Mac, "He doesn't have a specific place to be for the next few minutes does he?"

"Will, it's okay. Brian was just leaving."

"Not before I let him know that he is not welcome in your office without a meeting invite. I don't want to see him anywhere around you while he's in town unless there's a business reason for it. He decided to take this assignment, so I've decided to make things as uncomfortable as possible for him while he's here.” Will turned his attention to Brian and stared him down. “If I see you anywhere near Mackenzie or if I see her even a little uncomfortable the next few days, I will not hesitate to throw you out that window. And I was a prosecutor, I know how to get away with it."

Mac shot Will an angry look while Brian got up. "I see you two have some things to talk about. I'll be in Michael's office. Mac, it was great to see you again."

When Brian left, Mac crossed the room to close the door. "What the fuck was that, Will?"

For the first time Will looked nervous. "What the – me? I was protecting you."

"That's what you call that? It was like you were trying to be Sylvester Stallone in Fight Club or something."

"Do you know what any of those words mean?"

"Shut it, I'm mad at you." Will tried to hide the smile on his face. "You don't need to come in here full of testosterone and ready to defend your woman like you're some sort of caveman. I can take care of myself."

"I don't like what he does to you, so I'm going to make sure that he knows that he can't do that. Not while I'm around."

"But I have to face him, alone. That's part of my job. I have to be able to call him on his shit. I have to challenge him when he says some God-awful idea. And he has to respect me. And he won't if my... whatever the fuck you are... comes in here like fucking Jesse Ventura ready to kick his ass."

"You mean the Minnesota governor?"

"He was a wrestler."

Will was about to say something, when he stopped. "Wait, you still don't know that I'm your boyfriend?"

"You change your mind so often that I can't keep up." Mac started massaging her temples when she saw the dejected look Will gave. "God. Will, you were the one that pushed so hard to not be anything for so long. I never asked for the title, but then you were so determined not to give it, that what I thought or wanted to didn’t matter. Then one day you had this great epiphany and you announced that we're all of a sudden something, but I have no idea if that's going to change again or if I fucking want it. You never asked me, Will, you just assumed that I would fall all over myself to be your girlfriend.”

“I thought, I mean. You said you didn’t want it unless I wanted it, so when I did, I though you wanted it and… you never said you didn’t.”

Mac put her head down and let out a heavy breath. “I don’t have the energy right now to massage your fragile anchor ego. So can we just table this and get through the next few days.”

Will was ready to agree, when he remembered something Dr. Habib said about communication. He had a something called the 24-hour rule that says if he doesn’t confront something in 24-hours, it will sit and fester until it starts hurting him. And for Will, that 24-hours is probably closer to 8. “No, I don’t want to table this. I want to talk about this and figure it out.”

Mac gave him a look of disbelief. “You want to know what this is about? I don’t have anyway of knowing if there’s something that my ex-boyfriend who lived with me for 7 years can say about me that will make you change your mind again. You don't know what he can say. I don't know what he will say. He could say something innocent that you don't know about me and all of a sudden...”

Will was hurt, but he tried to hide it while looking at Mac who had made herself a moving target. "There is nothing he can say--"

“You don’t know that, Will. You don’t know what he can say. I keep going through the different things that I lived through with him, trying to guess how you will act if he mentions something in passing. I’m not as perfect as you think.”

Will took a breath and planted himself in his spot. He lowered his voice so that she would really have to listen for him. “What are you running away from, Mac?”

“What? What do you mean, running from? Have you been talking to Michael about me? You know all about that. I was the slut who slept with her boyfriend’s best friend and then made sure she moved so she didn’t have to face it.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I don’t care about that. But it’s not like you to run from a fight and that’s what you’re doing. That’s what he reduces you to. The most passionate and brave woman I know is crumbling in front of me because of the asshole that she used to date. And I don’t like it. If you don’t want to be called my girlfriend, we don’t have to say that. But I’ll be fucked before I let him make you less than you are.”

Mac hung her head and tried to gather herself. Will slowly walked towards her and put his hands on her shoulders, laying his forehead against hers. "I love you, Mac and I'm not going to let him get between us."

Mac released a big breath and Will felt her body relax a little. "Can you please back off a little from him and let me deal with him?"

"I don't want you to go through this alone. I can give you some space. But if I see him making you uncomfortable, I can't promise I won't do something. Can you live with that?" Will waited for her to nod her head. "I'll give you as much space as I can."

Mac squeezed his hands. "Thank you, Will.”

“We have dinner with them tonight, right?" He watched Mac roll her eyes. "I'll see you at dinner unless you want me around before." Will turned around and left her office, not wanting to leave, but knowing he needed to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While Will is in the beginning stages of marathon running, Sunday I run in a local half marathon, something I've been training for for 20 weeks. So, next update will be posted Sunday afternoon after I get home and am whining at my dog because everything hurts. A lot. The good news is I'll take a couple days off work for recovery, so I should get ahead in writing.


	46. Pizza Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bread is broken, a secret is told, and Will and Mac get a surprise.

When Will arrived at Angelo’s Pizza he found Preston immediately. “Are we the first ones here?” Will didn’t want to be there, not with a party including his asshole of an EP, his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend and his annoying co-anchor, but at least Mac should arrive at any moment.

“Michael said he and the consultant would be just a few minutes behind. That was about 10 minutes ago.”

“So they’re on their way.”

Preston nodded his head. “I guess so. Where’s Mac, wasn’t she supposed to be here?”

“I know she’s planning to come, I didn’t stop by her office.” Will looked at his co-anchor, realizing that this is the least awkward this dinner will be tonight. “Maybe I should text her.”

Before he could send a message, Preston pointed out Michael and Brian had arrived and waved them over. They each greeted Will and Preston and Brian asked if Mac had arrived and laughed at how without fail every time she went to a restaurant the first thing she would do is go to the restroom and fix herself up for 5 minutes.

“Huh. She doesn’t do that anymore, I guess she enjoys her company more.”

Brian smirked, “Or she just doesn’t care what she looks like.”

“When you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, I don’t think you have to be overly concerned unless your date is an asshole.”

Michael watched this exchange, realizing that maybe this dinner wasn’t the great idea he thought. From the corner of his eye, he saw the door open and a woman he hoped was Mac walk in. “Here she comes now.”

Preston added, “I have five dollars that says she doesn’t powder her nose.” Immediately, the whole table shot him a look.

Will stood up and walked to her, giving her his arm. As he patted her hand, he whispered in her ear, “I’m just trying to be a gentleman, not act possessive or mark you as my territory.”

“It’s fine, Will.”

When the pair arrived at the table, Brian stood up and Will pulled out her chair before sitting and putting his arm around her. Michael started the meeting by saying, “Thanks everyone for coming out here. This is the middle of the workday for our anchors, so I will keep a close eye on the time, but I thought we should all break bread together and get acquainted since we’ll be working pretty closely with my friend Brian over the next few days.”

Mac looked around the table and started to tense up as she realized that everyone there, except Preston, had seen her naked. Getting acquainted was the last thing she needed. Will felt her tense and tried to rub circles in her back with his thumb, which made her shift in her chair, a move that Brian obviously caught, so he smirked over at Will. Will took his hand from her back and rubbed her arm. She looked at Will to give him a glare, then saw that he was shooting daggers at Brian, so she rolled her eyes put her head on Will’s shoulder.

Michael continued his speech, “I know that there are some differences of opinion between some of us, but I hope that we can all act as the _professionals_ that we are.” On “professionals” he looked directly at Will and Mac. Mac let out a breath, rolled her eyes and used the opportunity to sit up straight and take Will’s hand so his arm went back to his chair.

Michael told the group that tomorrow they would each have a chance to talk with Brian about what they want to see in _Just the Facts_ and that at the end of his time, he would produce an executive summary with the direction that he thinks they should go and then within a week he would have a longer report that would be distributed to all interested parties. Mac replied, “But it should be noted that what he says is one opinion that should be considered, not a decision about the direction of the show. Ultimately, _Facts_ will need to fit in with the overall direction of CNN primetime.”

Before Michael could respond to that, the waitress came over to take their order. Michael ordered a couple pitchers of beer they had on tap and Preston asked for a glass of soda. When they started talking about toppings, Brian said that he wanted pepperoni and then looked at Mac and asked if she still loved chicken and green peppers.”

Will answered, “Actually, Mac and I can share a pizza. We typically get pineapple and Canadian bacon with a barbeque sauce base.”

“Well, that’s new. It sounds interesting.”

Will didn’t like the way Brian looked at her, so he put his arm around her again and said, “She’s been exposed to a lot of new and interesting things in the last year or so.”

Michael looked at the waitress, “Okay, bring us the beer with 4 glasses and a Coke. We need one large sausage and pepperoni, one pineapple and Canadian bacon. Preston, is that good for you?”

“Actually, can I get a small with the works. I hate to think that any topping gets overlooked.”

Most of the conversation at the table was between Preston and Michael who didn’t have much in common, but Michael kept it up because the alternative was to acknowledge the looks being shot between Will and Brian who made up the bread in a Mackenzie sandwich. Michael found the arrival of the pizza a relief and he thought the rest of the group did as well. At the end of dinner, Michael asked Mac if she could show Brian around the studio and help him understand what they do during shows. Once they got back to the studio and the anchors had to separate from the rest of the group, Preston turned to Will and asked, “So, Mackenzie has a history with the consultant?” Will glared at him and walked away.

<O><O><O><O>

Preston closed out the show by previewing that tomorrow they would have another segment of him and Will training for the marathon. There was a little time left for vamping, so Preston asked Will his goal pace, mentioning that setting goals is a big part of training for anything. Will rolled his eyes, but had a smile plastered on his face when his camera turned on. “Well, I think for a first marathon finishing is a big enough goal.”

“Well, now, I know that you’re more competitive than that. You were a high school athlete…”

In the control room, Mac gritted her teeth and finally said to Michael, “For God sake, tell him to dump out of this.”

“We have 30 seconds before we can close.”

“Put up colored bars, it would be better than this shit.”

Michael turned back to her and smiled. “Good to see you’re not overreacting.”

“Well, next week we’re going to test our mile pace and then I’ll be able to set a better goal.”

Mac fumed at Michael, “And by the way, if we are inspiring people to get healthy and run fucking marathons, then finishing is a good enough goal. We can’t tell people they should run 25 miles in just over an hour.”

Brian smirked at her, “It’s actually 26.2 miles”

“Who asked you?” Preston finally signed off and as the _Just the Facts_ closing music played, she asked Brian, “So do you feel like you know what happens here?” He nodded his head and Mac threw her headset down and stormed to her office and out the door.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Will called Mac when he got home. “I looked for you in your office, but you apparently left as soon as the show was over.”

“I didn’t feel like staying.”

“I promised that while he was here, I would go home with you and make sure you remembered why you’re not with him.”

“Oh, God. After that display tonight, what the fuck makes you think I would want to go home with either one of you?”

“Display tonight? What the fuck are you talking about? I thought I was restrained.”

Mac would have laughed if she wasn’t so upset. “Restrained! I half expected by the end of dinner you would find a tape measure and whip out your dicks.”

“I don’t want him here any more than you do. I’m just trying to figure out the best way through this, while I have this nagging suspicion that my girlfriend, and that is what I’m calling you until we can talk about that, isn’t as over him as she claims.”

“What the fuck do you want from me, Will? I was with him for a long time, so it’s natural to… I don’t know. I don’t want him here, Will. You have to believe that.”

“I do. I just wish you had come home with me so we could talk tonight. Can we plan on that tomorrow? Because I’m invested in this and in you and I know I fucked things up before, but I want to do this right with the second or third or... 47th chance you’ve given me.”

“Why do you want someone as fucked up as me?”

Will gave a breathy laugh and said, “Because you’re willing to put up with someone as fucked up as me.”

<O><O><O><O>

Brian started his full day at CNN talking with a room full of executives and the only take away he had was that they want to maximize the ratings of their show. They would prefer to have a show that fit in with the rest of primetime, but they chose Michael because they saw an opportunity with Preston’s personality and Will’s experience on morning shows to possibly cater a show to a different audience.

His second meeting was with Dirk who he noticed was tenser than he remembered from their time in California. Dirk told him that he took this job because he wanted to influence how people viewed news. Part of his job is to get eyeballs on the news and part of it is to fight for the integrity of what they do. Brian asked if he feels like he sacrifices one for the other, and his silence told Brian everything he needed to know.

Next Brian went to Mac’s office where she had a presentation of what she wanted to tell him. She started by describing her role as creating a cohesive vision of what news is and she does that by looking at the 4 I’s of News. She wants every story her shows consider to answer the questions: Is this information we need in the voting booth; Is this the best possible form of the argument; Is this story in historical context; and Are there two sides to the story. She concluded by saying, “We have to choose our stories and arguments based on the sources and the number of relevant, verifiable facts that it will give.”

“Having Preston behind that desk drives you nuts, doesn’t it?”

“I need an anchor who can cover the news, not that crap that he does.” Brian sat back in his chair taking down notes.

Brian’s interview with Michael didn’t turn up any surprises. When Michael first called him, he told Brian what he wanted to do with _Facts_. It’s not that he disagrees with Mac’s philosophy of news, it’s that the news is in direct competition with everything else on TV. While networks have to rethink their bread and butter entertainment – sitcoms and dramas – cable news has an opportunity to steal from them by creating big moments themselves. Big moments and good news coverage don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Entertaining people doesn’t have to be the opposite of educating them.

Next Brian talked to a group of producers from Will and Preston’s groups. He asked them before they started working in news, what news they watched. Several admitted that they didn’t watch much official news, they found out what was happening in the world either through social media or by watching late night talk shows. Todd reminded a few of them that they worked on an episode of Preston’s audition about that. In the end, the group was split between believing they needed to cover the news in a traditional way so that Americans can have sources they trust or cover the news in a more fun way in order to compete with the rest of television.

Preston gave an argument for continuing the show as it is right now. He believes that he and Will balance out each other’s styles so that they can reach a gamut of audiences that other shows just can’t. Brian asked if there’s a chance that by trying to be good at two different types of shows they’re not able to do either kind well. Preston said there’s always that risk, but the opposite argument is that they can attract a middle of the road audience and that describes a lot of Americans, even if politics doesn’t seem to recognize that.

Last he talked to Will. Before Brian asked his first question, Will said, “You’re going to ask a bunch of questions that amount to what kind of show do I want. I pursued this job because I wanted to do the show that Mac described, and the show I’m doing now is a shitfest in comparison. So, with that out of the way, I’d like to use the rest of the five minutes I planned to spend with you to let you know that you don’t have to worry about Mac. She’s happy with me. You confuse her and that’s fine, we’ll get through that. You should also know that while she was with you, she cheated on you with Michael. That’s why she arranged for you to have that disastrous job as a local TV anchor. She doesn’t want you and her misplaced ethics made her stay with you longer than she should have. But that’s over, and if I find out that you’re still pursuing her after this, I will make sure you’re breathing out of a straw for the rest of your life.”

Brian let what Will said sink in. He wasn’t sure whether to believe the older man, but as he thought through the time, he realized Will had to be telling the truth. He never understood why a station would call him out of the blue to have him audition for an anchor role. Mac suggested he had sent his tape there and forgot about it or that sometimes sister stations will share tapes with each other. He bought it, even though it never added up. He was just glad to get the position.

He held his composure, but wanted to punch someone. Finally, he coolly said, “I’m not ready to believe you yet, but if it is true, you should remember that if she cheated on me, she’s going to do it to you. Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

Will smiled at him. “No she won’t. She’s paying for that mistake, she won’t make it again and I won’t give her reason to. She knows that a betrayal like that is unforgivable and we have too good a thing together to ruin it that way.”

“You just keep telling yourself that.” Brian gave him a hard look. “Well, if you don’t think you have anything to add to what you said about the show, I’ll be on my way.”

Mac saw Brian leave Will’s office and went inside. “That was quick. How’d it go?”

Will shrugged his shoulders. “Okay I guess. I told him what kind of show I wanted, that’s all he wanted to know. I don’t think he’s going to be sniffing around you anymore. We talked about that too. Don’t worry, I didn’t embarrass you, I just told him, man to man that he doesn’t have to worry about you anymore, that’s my job.”

“Will.”

“I’m not going to apologize for being in love with you and wanting to take care of you. I will apologize for embarrassing you, but I don’t think I did that this time.” He looked at Mac and added, “So can I pick you up after the show tonight and we can get some takeout and go back to my place, I think there’s a conversation we need to have.”

“Are you sure you’re not inviting me over just to show Brian that you’re taking me home?”

“No, I’m taking you home to objectify you like any other time we leave together.” Will flashed her a wry smile.

“As long as he doesn’t have anything to do with it.”

<O><O><O><O>

Will and Mac didn’t talk much after work, but came into work together the next day. Brian watched them walk in and felt a little sick, but turned to the report he had to present in the afternoon. Eventually he went to Mac’s office and when she rolled her eyes and invited him in, he asked, “Is it true? Did you sleep with Michael when we were together?”

The look on Mac’s face confirmed for Brian the truth. “Why the fuck would Michael tell you about that?” Mac had to catch her breath. “It only happened once and I regretted it immediately.”

“Just like you regretted what we did while Will thought he had a loyal girlfriend. Oh, wait, he wasn’t calling you that until I got back in the picture.”

“Brian please, listen to me.”

“No, I’m done with you, Mackenzie. What lengths did you have to go through to cover it up? You got me a job that you knew I would fail at.”

“You wanted a shot and you wouldn’t believe me when I said the camera didn’t love you. I did it for you.”

“Yeah I bet. I need to get out of here.”

As Brian left, Mac called after him, “Brian, I’m sorry.” She heard him growl a screw you.

Between rundown meetings, Brian met with Dirk, Mac, Will, Preston and several CNN executives. Each got a one-page report he prepared and he directed their attention to the PowerPoint he created.

“Right now, _Just the Facts_ has a kind of split personality with two anchors who see the news in two very different ways. The argument has been that it increases the potential audience by allowing each anchor to work in their areas of strength. But after looking carefully at their numbers and speaking with their leadership, it seems obvious that for this show to go to the next level, CNN will have to make a decision about the one type of show that they should be.

“Current data suggests that there are more viewers interested in Preston Tippen’s unique take on news. However, after looking, not even that closely at the ratings from the earthquake as well as the popularity scores before Preston started working behind the anchor desk, it seems obvious that Will McAvoy has the best potential to bring the bigger audience in the long run assuming he’s covering actual news and not pandering to popularity. The viewers he brings in are more in line with the underlying philosophy of CNN in general and the very specific direction of their primetime programs.

“Over the next week I’m going to look closer at several numbers, but my initial findings are that _Just the Facts_ should limit the amount they use Preston and take a decidedly traditional news approach with Will and build a base from that.”

Brian looked at the stunned faces in the room. The executives had a few questions for him that he answered. Once they were done, the execs left first, followed by a dejected Preston. Will tried to take Mac’s hand, which she kept from him while he left. Before Mac could leave, Brian tapped her on the shoulder. “I’m not the bad guy you think I am. I know how important news is to you and that's why I'm making this recommendation.”

Mac nodded her head, “Thank you, Brian.”

Michael stayed seated while everyone else left. “What the fuck was that?”

“I did the job I was sent to do. The way to increase ratings…”

“That’s not what I brought you here for. Why did you betrayed me.”

Brian laughed. “I betrayed you? You fucked Mac when we were still together. My best friend and my girlfriend.”

“That was a long time ago and it didn’t mean anything to either of us. She thought you were with Debbie.”

“And you decided you didn’t need to set her straight, you decided to fuck her.”

“When a woman starts tearing her clothes off, instincts take over.”

Brian punched his friend in the face, sending Michael to the floor. “When a guy feels betrayed, he can’t fight his instincts either.”

Brian left the conference room bending and straightening his sore fingers. Mac saw him and asked what happened. He signaled to the room where Michael was starting to stand up. Mac bit her lower lip and said, “Lets get you some ice for that.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

After Will’s show, Mac met him at his office. “During the last segment, I verified Brian’s plane has taken off. He is out of our lives.”

Will smiled. “Looks like you’re a bit relaxed.”

“I am.”

“I didn’t see that recommendation coming. I thought he was going to quote everything Michael said.”

Mac considered her answer. “Maybe he’s not the bad guy we think he is. I’m still with the better guy, but maybe we have to consider that he’s not the asshole we thought.”

“As long as he’s gone for good, I can live with being appreciative of his assessment of the show. And if he comes back with a report to the network that verifies what he said, even better.” Will put his arm around Mac and when she placed it on her ass, he smiled and said, “We going to end up at the same place tonight?”

“We better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I finished the race, not in the time I wanted, but I finished without twisting my ankle and getting carried by a strong man to the start. When Jim tripped over mac's bag and said everything hurt, I don't think he felt quite like I do right now.


	47. One Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It boggles the mind that Will didn't figure out that Brian would see Mac at most media functions she has to attend. But he didn't and while sharing one drink, Mac and Brian have a long talk.

“Remind me again why you can’t send one of your underlings to DC.” Will asked jokingly as Mac put what he hoped was the last of her makeup in her bag. “And if the panel is only 2 days, why do you need 3 bags?”

“Anderson is a prima donna who can only work with Eric. If I sent him, I’d have to run Anderson’s show. Mary is trying to make some structure changes at _Crossfire_ so she doesn’t have a senior to run the show and I don’t trust Michael enough to a, speak for CNN or b, run _Facts_ without Todd in the control room. That means Todd can’t fill in for Mary and Michael can’t go for me. And I need three bags because women care more about how they look than men do.” Mac looked at Will’s prominent cowlick and tried to smooth it down.

Will batted her hand away, “Hair keeps telling me not to mess with that. Apparently it makes their job harder. And I keep hoping to find some flaw in your thinking.”

“I know how much you relish any opportunity to outsmart me, but it’s just not going to happen. Now, are you taking me to the airport?”

“Only if I can be 100% certain that there’s no way Preston will see me drive in. He’s convinced I should be running every where in case someone sees me and thinks I’m cheating on my training.”

“What would he say about that whole pizza you ate last night, the 3 beers and pack of cigarettes?”

Will rolled his eyes. “I’ll burn it all off. Runners can eat anything they want.”

Mac smiled, “That’s not entirely true. People who own that philosophy typically gain weight because their calories in still exceed calories out. You’re only running three miles right now, that’s not as many calories at you think.” She playfully slapped his stomach. "I don't want you getting fat on me."

Will rolled his eyes. “You also don’t want to be late for your plane.” Will took her big suitcase and her laptop bag while she took her makeup case and they headed down to the cab he called for. Will did take her to the airport and gave her a kiss before she went inside.

<O><O><O><O>

Mac sat at the White House media panel, a thinktank of boring executives discussing potential laws that could affect networks and publications more than the actual reporting of the news.   Being back in DC meant that she would get to see Mary and Molly before she left. She also planned to drop by the _Crossfire_ set as the AD. She set a goal to visit each set once a quarter and this gave her a convenient time to get _Crossfire_ out of the way.

When the final session of the day concluded, she gathered her stuff and saw Brian standing outside the door. It had been a couple weeks since his time as a consultant and his final findings matched his initial recommendations. Knowing all that made it a little easier to say hi after he saw her and waved.

"I didn’t see you in there."

"Yeah, my boss took the invitation, but he wanted me to come in case of a big change."

"Your boss has a higher opinion of the speed that Congress works than most."

Brian smiled wide. "He's an optimist."

Brian and Mac stood together looking for something to say. She started to give an excuse to leave, but he cut her off. "Look, Mac, I wasn't real happy with where we left things last time. Would you be available for dinner?"

"I can't, I'm meeting Mary for dinner and then I need to go to _Crossfire_ and be seen."

"Drink after? I, I just want to talk for a few minutes. Nothing else. Please."

Mac looked at Brian and swallowed hard. She shouldn't, but he looked sincere and he helped her out. The network has started backing some of her decisions and Preston's half of _Facts_ has been cut down. "What can one drink hurt? Sure, meet you a little after 9?"

“It's a date.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

When Mac walked into the bar, she found Brian at a table immediately. He had already ordered a drink for her and stood as she walked in. He smiled at her as she sat down and told her that he watched _Crossfire_ , they did a good show. Mac agreed. "It's not our flagship, and probably will never be again, but I like what it does. It tells the news and gives both sides an opportunity to inform."

"Your philosophy of news. You've always been very certain about that."

Mac smiled, "It's like a calling for me."

Brian laughed, thinking she made a joke. "Like God appointed you to make sure all journalists report news the way you see it."

Mac's face fell. She forgot for a second that this wasn't Will who would get it, and get her. This was Brian, who saw the news as his job and nothing else. Maybe Will would have thrown a rejoinder at her; it's not a calling. But he gets that it's what she's meant to do. Calling just may be a strong word.

It occurred to Mac that she should leave, she probably doesn't need to make an excuse, but he helped her out with Michael, so he deserves a chance. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"This may be inappropriate, but… after Will told me about you and Michael, I, I've just had all kinds of questions."

"Will? Will told you about us?"

Mac looked at Brian's face, unsure if his surprise was faked or not. "I thought that's why you told him, to make sure he told me. That's why I was so nervous to approach you today. I thought you manipulated things so I wouldn't come near you."

Mac was flustered. "No. I would never. I never intended for you to ever know. I thought that Michael told you. I didn't know why, but... It was Will?"

"I’m sorry, I just assumed you planned it together. I knew he hated me and that you… It doesn’t matter. I know how much it hurts to be surprised like that and I’m sorry I did it to you."

Part of Mac knew he was laying it on, but she was honest in never wanting to hurt him with this. She felt bad that this had gotten back to him. "When it happened, you were spending all that time with Debbie and you had planned that trip without me and she just happened to be out of town at the same time and I thought... I was wrong. But that night I was angry. I wanted revenge and Michael was there and there was a bottle of tequila and one thing led to another."

"It just happened that one time?"

"Oh God yes. I regretted it immediately. I couldn't face him. And when he'd come by the apartment and talk to you like nothing happened, I couldn't stand it. I’ve never done anything like that to that point in my life and I am sorry I did it then. And I'm so sorry that you heard about it like that."

Brian gave her a sad nod. "I believe you Mac. I can see how much you regret it. I know that things changed for us after that. I thought it was because I took that horrible job in Canada and I just didn't like myself or what I was doing.” Brian took a breath and finally looked back at Mac. “Do you ever wonder what might have happened if you didn't, if Michael never happened?"

"I don't know." Mac had thought about it and always thought that she ruined their relationship because of what she did with Michael. But since being with Will she realized she and Brian were a bad match. She didn't want to say that to Brian right now because he was hurting and hearing that wouldn't help that. Though now she had to wonder again about Will. Can she still call him the better man when he went so far out of his way to use a secret she told him to hurt someone needlessly? It wasn’t his fucking secret to tell. She can’t think about Will right now, not while sitting here talking to Brian. " I don't know. Maybe we could have made it."

Brian put his hand on hers and said, "I think we could have. I would have come around and given you everything that you wanted, marriage, kids, anything you wanted. I loved you."

"I loved you too. I did." At least she thought she did. And maybe she did. Just because she feels something different for Will doesn’t negate what she had had with Brian, does it?

"I told you before that I didn't want to be the reason that Will dumps you. When he told me about Michael, I almost told him about what we did, but I want you to know that I didn't. But you need to know that he thinks any kind of infidelity is unforgivable."

Mac nodded her head, in her opinion it is and she knows that Will would agree.

"I don't know what you want to do about Will. You seem to be committed to him, but if this proves anything it's that these things tend to get out. Maybe he won't be able to forgive you like he said, but I want you to know that I do. I know what I'm getting with you and I'm willing to put up with it anyway." Brian gave her a smile. "I love you, Mac, and I will always be here for you. And I won't think of you as damaged goods or whatever because you're not everything I think I want. I know you and I accept you as you are."

Brian stood up and counted out some money to put on the table. As he started to walk out, Mac stood up, "Brian, wait."

Mac followed him outside and he put his hands on her hips and kissed her, mumbling that he loved her and that he forgave her for cheating and for letting Will tell him. She apologized again, she didn't want to hurt him. He took her hand and walked her to his apartment. They didn't talk during the act, they didn't laugh, they just got through it. Afterward, they lay on their backs. Mac tried to put her head on his shoulder and he rolled to his side. She rolled to put her hand across his waist and he played with her fingers. He looked at the clock and gave her directions to his bathroom if she wanted a shower before she left.

In the shower she realized she had never felt as alone as she did now. The sex wasn't fulfilling and she thought about how she had hurt Brian with what she did all those years ago. And she didn't want to think about Will. Why the fuck did he tell Brian? She couldn’t figure out why in the moment, but what he did hurt her.

When she got out of the shower and dressed, Brian met her at the door and kissed her again. "Remember, I love you. Whenever he dumps you, just call. I love you even knowing everything about you."

Mac got a cab and went back to her hotel room. She didn't bother turning on CNN, assuming that she didn't need to evaluate her shows every night. As she lay in bed, she thought about what Brian said. Will won't forgive her. Not for the first time and definitely not for this time. But maybe she doesn't need his forgiveness. She told him about Michael because she didn't want him to be blindsided by the episode and she let him know that it embarrassed her. It wasn't his secret to tell, it was hers and she trusted him with it. Maybe she betrayed him, but he betrayed her first. Well, second, but the first time didn't count since he didn’t know about it. Molly was right about that time. They weren't together, not really. He made it clear he didn't want her. Or at least he wouldn’t say what he wanted and he left her confused. This time he betrayed her and hurt a person who didn't deserve it.

As she went over in her mind how Will had wronged her, she heard her phone ring. She didn't have to look at it, she knew it was him. She turned off the phone. It felt a little childish, but what she needed to say to him she needed to say in person.

<O><O><O><O>

Will looked at his phone when it went to voicemail. It was strange for her not to pick up. He knew that she had planned to visit _Crossfire,_ so if there was a problem Mary would have called. Something didn't sit well with him, so he texted and waited for her to call back until he fell asleep.


	48. What You Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac makes it back home and confronts Will.

Mac had breakfast with Molly and told her about Michael and what Will told Brian and finally what happened with Brian. For a second time. In the light of day, Mac couldn’t figure out what she hated most, that anything happened with Brian or that it happened for a second time. “I don’t even like the guy. If you heard what he said to me! If Will heard any of it… if he would have said it to one of my friends, I would have beat the shit out of him. You, you would have taken out your, whatever gun you carry.”

Molly sat at the bistro shocked during most of it, but the last part made her laugh. "Using my gun would mean paperwork, and you’re not worth that to me. But I’m pretty sure I would have been pretty upset.” Molly smiled wide at her friend, hoping to get a similar response from Mac. When she didn’t, Molly got serious. “I never thought you would be one to turn to revenge sex. Not once, but twice. Three times if you count the other time with Brian."

"Revenge sex? That’s not what I did. Besides sex doesn't need a modifier. I had sex last night. End of story."

"So you had pity sex with Brian. Does that make it better?"

Mac rolled her eyes. "It was just sex. I had sex last night with an ex-boyfriend."

Molly looked around at the people who had just turned toward she and Mac. "If you want it to just be sex, that’s fine. What Will did was horrible. But, I think Brian’s manipulation was even worse."

Mac stopped a second to digest that. "Brian didn't manipulate me. He was hurt-- "

"A guy who dumped you was hurt from a one night stand that you had 5 years ago?"

"It was his best friend and he's still in love with me."

Molly laughed at her friend. "Mac, you're not this naïve. You were a notch on his bedpost. He wanted to know that he could still get to you and he did."

"I betrayed him and people don’t get over that easily.”

“You betrayed him, not that that affected him, but he rejected you and you haven’t gotten over that. You enjoy knowing he still wants you because he said he didn’t. And you were pissed at Will for telling your secret. That’s all this is about, Mac. Hopefully you have this out of your system and you can dump both those assholes and find someone who wants to be with you and not because he gets off on making some other man jealous.”

Mac couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I don’t need Brian to want me. I moved on. Will’s an ass, but he’s a better man than Brian can ever hope to be. And I want to be with Will. I just want to trust him and obviously I can’t yet.”

“Well, if that’s not a ringing endorsement.”

“You don’t know Will like I do.” Mac took a breath. “There are times that I think I could fall in love with him. He has these ways of doing things, I can’t explain it. But when he’s sincere and he tells me what he loves about me, I can’t help feeling like the most important thing in his world. Will caught me freaking out about Brian coming, so he gave this speech about how he sees me as perfect. I never felt like that with Brian. And that’s why I don’t understand any of this. Will tells me and shows me that he loves me better than Brian ever could. But it’s Brian’s voice I hear in my head telling me that he’s the only one willing to put up with me. And I’m afraid that if Will ever gets to know the real me, the one that Brian knows, he’ll prove Brian right.”

“He’s not. Mac, he’s not.” Molly took a second and put her head down. “The first time I slept with Dave, I was wracked with guilt. I hated myself for what I did. I thought I would never be good enough for my husband and son again. So when Dave suggested going to a seedy hotel room a second time, it was easier and I felt a little less guilty. I’d done it once and at least for those 15 minutes, I didn’t have to feel like I was letting anyone down. Soon, it became like a game. I wanted to see how long I could get away with it. Then I got angry with Richard for never knowing, not caring enough to realize that something was wrong. And after he left, after I was done justifying and blaming Richard and pretending I didn’t want or need him, I felt guilty again because it was me. I was the one that ended our marriage.”

Mac took a second to let it all sink in. “You think that I’m getting used to cheating and that I’m angry with him for no reason?”

“I think it’s a slippery slope and if you care about him or you want to save your relationship, you’re going to get off that slope. But I also think telling Brian about Michael was something only an asshole would do and he’s not worth all this.”

Before Mac could answer, her phone rang again. She knew it was Will, but she didn’t want to answer. Instead she texted him back. “Having breakfast with Molly. Taking a later plane home, will talk after your show.”

“You’re not talking to him?”

“I’ll talk to him to night. I don’t want this conversation over the phone.”

Molly nodded her head. “You have every right to be mad at him, but if you’re going to go at him with both barrels, make sure it’s because of what he did and not what you did.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

“I don’t think I did anything.” Will sat in Dr. Habib’s office staring at the psychiatrist.

“Then it may be nothing, Will. Isn’t it possible that she just went to bed early last night? Or that she caught up with friends and missed your call and didn’t call back because it was late?”

“It’s just not like her.”

Abe wanted to talk about his brother, but, as long as Will tried to figure out what was happening with Mackenzie, he wouldn’t talk about his brother. In Abe’s estimation, he was hiding his fears about Les by overcompensating with this Mackenzie non-issue. “Think back for a second. Have you done anything in the last few weeks that if she found out she would be upset with you?”

Will thought. “The only thing I can think of is telling Brian about her one time with Michael. But that turned out okay for everyone. Brian’s going to stay away from her and the network started backing Mac against Michael because of Brian’s research.” Will gave a satisfied smile.

Abe ran his hand over his face. “Mackenzie told you a secret that you told her ex-boyfriend and you think this is the best outcome possible?”

Will looked confused. “Maybe I didn’t say it right.”

“Oh, I think you did. I assume that you didn’t tell Mackenzie you were going to say it before you did or even after, did you?”

“You think that’s a problem?”

Abe realized there was no way to get them talking about Les before the end of the hour.

<O><O><O><O>

Mac wished she could say that she spent the day fighting for journalistic integrity, that’s what she always assumed an invitation to the White House would mean. But about a hour into a discussion that had no influence on anything, the discussion turned to next year's Correspondent’s Dinner and that this would be the last one that would be about George W. Bush, the 2008 Dinner will be about whoever runs. Then they started discussing potential nominees. She really could have left then and not missed anything of significance.

During a break, she thought about calling Will, but decided against it because she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to think of what Molly said. Was she upset simply because she needed an excuse to blame him for her sins, or was she really angry because he betrayed her trust? Being angry about the betrayal was definitely easier. She planned to go to his place so she could leave when she needed to. And she would have to leave, Brian was a little rougher with her than usual and he left a couple marks that she has to keep from Will.

<O><O><O><O>

Mac’s plane came in at about 8:30 and she texted Will that she’d meet him at his place and use the spare key he hid to get in. Usually having to use that key didn’t bother her, but tonight it did. If he really loved her, he’d just give her a key. Her God damned things are at his place and she knows how to get in, why doesn’t he just pull the trigger already? She doesn’t need to move in, she doesn’t want that. But wouldn’t a key just make things easier?

He texted back that he’d pick up some takeout. She almost told him not to bother, she wasn’t planning to stay long, but he had a show to do and she couldn’t let him be nervous about what was coming, it would affect his performance and if his performance went down then all the gains she made, or the ones brought about by Brian’s recommendations, could be reversed. So, she sat on the couch with her laptop, watching her shows and waiting for Will.

When he got in he smiled at her and went to the couch to give her a kiss, which she avoided. When he gave her a questioning look, she said, “We need to talk.”

Will put the bag down and walked back over to her. “You saw Brian didn’t you?”

Mac rolled her eyes. “He covers media for fucking _Newsweek_ , he’s going to be at any news events I have to attend.”

“What did he tell you?”

“Why don’t you answer that, since I shouldn’t have heard it from him. I’d really like to know if there’s more than what he told me.”

Will nodded his head. “I told him about you and Michael. Just that it happened. I thought that knowing you betrayed him would keep him from seeing you.”

“Is that what you thought? Because that’s not what happened. He asked me to have a drink with him, and since I thought that he had gone out of his way to help me out, I could do that for him. And that’s when he told me what you said to him.” Will started to say something, but she cut him off. “I told you about Michael because you asked to not be blindsided. I told you I was embarrassed by it. I told you how much I regretted what I did. That was a secret I trusted you with. It wasn’t something I wanted to go out to Brian or anyone else.”

“I’m sorry, Mac. I didn’t expect this –“

“I know you didn’t expect that to happen. If you did, you wouldn’t have done it. We talked about this, Will.   You decided when our relationship was in a particular place. When you wanted to break up, you tried to manipulate it to happen so that you could be the injured party. You decided to keep some of my clothes here. You decided to tell my ex-boyfriend something that I told you in confidence. I don’t know if I can trust you, Will. You sure as fuck don’t give me reason to.”

Will listened to her list of offenses and started feeling anger build up in him. “Everything I did, I did because I thought you wanted it. I thought my... issues were keeping us from getting closer and I thought you were as invested in us as I was. So I worked my ass off to be better for you. I may not have done it right, but I’ve apologized and I tried to make it all right. You don’t want your stuff here, you can take it anytime you want. I just wanted you to know that I want you here. But if that’s not what you want, then I’m not going to force it on you. And as for Brian, I thought I was doing you a favor, if you want me to apologize for that, I will.”

Mac looked at him expectantly. “Was that it? Was that an apology? Because usually those come with words like, I’m sorry.”

Will yelled back at her. “I’m sorry Mackenzie. I should have told you it was me that told him.”

“No, Will, you shouldn’t have told him in the first place. You don’t know the damage that you did.”

“What did I fuck up with this?”

Mac shook her head. “I can’t do this. I can’t do it anymore.” She went to his room and started taking clothes out of her drawer in his dresser. She laid them on the bed until she realized that she didn’t have a suitcase to put them in.

When she stopped, staring at her clothes while she tried to figure out what to do with them, Will put his hands on her shoulders from behind, holding them there while she tried to move them away. He took a breath to calm himself and with a quieter voice he said, “What are you doing? Why are you running away?”

Mac turned around and yelled at him. “I’m not fucking running away. I want to go home and not be here.”

“I’m not going to stop you from going home. And if you need to come back tomorrow and get your things out of here when you have a suitcase, that’s okay too. But I hope that you don’t.” That got Mac’s attention and she stopped moving. Her fight or flight instinct had been engaged and she seemingly chose both. But hearing him speak in a tone that she recognized as him being vulnerable stopped her. “Mac, I did the wrong thing. I should have respected you and not said anything to Brian. And after I did, I should have told you about it. You told me that he makes you feel insecure. He does that to me too. You were with him for 7 years. You have a history with him that I don't. He hurt you and I feel like I need to protect you, and I know that you don’t want that, but I think that’s part of what being in love means. He was an important person in your life for a long time and I have to wonder if you look at us and wish you were back with him. I didn’t expect you to be blindsided. I know how he makes you feel and I didn’t help that by taking some of your power away. I was wrong. So if you need to be mad at me, I get it. But I don’t think that being mad at me means that we necessarily have to break up. We just have to find a way to get through it.”

Mac didn’t know what to think. Part of her wanted to curl up in his arms, but because she felt so ashamed, she couldn’t even look at him. She was also angry. The entire time Brian was there, Will was so possessive and territorial. He made an ass of himself and made her go along with it so he would be able to get a one up on Brian. And it wasn’t his place to tell Brian anything she told him in confidence. Besides all that, isn't Will being just as manipulative as Brian was? "I'm going home, Will.”

Will nodded his head. “Okay, I won’t stand in your way. But, are you going to come back?”

Mac bit her lip because she didn't know what she would say if she didn't. These moments when Will is this scared and vulnerable are the ones when she feels the greatest connection with him. She’s the only person who gets to see him like that. For that reason alone she wants to go to him and let him know that everything will be okay. But she doesn’t know that to be true right now. She doesn’t know if they’re going to be okay. If she’s really mad at him or herself or some combination of the two. She wants to at least give him a kiss on the cheek and some token reassurance even if she doesn’t quite believe it. But she can’t get herself to look at him.

“I have to go, Will. I’m sorry.”

Will nodded his head. “Just promise me you won’t give up on us. We have a good thing together I think.”

Mac closed her eyes as she opened the door, wanting to stop and go back to him. But she remembered what she did with Brian and the fact that she would never be good enough for Will. She kept walking and closed the door behind her.

Will sat on his couch and wondered how the hell he as going to fix this.


	49. Team Facts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few days since Mac left Will's place and she accidentally sees him in an unlikely place.

Thursday morning, Mac went to the gym and found a CNN camera crew. When she showed her credentials and walked in, she found Will and Preston standing back to back passing a medicine ball between them. They had a trainer explaining on camera the importance of core workouts to any training program. Mac stood next to camera, in Will’s sight line, smirking at him. He had to work to keep the fake smile plastered on his face instead of rolling his eyes. When the trainer counted down the final reps, Will immediately said, “Look Preston, it’s CNN’s Assistant Director of Primetime News. She’s been talking to me about the possibility of training with us. Mackenzie, why don’t you come out here?”

The cameramen looked at the field producer who told one camera to go. Preston took that as his cue to introduce her. He made sure he was framed up with her, not noticing the look she shot Will or the smug look he returned. “I’m here with Mackenzie McHale, CNN’s Assistant Director of Primetime News and the third member of our marathon training team. Obviously Mac is the most fit of the three of us.”

Will put himself in the frame so that he and Preston stood on either side of her. “Well she definitely has the best legs.”

Preston didn’t let his newscaster mask slip while Mac’s head snapped at an amused Will while jabbing him in the stomach. “Now that Will and I have warmed up, let’s see where Mac is. Why don’t you come over and take this treadmill here, and I’ll take the one next to you, and because of Will’s bad knees, you can have that elliptical. Just to remind our viewers at home, ellipticals are a great alternative to some other exercises that can put added pressure on your joints.”

Mac jumped in being intentionally unprofessional so she wouldn’t make the final cut, “So people who are old, like Will should really consider using them.”

Preston stayed professional and pivoted back to the trainer for an explanation of why Will should use an elliptical.” Mac took the opportunity to talk to the producer to trash her part of the segment since she wasn’t planning to train she just came in to workout. He explained that they couldn’t stay more than a few more minutes, so he’d try to edit around her, then asked if she could get on the treadmill promising that if he had to use this in the segment for time, he’d be sure to make it clear that she was running twice as fast as Will. He also reminded her that it would be weird if after that intro, she wasn’t on the treadmill. She begrudgingly did as she was told.

As the cameras started to pack up, Mac said that she could do the editing herself, but Will pointed out that there are strict union rules for editing and he was pretty sure she was paid too much to touch an edit bay. Preston enthusiastically thanked her for being part of “Team Facts” and the field producer laughed as he told her he’d make sure that she was edited out of the segment.

While the rest of the team left, Will stuck around laughing at her.

Mac tried to sound angry as she asked, “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“That you’d look great in a blue _Just the Facts_ shirt and purple tights.” He could see she was getting ready with a comeback, so he added, “And I figured if we have to workout together, you can’t completely ignore me.”

“I’m not ignoring you.”

He caressed the back of her hand with two fingers. “I noticed that you haven’t taken your things out of my place. I take that as a good sign.”

“I wouldn’t read too much into that. I’ve been busy.”

“Uh-huh. Can you just answer a question for me? Did you dump me the other night, because I really think I should have a say in it if you did. It affects me too. And I love you and I don’t want to break up.”

Mac exhaled loudly. “What does that even mean to you, that you love me? You’ve known me for 9 months and I was living in two cities for about half of it.”

Will didn’t try to hide his frustration. “What the fuck does he say to you that does this to you?”

Mac looked at Will and swallowed. “I lived with him for 7 years. He knows me and he knows that I’m not perfect. You think I am because you don’t know me that well.”

“Bullshit. You want to know what I know about you? I say that you’re perfect and I know that you aren’t. I know that growing up all over the world means that you don’t know the first thing about baseball and that you mistake football for soccer. I know you have to subtract on your fingers. And I still don’t know how you get gum stuck in your hair with such regularity.” Mac didn’t look like she was convinced, so Will continued. “I also know that there is no one more passionate about everything as you. I think you’re genetically incapable of not having an opinion about something. On our first date you talked about your family and all I could think was how I wanted you to feel that passionately about me. It’s my favorite thing about you. I know that you can’t turn down a competition. Maybe that’s too easy since the field producer just used that against you to make you join the team. I think he likes your legs too.”

Mac fought the smile from creeping on her face. “I’m not doing a fucking marathon.”

Will laughed, “And I know that you never used the word “fuck” before you met me and you’ve adopted it because after a lifetime of moving to different cultures you just naturally adapt to life around you.”

“I’ve used it before.”

“And when you get really upset, you start cursing in different languages. You have a special place in your heart for George W. Bush gaffes, which cause you to swear in Russian, which is incredibly sexy. And if you need me to go on, I would say that I know you are the most capable, intelligent, strong, beautiful, passionate person I ever met.” Will looked at her hard, his hand still on hers. “And if Brian knows any of that about you and can appreciate why it makes you the most incredible woman I ever met, then, I guess you should consider going back to him.”

“You sound pretty sure of yourself, McAvoy.”

“You have too much self-respect to ever be with someone like him again. Even if we don’t work out, you wouldn’t be with someone like him. Besides, he’s too blind and dumb to see who you really are and you’re lucky to be rid of him.” He caressed the back of her hand with two fingers. “Next workout tomorrow at 5.”

“You haven’t done a single 5AM workout since this started.”

“I haven’t been properly motivated.”

<O><O><O><O>

Mac stayed in the office long enough to see how the segment turned out since Will and Preston made it clear that she was not to see it until it aired. Mac was not surprised to see herself in the final edit. In fact, the guys even used an empty studio to have a mock draft where they put up faces of different execs and then “chose” a new team member.

Will stopped by after the show wrapped and knocked on her door. “First night this week you’ve been here this late. I guess you were really excited to see who we chose.”

“I’m not running in the damn marathon.”

“Preston just got you a dri-weave _Just the Facts_ shirt. That’s binding.”

Mac shook her head. “I just saw that you’re not going to be on tomorrow. Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, Les is having a procedure done in the morning and Peggy asked if I could go see him. It’s a busy time at the farm and Nancy can’t afford a trip and won’t accept a ticket from me, so I’m making the trip. I’ve been meaning to go anyway.” Will looked away from Mac since he’s been trying to take her, but their schedules just haven’t worked out.

Mac turned concerned. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I don’t know. Everything at this point is life threatening.”

Mac could see the fear on Will’s face. She went to him and wrapped her arms around him, putting her head on his chest. It took Will a second put one of his arms around her. She could feel him shaking.

“It won’t be this weekend, Will. If the doctors want to do something, it’s to prolong his life.”

Will nodded his head. “I know. It’s just, I can’t protect him. I left home too early to protect him and Nancy the way I should have. And now, I can’t protect him from this.”

Mac squeezed him harder. “None of that is your fault. Protecting him as a kid is something you should never have been asked to do. And this, God, Will, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

Will kept her close, smelling her hair. “You know that I’ve been wanting to take you to meet Les and Bruce. The timing hasn’t worked out, but, I don’t want to do this alone, Mac. I went to Nebraska alone and I regretted it from the moment my plane took off. I can get us separate rooms if you want. I just don’t want to do this alone. Please.”

Feeling Will all around her, hearing the low timbre of his voice through his chest. Knowing he was on the brink of tears, but too macho to show it. Mac almost forgot she was angry with him, and she definitely couldn’t remember a single reason why. Every instinct in her wanted to say yes, of course she’d go as Will McAvoy’s girlfriend. She tried to remember a single reason that she couldn’t. She felt his head drop and she almost turned her head to search out his lips. But there was a knock at the door and then she heard it swing open. The pair separated from their embrace and she looked at Michael who shook his head at them.

“Well at least I’ll have one Mac free show tomorrow.”

“What do you want Michael?”

“If the two of you are done canoodling, I hadn’t heard if you wanted Preston to take the show alone tomorrow or if you had someone in line to co-anchor.”

“Put in Brice Smith. He’s a decent enough news guy. I want to maintain a 70/30 news balance, but let Preston act as lead anchor.” She looked at Will and felt a little sick. “I will be here during the broadcast. Mary gave me a few tips about how to get Preston under control, so I’ll be able to help in the control room.”

“I don’t need to know how to run my anchor. You are free to take a long weekend.”

Mac couldn’t bare to look at Will. “I’ll be right here all weekend. Don’t you have someone else to screw over?”

“You’re the only one that I want to screw… over.” Will shot him a look that Michael laughed at. “You’re too easy sometimes. But so is she.” And with that, Michael left.

Mac immediately turned to Will and put her hands on his chest to hold him back. “Will, calm down.”

“He can’t… I can’t let him talk about you like that.”

“It’s a schoolyard insult. That’s not worth getting upset about.” She looked at him and felt more brokenhearted. This wasn’t about Michael. “I can’t go tomorrow because I have a meeting with the executive board that I’m required to be at. It’s an all day meeting, I don’t think I’m going to get out until _Facts_ starts.”

Will nodded his head slowly. “Mac, I don’t know where we are. I’m trying to give you space if that’s what you want, but… I miss you, Mackenzie.”

Mac walked to him and put her arms around his neck and felt him snake his around her waist. “I know.”

“How the hell did we get back here? I don’t get it. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. I just want my best friend back. Are we at least that?”

Mac pulled his head to her shoulder and nodded her head. “Of course we are. No matter what else we are we’re friends. And Will, if I could, I would go with you. I probably can’t talk tomorrow, but I’ll check in with you when I can and then after that, you can call me anytime.”

Will nodded his head, “Okay, I’ll do that. I can live with that.”

Mac smiled, “Good. Good.” She turned her head to kiss his cheek, but he moved his head and more by accident than anything else, she hit his lips. Stunned she didn’t move her face and he gave her a kiss. Her lips parted and Will took the opportunity to suck her bottom lip into his mouth. She used her tongue to lick his lips while moving one hand to his hair and the other went around his back, while his hands moved to hold her closer and his tongue deepened the kiss.

When they had to come up for air, she told him that she had to go. He barely nodded his head and left her office, standing outside the door while she gathered her stuff. They walked to the elevator in silence and before parting ways, she said, “remember, call me anytime.”


	50. Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac makes a decision and Will says goodbye to his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it to chapter 50! I feel like this is some sort of milestone and really wanted this one to be a fun chapter for that reason. The first part mostly is. Thank you to everyone who reads and kudos and comments. I love writing these characters (even when they're irritating and I don't understand why they would do what they do) and I love this story. But you all make it easier to write and post twice a week. This won't go 50 more chapters, but there's still some story left to tell.

Mac spent the morning on the executive floor with Dirk telling her that she has the potential to one day have one of these offices. As she looked around at what Dirk seemed to think was the Promised Land, she decided that she doesn’t want this. It’s nice, but she has no interest in it. The people here don’t make the news. That’s one of the things Will says he loves most about her, how passionate she is about the news. She can’t imagine the circumstance that would bring her up to an office like any of the ones on this floor.

The morning crawled along with one blowhard after another talking excitedly like they knew something about anything. She took copious notes, but didn’t have any idea why she needed to be here. Not including lunch and dinner she would attend 10 hours of meetings while downstairs people put the news together. By lunch, she knew that she hated this and would rather be just about anywhere else. She excused herself from the table and found a text from Will. He’d made it to the hospital and Les was still in surgery. According to Bruce, things are on schedule, but waiting is the hard part.

Mac went back to lunch and talked with her and Dirk’s counterparts in the morning, afternoon and late night. Though each has unique issues, they all have similar ones as well. She spent a lot of time talking with the overnight director because his crew’s work primarily means helping decide what news will be the next day. She hoped she didn’t grill him too hard, though the looks she got from Dirk made her wonder.

During their next break, Will’s texts let her know that Les made it out of surgery, but was still knocked out so he and Bruce can’t go in yet. He joked that he could have waited to leave until Mac’s meetings finished and wouldn’t have missed anything. Mac wrote back that she’s sure he made good use of the time by arranging to take care of Les’ bills. Will sent a smiley back. Mac smiled and texted, “You’re a good brother, Will.”

During the afternoon break, she visited the _Just the Facts_ newsroom. Finally, some sanity. People running around, chasing stories, making noise. She just wanted to wrap it around her like a blanket. She found Todd talking with Will’s assistant. She wedged her way into the conversation and asked a few questions before going back upstairs.

By the time they had dinner, she was ready to pound her head against a wall. Les had woken up and Will got to see him with Bruce. Will doesn’t type much on texts, but he wrote more than usual about the visit. Les was a little loopy, but when Bruce interpreted, he said Les appreciated the visit. Once the final meeting ended, Will had reported that visiting hours were over and asked that she call when she had a chance. Mac sat in a cab while she re-read the message, trying to decide if she should call him back or not. She decided to text instead, just a quick report that she hated the meetings she had to attend and wished that he did wait until her meetings were over, even though she’s glad he got to see Les. He wrote back that Les started to wonder if she actually existed or if the beautiful woman on his phone was just a model he made up. She asked if he made up the model part and he said yes.

At 9:47 local time Will heard a knock on his hotel door. He muted the movie he had on the TV and rolled out of bed, glad that room service had arrived. He grabbed a couple bills from his wallet and opened the door. “I regretted it too. I regretted not going to Nebraska with you. And you needed me and I need to be with you, Will. There is nothing that happened today that’s more important than being here with you. And I was an idiot to think there was.”

Will looked at Mac with a stunned look on his face. “I’m confused as fuck right now, but I’m going to assume that if you’re here, you’ve forgiven me and I can kiss you.”

Will cupped her jar in his hand and caressed her cheek with his thumb before giving her a tender kiss. He put his tongue against her lips and waited for access which she granted quickly. She put her hands in his hair and broke the kiss, connecting their foreheads. “I really enjoy kissing you. It’s one of the things you do best.”

“You inspire me to greatness.” Will smiled. He took her hand and walked her to the table. “I’ve got room service coming, do you want anything?”

“Just a small salad with vinegar and oil. I have to cut weight if I’m going to do this fucking marathon. And I’d suggest you exchange the steak you ordered for a salad as well.”

Will laughed as he picked up the phone and placed her order. Mac scanned the room and realized what he was watching. “ _Dumb and Dumber_ Will?”

“I’ve been told that I remind people of that guy.”

“Which one?”

Will shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t see it.”

“Neither do I.”

Will sat back down. “So –“ He waved his arm around him.

“I asked your assistant what arrangements you made for the weekend. She's pretty helpful. You should give her a raise.”

“She helped get you here, I’ll give her a promotion.”

“Uh-huh.” Mac got more serious. “You know, I hate what I do. And I hate that I allow Brian’s voice to override what I know. And I was telling the truth when I came in. There is no place I want to be more than by your side this weekend.”

“So does that mean I get to call you my girlfriend or are we still –“

“I think we do better without the titles. Don’t you? Things just seem simpler when we’re not concerned with what we are. I want to be here with you, so I came and I didn’t get a second hotel room. Doesn’t that say everything you need it to?”

“Yeah, it does.” Will got up and turned off the TV. He took out his phone and started scrolling through. Finally Mac heard the beginning to “You Were Always On My Mind,” the Elvis version. Will held out his hand for her to dance, which she took. As they danced, he explained that the definitive version of the song was done by Willie Nelson, but the assistant that got it on his phone thought he wanted the Elvis version and he didn’t know how to get the right one on his phone.

“I thought the Pet Shop Boys did the best one.”

Immediately, Will let go of her and said, “Get out!” Mac let out a hearty laugh and pulled his head to her for a kiss.

“It’s too bad you didn’t bring your guitar. Any of them.”

“A guitar is just a tool for making music. I can make music without it.” He sang along with the rest of the song and then while holding Mac close, he started singing.

When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one there to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue  
I'd go crawling down the avenue  
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea  
And on the highway of regret   
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free  
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy make your dreams come true  
Nothing that I wouldn't do  
Go to the ends of the Earth for you  
To make you feel my love

Mac cuddled into Will closer and kissed him. He whispered to her, “I’m so glad you came.”

“I am too, Will.”

Room service eventually arrived and the couple ate, debating about whether the discovery of Pluto’s moons means that Pluto is now a planet again.

“The reason it had its planet status taken away was because it didn’t have a moon. Now it does, two in fact, that means it has to be a planet.”

Will shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that. It’ll be a dwarf planet if anything.”

“We classify planets based on their size? I thought you were against all things politically correct, you should take Pluto’s side on this.”

“And what, read a letter to NASA on the air demanding full planetary status back? I thought you would be the first one to fight against such a thing.”

“Write the damn letter and let Preston read it.”

The two laughed. As they finished their dinner. Will put their plates on the cart and pushed it outside their door and put out the “Do Not Disturb” sign.

“So, you just assumed that I would let you stay in my room tonight and tomorrow?”

Mac smiled. “No. I wanted to get laid and save a few bucks and I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

Will grinned at her as he walked closer. “So, you think I’m just some sort of sex toy you can take out when it suits you?”

Mac started unbuttoning her shirt. “Is that a problem for you?”

Will stroked the skin on her clavicle and said, “no, no problem for me, I just wanted to make sure.”

When Mac finished with her buttons, she reached down for Will’s belt. “Good. Because really, there’s just –“

Will kissed her passionately. “You know I love it when you’re loud in bed, but right now, I just want to get you there.” He kissed her again.

“And I want you to get me there. How far away is the damn bed anyway?” At that moment her legs hit the back of the bed and the force made her sit laughing.

“I think we found it.” Will kneeled down in front of her and started hiking up her skirt while his hands rubbed up and down her thighs.

“If you stay on your knees too long, you may never get promoted from the elliptical.”

Just before he could move her panties out of the way, he looked up at her. “Seriously? I’m about to go down on you and you’re talking to me about the fucking marathon?”

“Payback’s a bitch, dear. Now get back to work.” She pushed his head so that his mouth was back on her inner though. “I believe you were right about there.”

Will found his place pretty quickly and the pair enjoyed their reunion. When they finished, Mac pillowed her had on Will’s chest as they talked and laughed. When he fell asleep, Mac continued to cuddle into him until she fell asleep.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Will’s alarm went off at 6AM and both woke up. Mac kissed him on the mouth. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, seeing your brother in the hospital, it can’t be easy.”

Will massaged the back of her head. “It’s not, but it’ll be easier with you there.”

“And I’ll be with you every step.”

<O><O><O><O>

Will and Mac met Bruce at the hospital. “Well, as it turns out, you are real.”

Will smiled at Bruce, “Told you so.”

Bruce gave her a peck on the cheek. “Thanks for coming. We’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”

“I have too.” She squeezed Will’s hand as the three of them went to Les’ room.

“Looks like my brother _was_ able to find the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“I really need to spend my time with more farm boys, they have good taste.”

Will looked at Mac, “No, you don’t. Me and my gay brother are the only farm boys you get to spend time with.”

Mac turned to Bruce, “Do they all get this possessive?”

Les answered for his boyfriend, “only when we have something worth getting jealous for.”

The group sat down together and Bruce said to Mac, “In Nebraska, Will told us about how you pulled him into a meeting of some sort and he was so impressed with your ballsy attitude. What did you first think of him?”

“I spent the few weeks before I moved watching all the CNN personalities and judging them. So I knew he was talented and intelligent. But when I met him in real life, I thought he was an arrogant prick and hated that I had to feed into his ego by putting him on my air.”

“You did not, you begged me to do that newscast!”

“When you so fully defy your superior in front of the news director, you have to talk a good game, but if it was up to me, I would have cut you before the first broadcast.”

“I was just giving as good as I got. She made fun of my dates.”

“Light! One of them was just fascinated with light! I had to explain to her that anchors can’t look up without feeling blinded because that’s what light does.”

Les asked the next question. “Bruce just has to know, what do you really think of Preston?”

The look on Will and Mac’s faces when they looked at each other, told the men everything they needed to know.

Bruce took turns with Will and Mac to keep Les company all day. At the end of the day, after getting a final warning about visiting hours ending, Will asked Bruce for a minute to say goodbye. After a day mostly filled with laughter, Mac watched as Will tensed up. She looked at him and with her eyes asked if he wanted her to leave. He answered by holding out his hand, which she took, weaving their fingers together.

“I am so proud of you, Les. I am so proud. The man you’ve become, the life – you’ve had. How you’re facing this. That man out there who loves you. The people who love you say so much about who you are.” Will looked at Mac and smiled. Mac forced a smile on her face while she felt like a dagger went through her heart. He loved a person who cheated on him. Twice. He deserves someone who can say better about him than she does.

“Les, if there’s ever anything you need, I can get it for you. Between me and Mac we have connections who can get anything you want. Just call me. And if you want more company, let me know. If Mac or I can’t make it, then I can get Peg or Nancy on a plane.”

Mac smiled, “It’s one of the perks of having a rich news anchor brother.”

Will said his final goodbye to his brother and when he got outside Les’ room, he leaned against the wall and clutched onto Mac. He was shaking and about to cry. Mac knew that he didn’t want to do this publicly, so she kissed him, discreetly wiping his tears from his face. “Let’s get to the car,” she whispered. When they got to the car and she started it, Will let out a heartbreaking wail. He was careful in the hospital room not to promise another visit because he didn’t know when the end would come for his brother, but he believed it would be before he could make another trip.

“I was supposed to protect him, Mac. Nothing bad was supposed to happen to him on my watch. I let him down, Mac. I left him when he was 8. I didn’t go back, I didn’t make him part of my life until it was too late. It’s too late.”

Mac drove back to the hotel, stopping to get some drive thru dinner. They spent the evening cuddled in bed, mindlessly watching TV. When Mac turned off the TV so they could try to sleep, Will turned to her. “I was talking to one of the associate producers who got married recently I guess.”

“Was it Craig? The one who you have to lean in to hear?”

“I guess so. I don’t know. It’s not important. I don’t know what brought it on, but he told me that his wife was his hero. He said that at the beginning of his marriage he was ashamed because at times she would be in tears when his independence came across by not even looking at her. But with time, he noticed that he started talking to her about everything, and she would listen and be on his side and stand by him. And he used that word a few times, hero. She is his hero because of how she makes his life so much better.”

“Will, please don’t say it.”

“I let too many moments pass by when I should have said something and I just didn’t for no reason. I need to say this, Mac. You are my hero.”

Mac didn’t know what to say. He was in love with a woman who in his mind could do no wrong. But if he knew the real her, the real Mackenzie McHale. If he knew who she was and what she did… Brian was right. She can’t live up to who Will thinks she is. She deserves a man who will accept her with her flaws because she’s not good enough for the one who can’t comprehend that she has any.

Mac laid a kiss on his chest and then rolled away from him. Will countered her move by spooning her from behind. When he felt her shaking and tears falling, he whispered, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here and I’m going to take care of you, no matter what. I’m going to do better for you than I did my brother. I promise.”

After Will fell asleep she heard a text message come to her phone. The caller ID showed that it came from Brian. She really needs to delete his number and block it. She opened the message and read, “I heard that Will went out of town without you. I’m really sorry, but it’s better that it happened now instead of later. I’m still here for you when you come to town next. But can we drop the pretense that you won’t end up here? I have drinks if you just come up.” Mac thought about replying with a picture of she and Will cuddled together, but instead decided to ignore him.

Will and Mac flew back to New York and went to her apartment, Will didn’t want to take the chance of Mac at his with a suitcase. Michael noted that Mac got to work before Will did, though he didn’t know that she had to catch up on some work after Friday’s day all meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Make You Feel My Love was written by Bob Dylan. Will sang the Billy Joel version of the song, which was the first one to be available commercially. I should probably say something about Adele's version because I think it was the one that made it a go to sad song.


	51. Going to Hate This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When news breaks from North Korea and Mac can't cover it, she starts doubting herself. That never leads to anything good.

The plane ride to DC from New York takes less than an hour in the air, so the travel to the airport, going through security and waiting for the plane takes longer than the actual flight. And when the plane is late it makes for a miserable day. Someone in IT put Skype on Mac's Blackberry for just this reason, but standing in Newark airport, she didn’t know how to use the damn thing and she was late for a meeting with the transition team to bring Anderson’s show back to New York City. She wished that people would just make up their fucking minds about where Anderson should be located. She also wished she understood why this was her problem. It doesn’t have anything directly to do with the EP, who she is responsible for. Yes, Eric was going to have to make sure the new studio was ready, and that the important tech was brought over. And really, he had about a billion different details to deal with, while Anderson and his wardrobe had to get to New York. Okay, so maybe this is her problem. More so than Dirk’s, but that didn’t mean that she should have to make this trip or that Dirk should have smirked as much as he did when he told her. When the fuck did she become a project manager?

Mac looked at the departure board again, hoping to find that her flight was magically not delayed anymore. It was. She went to the desk and asked about other options. How long would it take to get there by train? After she asked the question, she heard a voice in her pocket. “Mac, Mac? Are you talking to us?” Well at least someone in IT got the audio to work. She took her phone out and found a grainy image of the _360_ senior staff and a few facilities people.

“So, everyone looking forward to the move?”

Eric had to leave the meeting early because North Korea was testing missiles and there was an emergency UN Security Council meeting in progress to decide on the international response. Mac tried to get in on the planning of that, but Dirk told her to stay with the facilities people and plan the move, he would cover the news story. She sat in the airport, waiting for a plane and a half hour after Eric ran to another meeting with his staff, Mac wrote out notes about getting containers for desks and headcounts of who would actually move instead of making sure that her crews turned up all important information about the madman in North Korea. Mac had never felt so useless than in those moments.

As Mac looked over her notes and stared at coverage of North Korea on the airport monitors, she started thinking. She needed to make a decision about Mary and Eric switching places. Mary would much rather stay in New York and Eric didn’t want to move from DC. But Anderson had a good rhythm with his EP and they put together a better show than they really should because of how well they worked together. She couldn’t help thinking that they are the reason she and Will should be on the same show. Even without their personal relationship, Will and Mac bring out the best in each other. As she looked over her notes, and read the newest information that CNN put on their website, she jotted the note to have Mary and Eric trade places for a few days next week and see the chemistry. She’d just have to come up with a reason why. And she’d have to talk to Dirk, get his backing since it will affect his anchors. And, if it worked out, she’d have to talk to legal about changing contracts, and who the fuck cares about any of this shit when Kim Jong Il is testing nuclear weapons?

She tried to call Will, but didn’t get through. He was working on how his show would cover the news. She understood. How could she not? She was jealous. She wanted to be in that newsroom, or any newsroom. She wanted to sit on the floor of the UN and watch whatever resolution unfolded. She imagined sitting shoulder to shoulder with Will. The conversation they would have later, the fighting, the discussion in a rundown meeting about how to cover the news. They would want to go at it different, but they’d come to a decision quickly and it would be the perfect compromise.

That’s it, she’s going to give this 5 minutes. If she doesn’t hear about her flight in 5 minutes she’s going back to her newsroom. Will’s newsroom. Fucking Michael’s newsroom. Shit! How the fuck was she going to trust him to cover this with Preston? He was going to try to push Preston to do something that he can’t do. 3 minutes. News about this plane has 3 minutes to get there. It’ll take less an hour to get to DC and she can set up a command center and make sure she helps run Preston, and the rest of her shows. If news of the plane doesn’t come in 2 and a half minutes, she’ll go back to the Time Warner building and set up a command center just like she did for the Jakarta earthquake.

She looked at her watch and called Dirk, planning to tell him that it has now 2 minutes and then she needs to go back and be a news person. When Dirk finally answered the phone with an annoyed, “Yes Mackenzie.” She started rambling and then heard an announcement about her flight.

Dirk didn’t hear all of the announcement, but he said, “Just get on that one. We need this move to happen. I’ve got things here with the story. I’m sorry Mac.”

It will be another 45 minutes before she can board her plane and then less than an hour in the air. Within 3 hours she’ll be in DC to oversee the _360_ move. Or the world may blow up without her in a newsroom to warn people about it. Mac found a TV monitor showing CNN. She paced in front of it, hoping to find a way to Skype into a meeting in any of her newsrooms.

<O><O><O><O>

Will stood in an ad hoc meeting with the senior staff arguing that they needed to report from UN Headquarters. The bombs themselves weren’t the story, the story was the international response and in particular George W. Bush’s response. Setting up outside the UN would give the right setting for what they needed to convey.

Dirk shook his head. “We don’t even know what the Security Council is going to say. We don’t know that they will say anything today. It’s premature.”  

Michael scoffed, “Besides, doesn’t that break Mac’s cardinal rule about not making good TV? We can talk about news, but we can’t show it.”

“That’s not what she says. She wants us to keep the focus where it should be instead of falling into the trap of pandering. Being at the UN isn’t pandering. It’ll actually give her a sense of pride. She has a lot of good memories there.”

Dirk looked at Will and said, “Bottom line, we’re not going.”

Preston watched the discussion and asked, “What if I go? After the diplomats leave I can approach them like man on street interviews.”

At once everyone around the table looked at him and said, “No.”

Preston asked, “We can’t go in there and cover the proceedings, right? So we need to get a couple of them on the show. They’re not going to want to wait or come here. How else do we get them?”

Will gave a frustrated eye roll that turned into a noisy exhale, “We get their staff to agree to an interview and I go down there for it. And since it’s going to take time, we need to set up the whole show down there.”

“I don’t want a bunch of talking heads on our monitors anymore than you do, but you’re talking about an outside taping.” Michael was tired of this argument and was willing to argue just to argue at this point. He had Dirk’s backing for the time ever, he planned to use it.

“Which part of that do you think is impossible? We have the equipment to do it. I’ve seen other producers able to pull it off. Are you saying you can’t?”

Dirk stopped himself from laughing when he recognized that Will just trapped Michael by his ego. He took a second too long to enjoy seeing the executive producer put in his place so he wasn’t able to turn down the idea before Michael took up the challenge. “I can absolutely get this show done outside. Are you sure that you can get the guests to make it worth the trouble?”

“I’ll start making calls now.”

Michael left the room to start working with the crew while Dirk stopped to talk to Will, “Mac’s going to hate this.”

“Then we better do a good job with it or I’m going to have a rough rest of the week.”

Dirk patted Will on the shoulder as he left.

Will took over the next rundown meeting since Michael was busy getting crew members to the UN site and coordinating everything there. Mac had called him several times to make sure everything was okay, and he assured her it was. He wasn’t sure what she meant every time she offered to Skype into his meeting so he told her that Dirk was there so if he lost control, Dirk would fix it.

“He’s good too, but I’d feel better –“

“I know, you want to be here managing all of this, it’s where you belong. But you’re not. And I have to get back to work. I’m sorry Mac.”

When the call disconnected, Mac looked at her phone. “I’m hearing that a lot today.”

6PM, Mac sat in on _360_ and watched Anderson cover the nuclear tests. 8PM the _Crossfire_ studio wasn’t far, so she watched Mary and her former staff cover the news. 9PM, she sat in her office and watched _Facts_. She’d been in the way all night and all three shows did an excellent job without her. Part of her wanted to believe that her leadership and vision got them to this place where they could all do exactly what she would want them to. But as she went over her notes, she realized that each show had the fingerprints of their anchors and EPs. They really didn’t need her. They were able to follow their instincts and put together shows to be proud of.

Mary knocked on her office door and when Mac saw her, she asked. “What are you still doing here?”

“Just like you I guess. I want to see how everyone else is covering it. Whose idea was it to go to the UN?”

Mac shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. It went better than I expected. I should call up there and say that.”

“You don’t seem that excited. What’s going on Mac?”

“I wish I could say. It’s weird spending a day when something like this is happening talking about how to move Anderson’s show to NYC.”

Mary nodded her head. “I can only imagine. I remember watching you on the day of the earthquake. But you have an important job now too. In a few days no one will remember this. It’s just sanctions.”

“I never would have allowed Will and Preston to go to the UN. It was the right call and I never would have made it.”

“Then maybe it was good that you weren’t there. It was a good broadcast.”

“It was. And so was yours. Good show, Mary.”

Mary nodded her head and left. Mac took a deep breath and called Will. “Hey Will, good show. I don’t know whose idea it was, I assume Preston or Michael’s but between you and me, it was a brilliant idea.”

Will smiled, “It was mine.”

“What the fuck were you thinking? We give the news, we don’t put on good TV. Going to the UN doesn’t do anything but show that we’re pandering.”

“What just happened, when it was Michael or Preston, it was a good idea.”

“They so infrequently have them. I expect you to stand up for good focus. That just happened to work out.”

Will laughed. “I knew we would get better guests if we could go to them. So we did.”

“I guess I can forgive you this time.” Mac heard some chatter in the background. “They need you to help strike, don’t they?”

“I’m sorry honey. You know how it is.”

Mac nodded her head, “Yeah, I do. Goodnight.” After a long day and a location shoot, the cast and crew celebrate and bond. It’s not why she went into news, but it’s part of the process that she loves almost as much as what she actually does. Will usually doesn’t participate in this, but this is good for him. It really is. She can’t fault him for wanting to go. She got to be part of the celebrations at these shows as well, though she mostly just got a drink during commercials. She’s not really part of those groups. Or even a part of _Facts._ She’s welcome, but she’s not one of them.

As she started gathering her things, her phone rang and without looking at it, she knew Will was calling her back.

“It’s okay, go celebrate.”

“Celebrate what?” Oh shit! What the fuck was Brian doing on her phone? “I heard you were in town and I wanted to know if you were coming by.”

“Do you have a GPS on me? How the fuck do you know where I am all the time?”

“I have friends all over CNN. They told me you came into town for Anderson’s big move. Hell of a day to come.”

“Brian, it was a mistake. Both times were mistakes. And I don’t want to make another one.”

“If you don’t want it to mean anything, it doesn’t have to. You’ve had a hard day. I know what it does to you when there’s a big story, I can imagine how you feel when you’re not part of it. So you can either go back to your cold hotel room and feel sorry for yourself or you can come to my place and forget about it all for a little while. As for it being a mistake, you’ve already made that mistake a couple times, from what I hear, you’re not with the asshole anymore and even if you were what’s the difference between 2 or 3 times?”

Mac wasn’t sure why she was considering this, but he was right. She couldn’t feel any worse about a third time than the first two. So the only damage would be if Will found out, and there’s no reason that he would. And it would be nice to not have to feel this worthless for a little while.

“I want you Mac. I love you. Come over.”

All she has to do is say no, but how could she feel any worse than she does right now? She should say no. “I don’t want this to become a habit.”

“It won’t be a habit, I won’t expect you every time you’re here. And if you want, we don’t have to be exclusive. But if you want to feel better just tonight, you know where I am.”

Mac considered her choices. It can’t hurt Will anymore than the other times. It can’t hurt her more. In fact, it’ll be a relief for her. She thought about Molly warning her about this slippery slope. She knew that after both times she felt horrible. She didn’t want to feel like that again, but she felt empty already. How could this make her feel worse? It’s just sex. It doesn’t mean she’s in love with him, it’s just sex. Nothing more. Just a way to relieve this emptiness she feels.

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”


	52. The Man She Deserves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Highlights from the last 6 weeks of the 4 months with Brian.

It’s sex. With Brian, that’s all it is. Relief after a bad day. It doesn’t mean anything. She hates herself when she decides to do it. She hates herself after. But it feels like what she deserves. Fifteen minutes, a shower and then she goes home. That’s all he is to her. That’s all she wants him to be. For those few minutes she gets to know that he’s wrong. That he wants her and that she’s what he deserves as much as he’s what she deserves. She doesn’t deserve Will who has gone through hell to open up to her and to create this thing that she wants, but can never have because of what she did. What she continues to do. What she will continue to do because she doesn’t know how to will herself not to.

Mac at herself in her hotel mirror. She didn’t like what she saw. She didn’t like what she did. She wouldn’t go home for a couple days, she wouldn’t have to face Will until at least then. She can take a late flight and tell him she’s too exhausted to see him. That would work for one night. Then she has to face him the next day. And then he’ll want to take her to dinner after his show. And they’ll talk and they’ll kiss and she’ll remember all the things she wants. And then she’ll wake up the next morning, feeling safe and loved and then at some point when Will isn’t in her sightline, she’ll remember that it’s all a mirage. She can’t have any of it. She doesn’t deserve it because of what she did last night with Brian. And a few weeks ago with Brian. And a couple months ago with Brian. It’s sex. That’s all it is. And maybe if she gives herself permission, maybe if it’s not so taboo then she’ll get enough and be able to be the person she wants to be. The person who can deserve Will. But that’s not who she is. She’s not sure that she ever will be. She’s gone too far.

On the flight back, Mac made the decision that she wouldn’t let what happened with Brian affect her and Will. She just wouldn’t let Will know. She made it clear to Brian that they are not serious. He’s going to be with anyone he wants, whenever he wants. It’s nothing more than an arrangement to have sex when she’s in town and one of them needs it. Having that in mind gave her some peace of mind. Her biggest concern is hurting Will, and it won’t. She made sure of that. And she won’t be in DC often. It’s the summer, there aren’t many conferences for her to attend over the summer. She’ll rarely have opportunities to see Brian and then it’s her choice to go or not go. She thought that it would lessen the temptation. If she thought of him as something forbidden, then she would go after it. But if she set up these rules, she wouldn’t be as attracted to him.

Over the next month and a half or so she oversaw Anderson’s move and went out with the team when they moved into the Time Warner Building in New York. Eric stayed with Anderson’s show, more a decision by Eric than anything she did. The decision made sense, he wanted to be on the flagship show and that was _360_.

That left Mary in DC with _Crossfire_. Mary wanted to be back in New York, but there wasn’t a place for her in primetime. She talked to some of the daytime shows, but none of them bit. Mac and Mary had weekly teas before Mary had to go back to run her show. One time Will dropped by and asked if they both hate the travel so much, why did both of them decide not to just run their show remotely. By the end of that conversation Will learned two things. First, he learned that he will never again interrupt afternoon tea. That time is sacred and there is no place for him in it. Second he learned that the fire he’s missed from Mac still existed, her current job hadn’t completely extinguished all the embers. Will watched Mac explain the EP role and smiled because he missed this Mac. He didn’t know when the change in her started, but he suspected it was around the time that she didn’t get to work on North Korea’s missile test. She needed to be in a newsroom like she needed to breath. He would give anything to get her back in one.

Over the last six weeks, Will started noticing that more and more of Mac’s things kept staying longer and longer at his place. He was also granted a drawer in her apartment. He couldn’t get any closet space, but that had more to do with the amount she just took up – even with the half a closet she took over at his place – and less to do with her not wanting him there. Though he teased her about the inequality, they spent most of the time at his apartment. She had a rule that she wanted to spend one night a week at her place and no more than 5 consecutive nights with him. He understood; as much as he loved her and loved having her around, he also had a need for independence.

As time went on, Mac hated going to DC more and more. Will watched the progression and thought it came from her hatred of her job. She agreed, she hates what she does. She really hates it. She just wants to be in a studio again, or even out somewhere covering news. She’s a great manager and leader, two very different things all her HR inspired trainings keep telling her. But it’s not being in the studio. It’s not producing. She needs to do the news. As Will watches her go out and supervise EPs and come back with a little less light in her eyes, a little less passion, he feels like he needs to find a way to get her back in the studio.

One night they discussed the possibility over dinner of killing Michael. She asked him about different ways people tried to get away with murder when he was a prosecutor. When he told her about an attempt to poison a spouse, she told him that was it, that’s how they would get Michael. The two laughed as they brainstormed a ridiculous plot that included dressing up as waiters at a restaurant with latex masks. They decided that when they got away with it, since he knows how the investigation would go and could stay ahead of it, it would force her to become interim EP at least and then maybe she would get some of her fire back.

“You think I’m fireless?”

“Honey, you are the most passionate person I know. You always have been. But this job is killing you. Every time you go to DC, you come back just a little less than you were. I keep expecting one time you’ll come back and not have any ability to go to work.”

“Whatever would they do without me around to talk to lawyers about contracts.”

“We need to get you doing the news again. You need to be around cameras for more than just training for a marathon.”

Mac cocked her head at him, “Are you kicking me off the team? Is this because I’m running a 6-minute mile? And what was your average again?”

Will smiled, glad to see the little passion she has come back. “12 minutes is not a bad average.”

“You could have an 8 if you would stop carbo-loading.”

Will didn’t give the comeback he had, he just stared at her, more serious. “Is this what it was like when I was doing the wrong show?”

“Nothing like it, you were insufferable. Distant and non-committal. I’m still a delight.”

“We need to get you back doing the news. If something did happen to Michael, would you want to take the demotion and go back to being an EP?”

Mac looked at Will, unable to read him. “You’re not thinking about buying a latex mask are you?”

Will laughed, “I’m not going to commit murder, but I’m curious about what you want.”

Mac moved so she now sat in his lap and kissed him passionately. “There’s only one thing I want right now.” She put his hand on one of her breasts and kissed him again. “And I have a feeling it’s something that you want too.”

One of these days Will was going to have to not let her distract him from this conversation. He had a feeling there was something else going on, it wasn’t just the job wearing her down, but when he started asking serious questions she distracted him from finding out what he needed. But her distractions were so good.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Mac had to do an inventory of the old _360_ studio before CNN could lease out the space. She didn’t know why she had to be there in person for this. Several producers were still around and could have done it, but they wanted someone at her level just to be a check and balance or something. She had dinner with Mary and sat in on the broadcast. Mary gave her the idea to move Michael to DC and let her go back to _Facts_. Mac would do anything for Mary, but she wanted to keep Michael close so that she could fire him when he went out of line.

Mary nodded her head. “You know that it’s not just the travel, right?”

“Your husband is in New York and you want to be with him. I get it.”

“I mean you, Mac. We can all see it, you’re worn down and it’s not just the travel. When you were going back and forth every week, you weren’t like this.”

“Bloody hell, not you too. Has Will called you?”

“No, but now I think I should call him and compare notes.”

Mac shook her head. “You don’t have to compare notes. I hate what I’m doing. I hate my job, just like everyone told me I would. And yes it’s just like when everyone told Will to do the real news not the crap he decided to do. It wore him down, this job wears me down. I need to be producing.”

Mary looked hard at her friend. “That’s part of it, but that’s not all of it. What’s going on? What happens when you’re here that kills your soul just a little more every time?”

“Nothing Mary.”

Mac’s phone beeped with a text message. Mac looked down at it and gave a little sigh and a flash of a guilty look.

“Will?” Mac shook her head. “Does Dirk have something else for you to do while you’re here?”

Mac bit her lip, knowing that Mary wouldn’t give up guessing until she got an answer from Mac. “Yeah, the architects found another closet he wants me to go through.”

“Bullshit, Mac, you’re not a good liar. Who was that text from?”

“It’s nothing, just… something I need to take care of.”

Mary didn’t know what she stumbled on, but she had to push forward. “If it’s not Will and it’s not work, then you don’t have to do whatever it is. And judging by your face right now, I don’t think you want to do whatever it is.”

Mac bit her lip, thinking. “I don’t know how to stop anymore. I don’t know how it started and I don’t know how to stop it.”

Mac stood up and walked away. How did it start? One fleeting thought in a moment of anger. She misunderstood Will’s message, his poorly worded message and she reacted. And then she reacted when Will betrayed her. He was wrong, he was wrong to tell Brian. But she was tempted before. If it didn’t happen then, it would have happened eventually. It was just a matter of time. A moment of weakness. When she looks at Brian, she knows that’s what she deserves. He’s what she deserves for being the horrible person she is. Will is everything she wants. He looks at her like she’s everything he wants. She’s still perfect in his eyes and she can’t stand it. She can’t stand looking at him looking at her like that anymore. That’s why she’s gone back to Brian, he doesn’t look at her like that, he doesn’t expect perfection from her. And she’s not hurting Will. But when will it end? It’s been 4 months since the first time. 4 months since his brother called the family together and he refused to let her go. She thought she’d be able to stop. Brian rejected her and then told her that he loved her and wanted her back and would never see her as the garbage that she feels like when she’s with him. Brian is who she deserves.

Mac looked at her phone again. A drunk dial. “Come on over.” When this started he was begging for her to come over. Then he would at least ask. Now it’s almost a demand. He just expects her to go because she always has. And she will, because he’s the man she deserves and going over doesn’t hurt anyone but her. And she deserves it. She deserves everything that happens. As long as it doesn’t hurt Will.

Mac gathered her things from her office and saw Mary walking past to her own office. Mary turned around and came into Mac’s office without knocking.

“Mac, I’m your friend. I don’t know what’s going on or what trouble you’re in, but whatever you’re about to do, you don’t have to. You obviously don’t want to, so don’t.”

“Thanks for coming by, but you don’t know what’s going on and I don’t feel like telling you. I’m just going to sit here for a little while, watch Will’s show and then I’ll go back to my hotel room. Okay.”

Mary nodded her head and left, hoping that whatever trouble Mac was in, she’d find a way out.

Mac sat in her office and watched Will’s show with tears in her eyes. It’s just sex, that’s it. That’s all it was ever supposed to be. It’s not a betrayal. It’s not anything but sex. It has nothing to do with Will, it’s what she deserves for what she’s doing. It’s just sex.

Mac didn’t make it to her hotel room and she must have fallen asleep because the next morning she woke up early at Brian’s feeling like shit. She took two aspirin from his medicine cabinet and took a shower before he woke up. When she got dressed and left the bathroom, he was standing there.

“Morning.”

“Morning.”

“You look like hell.”

Mac snickered. “You don’t look so good yourself.” Mac waited to see if he would offer her breakfast or anything, when he didn’t and the moment started feeling awkward, she said, “I should go back to my hotel. Can’t go to work in the same clothes.”

Brian nodded his head and grunted or something.   Mac couldn’t tell. She just wanted to get out and take another shower. This emptiness and whatever the fuck else, it’s what she deserved. She knew that. She looked at her watch and wondered if she had time for a short nap before she had to be in to count boxes of lights.

Around noon, Mary found her and asked if she wanted to go for lunch. When Mac turned around, Mary saw that she wasn’t feeling well. There had been a bug going around and it looked like Mac caught it. “You’re going back to the hotel to sleep. I’ll get a couple interns on this. They should be doing it anyway. I’m sure they have no use for boxes of HMIs we don’t use.”

Mary took her to the hotel and when she got back to the office, she called Will to let him know Mac wasn’t feeling well and probably needed a good night of sleep. She didn’t think Mac would make it home tomorrow. Will thanked her for the call and called Mac. He laughed at her when she started whining about how she felt.

Mac took some Nyquil, so when Brian texted her to come over, Mac felt a little delirious, but once she found her phone and replied, she told him she wasn’t feeling well. “OK. Hopefully you didn’t make me sick. I have a trip in a couple days.”

Mac looked at the phone before rolling over to go back to sleep. “Asshole.”

About 1:30AM there was a knock on her door. Mac could barely remember where she was, but when she figured it out she looked at the clock and knew it had to be Brian. Did he want to get laid bad enough that he came all the way over to her hotel room?

“Go away!”

“Mac it’s me. I brought some soup from the Chinese place you like by the studio.”

“Will? What the fuck are you doing here?”

Mac felt dizzy when she stood up and bumped into things as she made her way to the door. She opened it to a smiling Will. “I have a show tomorrow, but the flight is less than an hour. I figure if I got on in the middle of the night and take the 5AM flight to New York, there wouldn’t be delays and I can check on you and get back.”

“You came all the way over here to check on me?”

“And to give you soup.” He held out the bag.

Mac reached her arm up to give him a hug and almost fell over. Will caught her with the arm that didn’t have egg drop soup in it. He put the soup on the table and walked her back to bed, tucking her in.

“How much time do you have here?”

“I’ve got a couple hours.”

“I would offer to let you take a nap, but you don’t want what I have.”

Will looked down at her and laughed. “I’m pretty sure you’re right. But if you don’t mind, may I? I have the immune system of 10 men. I won’t get sick. And even if I do, I think it’s worth it.”

Mac gave him a quizzical look. “I don’t think I could stop you right now.”

Will started stripping down to his boxers and t-shirt. “You probably can’t, but I wouldn’t take advantage.”

He lay down behind her and spooned her, holding her close. She startled and turned around in his arms. She started poking at him. “You came all the way to DC to give me soup?”

Will laughed. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

Mac fought through the fog in her head, which Will found adorable as he watched her struggle with whatever thought she had. “I should kiss you, but I don’t want you to get sick.” He put a kiss on her forehead. “You came all the way over here to give me soup.” She stared at him for a few seconds, completely dumbfounded. “I love you Will, I don’t know why I didn’t know it before. I wish I knew it before. But I know it now. I do. I love you.”

Will pulled her close to him and smiled. He gave her another kiss on her forehead. “Go to sleep Mac.”

“I’m serious Will. I love you. I do.”

Will felt a tear stream down her face. He kissed that away and whispered in her ear. “I love you too.”

When Mac woke up the next morning, Will was gone and she wasn’t entirely sure that he wasn’t a dream. She realized that even if her subconscious conjured him up, it did so because she knows he would make a gesture like that. And she loves him for it. With that epiphany firmly established, Mac picked up her phone so she could delete and block Brian’s number. Maybe he was the man she deserved, but he’s not the man that she wants or that she loves. She’d have to figure out how to be a person worthy of Will, and it will take a long time to make herself that. But she will. She’ll make it up to him somehow.


	53. I Just Called

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac has a specific message to give Will, and while Will gave her that message in a couple paragraphs, Mac takes an entire chapter.

Mac needed to know. As a journalist, she had to get the facts. It doesn't matter if he visited last night or not, she loves him, and that is the truth of the story. But she wanted to know if he did. The soup wasn't left on the table where she remembered it, but he wouldn't have left it out. That means she had to look in the minifridge. She nearly skipped to the small appliance and opened it, biting her lip in anticipation. And there it was. A bag with two containers of egg drop soup. All she could do was laugh. He's such an idiot. But she loves him for it.

Mac then looked at her phone and smiled. It's over, 100%, there's no doubt in her mind. Whatever the fuck she had with... him, she didn't even want to think his name, was over. Deleting and blocking his number took a weight off her shoulders. Or maybe realizing what any sane woman would have known for months, almost a year, gave her the relief. She wondered if Will felt like this when he finally told her he loved her. He had a different road, one marked with the fear of repeating his father’s mistakes. It didn’t disappear, every once in a while she watches him, knowing that he hasn’t completely exorcized those demons, but he’s come a long way. She wondered if he had a moment like her, that moment when it all just fell into place and he knew that he loved her. He's always said that he's always known, he just couldn’t bring himself to say it for too long.

She wished for a second that her road resembled his more. She has to face a different set of fears. She will always have to wonder about the consequences of what she did. She’ll always have to live with it and guard the secret until she dies. She took a second, realizing that that's the kind of relationship she's thinking about. No matter what, Will McAvoy will always be a part of her life. She just knows that.

As she looked at her phone she also realized she had to tell him. She may have said it last night, but her head was in such a fog that she’s not sure it counts if she even said it. She has to call him. Will always made a big deal about choosing the right time and place, he wanted moments like this to be perfect. She thought about what would make this moment perfect for him. She could arrive at his place with a fur coat on and nothing under it. She saw that on TV once. It’s August, it won’t work for a lot of reasons. She could talk to the people in the apartment under his and use their balcony to stand on and play something on a boom box. That would take time and where the fuck would she get a boom box? Somehow holding up an iPod doesn’t seem to have the same gravitas.

She doesn’t want to wait. She doesn’t want to wait to get back to New York. That’s Will’s thing. Maybe this won’t be the perfect moment that he deserves. But she has to say it. She has to tell him. She just has to say it.

She picked up her phone and called him. He answered sounding like he just woke up.

“You were here last night, weren’t you?”

“Are you feeling any better?”

“I guess so, I havent’ thought about it. You came all way to Washington DC to give me soup? You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Will laughed. “I didn’t know if anyone was taking care of you so I decided to put myself in charge of making you feel better.”

“Well, you know how you always play songs that say what you’re feeling?”

Will smiled. “Mac, what are you planning?”

“Just listen.” Mac took her phone from her ear and started pressing some keys. Before she got to the screen she wanted, her phone rang. It was Will.

“Honey? I hope hanging up on me wasn’t the message you’re trying to send me.”

“It wasn’t. Just a second. I’m almost there. Just let me press…”

Her phone rang again. “Son of a bitch.” She looked up to heaven, “You’re a real riot, you know that?”

“Honey? What’s going on?”

“I wanted to make this perfect for you. And I can’t. I guess my phone won’t let me play you a song.”

Will put his phone against his chest so she wouldn’t hear him laughing at her. “I don't love you because you're beautiful. You're beautiful because I love you"

Mac had to let that settle in her head a second. "You're quoting _Cinderella_? Are you calling me stupid or just ugly?"

Will let her hear him chuckle this time. "That's not what I meant. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in real life, figuratively and literally. And we give Rogers and Hammerstein a pass because they revolutionized the modern musical. As for the song, what it means is, I don’t need you to be perfect, I just need you to be you. Tell me, what song it was. If I have it, I’ll play it here.”

“Yu always do these moments so much better, and I'm a fucking producer.”

"The best fucking producer and that's why you have underlings to figure out the non-studio technology. Now what song was it?"

She felt horrible that she couldn’t get this right, but she knew she had to plug on. “Stevie Wonder, 1984, it won an Academy Award for Best Original Song…”

Will thought he knew the song when she gave the artist. The year simply confirmed what he knew. He felt a tear in his eye and he realized that she’s the only person who has seen him cry in decades. And while she’s broken through the barriers he put up, this is the first time he’s cried happy tears. While she continued telling him facts about the song, he walked across his apartment to pick up a guitar. He almost took his Martin D-200 Deluxe -- a perfect guitar for a perfect moment -- but instead he was drawn to the one he made when he started learning guitar. He didn’t have money to buy one, so he learned how to make it. It wasn't as pretty or as playable even, but it was something he had put himself into and was proud of. It was unique and personal and something that he felt a kinship with that he couldn't explain to anyone. It was imperfect and it didn’t sound like his Les Paul or the Martin, but it was the right guitar for this moment.

He sat down and thought through the chords and the finger patterns practicing in the air to get it right in his head.

“Will? Are you there?”

He started strumming,

No new years day to celebrate  
No chocolate candy covered hearts to give away  
No first of spring, no song to sing  
In fact here’s just another ordinary day

No April rain, no flowers bloom  
No wedding Saturday with the month of June  
But what it is, is something true  
Made up of these three words I must say to you

Will played the next chord without singing. Then he played it again hoping that Mac would take over. “It’s all you, honey.”

“Will, I can’t sing like you can.”

Will laughed into the phone. “That’s not the point. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t. Learn from my experience.”

Mac nodded her head and said a quiet, “Okay”. Will started playing again.

I just called, to say I love you  
I just called to say how much I care  
I just called to say I love you  
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

Neither said anything for what seemed like an eternity. She wanted to tell him about how she realized that he’s more than just the better man, he makes her want to be better and he makes her feel good and complete. But she didn’t know how to say that without telling how she had tainted their story.

Will didn’t know what to say. Telling her he loved her seemed inconsequential right now. To his ear, it sounded like a damn burst in her and he wanted to give her space to say or feel whatever she needed. He remembered the trepidation he had when he told her as well as the relief and how full his heart felt. He thought that anything he would say now would take that away from her.

Finally, Mac broke the silence. “It’s true. I don’t know why it took so long for me to figure out. But it’s true. And it probably has been for a long time.”

“Does this mean I have to keep bringing you soup?”

“It might be nice, but… but” Mac started figuring out something and Will heard it as she talked. “You don’t have to do anything, do you? I love you, who you are. You don’t have to change or work hard to impress me. I love you. That’s what you’ve been trying to tell me, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Mac you’re perfect to me. You may not be able to play a song on your phone or carry a tune in a bucket, but you’re perfect to me.”

“You’re perfect me to me too, Will. And I love you. No matter what else, no matter what happens, I love you. Please believe that.”

Will whispered. “I know.” In a louder voice he asked, “Are you coming home tonight?”

“I don’t know yet. I need to check on the progress on this inventory. But if I do, I don’t care what time I get in, I want to be with you.”

Will nodded his head. “Now, you were pretty sick yesterday and high on Nyquil last night, are you sure this isn’t like indigestion or something?”

Mac laughed. “You are an ass, you know that?”

“Yeah, but I’m an ass you love. And that’s all I aspire to be.”

“Maybe you should start aiming higher. An ass who can run a mile in under 10 minutes. Or an ass with higher ratings.”

“Well, I do want to be a better person for you, Mac. When you get home, we’ll see about how to be better.”

Mac smiled. “I think by virtue of being together we’re better.”

“Just eat your soup and come home.”

<O><O><O><O>

Mary’s interns got through the last of the inventory and Mac spot-checked their work. She thanked Mary for her help and told her that she’s taken care of the issue she witnessed the previous night. Mary didn’t seem convinced and told Mac to call if she needs anything or is ever in trouble. Mac gave her a hug and thanked her.

Will met Mac at the airport with his driver. He immediately went to her and pulled her into his arms, kissing her hard. When the driver asked where to, the couple was too preoccupied to answer. The driver took a guess that they would go back to Will’s place and then he ignored the couple in back. When they got out of the elevator on his floor, they had to move quickly to his apartment before they gave any neighbors who happened to walk out to the hall a show. Once in the apartment, they didn’t make it out of the foyer before they finished unbuttoning shirts and undoing pants. Mac pushed Will against a wall and went down on her knees. She wasn’t there long before he pulled her back up, in part because he wanted to kiss her again, in part because she had worked him over pretty well already. He spun them around and put his thigh between her legs. He immediately felt how wet she already was. He scooped her up and kissed her all the way to his bedroom.

He gently laid her on the bed, wanting this to be special, but also having a hard time keeping his hands off her. He lay next to her on the bed facing her, his head propped up by his hand and his other hand gliding up and down her body. “No regrets, right?”

Mac gave him the most brilliant smile he thinks he has ever seen and put her hand on his cheek. “No regrets. I love you William Duncan McAvoy.” She rolled on her side so she faced him, taking his member in her hand. “But if you don’t get inside me now, I may just change my mind.”

Will laughed and kissed her, rolling them both and positioning himself on top of her. “Well, I wouldn’t want that to happen.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Mac had her head on Will’s shoulder, her hand playing with his chest hair. “I don’t think I want to call you my boyfriend. It seems so infantile. We’re not in high school.”

Will laughed at her. “So now you’re going to unilaterally make the decision that we’re in a relationship and you’re going to decide what we are?”

“Well, someone has to take the reigns or we’ll never get anywhere.”

“What? I- Remember when I—“

Mac laughed at him. “It’s about time, Will. I know that I want to be with you and only you and I know that you want to be with me and only me. So, we need a word that says that.”

“Well, I guess we could be cohabitation partners.”

“Are you asking to move in with me? Is that what you want?”

Will gave her a shocked expression. “I never gave it much thought since you didn’t think we were serious, but that is the next step and you’re talking about the next step.”

Mac kissed his chest. “That’s not a yes.”

“But it’s not a no either. I guess I always assumed that at some point we would live together, that we wouldn’t have rules about how many nights together or at each place. We wouldn’t have to jostle our lives like that. What about you, is that what you want?”

“I don’t know. I… have experience with that and I don’t want to become an old, boring, married couple.”

“Mac, I’m not Brian. And I am never going to fall out of love with you and I’m not going to stop trying to impress you. And I can’t imagine the day that you could ever be considered boring.”

Mac turned away from him. “Can we please not say his name here? In bed. I don’t want to bring that bastard into bed with us.”

“I don’t either, believe there’s nothing I want to do less. I just want you to know that if we do this, then I intend to make sure you’re happy with me.”

Mac rolled back to him and smiled, cupping his cheek again. “I will be. I have no doubt. I love you, Will.”

“I can’t tell you how much I love hearing you say that.” He gave her a kiss and when she responded, his hands started their journey south again.


	54. I Need You With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac helps Will when he receives devastating news

Mac went to Dirk’s office first thing in the morning, interrupting his meeting with Will.

“I had hoped that Mac would rub off on Will, not the other way around.”

“Dirk, I need to be an EP again. I need to be in the newsroom. I’d like it to be his, but I’ll take any newsroom I can get.”

Will smiled silently as he watched his Mackenzie once again fighting for what she knew was right.

“Mac, I’ve had this conversation with Mary. I don’t have another show for you. Or for her.”

“Michael’s had his wings clipped and he’s not happy here. Will doesn’t want him, do you?” Mac directed the last part to Will.

“Well, he showed a little promise when we did that remote.”

Mac looked at him smirk for a second. “Shut up, Will. Who asked you?” Will shook his head knowing better than to answer. “I have a report that shows going in a news direction with Will is going to bring the ratings up. That’s not what Michael was brought on to do.”

Dirk interjected, “Bringing up the ratings is exactly what he was brought on to do.”

“Yes, he has a directive to bring up the ratings, but he can’t. Because he can’t do hard news for an hour, he wants to experiment. He wants to entertain. We all know that I can do news and not only can I do news, but because Will and I work well together, we can redefine the show into something great.”

“You’re fighting to do a show with your… whatever he is?”

“He’s my boyfriend. We decided. Together.”

Dirk quirked an eyebrow at Will. “Yeah, we did. We aren’t thrilled with the infantile way it sounds since we’re not in high school, but we decided of all the choices, it was the best one.”

“I can only imagine the others.”

Mac answered, “You really don’t want to poke that monkey.”

“Bear, honey, you poke bears, not monkeys.”

Mac looked back at Will, “What the fuck do you do to a monkey?”

“How the fuck would I know?”

Dirk watched the two go back and forth trying to keep up. “Can we get back to point? Mac I can’t fire Michael unless he does something worth termination. And even if I could, you’re too valuable in your position so I would bring Mary back to _Facts_.” He quickly looked back at Will, “And even if you have the right to fire your EP, you don’t have the power to hire. You’ll be stuck with whoever you have for 3 months.” He turned back to Mac, “Michael is almost at the 2 month mark.”

“How the fuck would you know that?” Will asked.

“I come to all our meetings prepared with every detail of your show. You’ll be happy to know that you’re gaining in trustworthiness.”

“That means likeability is down.”

Mac yelled, “Who the fuck cares? America needs to trust you more than they like you. When you were a prosecutor, did you give a fuck whether your clients liked you? You won cases, that’s all that mattered.”

“Prosecutors don’t really have clients. We have witnesses.”

“I’m fighting for us to work together. Can you not disagree with me?”

“Double negatives, Mac.” Will looked at the pissed off face she shot him. “And I’m going back to being quiet now.”

Dirk kept a straight face and looked between Will and Mac. “Mac, Michael has another month before we can do anything to him, unless he gives us a reason. After that we can look at our choices. For right now however, you’re interrupting my meeting with one of my anchors, so I need you to leave.”

Mac nodded her head. “Will, get me a latex mask.”

The men watched her leave and then Dirk shot a look at Will asking what that was about. Will shook his head. Dirk smiled. “You two are happy, right?”

Will smiled back, “yeah.”

<O><O><O><O>

“And finally tonight, Pluto. Many of us remember learning the planets of the solar system and counting Pluto among them, until 1992 when it’s planethood was questioned after several other Kuiper Belt bodies were found to be approximately the same size as the formerly 9th planet in the solar system. Today, the International Astronomical Union agreed on a new definition of planets. Its new definition recognizes Pluto as a dwarf planet.”

Mac watched the end of the show from her office wishing Preston got saddled with the Pluto news. It was bad enough that Will got to be smug when he told her that he was right and Pluto and it’s moons would not get planetary status, but now she had to watch him report it like it was real news.

“Just wrap it up, Will.”

“But what does that do to Mickey and Minnie?” a smiling Preston asked.

If they go over because of this infotainment bullshit, she’s going to make sure that Michael gets fired.

“They will stay safely in Disney I’m sure.” Will saw that Preston was about to say something, so he quickly ended the broadcast with, “For Preston Tippen, I am Will McAvoy and we’re giving you… just the facts.”

God, Mac hated that tag line. Preston can almost pull it off, but not quite. Will just looks like a jackass when he says it. Mac’s phone started ringing. It was too early for Will to call and he usually wouldn’t since she’s in the building and they have dinner plans. She took the call.

Will stormed into the control room. “What the fuck happened? I wasn’t supposed to close the show and say that insipid like of dreck! Where the fuck did we get off?”

When no one wanted to answer, Todd said that Preston’s monologue on what he hoped to see from a Roger Goodell led NFL went long.

“First of all, that’s not news. We don’t fucking cover sports. And even if we did, a week before he takes over is not the time to speculate about how he will do.” Will turned to face Michael directly. “Second, it’s your fucking job to keep him in line when he does shit like that. That’s what you’re paid for, you moronic asshole.”

Michael shoved Will away from him. “You are so fucking out of line. Get to my office. Now!”

“Don’t you put your hands on me.”

The control room was so captivated by the show Will and Michael were putting on that Todd almost missed the phone ringing. “This is control.” Todd listened to the person on the other end and nodded his head and told the caller he’d take care of it. He looked at the anchor and executive producer staring each other down, not sure how to do this.

“Uh, Will, you need to get to Mac’s office right now.”

“He’s not fucking going to see his fucking girlfriend.”

Todd looked at Michael and said with an even voice that left no room for argument. “Michael, he needs to go to Mac right now.”

Michael looked at his senior producer and after seeing the look on his face said, “Okay, but this isn’t over McAvoy.”

Will also saw how serious Todd was and raced out of the room and to the elevator. When it didn’t seem to come fast enough, he ran up the staircase two at a time. He threw the door open wide, scanning the room so frantically he didn’t see Mac behind her desk. “Mac? What’s wrong? Mac?”

Mac came out from around her desk and walked to him, taking his hand gently. “Peggy just called. She didn’t know when you’d be done with the show, if there were things you did after the show. She said she hoped it was okay that she called me.”

“Of course it’s okay. What’s going on Mac?”

“It’s your brother, it’s Les.”

“Is he back in the hospital? You’re the keeper of the social calendar, but I’d like to make a trip there if he needs.”

Mac shook her head and squeezed Will’s hands, then knitted their fingers together. “Will, he’s gone. He’d been on bed rest for weeks, but Bruce still had to go to work. When he got home, he found Les.”

Will dropped her hands and turned around while he let the news sink in. His brother.

Mac took his hand. “Come on, we need to go to your apartment. I’ll pack for both of us and you can figure out planes. Or if you can’t do that I can, but we need to go Will.”

Mac looked at Will unsure if he was able to hear her. She tugged on his arm, but he stayed planted in his spot. She moved in front of him and gave him a hug, letting his head land on her shoulder. Before he could really let go, her door flew open and Michael stormed in. “Not that you would—“

Mac extricated herself from Will’s embrace and walked around him to face Michael. “Who the fuck gave you permission to barge in here?”

“It looked like the two of you were about to act inappropriately for a work environment, so I thought I’d let myself in and save you a trip to HR.”

“Get the fuck out of here.”

“Not until I tell Will that I will go to HR first thing in the morning over what happened in the control room.”

“And then I’ll go to HR and tell them about your insubordination and unprofessional behavior after a man learned that his brother just passed away. Now get the fuck to your office and start packing. It’s a hell of a lot easier to replace an EP than an anchor.”

Michael stuttered, “His brother? I didn’t, I wouldn’t have… I’m sorry Will.”

With his back still to Michael, Will growled. “You heard her, get the fuck out of here. I’m taking tomorrow and next week off. When I get back I don’t want to see you here.”

Michael looked dazed as he turned around and left. The door barely clicked when Mac went back to Will and held him. “Are you okay?”

Will shook his head, trying to say something, but he couldn’t get it out. Finally he shrugged his shoulders to say, “I don’t know.”

“We can turn off the lights and stay here for a little while or we can go back to your place.”

Will walked to the other side of Mac’s desk and sat down on the floor against the wall. She turned off the lights so no one would have reason to think they were there and sat next to him. The sides of their legs touched and Will put his arm around Mac, holding her against his chest. She felt him bow his head and rest it on hers. She could tell by his breathing that he had started crying.

“He was a good man, Will. I talked to him a few times after we visited and he told me that he always carried with him the image of you protecting him.”

Will lifted his head, resting it against the wall and whispered, “He told me about that too. He said that we get to choose how we remember people and events and he chose to remember me standing between him and my father. My father is the only thing I can imagine that would want to hurt him.”

“You’ve spent a lifetime, Will, protecting people, making them feel safe. You couldn’t stop this. You couldn’t. You protected him for as long as you could. And he loved you for that. How could anyone not love you for it?”

“You said before that you would pack for both of us. Are you sure you want to go?”

Mac moved her head from his chest and stared at him. “Of course I do. What the fuck else would I do? I want to be with you, good times or bad.”

Will nodded his head and put her head back on his chest. “There’s still things there that I don’t want you to see. I don’t want you to see how I grew up.”

“You don’t have to feel ashamed around me Will. I know that’s not who you are or who you will ever be. I want to go with you so _I_ can protect _you_. So I can stand by you while you go through the worst thing that you ever have to face.”

Will made a noise that Mac wasn’t sure was a laugh or cry. “Are you going to fire anyone who doesn’t let me grieve in peace?”

Mac gave a laugh. “I thought I only threatened him with HR. You were the one that fired him.”

“Do you think he’ll be here when we get back?”

“Are we both going?”

Will smiled and gave her a quick kiss. “I don’t think getting your temper engaged right now is in my best interest.”

Mac got serious. “Will, I’m not going to force you to take me. I want to go and be there with you, but if you don’t want me there, it’s okay.”

“I need you there, Mac. I don’t want to go through this alone. I just need to make sure you don’t get hurt.”

Mac gave him another quick kiss before getting up and offering him a hand so he could too. “If there’s one thing I know about you Will, it’s that you won’t let me get hurt.”

Once Will was standing he took both Mac’s hands and gave her long kiss. “I love you, Mackenzie. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”


	55. Reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Mac prepare to leave for Les' funeral.

Will and Mac made it back to Will’s apartment after a near silent drive. Mac asked if he wanted something to eat or if he needed anything. Will just gave her a dazed look, so she decided that he needed to eat something, he hadn’t eaten in a few hours. Or maybe it was her that just needed to stay busy. “I’ll make us some sandwiches, why don’t you call Peggy back?”

Will looked like he couldn’t comprehend what Mac had asked so he went into the bedroom. Mac felt helpless. She didn’t know how to help him other than making sandwiches, packing bags and asking what he needed. Unfortunately, she knew that he didn’t know what he needed so she started making a mental list of the things to do. Les and Bruce lived in Chelsea, MI, an hour outside Detroit. When they visited a couple months ago, Will said it immediately felt like home to him. They would have to fly into Detroit and then rent a car to get to Chelsea. She wanted Will to choose their flight plans. He would know how long he wanted to stay. She decided to deal with his basic needs first, food and water. Next, she would need to pack or else he’ll go with 5 t-shirts and a pair of jeans. She’ll need to know how long they’ll stay before she can deal with a hotel room. Then he needs to sleep. He won’t be able to, when he gets any news at all about family he tosses and turns for several nights. This will crush him more than usual.

As she finished with the sandwiches and started to cut them, she saw Will walk out of the bedroom dressed for marathon training. “What’s going on Will? You’re not planning a training run are you?”

“I just need to clear my head.”

Mac nodded her head at him. “Do you want me to go with you? I can be ready in a couple minutes.”

“No, Mac, I just. I –“ Will put his head down and took a few steps toward the door. “I’m coming back. I just need –“

Mac nodded her head. “Go. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Mac packed their suitcases and called Peg. Peg gave her all the travel arrangements of the siblings and their families. She, Ray her kids and their father would arrive in Detroit in the morning. Because Les and Bruce have a small place, they as well as Nancy and her kids planned to stay at the same hotel. After the call, Mac called a high-end hotel in Detroit and made arrangements for the entire family. She then let Peg know where to go. When Peg told her no, Mac said that Will would want the family together and he’d want to do this for them. Peg reluctantly agreed and thanked Mac.

Will eventually arrived home and Mac took him to the table where she took out his sandwich and sat with him. “I talked to Peg and booked a flight for the morning, we can come back when ever you want. I also got a hotel for the weekend and the week for us and your family. They’ll all be there.” Will nodded his head and put a hand over hers. “Will, talk to me. Tell me how to help you. If you want to be alone, I can go home and meet you in the morning. If you want me here, I’ll stay, and I think I want to stay because I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I don’t want to be alone, Mac.”

“You don’t have to be. And you don’t have to do anything, I’ve got us ready to leave tomorrow and we’ll meet your family there.”

Will nodded his head, still looking dazed. “They’ve got cover at work?”

“I called Dirk, he’ll take care of things there.”

“Who’s meeting us? In Detroit, who’s going to be there?”

Mac took a second to think about it, not sure if he was asking about a particular person or if he really wanted a list of his siblings and their families. “Peg and Ray and their kids. And I think Peggy said your dad was coming with them.” Mac watched Will’s face change to almost a panic. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She put her arm around his and took his hand, holding tight, even though he didn’t.

Will shook his head. “I don’t want him there. After everything he did to all of us, he doesn’t deserve to be there. He made our lives hell as kids and even when we gathered to see Les a final time, he yelled about him bringing Bruce because of what his small minded town might say. This little religious town who preaches love and acceptance, unless the person is a homosexual. Then they want the person burned at the stake.” Will gives a scoff. “Did you know the Bible doesn’t actually give a hierarchy of sins? We have laws and we judge that some crimes are worse than others, because that feels fair. We can live with a little white lie easier than we can live with murder. So we say one is less than the other. The Bible actually says that all sins are equal. But the church needs someone to hate.”

“Will, you’re not interested in a religious debate, you’re upset about seeing your father.”

“You’re damn right I’m upset that I have to see that asshole. I don’t want to see him, Mac. I don’t want to hear him take credit for how Les turned out, act like the proud parent or see him mourn a man he never knew. I don’t want him there. I don’t want to have to see him”

Mac didn’t know what to say so she rested her head on his shoulder. She wanted to be close to him and hoped that it comforted him.

Without thinking, Will stood up, feeling claustrophobic. "He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve the recognition of being his father. He was no father. To any of us. A father. He’s supposed to represent, he was supposed to tell us right from wrong. He was supposed to make us feel safe. He should have taught us how to be men. When that, when he tells you you’re bad. It doesn’t just go away. It’s forever. He told me, he told my brother… That’s forever, Mac. He didn’t reach out to his son… his son. IN his last visit with his son, he called Les a fucking queer.”

Mac’s heart broke. She didn’t know how to comfort Will and she hated the idea that someone would want to make Les feel ashamed. “That may be true, but the fact is he was Les’ father, even if in name only. And you know Les didn’t ask for him to be excluded and I know you asked Bruce that. You have to honor your brother’s wishes”

Will stomped to the other side of the room. “He deserved better, Mac. I know that he chooses, chose, to remember his big brother standing clench fisted between him and his father. But he deserved a father who didn’t do that in the first place. He deserved a brother who didn’t leave and seemingly forgot about him. I didn’t Mac. I didn’t forget about any of them, I just didn’t want to go back. Life was so much simpler away from home. I always thought that I’d make it up to them. But I didn’t.” Mac walked to Will and put her arms around him. He buried his head in her shoulder.

“You went to college to make something of yourself, to rise above what you raised in. That’s what this country is about. You wanted to do more for them than should ever have been asked of you. And you know what else?” Mac took Will’s head and made him look her in the eye. “You deserved better too. You deserved to not have to defend your siblings from your father. You deserved a childhood where you could go out and run and play and feel safe. That’s what you deserved.”

For the first time since they got back to his place, Mac saw a tear run down Will’s face. Mac dried it with her thumb. “You deserved better Will. You did.”

Will pulled away from Mac’s embrace and went to his CD collection. When he started playing the song, Mac couldn’t quite place it. As the music played,

_And in my twisted face_  
There's not the slightest trace  
Of anything that even hints of kindness  
  
And from my tortured shape  
No comfort, no escape  
I see, but deep within is utter blindness  
  
Hopeless  
As my dream dies  
As the time flies  
Love a lost illusion  
Helpless  
Unforgiven  
Cold and driven  
To this sad conclusion

As the song played, Will narrated it with his story. “When you went to California to see Brian, Mary took us all to see _Beauty and the Beast_ and I heard this song and told Habib that this was me. This is how the first act ends, not with the fun and frolicking “Be Our Guest,” but with this. Beast, alone in his castle believing that he can’t love because of what happened in the past. He’s undeserving and incapable. That’s what my father did, Mac. He made me that thing. He let me and Les and Peggy and Nancy believe that we did deserve what we got from him because we didn’t measure up. We weren’t perfect enough for that asshole. He let my brother die thinking that he wasn’t enough, he wasn’t good enough.”

 

Mac cuddled into his chest. “That’s why you always told me that I was enough, that I didn’t have to be perfect. And it’s why you always worked so hard to be perfect for me.” Damn. She wished she had this insight into him four months ago. She wanted to take back so much. “Will, you are enough. Your father was wrong. Your love makes me want to be a better person. And I see how much you love your family. Will, this isn’t you. It isn’t.”

 

_No beauty could move me_  
No goodness improve me  
No power on earth, if I can't love her  
No passion could reach me  
No lesson could teach me  
How I could have love her and made her love me too   
If I can't love her, then who?

 

“The second act has a reprise of this song. He figured out that he’s capable of love, but he believes his love was unrequited. He loved Belle enough to let her go. And he thinks that’s it, she’s gone and besides the heartbreak of losing her, he knows that he will always have to live with the shame of not being loveable.”

Will changed the track and Mac stopped him. She didn’t know the cast recording as well as Will, but decided that track 22 would likely be what she wanted him to hear. She listened as a dying beast sounded surprised that Belle came back while Belle tried to comfort him, telling him that they’re together and finally that she loves him.

_We are home_ __  
We are where we shall be forever  
Trust in me  
For you know I won't run away  
From today  
This is all that I need  
And all that I need to say is...  
Don't you know how you've changed me  
Strange how I fin'lly see  
I found home  
You're my home  
Stay with me

 

“Will, in the end, she comes back and tells him what should have been obvious to her months before it was. He was the love of her life. Nothing before him mattered, because she loves him completely and in a way that she’s never loved anyone before or ever could again. Of course he was loveable. Or else true love’s kiss wouldn’t have broken the spell.”

Will moved his head to hers and gave her a desperate kiss. “I never thought I was capable of feeling like this. And I still can’t believe that you feel like it too. I keep expecting it to end. To find out that this was someone’s idea of a sick joke.” He kissed her again, crying into it.

Mac tried to keep her tears in check. She cried for him and his loss and his story. She cried for the pain that she put him through that he didn’t know about. The fact that she didn’t know how she felt about him and the wedge that she put into their relationship.

“Never, Will, this isn’t some sick joke. It’s not something that I ever want to see end. I’m with you for as long as you'll have me.”

Will nodded his head slowly. He tried to fight the thought in his head that she made a promise that’s easy to make, but nearly impossible to keep. Half of all marriages end in divorce after two people make that same promise.

Mac had a moment of realization. “For four months you told me that you loved me and I didn’t say it back. I kept saying that we weren’t serious. I’m so sorry Will.”

“If you weren’t there, you weren’t there.”

“IT’s not good enough, Will. I look back at everything we’ve been through and it seems so obvious that I did love you. It something wrong with me. A guilt and shame I didn’t want to face.” Mac kissed him hard. She wanted him to know how sorry she was. “Thank you for not giving up on me. I don’t know what I would have done if you did.”

“You didn’t give up on me either when I deserved it.” Will looked at Mackenzie with several emotions on his face. “I didn’t tell you that to make you feel guilty. I love you Mackenzie and I would never do that to you. I just want you to understand what you’re going to see. What I didn’t want you to see when I went to Nebraska. I’m still scared that he’s going to find a way to take you from me. To make you realize that I’m not enough.”

“Look at me, Will. I need you to hear this. I understand that you’re trusting me, and I will not betray that trust. There is nothing that man could say that will make me ever think that you are anything less than perfect. I love you Will, in part because of what he made you, because I love that part of you as much as any other. Nothing he can say or do will ever change that. He’s not the one I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with, so frankly, I don’t give a fuck what he thinks.”

“Marry?”

“This isn’t the time to drop that on you, but someday, yes.”

Will took her face in his hands and kissed her again, walking her to the bedroom. “I need you Mackenzie. I need you so much.”

Neither slept much that night, both had heads full of regrets. They lay in bed touching and caressing. Whispering I love you and crying. By the time they had to leave for the airport, both were exhausted, physically and emotionally. As they boarded the plane, they held onto each other, feeling closer than they ever had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from The Beauty and the Beast Original Broadway Cast Recording, "If I Can't Love Her" and "End Duet". I know the stage version is the only place to find "If I Can't Love Her" and I this the stage version changed the end Duet as well, but I don't remember exactly what she sang at the end of the cartoon or the live action movie. In any case, both songs (and the reprise) are worth finding on Youtube. 
> 
> Also, I was careful to not quote 2X05 directly, but I did steal some of the ideas from Will's injustice speech from that episode for this. I just rewatched it for obvious reasons and noticed that part for the first time.


	56. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac and Will spend a week in Detroit with Will's family.

Will and Mac’s plane landed a half hour before Peg and her family arrived, so they went to a Starbucks in the terminal while they waited. When the arrival board showed the plane should land soon, they went to Peg’s gate, Will clutching onto Mac’s hand as they waited.

“Maybe he didn’t come. Maybe he’s too old to get on a plane.”

Mac wasn’t sure if she was allowed to laugh at Will, but she wanted to. “Will, you have to assume that he’s on the plane too. They don’t have an old age restriction.”

Will wanted to jump out of his skin, he felt like the only thing anchoring him right now was Mac. “Are they expecting us? Here, I mean? Or did they think we would meet at the hotel?”

“I told Peggy that we would wait for them before leaving.”

“What about Nancy and the kids? Did you make sure that the kids are as far from my father as possible?”

Mac really wanted to support him, but they’ve been through these questions several times already. Her answers weren’t going to change. “I didn’t put him on a different floor, but I did make sure that the rooms are far from each other.”

Will took a second to look at Mac. “I’m starting to annoy you aren’t I?”

“It’s nothing I’m not used to.”

Will’s face turned from stressed out to a smile very quickly. He put his arm around her and gave her a quick kiss. “Thank you for coming with me. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Mac gave him a smile and patted his chest. “I love you, Will. I wouldn’t let you go through this alone.”

They watched as the first people come from the plane and Mac heard Will’s breath hitch. She wasn’t sure if it was because of his father or because the loss just became a little more real. Will recognized Junior first. Then he saw Mac wave at Peggy. Mac pulled Will over to his sister where she hugged the woman. Will looked around the group and relaxed a little when he didn’t see his father. Peggy hugged Will and Ray shook his hand. Will gave his niece and nephew an awkward squeeze on their shoulders. He swept through the group again before he started making introductions. Before he could get the first names out for Mac, he locked eyes with his father. Mac saw Will’s reaction and looked at the last people to disembark. She identified who she assumed was John McAvoy and put her hand on Will’s back to let him know that she’s there and then she went to Ray and introduced herself saying that she’d heard about everyone from both Peg and Will.

While Mac talked to group, John snuck around them and went to Will who seemed like as much of an outcast as he was. He put out his hand, “Billy. It’s good to see you.”

Will held back what he wanted to say and instead shook his father’s hand. Immediately, Mac was on Will’s side and took his other hand. She introduced herself to John and suggested that they find their luggage before getting the rental cars. As the group walked to baggage check, Will was amazed at Mac’s grace. He was certain Mac and her natural ability in social situations will keep him out of trouble this week. She immediately created a rapport with Junior and Janey as well as renewing her friendship with Peg. Ray stayed mostly quiet because that’s his personality. Will wasn’t entirely sure, but he believed she just ignored his father, which made him smile a little. The group went to lunch and Mac talked at ease with the women of his family. The men were more reclusive, but she helped to bring Junior, Will and Ray into discussions. She was fascinated by some of Junior’s experiences. He was working on a graduate degree in Farm Technology that she kept asking about. When he started getting excited about his project for one of his classes, John rolled his eyes. “You don’t need some fancy degree to run a farm. Isn’t that right, Billy?”

Will took a breath. It was too early to lose his cool. “I’m sure I don’t know what… you’re talking about.”

“You never respected the work that goes into running a farm. You couldn’t live without the recognition and the big fancy degrees.”

Mac felt Will tense up, so she answered, “Will took a different path, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t respect the work that goes into running a farm.”

Mac watched John bite back something he wanted to say and instead settled on, “Excuse me, but I was talking to my son.”

Everyone fell silent and looked at Will. Mac turned to Junior, “It sounds like there’s a lot of real life uses for your project on the farm.”

Junior’s eyes shifted from Mac to his grandfather and back. He seemed uncomfortable now. “Yeah, I hope to be able to increase the yield while using less water by making some minor irrigation system changes.”

Peg picked up the conversation. “Junior and Ray have been working on several projects for both farms and it’s amazing what they’ve accomplished.”

Peg nudged Ray who nodded his head, “Yeah.”

Mac smiled at him. “You are truly a man of few words.”

While the women and Ray laughed, Will caught his father’s eye. He believed that John was about to say something, so Will beat him to it, “Dad!”

Mac saw John clench and unclench his jaw a few times. “I didn’t say anything, Billy.”

Janey looked around, “Looks like lunch is here.”

While they ate, Mac and Peg carried most of the conversation, making plans to see Bruce and when to meet Nancy. Meanwhile the rest of the group ate and occasionally looked at John and Will. John seemed reluctant to speak at all, while Will kept looking like he was ready to ponce on anything the older man might say. Mac made sure to keep a physical connection with Will while she and Peg kept ignoring the two men. Once lunch concluded, Peg and Ray took John to meet Nancy and the kids while everyone else went to the hotel to start settling in. Will drove his and Mac’s car. Neither said anything for what felt like forever.

“It’s good to see Peg. I always liked your sister.” When Will didn’t respond, Mac added. “What’s Nancy like? She’s the only one of your siblings I haven’t met.” When he still didn’t respond, she said, “Are you going to participate in this conversation at all?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Mac.”

“Are you upset with me? Did I do something?”

Will exhaled loudly. “No. You’re doing everything right. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do right now. It’s like I’m watching him and I just know what he’s thinking and what he’s going to do and I want to stop him before he does it.”

Mac put her arm around her boyfriend. “This is a hard time for everyone. Maybe being kind, not expecting the worst is going to defuse some of this. He doesn’t have any power over you unless you give it to him.” Mac looked at Will who was on the brink of crying and she squeezed his arm. “If you don’t want to talk to him, you don’t have to. I’ll be right by your side as long as we’re here. But Will, this may be an opportunity to mend some fences, to come to terms with some stuff.”

Will paused for a second and thought. “I wish it was that easy, Mac.”

“Nothing bad is going to happen if you’re kind to him. But if you can’t, then I’m still going to be here and I’m not leaving your side.”

Mac saw a tear roll down his cheek as he said, “Thank you.”

Once the family got together, they went to see Bruce. John decided to stay behind saying he wanted a nap. In the car, Will went on and on about his father not coming to meet Bruce with the rest of them because of him homophobia. Mac reminded him that that had nothing to do with Will. “Will, he’s not with us this time. Think of this visit as a reprieve from having to deal with him.”

Visiting Les and Bruce’s apartment was hard on everyone. When Bruce asked where they were staying, Nancy volunteered that they had planned to stay more local until Will decided to show off by opening his wallet. Mac saw that bothered Will, so she squeezed his arm and offered to get a room for Bruce so he didn’t have to be alone. Bruce declined the offer and said he had a brother coming into town to stay for a little while. When he called Will “Billy,” Will shot him a look. Seeing the look, Bruce said, “When did you stop being Billy?”

“The day I moved from Nebraska.”

Peg added, “He actually tried to go by William his last year in high school, but it didn’t take.”

“When your town is a street and no one new ever moves in, changing a name isn’t going to happen. Since I graduated early, I didn’t get to move to a dorm until law school. Now it’s just family that calls me Billy.”

Bruce bumped shoulders with Mac. “Does that include the two of us?”

“Mac would never call me Billy. As my boss, she has to show me in the most professional light possible.”

Mac smiled at him. “Well, that’s at work. When we’re not at work, I can call you anything I want.”

“I thought we had settled on…” and Will whispered something in his ear.

“I’ve never said that, and haven’t even thought it. But I kind of like Billy. It reminds me that you were a little kid once. And besides, it obviously bothers you which makes it a perfect thing to call you.”

“This is the last time you get to see my family.”

“I’m sure it won’t be… _Billy_.” Will gave her the biggest eye roll.

The group took Bruce and his brother to dinner. Peg called John to invite him, but he decided against going.

<O><O><O><O>

The family got to view Les’ body before the visitation and Will gripped Mac’s hand hard. Peg grabbed onto her brother and Will put his arm around her and the two cried. John came up from behind the siblings and immediately Will’s arm went up against the older man. It was more of a reflex than anything else. He didn’t intend for it to happen, but John got the message and took several steps back.

During the visitation, Will told Mac he needed some air. Mac said she’d go outside with him, but he told her she didn’t have to, as much as he’d love it, she’s not his bodyguard. While Will sat outside and smoked a cigarette, John walked up to him.

“It’s just us now son. I know you blame me for not being a good father. I tried to do right by you and your brother and sisters. I know you think I blame you for what happened with me and your mom, but I never blamed you.”

“You beat the shit out of us. You told us we were worthless and useless. You left us, which was only a relief, when you realized that you didn’t have any power. You twisted the word love to fit your definition of it. I don’t give a fuck that you left us. I do give a shit about what you did to us.”

“I never said I was perfect, or even a good dad. I made mistakes in my marriage, I hurt your mom. I never stopped loving her, you should know that. I did my best for you, all of you. I hope that you never have to face the pain of burying your child. There is no greater pain than that. Would it kill you to show some compassion?”

Will gave a derisive scoff, “You want me to show you some fucking compassion, the way you showed it to my mother when you walked out leaving her screaming and crying, wondering how she was going to raise your four kids on a farm too big for her. Compassion for the man who thought teaching me that being a man meant learning how to punch back? You never had any compassion for us, why the fuck should I show you some?”

John clapped Will on the shoulder as he went inside. A few minutes later he walked out of the funeral home and got in a car. Will didn’t pay much attention. He finished his cigarette and went inside. Peg intercepted him and asked what happened outside. When Will asked what she meant, she said their father came in and said he needed to leave.

The McAvoy siblings didn’t know many of the people who came to the visitation. At the end of the night, they asked Bruce once again if he needed anything. He said he didn’t and the group went back to their hotel. Will and Mac started settling in to bed for the night when Janey knocked on their door.

“Uncle Billy, do you know where grandpa went?”

Will wasn’t sure what she meant. “I thought that he came back here.”

“He’s not in his room. Mom went to make sure he had dinner and he’s not there.”

“Where the fuck else would he go?”

Will and Mac went to Peg and Ray’s room. Janey brought Nancy over as well. Each member of the family took turns trying to call his cell phone. Will wanted to give up and said he would turn up eventually. John finally answered Nancy’s call. Will could hear him bellowing that they needed to quit fucking calling him. Will deduced that he was at a bar, getting drunk. When they found out which bar, Nancy said she would get him and Will said no, he and Ray would. He thought it would be safest that way. Mac pulled Will aside to make sure he could handle this.

Will took a second to consider what to say. “My whole life I wanted my father to be proud of me. I thought that somehow I could earn his love. Now I have you, and the only thing I want is for you to be proud of me. I’m going to make you proud of me, Mackenzie. I promise.”

Mac pulled Will to her and kissed him. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Billy.”

“That’s going to stick, isn’t it?” Mac smiled at him.

Ray and Will got John out of the bar. John bellowed at the men until he passed out in the car, but Will kept his temper in check. They left aspirin next to his bed and agreed to make sure he got up the next morning. They would not let John McAvoy ruin Les’ funeral. At the service, they made sure to sit John between Ray and Will so they could keep him in line.

The day after the service, everyone except Will and Mac needed to get home and back to work. Saying goodbye to Peg and Ray hit Will hard. Mac said she wanted to stay around a few extra days for Bruce. When they left, Will told Bruce that he is family and told him to call if he ever needs anything. Bruce smiled and hugged Will, whispering a thank you.

When Will and Mac made it back home, they lay naked in bed and Will asked Mac, “are you proud of me? I said that the other day, but I, I didn’t mean to put words in your mouth.”

Mac kissed him and snuggled into his chest. “Always. Your brother told us that the person who loves says so much about you. I couldn’t be prouder of what you say about me. No matter what happens, Billy, I love you, I believe in you, and I am proud of you and proud to be with you.”

The duo lay, enjoying small intimacies. Small caresses, playing with fingers, Mac nuzzling into Will's neck. "Do you mind me calling you Billy?"

Will gave a soft laugh and then looked at her seriously, like he just had an epiphany. "Only family calls me Billy. And you are my family, Mac. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, you're all I got."

Mac gave him a soft kiss. "You're my family too."

Will kissed the top of her head. “Before we left, you said something about getting married. Is that something you want?”

“With you? Yes, when you’re ready.” Mac laughed a little. “I know you’re not ready.”

“You seem sure about that.”

Mac laughed a little harder. “Billy, I love you. But it took you 8 months to admit that we were dating.”

“But when I did, it was an event worth waiting for.”

Mac laughed. "But we only started getting serious a few weeks ago." She took a deep breath. “Things would be so different if you could have said how you felt when you felt it.”

Will heard the regret in her voice and gave her a serious look. "I've been serious about you since the day I met you."

"That may be a bit of an overstatement. Neither one of us believe in love at first sight." Mac looked up at him and thought he looked hurt. She gave his a lazy kiss. “I love you Billy, even if you were the most obtuse man in the beginning of our relationship.” She looked at him and recognized his look of regret. "Billy, none of it matters anymore. Nothing that happened before we got serious matters. We're together and we have a future. That's all that matters."

Will nodded his head and before he could say another word Mac put a finger on his lips. Will sucked the finger into his mouth and when he let it go, said, “I love you too, Mackenzie.” Mac kissed his chest and rolled away allowing him to spoon her.

 


	57. Meanwhile...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Will and Mac are gone, news still happens.

Todd Stuckright doesn’t consider himself a manipulator. He doesn’t think he’s conniving. He never intended to take a side in what he describes as the War of the Supreme M between Michael and Mac. He kind of fell into the role of Will’s lieutenant, and he’s not sure how. Not that he minded; he would have taken Will and Mac’s side because he believed in the news part of what they do. But one day, probably Michael’s first day, Will talked to him about mutiny and though he only followed the instruction of the highest ranking leader, Will and Michael saw it as a sign of loyalty. That transferred to Mac as well, who is the one that he wants to impress most. But only because of her title.

He tried to stay out of the war; it had nothing to do with him. He tried to ignore the chaos and the rumors about what had happened between Mac and Michael. No one knew for sure and it was none of anyone’s business. He saw enough to know that Mac’s ex-boyfriend was a friend of Michael’s. Or maybe former friend, he wasn’t the one that found Michael laid out on the floor after Brian unbelievably recommended going back to doing news, but he heard about it. Everybody heard about it. And there were stories that he assumed the producers made up. Like it was a game of telephone.

Todd wondered if he was naïve. He couldn’t imagine that Mac would ever cheat on anyone. He has a hard time imagining real people, people he knows doing actual despicable things. It happens, he knows it happens, but he can’t imagine it. And Mac with Michael? Right under Will’s nose. They can’t stand each other. He just can’t see it, he can’t believe it. He also doesn’t believe it was Will that punched Michael out. Again, he might be naïve, and yes, Will can act unprofessional, but he’s never seen Will get violent. That can’t be what happened. In his mind, it was Michael who was the aggressor to Brian after he heard what Brian had to say. He didn’t like it, so he took a swing that missed Brian somehow and Brian laid him out. Of all the information they had, that’s what makes the most sense.

Todd doesn’t know why his mind goes back to that day. Maybe because he’s not used to seeing violence in the workplace and that’s what he saw last night. And that’s why he went to HR and set a string of events in place that he didn’t expect or want. He didn’t want to see it, period. He didn’t want it to happen and he didn’t think he was taking advantage of it or overstating what happened. He only told them what he saw. That’s it.

Preston went off script and everyone in the control room rolled their eyes. Preston has told him that he thinks his passion for the stories he reports get people excited about the news. It’s part of his likability. Todd didn’t argue the point that he’s crossing a line when he doesn’t follow his EP’s instructions, mostly because that’s not his place. Todd will admit to being ambitious. He wants to be an EP one day. And if he was Preston’s they would have long discussions abut following instructions, something that he assumes Preston never got with Mary because she saw Will as her main concern or Michael who tried to appease Preston into behaving. Todd thought they both mismanaged Preston and he believed that if given the role he could keep Preston in line.

But that night, Preston went off on a tangent about Roger Goodell and what he hoped would be accomplished in a Goodell era of the NFL and everything went to pot from there. Todd saw Will’s patience wearing thin. During breaks, Will and Michael exchanged words on a few occasions. When Michael wasn’t in Will’s ear, he let the control room know about his own frustration with Preston. When he asked to be in Will’s ear only, he sounded like he defended the junior anchor. Preston sat through this only able to hear Will’s part of the discussions and completely oblivious of the issues he caused. At the end of the show, Will barely waited for the director to yell clear before ripping his earpiece out and storming the control room. Todd understood Will’s reaction, but didn’t agree with it. As an EP, Todd would keep his anchors in line better. He would.

Will got into Michael’s face and went off. Todd did see Michael grab Will’s shirt and shove him. That was it; that was the incident. The men argued… loudly… they argued loudly and Todd almost didn’t hear the phone ring. But he eventually picked up.

“Control”

“Todd, it’s Mac. Can you… What the fuck is happening over there?”

“Post-show conference between EP and anchor.”

Todd could hear Mac’s frustration. “Fuck! Look, I need you to get in the middle of that pissing contest and get Will up here. It’s a family emergency.”

Todd made the assumption that someone died. He didn’t know for sure, but that was his gut feeling. He didn’t want to be right. He wanted to believe that Mac had some superhuman gift that alerted her when Will was about to get himself in trouble. But he knew better.

“I’ll get on it, Mac.” Todd turned his attention to the melee in front of him. “Uh, Will, you need to get to Mac’s office right now.”

“He’s not fucking going to see his fucking girlfriend.”

Todd looked at Michael and said with an even voice that left no room for argument. “Michael, he needs to go to Mac right now.”

Michael looked at his senior producer and after seeing the look on his face said, “Go, but this isn’t over McAvoy.”

Todd watched Will race out of the room. When he saw the panic on the anchor’s face, he realized that Will may have thought something happened to Mac. Todd wished he made at least that much clear, Mac was okay. Something else, something likely tragic happened. Michael turned to Todd and looked like he wanted to punch someone. Todd tried not to look intimidated, but he was scared. He was legitimately scared of what Michael might do. To his credit, Michael didn’t do anything. Maybe he did make a mountain out of a molehill.

“What the fuck is happening?”

Todd shrugged his shoulders and said, “I don’t know. Mac said there was a family emergency and she needed Will.”

Todd watched Michael’s eyes shift between the door Will just flew out of and himself. He didn’t know what to expect Michael to do, and he felt relieved for a second when he saw Michael fly out of the room after Will. Then he realized that Will’s bad night would likely become worse.

After Michael left, the control room took a collective sigh of relief. And then it started, everyone guessing what happened, what was happening in Mac’s office. Todd believed that Mac called because there was a legitimate emergency. She didn’t just want a booty call, as some had suggested. Something serious had happened. The control room filed out and Todd took a couple minutes to simply collect himself. As he left, Wanda one of the producers asked him what happened, she said he looked scared. They went for drinks and he told her what happened. She said that she’s been bothered by Michael’s temper and suggested going to HR. The suggestion felt like tattling to Todd, but after all the HR videos about what to do in situations where you don’t feel safe, and he didn’t feel safe with Michael…. He told her that he would think about it.

That night he thought about it. He couldn’t help wondering what would happen if he reported Michael. Either Michael makes his life more difficult, and he becomes a hero for Will and Mac or it may be possible that Michael would get fired and, if there really was a family emergency, then he’s next in line to run the show. With Preston. From there his imagination ran wild. There was one scenario where Will and Mac would be halfway across the country when a nuclear warhead was fired and he would keep Preston in line during the broadcast that he would run single handedly. In another, one that he thought was realistic, he would run _Facts_ for a week and impress Mac and Dirk so much that they would bring Mary back and then give him _Crossfire_. He liked the idea of that enough that when no one was watching, he started looking up apartments in DC.

When he went to HR, he told himself the DC dream wasn’t the reason. He really was afraid of Michael, he really felt uncomfortable during the incident. That was true, he knew that was true. He told his story first thing in the morning and they said they would look into it. Michael wasn’t at the first rundown meeting, Dirk led it and told the team that Will’s brother had passed away the previous night and led the team in a moment of silence. He then proceeded to announce that Preston would be a solo anchor tonight. He didn’t mention anything about Michael. After the meeting, Dirk asked Todd to stay and once everyone was gone, he apologized for Michael and asked for more details of the incident. Todd finally asked what would happen. Dirk answered that it’s in HR’s hands, but for right now Dirk is planning to run the show himself tonight. At the very least, he will be in the control room. And then Dirk asked him to help keep the rumors under control. Todd nodded his head and thanked the director.

When Todd got to his desk, it started. People asking where Michael was. People getting upset that Michael treated Will so badly knowing that Will’s brother died. Todd went to the people in the control room, not intending to lead them, but to warn them that they might need to testify and their version of what happened made him question his own memory. Everytime one person said something he remembered, someone else remembered something that made it worse. When Todd said what he remembered, they remembered a worse version of it. He tried to remind them that Michael didn’t actually hit Will, he just shoved him. But the more he talked, the more they “remembered” and the bigger the story grew. He wouldn’t have been surprised if by the end of the show the rumor was that Will himself died at Michael’s hands. Todd wanted to be an EP, that’s the next step in his career progression. But not like this. Not with lies and exaggeration. Although he wondered when misremembering becomes a lie.

Dirk did run the show on Friday and while the crew did an outstanding job supporting, he had a hard time keeping Preston in line. On Monday, Dirk asked Todd to come into his office where he found Donna Doer, one of their correspondents. He announced that Michael would no longer be an EP at CNN and that this week Donna would fill in for Will. He asked Todd to take over rundowns. Dirk planned to run the show, but would need Todd’s help if he was willing. Todd agreed. Dirk made the same announcements at the first rundown before leaving and allowing Todd to do the show how he felt best. Todd felt good about what he did that week. Dirk seemed impressed.

Sunday night Mac opened her email for the first time since she and Will left New York. That’s when she found out that Michael had been terminated and Dirk wanted her and Will in his office first thing Monday morning. She called Will over to look at the email.

“I guess life goes on even when we’re not in the newsroom.” Mac quirked her mouth in a smile. “The vultures have probably started circling already.”

“I’m sorry to break it to you honey, but EP isn’t that glamorous a position.”

“No, but I know three people off the top of my head who will want it immediately.”

Will kissed the top of her head. “Are you on that list?”

Mac took a second to think about it. “Do you think we could handle that? Working together, leaving together. That’s a lot of together.”

Will rubbed her arms. “It is, but not enough for me.”

“It’s always been our dream, hasn’t it? And I really hate my job.”

“I know. Mary wants my show and to be in New York. And Anderson’s senior has spent a lot of time in my studio.”

“And Todd. He’s going to think he has the inside track. And he might. Dirk told me that he doesn’t want me to go back to EP. But I’ll probably have to fill in as interim until we find a full time person. And I can probably drag that decision out.”

Will and Mac met with Dirk first thing Monday morning and Dirk told Mac that she needed to fill in as Will’s interim EP and work hard to find a full time one. He told her that he already had a short list made up of the three people that Mac and Will discussed the previous night. Dirk looked between the two and said that this week Mac had Will’s show, but starting next week he wanted serious candidates to work on the show a week at a time and make a plan for the show. Dirk would make the final decision but would consider Will and Mac’s recommendations.

 


	58. Where She Belongs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Mac can choose Will's next EP, she has to see what it's like juggling an interim position with their personal relationship.

Will and Mac called the staff together when they finished in Dirk’s office and announced that they would lead the show this week and make arrangements for other qualified candidates to give a kind of audition starting next week. As a result, the producers would have to be sure to keep the quality and direction of the show consistent until a permanent person is in place.  After the meeting, Mac asked Todd to stay behind. She thanked him for pitching in the previous week. She told him that Dirk was impressed with him. When he told her that he had applied for the EP position, she told him that there were a lot of candidates but he impressed Dirk enough that she thinks he’s earned an audition.

She wasn’t lying… completely. Dirk reported how much Todd impressed him, he even said that he could see Mac’s influence in the young man. However, Dirk never said anything about putting him in the position full time. Mac knew that with the right show he had the skills to EP. Will’s wasn’t the right show for him. Will needed someone with a little fire in the belly; someone who would push him to be better.  Todd had a passion for the news, but he was still defining it for himself and though he could, for the most part get what he needed from other producers, Will was a different animal and Todd wasn’t ready for him. Maybe he could be someday, but Mac finally got to choose Will’s EP and she wasn’t going to choose someone who would accept any of Will’s crap.

After talking to Todd, she scheduled a meeting with Preston. When he arrived in her office she got straight to the point. “I know that you must have questions about where you fit in the show now. We’re going to take on a decidedly serious news approach until the new EP is named and can work with the managing editor on the direction of the show.”

Preston nodded his head. “Are you firing me?”

Mac shook her head. “You will stay with _Just the Facts_ until the new leadership is in place and they will work with me and Dirk to decide how the show will go.”

“I won’t be at the anchor desk anymore, will I?”

Mac hated these conversations. She didn’t imagine anyone enjoys them. You’d have to be an ass to enjoy them. “We appreciate everything you’ve done, and while there will be times that you will be there, it won’t be every or even most nights. You will have nightly segments, but we’re going to be cutting those back.”

Preston’s thoughts were all over the place. On one hand he knew that he did exactly what he was brought on to do. He lightened up the news and attracted an audience that most anchors couldn’t. But he also knew that the deck was always stacked against him. Will was treated as the star of the show. Mary catered to his style. Mac became assistant director and obviously would favor him. When Michael left, the writing was on the wall. He wondered how he managed to stay as long as he had. “I’m giving you notice that I will start looking for a new position.”

Mac nodded her head. “Let me know if there’s anyway I can help you.” As Preston walked out, she said, “You did a fine job with what you’re good at. It’s just not the direction of this show.”

Preston didn’t acknowledge her as he left. He walked out of her office with his head up, but shoulders curled in. Mac wished there was something she could do, but knew there really wasn’t. He’s always been the funny sidekick and that’s not what Will’s show needs.

Next, Mac asked Mary to stop by her office. She hated having to talk to her best friend in a business tone. This was the hardest of the conversations. The fact is, _Crossfire_ should have ended a year ago. Mac did what she could to keep it afloat, but there was nothing that could have been done to save it. Mac thought back to her first impressions of the CNN shows, she said that _Crossfire_ might have another year in it, but it would have to end and then come back when the format was fresh again. And maybe when partisanship is not quite as high as now so that the guests do more than talk at each other.

Bottom line, cancelling the show isn’t Mary’s fault. And Mac never blamed Mary for the change in Will’s format. He made that decision and he did it at a time when Mac didn’t push him to be something better. If Mary had the Will that wants to anchor his show, she might get what the network needs from him. But the fact is, one of the things that Will’s next EP has to do is stand up to Will, and Mary didn’t. And the bean counters at the network would look at the end of _Crossfire,_ and the lackluster ratings on _Facts_ and would have a hard time giving her _Facts._ But, if Mac can’t be Will’s EP, then Mary would be her next choice.

“Hey, Mac!” Mac smiled at her friend and signaled for her to sit down. “Uh oh, you have that ‘we’re going to have a serious conversation because you’re my boss’ look. Am I in trouble?”

“I wouldn’t say you’re in trouble.”

“But,” Mary held out the word.

“There’s no easy way to say this, Mary. _Crossfire_ is getting cancelled. End of this month, Anderson’s show is going to expand by an hour to cover that slot.”

Mary took a second to absorb what Mac just said. “I guess we’ve always known that was going to happen.” She thought for a second. “But on the bright side, I hear _Facts_ is going to need a new EP and it’s anchor is finally willing to be a newsman.”

“Yes it does and yes he is. If he isn’t, I’ll kill him. But, Mary, you need to know that the competition is going to be tough.”

Mary laughed. “Are you going for it? I know that’s always been your dream, you and Will working together, making good news together. But you have the big job, you don’t need this one.”

Mac didn’t say anything. A year ago, she was so sure that’s what should have happened. Thinking about it now, she wonders if that would have been a good situation. They had just started, whatever the fuck they were doing. Would their personal relationship had lasted if they had to work together 14-15 hours a day and then go home together? Maybe not getting that position was for the best. She can honestly say that she wouldn’t give up what they have right now for anything, even the chance to co-create a show with Will.

Mac explained to her friend how the interview would go and lined up Mary to run _Facts_ next week, while Mac’s parents are in town. She told Mary her vision for the show, confident that Mary could run that show. She explained that Dirk would have the final decision in the EP because Mac is considered biased, but she and Will would have influence. Mary left Mac’s office feeling more confident than Mac thought she should.

<O><O><O><O>

At dinner, Mac told Will that she hated her day. She didn’t get to spend the time she wanted on the show and she felt like a hypocrite for encouraging people to go for a job that she doesn’t expect them to get. She said, “I have to hire someone and no one is going to live up to what I think I can do on the show.”

“So you do want it?”

“Will, I need to be in that newsroom. I thought that being here, on the path to being a news director or president, was the next step for me. And maybe someday it will be. But everything about taking this job was a mistake.” She thought back to when she took it. She had just slept with Brian and begged for a chance to be in New York full time because she didn’t want the opportunity again. It was a rash decision; she was running away from her mistake. But she didn’t run far enough.

Will smiled at her. “Well, not all of it was bad. You got to spend more time with me. We’ve developed something here that I’m glad for.”

“Yeah, between trips to DC.”

Will shot her a confused look. “What does that mean?”

Mac put her head back and shook her head. “Nothing. It’s just been a long day. And I still need to get with Todd about the rundown. I’ve barely been present in those meetings. Can I trust that you looked at your script and it’s good?”

“Of course you can. What about Todd as EP? I could mold him into a good one.”

Mac laughed. “There’s a difference between molding and running over him. I’m not going to let you turn lazy.”

“Need I remind you that I just ran 10 miles?”

Mac laughed. “I did too. And I took a shower, made breakfast and started lunch before you got back.” She looked at Will and asked, “You’re actually enjoying the training, aren’t you?”

“I don’t hate it as much as I thought, but, I wouldn’t hate it if you twisted your ankle in the first mile and gave me a reason not to finish.”

“My first mile or yours?” Mac took a second to laugh at Will then asked, “After all that work, you don’t want to cross the finish line?”

“Not if the alternative is spending a quiet Sunday at home in bed with my girlfriend.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

“Today, the House of Representatives passed the Secure Fence Act of 2006, a measure designed to protect the American people and make borders more secure according to President George W. Bush. The vote went down party lines, though not entirely.”

“Don’t look so smug there Will. This was not win for freedom.”

“With us tonight are New York Congressman Peter T. King who introduced the bill and Jim Kolbe, Republican Congressman from Arizona who opposed it. Thank you gentlemen for being with us tonight. Congressman King lets start with you.”

Mac listened intently while looking at the notes she took just before the broadcast. “Don’t let him off the hook on what kind of immigration reform he wants. That’s going to be your pivot to Kolbe.”

“Congressman Kolbe immigration is obviously important to your district, and yet you crossed party lines and voted against this measure. How do you see this affecting Arizona?”

“What the fuck was that Will? You had a clear question for King.”

At the next break, Will barely turned his head to find Mac standing at his desk. “Is your earpiece not working or are you just ignoring me?”

“I’m conducting an interview the only way I know how. It’s served me well this long.”

“You’re showing your bias.”

Will laughed. “ _I’m_ showing _my_ bias?”

“You think I have a bias? I’m trying to get at the facts.”

“That’s all I’m trying to do as well. I’m just going at it in such a way that I’m not accusing anyone of creating unfair immigration reform.”

Mac heard Todd call 30 seconds. For the rest of the show, Mac kept giving instructions to Will that he followed about half the time. After the show, Mac shut down the control room and went to Will’s office in time to find him coming out of his bathroom after changing.

“Was it your idea to bring in two Republicans?”

“Are we still talking about this?”

Mac was in full voice, “You’re damn straight we are. Who the fuck thought that bringing in two Republicans was a good idea?”

“Two Republicans who are on opposite sides of this. If we got Barney Frank, it would have looked like a partisan argument. I thought that bringing in a representative from the state most impacted by the bill would help…”

“Help bury the opinion of the Democrats?”

“Put the argument on equal footing.” Will let his frustration come through his voice. “Not every argument has two sides. This is a time that there are three sides. Side 1 won, side 2 has legitimate concerns and side 3 would sound like partisan bickering. If anything I helped the democrats.” Will looked at his interim EP and girlfriend. “Mac, I’m not a newbie at this. I know how to put a show together and you need to trust that. Now, are you ready to go home?”

“I’m not green either and I deserve to be heard.”

“I heard you, I just chose to do the interview a different way and get a better interview.”

“It wasn’t a better interview. Did you even vet a democrat? Not every argument would be partisan.”

“Jesus Christ Mac, yes. I’m not just a pretty face, I’ve got just as much experience as you do with this.”

“That’s because you’re old.” Mac looked over at Will and saw him smile, which made her laugh. She got serious again. “Is this what working with you would be like? Every night having a pissing contest in your office because you won’t listen?”

“I did listen. And we’ll need to figure out how to compromise, but we’ll figure out how to balance it all, just like we’ve figured everything else out.”

Mac nodded her head. “I trust you with your show. But you still need to listen to your EP. She has information and research coming in real time that you can’t see.”

“If you have new information, I will take it.” Will walked to her and took her hand and began to walk her out. “And for the record, you’re the person I most want to have these fights with.”

“You just want makeup sex.”

Will gave her a quick kiss. “Well, yeah, that too.”

<O><O><O><O>

Tuesday was an easier day for Mac. She got to spend the day actually working on _Facts_. She spent the first rundown with a white board that listed the points of what she looks for in news. When she arrived in her control room, she immediately felt at home. At 30 seconds to go, she asked Will if he was ready and he answered that he was ready for anything. Anything ended up being getting more instructions from his EP than he was used to. She could tell that he started getting annoyed, but she kept pushing. After the show, she reminded him that if they want to work together, she can’t go soft on him or let him go soft. He reluctantly agreed.

A little after noon on Wednesday, an alert came in about a shooting at Dawson College in Canada. Mac immediately got her senior staff together to discuss the show. She already had the vision for the show in her head and the producers all rallied around her quickly. Will and Mac didn’t have time for dinner during the workday. Instead they worked shoulder-to-shoulder preparing a segment on the history of modern terror in schools and finding a panel of psychologists to help describe the traits of a person who would perpetrate such an attack. They were careful to focus on the why question and not sensationalize the segment to make people begin to suspect their neighbors of crimes.  

Because it was a big news event, Dirk was in the studios during each New York show. At the end of the night, Will pulled Dirk aside and said, “You know that she needs to be in the control room.” Will saw the look on Dirk’s face. “I guess I don’t have to tell you. You live the same regret she has for leaving that position.” Dirk walked away without saying anything.

Thursday and Friday, things just seemed to gel. On Friday when Will and Mac went for drinks with the staff, Will thought the staff seemed happier than Will had ever seen them and he was sure it was because of stability and control that Mac gives them. He had never been more in awe of her and in his opinion the best part was that he got to take this amazing creature home.


	59. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will meets Mac's parents and has an important question to ask.

“I’m picking up mom and dad from the airport at 7 then we’ll drop their things off at my place and go for dinner. You’ll be okay with Mary, right?”

Will poked his head out of his bathroom. “I was okay with her until a couple months ago, I think I can make it through a week. But can you explain to me again why your parents being in town means I don’t get to spend the night with my girlfriend until Sunday?”

“Because they’re going to be here until Sunday.”

Will rubbed his hair with a towel. “And they think you’re still a virgin?”

“Well, no, I assume they know better than that, but it’s not something they want to think about and if you came to my place, with the thin walls, they would.”

Will laughed. “How are you going to feel hearing them through those same thin walls?”

“It won’t be a problem. My parents only had sex four times in their lives.”

“If they haven’t had sex in 35 years, I think your father is due.”

Mac rolled her eyes at Will and said, “Let me have them tonight. Tomorrow night you have dinner with us between rundowns. Thursday I’m taking a half day to go shopping with mom and we’re both off Friday, right?”

“And then your brother and sister will be here for the weekend and I get you back on Sunday. We’ve been through this a few times, Mac. Why are you so nervous?”

Mac went towards Will to have him zip her skirt. “I’m not nervous, they’re my parents. I just want to make sure they have a good time and they like you. And they will.” She gave Will a peck on the lips.

“Have they been hard on your other boyfriends?”

“There’s only one they met and he was a douche. They called that.”

Will laughed again. “Is there anyone in your life who didn’t?”

“Just don’t let your douchy side out.” Mac looked at Will who had a dress shirt and tie on. “What are you dressed up for?”

“I don’t have a douchy side, and I know you. You won’t be able to resist bringing your dad to the newsroom tonight. I want to make sure to make a good impression.”

Mac gave Will another, longer kiss. “Thank you, Will. But mom will be tired after the plane ride and Dad will want to stay with her.”

Will laughed at her, giving her a knowing look. “Well, just in case you can’t resist, I’m going to make a good impression.”

<O><O><O><O>

Todd arrived at the studio and immediately got called into the EP office to meet with Mary. “What’s going on with you Todd?”

Todd shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing. Is there a problem?”

“I’ve always appreciated your work and especially the way you challenge me to put together a better show. That’s what a good senior does and it speaks well to your skills in the future as an EP. But, you need to remember that you are not an EP yet. And there’s a fine line between challenging a superior to make a show better and being an out and out dick. You’re good at what you do and I do think you deserve a shot at the show, so I’m going to forget about your antics yesterday. But do it again, and you’ll be out on your ass in less time than it takes for the roll in.”

Todd nodded his head and walked out.

Mac observed the first run down meeting and could tell that there was a little tension between Mary and Todd. Mac and Mary went to lunch together and Mac asked about it. Mary laughed it off. “He wants the job and thinks I’m his biggest competition for it.”

Mac picked up the inferred question and raised an eyebrow. She felt like she was lying to Mary and didn’t like it. It wasn’t like the guilt she felt about keeping her secret from Will, but she knew that CNN probably won’t give Mary _Facts_ back and even though Dirk has said he’s not going to let Mac demote herself, that’s what she wants to do. She needs to be in a studio.

“Are you going to be able to keep him in line or do you want me to talk to him?”

Mary laughed. “What kind of EP would I be if I can’t keep an over-eager senior in line?”

“Okay, but let me know if he gives you any crap. I’ve got a little bit of pull with him.”

“Is that your way of saying he’s got a crush on you?”

Mac laughed. “It’s cute. Even Will thinks so.”

“He’s never picked up on Will teasing him by bartering for time with you?”

“Tell me he doesn’t do that!” Mac saw the innocent look Mary gave and shook her head. “I’m gonna kill that man.”

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Mac visited Will’s office before going to meet her parents. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with?”

“Who looks nervous now?”

“I’m not nervous, I just want to get the first impressions over with.”

They had pretty stringent rules about keeping a physical distance while in the office. Even though everyone knew they were together, they agreed to keep professional appearances at work for everyone’s sake. Most of the time this worked well, but this time Mac wanted to put her arms around him, straighten his tie and thank him for caring so much. Instead she just said, “Don’t act like a republican prick and you’ll be fine.”

“You really don't want me to talk about politics at all with a man whose entire professional life was spent in politics. What the fuck are we supposed to talk about?”

“You’re charming, you’ll think of something.” Mac gave him a knowing smile. “Maybe you can tell him how you terrorize staff who have a crush on me.”

“That’s only Tim.” Will thought for a second. “He is the only one, right? Is there anyone else I should be concerned about?”

“It’s Todd and you have no one to be worried about. There will only ever be you.”

“Go get your parents. I love you, Mac.”

“I love you too, Billy.”

<O><O><O><O>

Will was right, Mac couldn’t help bringing her father to the studio after her mom went to sleep. She tried to sneak in to the control room during the show and planned to leave before Will could catch them, not wanting to see his smug look at being right, not that he was, she had… responsibilities to… contributing to the team environment at the show she was interim EPing. She assumed that Mary and Will worked out a code after she left the office because during the break after she arrived, he talked to Mary and then looked directly at the camera and said, “And tell Mac that she doesn’t need to leave during the last break.” Mac’s father hid his amusement at seeing his daughter turn red at her anchor’s smug look.

Mac signaled to Mary to give her the headset. “Shut it, we just stopped by for a second.” When she saw his head move a little in victory, she added “And keep your mind on your work. You have the senator up next who you know you always let under your skin.” She handed the headset back to Mary, “Keep him in line.”

When Will came out of the studio Mac called him over. He smiled and stood next to Mac, close enough that the backs of their hands touched. “Will, this is my father, Dean McHale.”

Dean, stood as tall as Will and looked him over with a stern look while Will held out his hand. Time seemed to stop before Mac went to her father and said, “Daddy!” Dean begrudgingly shook the younger man’s hand, firmer than absolutely necessary.

“So you’re the Republican nitwit that our Mackenzie has told us about.”

Will shot Mac a look while she bit her bottom lip. “I am. And you are Margaret Thatcher’s former ambassador that I am sure has many interesting stories that your daughter won’t let us discuss since she doesn’t want us arguing about politics.” Will thought he saw a hint of a smile on Dean’s face while Mac turned red.

Dean nodded his head. “So it seems you take everything my Mackenzie says very seriously. I suppose it was her idea to not stay in the same domicile as her?” Will nodded his head.

Mac jumped in. “We wanted to make a good impression.”

Dean turned to his daughter. “He’s smart enough to listen to his woman,” Then he turned back to face Will, “Even if it’s a fucking stupid decision overall.”

Will shot Mac a look and she bit her bottom lip. Will walked the McHales outside and hailed them a cab, giving Mac a kiss before letting her go.

Dean looked out the window during the kiss and said, “You don’t have to stand here like a sailor who just came into port. You know you can come over for a little while so we can get to know the man who is currently defiling our daughter.”

Mac turned her head to look at her father. Will thought he saw a slight teasing smile on the older man’s face, so he gave a barely perceivable nod and said, “I think it’s in my best interest to follow the plan your daughter laid out and wait until dinner tomorrow night.”

“Then honey, let’s not keep this cab waiting. It costs money to just sit here I assume.”

Will took that as his cue to give the cab driver a few bills.

<O><O><O><O>

Mac went to Will’s office to pick him up on Wednesday for dinner with her parents. She stopped to thank Mary for letting her anchor off work so close to the show. “Just make sure he’s back by 9:30. We go at 10 and I don’t want Preston interviewing anyone.”

“I promise.”

When she arrived at Will’s office, he quickly shut his desk drawer and he picked up a bouquet of flowers before walking towards her.

“Are those for me?”

Will gave her a sidelong look. “No, you know I don’t buy you flowers. These are for you mother.”

Mac didn’t know why she felt disappointed, he is the most generous gift giver she’s ever known and he told her before their first date that he doesn’t see the point in giving flowers since they die. “Oh.”

Will smiled and reached into his pocket and taking out a small box. “This is for you.”

Mac opened the box and found a pair of earrings that perfectly matched her shirt today. “You went to a jeweler today? Or do you just have earrings of every color in there for when you need it.”

“I can’t tell you what’s all is in there. Not if I want to surprise you every so often. That’s why I lock it up. Let’s go.”

“You’re hiding something from me in there aren’t you? You might as well tell me, You know that I’ll get it out of you.”

Will laughed, feeling awkward not holding her hand or something. They were on a date. He wanted to act like it, but they were still inside at work. They’d be outside in a few minutes. He’d have to hold out until then. “I can be just as stubborn as you are.”

“Oh a challenge. You know how I love challenges.” Will shook his head. He really should start making everyone knock before they come in. He looked at Mac. There’s no way he’d get her to do it, but within a week he assumed, this would all be moot.

Will and Mac walked into the restaurant hand in hand. Mac giggling and Will with a stunned look on his face before answering her last argument back. Mac looked around and found her mom waving at them. Mac pulled Will along with her to the table. Dean McHale stood up and pulled a chair out for his daughter. Mac walked she and Will to their chairs and Will put his hand on the small her back. “Mommy, this is Will McAvoy, my boyfriend. Will this is my mum, Millie.”

Will gave her mother the flowers he brought, which she deemed lovely and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He put his hand out to Dean and when he shook it Will called him Ambassador.

“Mr. McAvoy, it’s good to see you again.”

“Oh, Dean, why so formal? It’s good to finally meet you Will. Our Mackenzie has told us so much about you. Please tell us about your time as a speechwriter for President Bush. He was quite a delightful man.”

Dean scoffed a little, “Maybe a delightful man, but his views were far too centrist, wouldn’t you say Mr. McAvoy.”

“Daddy, I don’t know if politics is the right way to start this conversation.” She patted Will’s hand.

“No, no, I’d be interested to know what this Republican thinks about the former president.”

Though Dean’s words seemed harsh, Will had a distinct feeling that he was toying with Will, testing him, probably to make sure he’s worthy of Mackenzie. Will took it on as a challenge. “Americans are typically pulled towards centrist ideals. The constitution almost demands it. We show might in times of war, because that’s the one place that politicians can show any kind of superiority, everything else they do requires compromise or else the government will stop functioning. God help us the day that the two parties put up the most extreme of their representatives.”

“Is that how you understand W’s longevity in the presidency?”

“Did you expect that John Kerry would be a better choice? Don’t worry, Ambassador, the Republicans can’t win in ‘08. We’ll have another President Clinton in a couple years and you can deal with her. And by the way, Bush, while not the greatest president we ever had, wasn’t a bad one either. I would never have written the thousand points of light line, but otherwise, I thought he did a good job maintain what he was given.”

Dean nodded his head as if contemplating what Will said. Mac smiled, knowing that her father was impressed. Dean brought up his children to stand up for what they believe and then to have reasons to defend it. Dean likes to see people who don’t cower to the majority or even his own way of thinking out of pressure.

Millie McHale changed the subject and they enjoyed a good meal and conversation. Towards the end of the night, Will invited the ambassador to a baseball game the next day. When Dean seemed unimpressed, he said, “It’s only the Orioles, but even that’s a better entertainment venue than watching these to shop.”

“Are you saying that I shouldn’t enjoy spending time with my wife and daughter?”

“No, I’m saying you’ll have more fun spending an afternoon at a ball field. I can teach you the finer points of baseball, since you probably are under the mistaken impression that Cricket is a legitimate sport.”

Will didn’t have to look at Mac to know the look she shot him, which made Dean’s shoulders jolt as he tried not to laugh. When Will saw that crack, he knew he had won Dean over. Dean however looked slowly around the group before looking back at Will. “Okay. I will give you the opportunity to show me the finer points of your American sport.”

Will and Mac brought Dean and Millie back to the studio where Will took Millie around on a tour, putting her arm through his elbow and taking care to introduce her to the staff. Mac watched them walk off and she discreetly asked Todd to stay ahead of them and get the staffers to play along with whatever names he said.

<O><O><O><O>

Will and Dean settled into their seats. Dean with a beer that he said was watered down, and Will with a diet coke and peanuts. Despite what Will said the previous night, Dean knew baseball pretty well. During the middle of the first, Dean said, “I assume you brought me out here for a reason, Mr. McAvoy.”

“Am I that easy to read?”

“Let’s see. I would be willing to wager that you planned to say something like, ‘Ambassador, we have something in common. We both love Mackenzie and I would like permission to ask her to marry me.’ How am I doing so far?”

Will cocked his head. “I guess I know where Mackenzie got her intellect and ability to read people.”

Dean shook his head. “No, the ability to read people is her mother. And we’re both incredibly intelligent. Someday, if you’re lucky enough to have a wife like mine, you’re going to learn more from her than any schooling or formal training. From what I observed, you are picking up some skills that a good husband will need.”

“I have the utmost respect for your daughter. I have since the first time I met her. But I guess that if we’re still having this conversation, you’re not going to give me your blessing.“

Dean looked over at the dejected feeling man next to him. “She’s not ready, Mr. McAvoy. Marriage is forever, that’s a non-negotiable, no matter how rampant divorce is in the world. When marriages end, both partners are hurt. And I won’t stand by and watch my Mackenzie hurt if I could have stopped it. I love my daughter, but I know that if she puts herself into something that permanent, she’s going to run from it. You’ll both be hurt. So for now, the answer is no.”

“For now?”

Dean smirked a little. “What the fuck are you drinking, Mr. McAvoy?”

“Diet Coke, your daughter would rather me drink this than other beverages. Especially when I have to be back at work later.”

Dean started to laugh. “You’re trying to make a good impression. I appreciate that. But she should have told you that I don’t take kindly to people putting on false airs. Mr. McAvoy, you’re a republican nitwit and every word you’ve ever said or written about China is incomprehensible bullocks. But for reasons passing understanding, my Mackenzie seems to be in love with you. So you can have a pint on a hot summer’s day without earning my disapproval.”

“I appreciate that Mr. Ambassador. But if you don’t want to put on false airs, then you should call me Will.”

“In my world, calling someone by their title is a sign of respect. Just like you calling me ambassador.”

“In the world I want to enter, son is the more meaningful moniker because of the value Mackenzie puts on family. Mr. Ambassador, she is my family and always will be. I’m asking to make that official. And I’m not entirely sure that I need your blessing to do it.”

Dean nodded his head. “You’re as headstrong as my Mackenzie. And you could go to her without my blessing and her mother and I will go along with it. But I’m going to trust you to have the wisdom to heed the advice of a man who has lived the life you want to join and who loves her too. She’s not ready for this, Mr. McAvoy and I don’t know you well enough to know if you are. Let’s take a year and if the two of you are still together, then we can revisit this conversation.”

Will nodded his head. “Thank you, Mr. Ambassador. Out of curiosity, what did you call her ex-boyfriend?”

“I tried not to be forced into any conversations with him, if I wanted something to repeat back what I thought, I’d get a parrot. Now I’m ordering you to go get one of these watered down beverages that passes as a pint here.”

“They only pass as a beer at Yankee Stadium. Later I’ll show you where to get something more your speed.”

Will and Dean finished watching the game, Will having to pay him after betting on the Yankees. They met the women for dinner. When the whole family got together for the weekend, Will enjoyed feeling like one of them. He’d spent time with all Mac’s siblings before and enjoyed each of them. Being with the whole family made Will wish that it was a year later when he’d be able to take that ring out of his desk drawer and make all this real for him.

Will and Mac took her parents to the airport Mac gave each a hug and kiss. Millie hugged Will and pinched his cheek, which made him glare at her before breaking in a wide smile. He extended his hand to Dean who took it and clapped him on the shoulder. “Until next time, son.”

Will nodded his head once and went back to Mac. He kissed her hard and walked her out of the airport with his arm around her and on her hip. “I like your family.”

“I’m glad that they like you too.”

He stopped himself from telling her someday he wanted to officially be part of it. It’s just a year. What can happen in a year? He was confident that they’d figure out how to work together and he couldn’t imagine that he would do anything to fuck this up. He knew that he would do whatever it took to stay with her. Marriage is forever, and that’s what he wants more than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter exists for the one line that I took from 1X01. And then promptly messed up in every way I can conceive it could be messed up. But I figure if Sorkin couldn't decide where WIll/Mac 1.0 lived, I can make the Yankees play against the Orioles on a date they they didn't (They would have played each other several times that season). And yes there's an extra word in that line, but I needed that word to make everything else work.


	60. Congratulations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search for Will's new EP concludes.

Over the next two weeks Todd and a producer from _Good Morning America_ each played the executive producer role at _Just the Facts._ Todd had a good handle on leading the producers. Of the group he was the best at letting them choose the rundown and they came up with good ideas that impressed Mac a lot. However, Dirk and Mac each took a night to observe him in the control room and he showed some weaknesses is running his anchors. He gave Will suggestions instead of telling him exactly what he wanted done. Will responds better to direct orders than suggestions. When Mac coached him to be a little stronger, he over corrected and Will made his feelings clear. Todd never got into a good rhythm with Will. Dirk had all but decided against letting Mac take over Will’s show, she did well in her assistant news director position. However, he knew that Will was campaigning for her so he wondered if Will would have had a different final assessment of Todd if Mac wasn’t in the picture.

They were only able to get Zoe for a couple nights during her week because of her schedule. She observed Mac run the show on Monday and Tuesday, then she ran it herself with a rundown created by Mac and the producers on Wednesday and Thursday. On Friday, Mac was back in the saddle. She had all the skills of a veteran EP. And Dirk liked that she came in with a fresh perspective without being overly enthusiastic about entertaining. However, the interview she gave drew some read flags.

Dirk, Will and Mac sat down to discuss the EP of the show. Dirk was very careful to only list three candidates. They talked about the strengths and weaknesses of each. In the end, Mac said she felt comfortable with Mary in the EP position. She had a tough run her first time around because Will was being an ass, a statement that Will smirked at, but her body of work shows that she can handle a hard news show and even handle Will. Dirk backed Todd. He said that Todd would have to learn how to work with Will, but he brought a strong level of leadership to the position. Dirk looked pointedly at Will and said, “I know he’s earned your respect, I expect that once you start showing him that, the partnership will grow.”

Mac shook her head. “I don’t. He defers to Will too much.”

“Will’s his boss, he should.”

“No, he shouldn’t. He has to push Will to make him see reason. Will’s not a person who understands give and take, especially in the newsroom.”

Will shot Mac a look, “You do know that I’m in the room, right?”

“Well, it’s true. You’re like a dog with a bone. You want things a certain way, but you’re wrong a lot of times.”

Will rolled his eyes and looked at Mac. “It’s a compromise with you. I get 50% you get the same. Most of my wins are in the studio.”

“You’re keeping score?”

“No I don’t keep score. When we’re with the staff and preparing I listen for the best argument. When I’m in the studio I have my plan laid out. I can hear suggestions, but if it deflects me from my goal, then I don’t do it. That’s how a good lawyer works. And I’ll remind you –“

“That you had a 94% conviction rating. And you want me to believe it’s because you had good teamwork? You want to be right 100% of the time.”

“And if I’m not, then I need someone to give me a good argument why I’m not.” Will looked back over to Dirk. “And that’s why I need Mac. She’ll give me that argument. I was prepared to say that Todd has to grow a little and that Mac could coach him to doing what he needs to do. But he doesn’t think as quick. His arguments are starting to sound like hers and he takes on her philosophy of news, but if he starts taking on mine, he’s not going to push me like I need.” Chuckled to himself. “If I want someone to tell me what I think, I’d get a parrot. What I need out there professionally is someone who will challenge what I want and make me make a good decision. I need Mac.”

Mac looked at him with surprise. “You’re going from the easiest person to run over, to the most stubborn person you know, in the blink of an eye?”

Will laughed. “I don’t want easy. I want to do the show that we are capable of doing.”

Dirk looked at the two. They were most definitely not acting like two people in love, though their respect for each other was evident. For the first time he thought that maybe this could work.

Mac added, “This is how it always should have been. A year ago when he was auditioning, we all wanted the show he’s talking about. This isn’t about two people wanting to spend every waking moment together, this is about making good news. Give us that chance Dirk. Let me bring out the best in an anchor who I always thought was above what the network was doing.”

“I don’t know if I can sell it to the execs. They don’t like that Mac is in her current position and still dating Will. And what happens if you two break up? Mac, right now neither of you can fire the other, we’d just change your schedule so you don’t have to interact. If something happens in your relationship and he fires you, CNN is open to a lawsuit.”

Will stopped him before he could continue down the road of worst possible scenarios. “First, we’re not breaking up. Unless there’s infidelity, I can’t imagine not working to keep Mac. And you know Mac, there’s no chance of that. Second, what if we do this on a trial basis? We take a month. Mac does double duty and coaches Todd to be able to handle me while also working as assistant news director. If this puts a strain on our personal relationship, Mac goes back to AD and Todd takes over as EP. If we’re not performing well, same thing. If Mac decides for any reason that she doesn’t want to do this, if she wants to security of not working for her boyfriend, Todd takes over the show. But, give us the chance Dirk.”

Dirk thought about it. “And if Todd isn’t satisfied with continuing as a senior? Mac, unless we hire Mary, you’re going to have to fire her. Once that happens, if Todd leaves, we don’t have a plan B for you to fall back on.”

Mac thought about it. “I can make sure that he won’t. I’ll let him know that I’m the interim and that he’s next in line.”

“And if he does, then EPs are a dime a dozen. Mac will still be the assistant news director and able to be interim until we find someone. We just won’t draw out the process.”

Dirk looked at Mac. “This is what you want, right? It seems like a big risk to me, Mac.”

“I told you before, I need to be in a control room. If not his, someone’s. Either you keep me here in this position or I’ll start looking for another control room.”

“If you take a step down, you won’t be able to come back up.”

Mac took a breath and nodded her head. “I know. But I also know that if you had the opportunity, you’d do the same thing.”

Dirk nodded his head. “Go get your rundown ready. You have one month as an interim to impress the guys upstairs enough hat they’re begging for you to stay on as EP. I can’t approve this without them, but I can give you your month.”

Mac smiled wide as she and Will stood up. “Okay McAvoy, you heard him, lets go get the rundown ready.”

“Right behind you.”

<O><O><O><O>

 _Crossfire_ had one more week. Mac knew that she couldn’t put off talking to Mary too long. She deserved to know that she didn’t have a job to come to on Monday.   Immediately after the rundown, Mac called Mary and asked when she’d be able to come by for a talk. She could hear Mary smile when she said, “Are you going to give me news about the open EP position?”

Mac bit her bottom lip. Keeping the emotion out of her voice, she said, “Yes.”

“I’ll be right over.”

When she came into the office, Mary looked at Mac and knew immediately something was wrong. “Mac? What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, Mary. I met with Dirk and Will today and we decided that we want to go a different direction with the show. You were a strong contender and you actually had my vote in the beginning. But…”

“You’re going to continue on as interim until you can convince the execs to let you have the show for good. You’re firing me, so that you can work with your boyfriend.”

Mac shook her head. “That’s not what… That’s not how this happened. It’s not true. He happens to be my boyfriend, but I am just going to be an interim.”

“Fuck you, Mac. I put up with all the shit that he gave. I supported you as a friend. Offered to let you co-EP with me. And you’re throwing me over for him?”

“Mary, this wasn’t a personal decision.”

“The hell it wasn’t.” Mary stood up and began to leave. “I have to get ready to leave for _Crossfire’s_ last week. Please don’t be part of the group the network sends to congratulate us on all that we accomplished.”

Mac brought Will in for her conversation with Todd, which went a little better. He had expected that Mary would be chosen, especially after the week he had with Will. She told him that she would rely on him quite a bit because while she EPed, she would also have to be assistant news director. She offered to give him another staffer as a second senior producer. Will was able to spin it as a promotion of sorts. This promotion didn’t come with a pay raise, but the possibility of a future EPship. Mac sat stunned as Will convinced the younger man that this was better.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Mac’s month as interim EP went by mostly smoothly. She and Will had to figure out how to argue at work and then leave it there when they went home. There were a few times that they each went back to their own apartments when fights got a little out of hand. In those cases, neither would be able to sleep and one would call the other. With time, and sessions with their therapists, they came to an understanding that they didn’t have to apologize for having differences of opinions, but at times they did need to apologize for the way they handled themselves. As the month progressed, those incidents became fewer and further between.

Todd took on producing bigger pieces of the show. Mac handed him the headset to let him run Will a few times. She let him make mistakes and deal with the fallout, then she coached him about how to do it better. He still wasn’t ready to take on the role himself, but she started to believe that he could if he needed to. Mac tried to reach out to Mary a few times for lunch, but she wouldn’t accept the invitation.

Will and Mac had no desire to continue the marathon training while they worked so hard to be taken seriously as a news show. However, Preston was still technically the co-anchor, so they gave him the segment to work on and continued with their on camera training. Preston met them with a camera crew before they went to the starting line and they did their typical banter with Will barely covering his dislike for the whole thing. They interviewed the race announcer to find out how the gates work and then went to the starting line.

For the sake of the shot, Preston and Mac started in Will’s gate that was set up for Will’s 12 minute/mile pace instead of Mac’s pace that was closer to 8 minutes. In his entire life, Will has never decided if he believes that Mac intentionally tripped and sprained her ankle, or if, as she said someone bumped inter her at the wrong time. But either way, he saw her go down and she told him that if he gallantly picked her up and took her to the nurse’s station, he could get out of running and look like a hero. So he did. Preston put up a better than expected time and the banter between the anchors only lasted one night.

At the end of Mac’s month, Dirk, Will and Mac met again. Dirk told them that he loves what he’s seeing on the air and that he’s peeked in on the staff and saw them working like a well-oiled machine. Then he took out the ratings and focus group data and said that everything is up. Then he looked at Mac. “It’s your decision, Mac. You can have the show if you want it. I already told you the things I think you should consider. But the execs like the numbers they’re seeing and they’re okay with you demoting yourself if that’s what you want. They do want to have one entertainment story a week, but for that, I’ll give you a story. I’ll fight to keep it balanced, one to one. So what do you want to do?”

“I belong in a newsroom. I always have.”

Will smiled wide at her. “You certainly do.”

“Congratulations Mac, you’re the new _Just the Facts_ EP.”

“That’s the way it should have been.” Will said, smiling with pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small Programming Note: Last night I went to edit the chapter and decided that I needed to wait to post because I changed a lot in it. This morning I was walking into work and realized I edited the wrong chapter. Then I thought that my next couple Sundays are going to be full of being with family and moving Sunday's chapters to MOndays would make things easier. So I took these thoughts and decided that with only a handful of chapter left (which is still hard to say, I love these characters), I'm going to post Monday/Thursday.


	61. Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Mac spend the holidays together

The McHale siblings got together with their significant others in West Virginia for Thanksgiving. Traditionally they meet somewhere between where everyone is currently and rent a house or cabin for the week. Camille the oldest of the siblings, brought Brad her new boyfriend of about a month, mostly because she didn’t want to be the only one there alone. Simon brought Nora who he planned to propose to that week. Everyone knew it was going to happen, except Nora. Katherine brought her husband and two kids, who mostly just ran around all the adults. Constance unfortunately couldn’t make it.

Will and Mac arrived in the early hours of Wednesday morning after Camille and Brad. They walked around the house and chose their room. When Camille came out of hers, the sisters screamed and hugged when they saw each other. Will rolled his eyes and introduced himself to Brad. When Mac let her sister go, Camille gave Will a side hug and he kissed her cheek. “You look well. Where are you coming from?”

As a photographer, Camille takes trips all over the country to get pictures of nature primarily. She had just returned from Alaska where she took a series on the ice caps. Will had planned to go to bed quickly, but when Camille started talking about climate change, Mac got a gleam in her eye before starting a lively debate. It turns out that Brad is an environmentalist and felt very passionately about the topic. Mac mostly debated just to pile on against Will and Camille was there with photographic evidence of everything Brad said. After about an hour, Will put his hands up in surrender and said, “Okay, if I agree that Gore isn’t the complete nut job that most republicans think he is, can I go to bed?”

“I don’t know, do you intend to defile my sister?” Camille started laughing and Mac turned red. Seeing Mac’s face, Will started laughing and tickling her.

Mac put her hands on her hips and asked Camille what their father told her about his visit in September.

“He said that despite being a Republican nutjob, he was kind of impressed with Will. I almost thought he wanted to marry Will instead of you.”

At that Mac’s face dropped. “We’re not there yet.”

The feeling in the room changed from lighthearted teasing to something more serious that made Will’s heart stop for a second. Will turned to Mac and said, “Come on. Let’s get settled in our room. Brad, feel free to defile Camille all you want.”

Will and Mac got undressed and lay in bed. As they lay together, Will turned towards her and put his hand under her T-shirt so it lay on her stomach. “What was that about? Out there when Camille talked about marriage? I thought you said you wanted that eventually.”

“I do, Will. It’s just… It’s a big step. I’d want to make sure we are absolutely ready and… I don’t know. I guess it just scares me because it’s a big step.”

“It is. Marriage is forever, there’s no compromise in that. And you’re right about being ready. The best advice I got about it is that I need to be absolutely sure that we’re both ready. I promise I won’t ask until I’m sure about that. But honey, why do you think we’re not?”

“I know you, Will. It’s going to be a long time before you’re ready to make that kind of commitment. And there’re things you don’t know, things I’ve done, that I’m not proud of.”

Will smiled at Mac and gave her a kiss. “You know you can tell me anything. I didn’t judge you when I found out about your one time with Michael. And I honestly don’t care what came before me, I only care about this, right here, right now. I love you Mackenzie.”

“I love you too, Billy.”

<O><O><O><O><O>

The rest of the family arrived throughout the day Wednesday. Will looked at Simon and thought he looked like he was about to be sick. Will took Simon to a foosball table away from everyone and asked if he was all right. Simon explained that there’s a lot of pressure on getting the proposal right. Right now, he’s second guessing doing it in front of his family instead of hers. However, he doesn’t think her father likes him and she gets along with everyone there. And in a cabin in the woods just feels right. But he’s thinking about whether he should do it when they’re alone instead since it is his family.

Will stopped Mac’s brother from rambling on and said that this family is the most accepting family he’s ever met and this is a perfect setting. When he finally proposes to Mac, this is the type of place he wants to do it. Simon looked at him. “ _When_ you propose to my sister? You’re thinking about that?”

Will didn’t intend to say that, but since he did, he can’t take it back. “Yes. I know that she’s my future and I don’t want a future that doesn’t have her in it.”

“Then why haven’t you yet?”

“I talked to your dad and he doesn’t think she’s ready. I’m going to wait for him to give me the go ahead. Marriage is forever, so if I have to wait another year for that to happen, I can wait. I know how close she is with your father. I don’t want to do this without his blessing.”

Simon looked at Will. “Will, Mac was always dad’s favorite. He’s far more protective of her than the rest of us. I don’t know what he told you, but I know that when I asked him about proposing to Nora, he said that if I know she’s the one, I shouldn’t let anyone or anything stop me from being with her. If you really think you’re ready, I think you need to do it. The rest of us already think of you as family.”

Will thought about Mac saying she wasn’t ready. He thought the idea scared her. It scared him too. But Simon was right, he needed to shit or get off the pot. “This weekend is all about you. But I can take her to see your parents for Christmas and see if the ambassador has had a change of heart.”

Simon smiled at him and sent a row of his little soccer guys spinning for a goal. “Welcome to family, bro.”

<O><O><O><O>

Thursday was spent playing football -- Simon, Nora, Brad and Camille against Will, Mac, Katherine and Tom. Will started the trash talk by reminding Simon that this isn’t rugby or soccer. Brad told Will that he played for a Big Ten team and then pointedly asked what Will’s experience was. Defiantly said he was starting quarterback for Nebraska. “I believe you mean a 0-10 high school team in Nebraska,” reminded Simon. When she saw Will was losing that battle, Mac started teasing Camille for being a cheerleader at one time in life and by the time the game started, all players were sufficiently motivated for the game. The game ended with an argument about the score and 8 muddy adults walking into the cabin. About half of them jockeyed for position in the shower, while the other half continued to argue. Katherine, the peacemaker of the family, tried to convince them they didn’t need a winner, while Simon took out what he called “a real football” and suggested sudden death. The debate continued through the beginning of Thanksgiving dinner until Katherine and Tom were able to successfully change the subject. Before dessert, Simon tapped his glass with his fork and turned to Nora, taking her hand. Will put his arm around Mac and kissed the top of her head while they watched Simon propose. Nora joyfully said yes and Tom popped a bottle of Champaign for the couple.

On the plane ride back to New York, Will told Mac that he talked to her parents and got them tickets to London for Christmas.

“I thought we were going to the farm to be with your family.”

“I haven’t been there for Christmas since college. Peg will understand wanting to spend the holiday with your family. Next year I’ll make sure we’re in Nebraska.”

“I don’t know Will. Obviously I want to be with my family but having relationships with your family is important too. They need their brother, especially now that there’s only one of you.”

“We can make a trip up there some other long weekend. I really want to do this for you, Mac.”

<O><O><O><O>

Before leaving for London, Mac promised Peg that they would Skype in during the holiday. Peg stopped herself from commenting that Mac had yet to successfully Skype with them. Mac packed their bags, but Will figured out a way to put the ring in his bag without her seeing. He thought about keeping it in his coat pocket, but remembered that she has a habit of putting her hands in any pockets he has.

They arrived at McHale Manor on December 23. Millie McHale ran to the door when they rang the bell, “Well, you better come in, you don’t want to get all wet. You know how London can be.” Once inside and after they got to take off their coats, Millie hugged them both before Dean McHale could join them. He nodded at Will, before embracing his daughter. When he extended his hand to the younger man, he clapped him on the shoulder and whispered, “Thanks for bringing her home.” Before he flipped back to looking like the stringent diplomat that constantly looked like he was judging the man.

Millie looked at her husband and shook her head. “Oh, Dean.” She smiled at Will and Mac, “Don’t pay any attention to him. He’s a teddy bear, he just wants everyone to think he’s prick.”

Mac playfully elbowed Will, “Sounds like someone else I know.”

Will laughed, “He never had me fooled.” Dean shot him a harsh look. “Um, sir.”

“That’s better.” Mac and Millie laughed.

“Yes dear, you are quite an intimidating creature. Why don’t you show Will the work you’ve done on those tulips in the garden.”

At this, the Ambassador’s face turned red and Will didn’t try to hide his laugh, while Mac looked between the two men waiting to see what her father would do.

Dean put his head down.   “Can’t show him yet, they’re not done.”

When Mac finally agreed to let Will take her to London for Christmas, she started planning a full itinerary. After “the kids” -- a term that Will enjoyed hearing himself referred to as -- settled in and got some sleep, Millie suggested the group shopping before all the stores close for the holiday. Millie asked the guys if they wanted to come. Dean spoke for both of them. “No, I want to take Will out fishing.”

Will looked at Mac and then agreed. Once the women were alone, Mac wondered why her father didn’t want to come. Will had resigned himself to shopping every waking minute before Christmas Day because Mac told him that her parents do that together. Millie told her daughter that Dean made a decision to treat Will like a son. He’s picked up that Will doesn’t have a strong father figure and he wants to try to fill that void as much as possible. Then she gave a pointed look to her daughter and said, “He really does fit in nicely with the entire family.”

Mac shook her head. “Why is everyone pushing us to get married?”

“I don’t think I did that.”

“Mum, I did a horrible thing to him that he doesn’t know about. Katherine and Camille think I need to tell him before things get too serious, but I know that if I do, I’m going to lose him.”

Millie smiled kindly at her daughter. “Sweetheart, what could you have possibly done that would make that man stop loving you?”

“It doesn’t matter. It was a mistake and I hated myself for doing it, you have to believe that. Every time it happened, I hated myself. I knew I was hurting him, but I couldn’t stop. And then I figured out that I was in love with Will and I did. I did stop and I wouldn’t do it again, but…”

Millie put her arm around her daughter and let Mac cry in her shoulder. When Mac was all cried out, Millie wiped the tears off her face. “Sweetheart, you have to trust that he loves you, because he does. It’s so plainly obvious to anyone who sees you together. He does. But you also have to know that if he isn’t thinking about marriage yet, he will be. And you can’t go into that with this secret between you. Don’t let him start planning a future without telling him whatever this is, because it will always be between you if you do.”

“I can’t do it, Mum. He says he fell in love the first time he met me. I didn’t think he was serious until a few months ago, and I was so confused. I didn’t know what he wanted, so I fucked it all up. I’ve only been in this relationship for a few weeks compared to him, and I don’t know if I can trust him with this yet. I can’t take the chance of losing him now.”

Millie looked at her daughter feeling a little heartbroken. “You know that I love you, Mackenzie. But right now you sound very selfish. If you think there’s any chance that he’s thinking about a future with you, and I can tell you that a man who would come across the pond to visit your parents is thinking about the future, then you’re not being fair to him.”

“I know I’m not. And I haven’t been for a long time.”

Mac put her head on her mother’s shoulder, tears running down her face. Millie held her daughter as her cries made her whole body shake.

<O><O><O><O>

Dean told Will early in their day that Simon warned him that Will might ask for permission again and then told him that he hadn’t changed his mind. He made it clear that Will is a welcome addition to the family, but he told Will that Millie’s father made him wait too, and though it was excruciating, he did it and appreciated what he learned as a result. He wanted Will and Mac to be as happy in 45 years as he and Millie are. Before Will could protest, Dean showed him a trick to catching fish. He explained that fishing isn’t really about catching fish, it’s about bonding and learning about the person you fish with. He likes to take his sons out on this boat whenever he gets a chance because on this pond is when they can really talk and learn about what’s happening in each other’s lives.

Will smiled at him. “I’m starting to think you actually like me.”

Dean looked at him seriously and said, “I can see what my daughter sees in you. I trust you with her. And there’s not a higher measure of trust a man can give.”

Will looked out beyond the pond so that he wouldn’t shed a tear that threatened to fall. He thought about fishing with his dad. He did have one or two good memories of John McAvoy, but he also remembered wanting more of those. More fishing trips when his father showed an interest in him. He loved this time with Dean McHale. It meant the world to him, but at the same time it didn’t seem fair that his dream of being part of this family was being held out in front of him like the proverbial carrot.

<O><O><O><O><O><O><O>

Will and Mac spent a perfect Christmas Day together with her parents. Millie teased them by getting them matching ugly sweaters, that Mac told him the kids used to get every year. Millie insisted they put them on and got a picture. Will gave Mac a solitaire necklace that she had admired at a store once. He thought about getting her something more elaborate, but he realized that she loves the simpler, classier things. Mac gave him a first edition journal from Abraham Lincoln and Will was overcome.

Dean and Millie watched “the kids” appreciate the thought that went into their gifts to each other and smiled, holding hands. Mac’s parents watched them, knowing about the secret between them and hoped and prayed that somehow the two of them would find their way through it.

The next morning, Will woke up early and went down to the kitchen where Millie was making breakfast.

“That smells good.”

“It’s one of Mackenzie’s favorite breakfasts. I haven’t had a chance to talk to you about the question Dean hasn’t let you ask yet. I assume it’s my son that convinced you to come out here and call Dean on his double standard?” Will smiled and nodded his head. “Even if Dean won’t admit it, we love you like a son. We want you to be part of this family. But, she only got serious about you a month before we came out there. Doesn’t that draw a red flag for you? You were together for almost a whole year before you had an actual commitment.”

“We weren’t just dating for that first year. I drug my feet, I withheld a commitment from her, because I was scared. But we were together in every way that mattered. We were committed, even if we didn’t use the words.”

Millie looked at him hard. “Are you sure? How committed could you have been if you couldn’t say it? They’re just words.”

“They’re words that mean something. Mac and I work in an industry where we have to choose our words carefully. We know how easy it is to carelessly use some words like they are just words. But words are powerful. I didn’t want to say them because of my fears. But once I faced those fears, I never looked back. I withheld from her and I know I hurt her, and that’s why she couldn’t commit to saying those words to me. If that’s why you won’t give me your blessing, I understand. But I want you to know that even when I wasn’t saying them, I felt them. And I know she did too.”

“I know you did. But it’s good to hear you say it. You will be a good husband one day. And if you aren’t, I’m going to insist that her future husband love and respect her the way you do.”

“You’re not giving your blessing either.”

Millie shrugged her shoulders. “That’s for her father to give and he’s not one to change his mind. You do remind of him. The next nine months will go quickly, Will. Show us that you are forever and we’ll give you that.”

Will smiled, “Thank you, but I know Mac and I know that your opinion matters too. And even if it didn’t to her, it does to me.”

<O><O><O><O><O>

Will and Mac lay in bed the night before they had to return to New York. Mac propped her chin on his chest and smiled. “What is going on in that enormous brain of yours?”

“I’m just thinking about the future. You know I’ve only lived in two places my entire life. My house on the farm was tiny and the apartments I’ve had in New York haven’t been much bigger. Someday I think I want a house like this. Maybe not this big, but someplace that’s more of a home than just the place I sleep.”

Mac looked around. “I wouldn’t have wanted to grow up anywhere else. I mean I loved visiting other countries with Dad, but I always felt safe here and comfortable. I think this will always be home. But it feels different with you here.”

“Different?”

“Yeah, I don’t know how to explain it. It’s, it feels like more. It’s like when you watch a movie with spectacular places and sit in awe of the view and then you go there and it’s familiar, but it’s more than what you expected. You make everything for me more.”

“You do that for me everyday.”

Will tilted her chin towards him and kissed her. “Do you think your father would mind if I defiled you in your old room?”

“I don’t think he gets a vote.”

 


	62. There's No Place Like Home, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TS Elliot says that the world will end not with a bang, but a whimper. This is the beginning of how this part of the Will and Mac story ends. 
> 
> Italics indicate a flashback.

“It wasn’t just one thing. Maybe it was. I had to tell the truth. That much I knew. That didn’t mean I had to go… there, I did that for him. I didn’t stay for him, but I didn’t want to go.” Mac looked at her therapist. After she finally left that hellhole, CNN forced her to see a therapist. She knew that there was no way she would pass any evaluation, and since Dirk intimated that he wouldn’t be at CNN much longer and Todd got fired after a few months as EP, it would be a long time before she saw the inside of a studio.

“Can you, can you do something for me?” Mac saw the woman give a single nod, agreeing as long as she could. “He was seeing Dr. Abraham Habib. Can you find out if he’s still seeing Dr. Habib? I don’t want to know any secrets… I mean I do, but I know there’s HIPAA and you can’t ask those questions and I can’t hear the answers. But I’ve heard rumors about how he’s changed and I want to check. I want to know that he’s getting the help he needs.” Mac gave a humorless laugh. “Even after everything, I’m still in love with him. That may be the worst part of this story.”

This story. How does she even start it? “I fell in love with him. He would say that he fell in love the day we met, but that’s just something people say, isn’t it? Neither of us believe in love at first sight. And he never said it until later. Much later.” Mac took a breath. This wasn’t the question that the shrink asked, she wanted to know why Mac stayed in Afghanistan after the initial plan, but this was important. And it’s related to the story. “My best recollection was that I fell in love with Will after I went to LA to see Brian… I thought I got him out of my life then. Brian, not Will. I needed to see Brian to make sure there was nothing left in that relationship so I could move forward with Will. I went to exorcize that part of my past. And I thought I had. Life would be so different now if I had. But back then, November 2005, Will and I had started dating. I came back from LA feeling free of Brian. I told Will that he was the better man, there was no question in my mind about that. And after that, there never was. What happened with Brian was never about anything but sex. I got us, me and Will, I came back from LA and got us tickets to a Cornhuskies game. Wait, no, not Cornhuskies, he teased me when I called them that. The Nebraska team is something else.”

“The Cornhuskers.”

“Right the Cornhuskers. I got us tickets and Will went back to work and while we were texting to finalize plans… if I wasn’t in love with him before that, I was in love with him from that point on.”

“But you didn’t think he was in love with you?”

“He says he was. But I didn’t know. I honestly didn’t. He refused to say the words. We met in September, our first date was in October and he refused to call me his girlfriend or to admit we were dating. And one day he decided that I couldn’t meet his family, he told me that was _never_ going to happen. And he didn’t tell me why, he just said that he was never going to take me to meet them. Then he sent this dickish voicemail that I thought was blaming me for making him see them, and I retaliated with my ex-boyfriend. After telling me he didn’t want me or didn’t see a future with me, Brian said he was wrong and he loved me and he wanted me back and I was mad at Will. And so I went home with him. And after that it was like any Greek tragedy you ever read. He, Will, came back at the end of the weekend. He came back early and he told me he loved me. And he acted like he did. And I couldn’t say it because I didn’t love him enough to wait to for him. And I didn’t know what he would do next. He could take it back. He could change his mind, fall out of love. When it came to feelings, I never knew what to expect.” Mac looked at her therapist, hoping to find some sympathy, understanding. Something to make her believe that she at least understood. Mac lived it, and at the time, at least this part made sense, but now, she didn’t know. Maybe she imagined his fear. Maybe it was more normal than she thought.

“Did he?”

“Did he change his mind or take it back? No. Never. Once he said it, he meant it. I learned that about him. He knows there’s power in words, so he wouldn’t say them until he was sure. It took him 7 months to be sure and confident enough in himself to say it. But I didn’t know that then. He kept saying cryptic things like, ‘just because I can’t say it, doesn’t mean it’s not true.’ And then all of sudden it was true and he said it and I guess I just couldn’t trust it. Or maybe there was something wrong with me, I don’t know.”

“So what happened next?”

“I got mad at him again. I don’t even remember what it was, but I was in DC for work and something happened and I crawled into bed with my ex again. After that, I think it was a bad day and I wanted to forget and then there were excuses and finally it was just habit or self-loathing or something. I felt like I deserved the empty feeling. I hated what I was doing and that I knew it would hurt him, but I kept on because I felt like I was hurting myself more, so I told myself that I wouldn’t ever let him know and he wouldn’t have to get hurt.”

“But you did. You told him.” It wasn’t a question. Mac nodded her head.

<O><O><O><O>

“Will McAvoy! How the fuck are you?”

Will gave his winningest smile. “Ready to come home, Charlie.”

Charlie Skinner sat at his desk and poured each of them bourbon. “Well, that’s what we want too, but I need to ask a few questions, son.”

Will almost winced at hearing that word, son. The man entitled to say it didn’t deserve it and the last man to call him that… something. He couldn’t think about that now, he couldn’t think about her or the family he should be part of. “Come on Charlie, it’s me. You don’t have to interview me. I was brought up here. I left the Bush White House and sat under Ed Marsh who made me a newsman. Took a green reporter and made him learn to give the news until I was able to sit in that anchor desk for 15 hours on 9/11.”

“I know that, but you’re here to tell me what I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?”

“What the fuck happened to you in the last couple years? You left here for a shot at the big time in CNN. After spending too much time on a fucking morning show, you anchored your own show and after a few missteps, you became the newsman you always should have been. And then --”

“I became the number 4 news anchor on cable and I’m closing in quickly on #3.” Will gave his smuggest smile.

“But you stopped doing the news a couple years ago.”

“I learned what the audience wants.”

“The problem with audiences is they’re fickle. They choose the facts they want to hear, not the ones that are actually true. I think psychologists call it cognitive dissidence or something.” Charlie wanted to kick him in the pants. “Will, you’re popular and I want to give you our flagship show. Ed and Dan are on their way out, your contract with CNN is coming up. It’s like the stars are aligning. But we’re a real news organization. So I need to know that you aren’t going to fuck around when there’s real news to report. So tell me what happened with Mackenzie?”

Will didn’t want to hear her name, but he trained his features. He spent enough time hiding his thoughts from juries and judges and audiences, he could hide them from this one man. “Mackenzie McHale was my executive producer. She rode my ass and got my best work out of me, then she went to the Middle East to run away, because that’s what she does.”

“She broke your heart, Will. I saw you at the 2006 Correspondent’s Dinner, and the 2005. But in 2006, the rumors were flying that you were going to propose.”

“We didn’t get there.”

Charlie laughed. “Well, obviously. But why not?”

Will thought about the answer. He didn’t want to think about this. “This is a fucking job interview. These aren’t questions you ask on a job interview.”

“They are when you want to be the face and voice of a network. I need to know what I’m getting.”

“Her father. Her father kept warning me that she wasn’t ready and I didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. I thought I had to impress him. I was looking for a way to beef up my resume with him a little more to impress him.”

<O><O><O><O>

“When I realized I loved him, that was it. I couldn’t be with Brian anymore. For four months, I couldn’t delete his number from my phone, then one morning I woke up and knew that I loved Will and it was the easiest thing in the world. Getting rid of his number took no effort. And then for about a year we were happy, Will and I were genuinely happy. We floated the idea of marriage around a few times. At the Correspondent’s Dinner someone said they saw a ring that Will bought. I didn’t believe he had a ring, but we were getting there. We were real close. I didn’t push because I was afraid he’d freak out. But I had my mother’s and my sisters’ voices in my head, telling me I didn’t want to start a life with him with this secret. If we were as close as I thought, I had to tell him. I didn’t have a choice. So I kept looking for an opportunity. I tried to convince myself that he would understand, that we weren’t together, not really when it happened. I wanted to believe that.”

“What opportunity presented itself?”

“I got pregnant.”

<O><O><O><O>

“I’ve always wanted to know, did you have a ring at the Dinner? Your senior said he saw it.”

_Will remembered the ring, the size and shape of it. He carried that damn thing around with him when he took the Ambassador to the Orioles game, when he took Mackenzie to London. That night. The day he heard that she wasn’t coming back. He took it to their place, the cliff off the ocean that he took her to on their first date. They went there several times when they didn’t have another trip planned but wanted to get out of town. He stood at the edge of the cliff feeling completely alone. He watched the ocean, playing what she said over and over in his mind, reliving what he did. She knew, she saw his hands shaking, that’s why she left, he was sure of it. She wanted to fight, but she knew, she knew what it could cost him. He saw the loks on the faces in the studio when he left that night. The sound in her voice when he called, both the hope and the disgust. He felt pretty disgusted too. The voicemail asking where he was, reading her email where she said she understood why he didn’t come. Repeating his insistence that if she came back, he wouldn’t see her so the whole studio could hear. It was final. She made it final and he made sure it stuck. So he took that ring and chucked it as far as he could into the ocean. He never wanted to see it or her again. He thought that would give him closure, but it just made everything hurt more._

“That was a mistake. And yes I had it. At that point I had it for 10 or 11 months. I was about 6 weeks from her father re-evaluating our relationship.”

“And in the beginning of August when that article came out, you like every anchor decided that you needed to go out to the Middle East.”

“I didn’t want to just be the next Wolf Blitzer. I didn’t have a cool enough name. That’s what she kept telling me. I wanted her father to like me. She’d done things, he’d done things. He already liked me, but I wanted more. I wanted to show her that I could I cover real news, just like her and everyone else. I wanted to prove that I wasn’t just a pretty face.”

“That you deserved someone with her resume.”

Will nodded his head. “We argued about it. She didn’t want to go. She kept telling me that I had nothing to prove and that even in the best situations it’s not safe for journalists. But I thought I had something to prove, so I pushed it. And I used my influence at the network and said I would go and cover the war first hand for two weeks. No one else wanted to go and one of the execs thought it would boost my stock if I went, so I got permission.”

_She resigned herself to going because he wanted to go, not because she had a death wish. She reminded him again that this wasn’t a vacation; this would be harder work than he’d ever done. He told her he needed to see and experience what this was like. He was tired of sending other journalists over and watching them from the sidelines. He was tired of playing things safe._

_“Ok, we won’t play it safe,” and then she started drawing up plans for the crew. Todd would run things from the studio. When she gave up her assistant director role, Dirk asked her to continue working with the intern program so she had a few that she trusted to pitch in. She’d want to take two more producers with them and could get a few from Atlanta. They’d need to get someone to cover the desk here since Will would be treated like a correspondent._

_As their departure got closer, Mac started feeling weird. She couldn’t explain it, she said it might just be nerves, but he laughed that off. She was the bravest person he knew. She said bravery has nothing to do with lack of fear, it’s about how you face it. When she said that, there was a look on her face that still haunts him today, two years later._

_She didn’t say it then, but looking back, he knew she was close. It was the next day and it was a busy news day. Four suicide bombers detonated in the Yasidi towns of Kahtaniya and Jazeera near Mosul in Iraq, 500 dead, 1,500 injured. Mac had to leave early to deal with the news and later she said she just wasn’t careful. He found the pregnancy test box on accident, he looked for the test itself, but didn’t find it. He didn’t see her most of the day except in meetings so he couldn’t talk to her about it. By the time they got back to his place, he had decided that he would tell her this was what he wanted. When he saw the box, he knew he had to take responsibility, but as the day went on, he assumed they were having a baby and he wanted it. A little girl with her eyes and his hair and her nose and his mouth, their combined intellect. It was the last piece of the life that he wanted. A home, a family. Coming home everyday to Mac. Even though they had practically been living together for almost a year, it became something more. He would support her anyway he could, he would make this fantasy real. After the show, he opened his desk and took out the ring, putting it in his pocket. He’d ordered a dinner be brought to his place so he could do this right._

_In the cab home, she asked why he was still in his suit, and all he would say was that this was a special night. He refused to elaborate. When they got home, she saw the set up and he kissed her. They didn’t even make it to the table before he said, “Mac, I’m sorry, I didn’t intent to snoop, but I saw that you got a pregnancy test.”_

_Mac put her hand over her mouth and started crying. He put his arms around her. “I just want you to know that I’m excited about this. I didn’t think that I wanted this, but I’ve been thinking about it all day and my future, everything, it’s you. It’s you Mac.”_

_Mac put her head in his shoulder and cried. It was the first time he’d seen her cry. That was the only thing he could think. When he was dealing with his family and his past, he felt like he cried at the drop of a hat, and she was always there for him.   He wasn’t going to let her down now. “Mackenzie, what’s wrong?”_

_“I’m sorry, Will. I’m not pregnant. I thought I was, but it’s just a bug.”_

_Will took her shoulders and forced her to face him. “It’s okay, Mackenzie. We hadn’t been trying, but if this is what we want, then, we can start. I can talk to your dad after we come back from Afghanistan and we can have the big event that I know you’ve been planning since you saw Princess Di’s walk down the aisle at St. Paul’s Cathedral and then we can have the kids. We can do this Mac. And we can do it right.”_

Will sat in Charlie’s office and put his head down. “But you never went to Afghanistan.” Will shook his head.

<O><O><O><O>

“I don’t mean that I was pregnant. I just thought I was. I wanted to be. I wanted to have Will’s baby, because I loved him and because I saw how excited he was when he thought it was a possibility. Then he started laying out plans. He was going to call my dad and ask for permission. We were going to have the biggest wedding because he thought that was my dream. We were going to have kids. We both came from big families. I thought that maybe we would have that together.” Mac bit her bottom lip. “He painted this picture of the perfect life that we would have. He’d been thinking about all the things I had thought about. Except I had this secret. And I had my mother’s voice in my head telling me that if I wanted all that with him, I needed to be honest. And that’s when I knew that I had to tell him. Before he talked to my dad, before he started naming our kids, before he started looking at real estate and put his apartment on the market, he needed to know all the facts. I owed him that much.”

<O><O><O><O>

Will tried to figure out how to spin his decision not to go to Afghanistan with his team. He couldn’t say what it was; it was a punishment. “After Mosul, the timing to send an anchor to the Middle East wasn’t a good idea, no matter how many internet reporters wondered who would be the next Wolf Blitzer.”

Charlie gave his best poker face and finished his glass of bourbon before pouring another. “It was dangerous.” Charlie could tell that the anchor was a little frazzled from the questions, so he started talking about the deal ACN wanted to make for Will. When Will felt a little more in control, the conversation went well. At the end, Charlie promised to start drawing up a contract. Will shook his hand and the two walked out. When Charlie returned to his office, he made a phone call. “It’s Charlie. I can’t get them both right away, but if we can make this deal, I’ll make sure to get her in a few months.”

 


	63. There's No Place Like Home, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end my friends. At least until Charlie gets to bring Mac back in.

“I don’t remember the words that I said. My chest was pounding too hard. Every neuron was screaming that I had to talk to him; I had to tell him. We couldn’t start a life together with this between us.”

_“Will, I want this. I want it all. I want it all with you. You have to believe me.”_

“I remember the look he gave me. It still haunts me. When I said, whatever preamble I gave, he knew. I don’t think he knew the details, but I saw his heart break. Literally, I watched it in horror because I did that to him. I went to him. I needed him to feel that I loved him, that I was sincere. It was a mistake and I knew it. I needed him to know that’s all it was. It was the worst thing I’d ever done, and I didn’t want to tell him, but I had to. I had to.”

_Mac walked to him, reaching for his head, wanting to put her arms around his neck, but he put his hands out and swallowed. “Mac, I think you should tell me whatever you need to say.”_

_Mac nodded her head and tried to stand tall. Her instinct was to put her head down, to make herself small, but she forced a look of confidence she didn’t feel. She wanted him to know that she owned her mistake and wanted to fight for them. “Before we got serious, before I knew I loved you, I slept with my ex-boyfriend.”_

_Will felt like someone sucker punched him. Mac saw him take a step back and he caught his breath. She heard him breath heavy as he tried to digest what she said. “Before we got serious. When was that?”_

_Good, he’s talking to her, he hasn’t kicked her out. This is good. It’s going to be okay. “The first time was the week after we took your sister to the Correspondent’s Dinner. I thought you broke up with me. I didn’t know where we were.”_

_Mac looked at the expression on his face. He was still breathing heavy. She didn’t feel the same confidence that she did a second ago. “The first time? How many…? A week after the Correspondence Dinner I went to… It happened more than once and it happened after I told you I loved you? Is… Is that what you’re saying?”_

_“Will, can we sit down for a minute? We can sort through this, but let’s take it a step at a time.”_

“I thought if we could sit, if we could have a physical connection, that maybe, maybe it would lessen it somehow.”

“But it didn’t.”

<O><O><O><O>

Will left the ACN studio and took out his phone, calling a woman he thought he remembered enjoying a few weeks ago. When she picked up, he quickly looked at her name on caller ID to make sure that he said the right one. “Candy, Will McAvoy… listen, I just got some good news and wanted to celebrate tonight…. Great, my show ends at 11, do you want to meet me around midnight?”

He didn’t know why he keeps doing this. Anytime he thinks about her, calling some other woman is like a reflex. Well, they don’t mean anything to me either, Mac. Just a way to get through the night. Was that what Brian did for her? Did she feel this empty after? It was different with her. Yeah, the woman like Cindy… or whatever the fuck her name is… do things that he never would have asked Mac to do, and during the act he felt good. But after, it was like getting drunk, he felt good for a time, he felt the intimacy that he craved. But it wasn’t real. It wasn’t enough, no matter how many of them there were. She was with Brian, he must have been the love of her life. That’s the only thing that makes sense. She loved that asshole enough that she destroyed the future they had. No, she didn’t feel like this at the end of a liaison with him. She just didn’t.

Will thought about ordering in, having… Suzie was it... come over to a candlelight dinner and then some hard fucking. He shook his head. That felt a little more intimate that he wanted. He wanted to be seen with a beautiful woman. He assumed that Sylvia… that can’t be right, he wouldn’t go out with a Sylvia would he... must be if she’s in his phone. Maybe wherever the fuck Mac is, she’ll get to see a picture of them. Whoever the hell he’s with tonight.

<O><O><O><O>

“He wouldn’t sit down and he wouldn’t let me take a step towards him. He just asked how long again.”

_“It doesn’t matter. When I knew that I was in love with you, I stopped.”_

_“When you realized you were in love with me. You were fucking your ex-boyfriend, I guess every time you went out of town –“_

_“It wasn’t every time, I turned him down over and over and, I guess he just wore me down or something.”_

_“Did the two of you watch my show from his bed?”_

_“No, Will. Never. It wasn’t like that.”_

_“What the fuck was it like?” Mac watched as Will turned away from her, walking further and further from her. He turned around and she couldn’t look at him, she didn’t want to see what she did to him. “Don’t answer, I don’t want to know. You let it go on. You kept hearing me say that I loved you and you kept going back to him.” Will barely heard what she said and added, “And I guess I’m supposed to appreciate your restraint the few times that you said no? That’s supposed to make up for the times you said yes?”_

_“That’s not what I meant, Will. Please, just sit down, let me explain. This isn’t coming out right.”_

_“Is that why you couldn’t say you loved me? Why you made me wonder for months if the feeling was mutual. I thought you were punishing me for not saying it earlier. But no, you were trying to be decent weren’t you? Withholding it from me until you were done with him.”_

_“Please Will, I know that I’m not saying this well. Let’s sit down and talk.” Mac could see the look on his face through her tears._

“He was never supposed to know. I promised myself throughout the… whatever the fuck it was, I promised myself I would never let him know. I didn’t want to hurt him like that. I just didn’t. But I did.” Mac took a tissue that her psychologist extended to her. “My mom and sisters thought that I needed to tell the truth before we could plan a future. I don’t think it was necessary. I think he could have been happier without knowing that secret.”

_“I’m not going to sit down.” Will started storming into his bedroom with Mac following. He went into the closet and started throwing clothes out of it. “And neither are you. You’re going to get the hell out of here.”_

_“Will, please, listen to me.”_

_He turned around and looked her in the eye. “I’ve heard everything I need to hear. Get the fuck out of my apartment, my life. Just get the fuck out.”_

_“Will please. It’s not how it sounds.”_

_“It sounds like you were fucking your ex-boyfriend for months while I was tell you I loved you and my brother was dying. Please tell me I have the facts wrong.” Will looked at his hands that were shaking and he shut his eyes tight, fighting for control._

_Mac shook her head. “It’s not like that Will.”_

_“Then I need you out of here right now. I will get your things to your place, I have an agent who can arrange that. Just get the hell out.”_

_“Will, please.”_

“I was going to argue some more, make him listen somehow. Make him hear how much I hated myself for what I did, that I would never do it again. But I saw him look at his hands and I saw them shaking. His fingers were curling and uncurling. He described this to me once before. He does that when he feels like he’s about to explode violently. As an adult he’s been able to keep that instinct at bay. He never struck me, but while I watched his hand and his face got more set and angry, I knew he wanted to. If he would have hit me, I would have deserved it, but I knew that he would never forgive himself. I had to leave to protect him from that.”

_“Okay, okay Will. I’ll go, but we need to talk. We need to talk before we go to Afghanistan.”_

<O><O><O><O>

Will sat in his office, not able to get her off his mind. She went and he didn’t. She was a runner. She could run a mile in 6 minutes. She also ran from her problems. But this, she didn’t want this. She didn’t want to go. She fought him about going because she knew it was only for his ego. He wanted to prove something. She begged him to talk. She gave him space, knowing that she could “prep a crew” in Atlanta for a couple weeks and Todd could run the show while she was gone. It gave him experience. She always could make lemonade out of lemons. Unless you literally gave her lemons. He can’t smile at that memory. He hates everything about her, right? That’s why he made it known that he had a date before the trip to Afghanistan, while she was putting his crew together. It was to hurt her, and it did. He called after whoever she was left. He heard Mac’s excitement to finally hear from him. She thought he called to talk. He smiled when he gave her “the friendly warning” about what she would hear when she went to work the next day.

_“So did you get it out of your system? Does this make us even?”_

_“I don’t know. Give me about four months and I’ll see how I feel.”_

She tried to show the grace and poise that he… can he say that he loved that about her? Is it okay that he loved her? Can he at least admit that? If he didn’t love her, then it wouldn’t… No, he loved her. He doesn’t love her anymore. He can only assume that the fact that he hasn’t heard that the stab wound killed her means that she isn’t dead. One phone call and he can find out. But he can’t let anyone think that he still cares. Because he doesn’t. When he told her to get the fuck out of his life he meant it. Yeah, he meant it. And that’s why he went out with, whoever the fuck that was when Mac was still stateside. That’s why he sent that fucking ring into the Atlantic Ocean. And that’s why he’s going out with Sandy… or whatever the fuck her name is… tonight. Because he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that she went and he didn’t. He doesn’t care that she’s poured her guts out on emails and voicemail messages. He doesn’t care that she’s been shot at and stabbed to get the story. He doesn’t give a fuck about her or what happens to her. He doesn’t care. Except that if he went and she didn’t then maybe the award and the accolades that she got would have been his. The Peabody that Davis won with her would have had both their names on it. Side by side, the way… No, he didn’t want to go for the award. At least not for the Peabody, he had a bigger prize on his mind when he arranged the trip.

He took out his keys and unlocked his desk drawer to look at the clippings he’s collected on her work. The article from a few weeks ago saying she was stabbed, buried in the _Times_. She’d actually appreciate that, she hated when the media covered itself. He almost didn’t see it, and everyone at work knew better than to talk about it around him, but she taught him to go through every page of the paper, and her name almost had flashing lights around it. He almost called her parents. Instead he called… some woman. Was that Cookie, the woman he’s seeing tonight? Who the fuck cares? He’s going to forget about her for a few minutes. He’s going to feel someone’s skin on his. He’s going to mimic the intimacy that he wants, and for a few minutes it’ll be enough. Until it isn’t.

<O><O><O><O>

“Did he talk to you before you left?”

“I didn’t get a chance to explain, if that’s what you’re asking. I let him know that I would get the crew ready and that Todd would run his show with Davis as a co-host to get the audience use to him so he can have some time, but anytime he wanted to talk, I was available. He wanted to hurt me, punish me. I couldn’t blame him. When half the newsroom saw him leave with some woman one night, Dirk stepped in to try to find out what was wrong. That conversation ended with the two of us screaming over the phone and Dirk telling us to get it the fuck together for the trip.

“When did you know he wasn’t coming?”

“I had a feeling a few days before we were supposed to leave when he didn’t read the part of the script that previewed his trip. I asked him about it and he said he didn’t feel like saying it. Then when we got to the airport, there was no anchor. I called him, I called Dirk, I called everyone I knew. Davis came in at the last second and said that Will sent him instead. I tried to talk to him during a broadcast. A commercial. I asked Todd to put me in his ear and when it was just us, I asked him to talk when I came back, He yelled as loud as he could to the whole newsroom that he had no intention of talking to me again. The next day, during a commercial break in the broadcast, Will asked if I was still on the headset. I said I was and he informed everyone in the control room and me that when I got back from Afghanistan, I would not have a job and Todd would take over as EP. I’m pretty sure that Todd was just as surprised as anyone.”

“And that’s why you stayed.”

“There was nothing left for me in New York. CNN needed a producer on the ground. Dirk didn’t have a show for me. I took it. I had a young crew who were eager for an adventure and we did good work, literally Peabody winning work, and we knew it at the time. Things were good and we were optimistic that they would stay that way. I kept telling myself that as long as I was filing reports, I could stay in touch with Will, be near him until at some point he’d break into the conversation between me and his EP and eventually things would just… click.”

“But it didn’t stay good, did it?”

“We were in a fucking war zone. I brought three people with me, and only one third of them got blown up by an IED in the first year. I saw 4 marines killed and 3 others maimed in the two years I was there. And now here I am.” Mac looked at the doctor and bit her bottom lip. “You aren’t going to release me back to work, are you?”

“You need to rest and process some of this.”

“You think the best thing for me right now is to relive this, over and over again? I fucked up, I know it and I know how. I don’t need more time to think about it. That’s all I fucking did in the Middle East. Now all I want is to go home, back to a studio. It’s where I belong. Please don’t take that from me.”

“I’m sorry Mac. This doesn’t have to be it. You can see me weekly for the next couple months and we’ll re-evaluate how you’re doing.”

<O><O><O><O>

Will couldn’t stop going through the clippings he accumulated these last two years. When she won the first Peabody they put in a picture of her. He recognized her in the CNN studio, the studio that she was in the night of his first taped audition for his show. He loved her passion, always did. He remembered always wanting to have her talk about him the way she did about the news. He thought she did once, he thought that for two years she loved him almost as much as she loved the news. His phone ringing felt like a relief. He put the clippings back and locked the drawer.

“Charlie! That was fast…. Great! I’ll tell my agent to look for it. And Charlie, thanks… Yeah, there’s no place like home.”

<O><O><O><O>

Charlie hung up with Will and looked at Dirk who sat across from him. “Just watch these tapes Charlie. You’ll see what I’m talking about. You need them both and they need each other. You’ll get it when you meet her.”

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this Dirk. CNN can fire you for giving me this information and deal.”

“I made mistakes too. I lost my marriage for a job that I hated. I cowered away from defending a woman who deserved nothing but my respect. And I can’t look at my number 2 anchor without knowing that I don’t even produce good news anymore. I just want to see a happy ending. And CNN won’t give it to Mac. And Will isn’t capable of it without her.” Dirk stood up and started to walk out. “As soon as this deal’s done, I’m leaving CNN and looking for a station that wants to do news the way it should be. Finish this quick so we can all have our lives back.”

Charlie nodded his head. “I just have to get the wording past him that he can’t hire his EP. I have to give him some time with a few others so I can justify bringing her in, but you have my word that I will.”

Dirk nodded his head once and left, finally feeling like he did something right. He wasn’t sure when he was last able to say that.

<O><O><O><O>

Mac went home and put her new meds in her medicine cabinet. CNN paid her well for being in a combat zone and she didn’t have many expenses while she was there. She’ll wait until the morning to look at her bank account and figure out how long her money will last. Jim will get something, she has no doubt about that. She’ll look for something to produce. Anything really. A dying show, something that will just get her by. She’ll put a plan together in the morning. She’s got contacts. She’ll figure something out.

Mac put on her tank top and yoga pants, laid in bed and felt the tears roll down her cheeks. She didn’t know what she was crying for. It could be the end of her relationship as easily as the men she lost over there, the loss of her job. The list was too numerous to count. The last thing she needed or wanted was time to reflect. She just wanted something good to happen. She laughed bitterly. Her therapist told her before she left that wanting to be with Brian was normal, he rejected her. She also said that in her estimation neither Will nor Mac were ready for marriage and as heartbreaking as this was, it may be for the best because the timing wasn’t right. She said that she believes that the right situation will come when the timing is right.

Timing, that has always been their problem.

<O><O><O><O>

Will walked Kiki… to the door and went back to his balcony. He overheard someone at work say that Mac was back stateside, but they didn’t think she was going to produce anymore. Will didn’t know what to feel, that was becoming a theme for him. He felt a degree of relief, she won’t be at work, he won’t accidentally run into her. But he heard them talk about how she was and it was like someone hit him in the chest. Maybe he should have asked Kerri to stay. Not overnight, he couldn’t deal with that, but a little longer. Get a second round in. It wasn’t working anymore. It probably never did.

He went through his phone to find the right song to listen to out here. Van Morrison, The Doors, none of them had any words for him. He thought he had selected a Leonard Cohen album when he heard the opening notes to the reprise of “If I Can’t Love Her”.

No pain could be deeper  
No life could be cheaper  
No point anymore if she can't love me  
No hope she would do so  
No dream to pursue, so  
I looked to myself, despise all the things I see  
For I know that she  
Cannot set me free  
Let the world be done with me.  


He listened to the song and pulled up an email she sent a few months ago. He wouldn’t admit to reading these until after they were married, but the truth was, he memorized them, wishing he could believe them.

_Billy,_

_We just got a new crop of boys in the unit today. Bright eyed, young, so eager to serve. They’d make you proud to be an American. If you were here, it’s their story you would want to tell._

_I was interviewing one about how he got here and he told me that he joined up after his girlfriend left him for another guy. He told me that he wondered why he wasn’t good enough and what was wrong with him. If you wonder the same thing, Billy, the truth is, I was never good enough for you. I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t believe me. I wasn’t and I knew it. That may be why I kept going back. And every word I ever said to you was true, I never lied about how I felt. You are the love of my life and I am so sorry that I fucked it all up._

_All my love,_

_Your Mackenzie_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking last night about how throughout writing this, I've been reading everyone else's take on their story and how I've been influenced by some of your thoughts. Who and what I've read throughout is too long a list to capture everything. There's about 560 stories on this thread and I've read a good portion of them. And when I re-read something, I recognize that I may have lifted that theme or idea from someone else. So thank you to everyone who helped influence me, even if you don't know who you are. And thank you for those who interacted with me throughout this process. I've loved writing these characters and you have made it even more fun.


	64. Epilogue:  Happy Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're on this thread I'm sure you will recognize where we're at and I shouldn't have to give you a spoiler warning, but just in case, this is the end of 2X09 and there are spoilers. Beware. :)

“Took you long enough.”

“Seriously? That’s what –“

“Shut it.” She kissed him again, a little unsure that this was really happening. He said the words, and a flood of memories came back to her. He said the words and he doesn’t say the words unless he means them. He never said the words to Nina, she’s sure of that.

He backed her up until he had her against a wall… in the middle of a broadcast… on election night. Fuck, their timing was bad. Has it always been this bad? He’d have to ponder that later, right now he needed to pull himself together and say something that doesn’t ramble or sound stupid. “I want to wake up with you tomorrow. I don’t mean that we have to do… I mean, obviously I want… but it’s going to be a late night and you’re already exhausted and we need to talk. But the important part is, I want to wake up with you and I don’t care where we go, but –“ So much for not rambling or saying something stupid.

“I have a go bag in my office, I can stay at your place tonight and then you can pack some things and we’ll go to my place tomorrow.” She smiled as she recognized that look, he was calm and confident. For two and a half years she watched him seemingly at war with himself, trying to be who he thought he should be, not who he was. But now, he knew that he made a good decision. He was happy. He looked like he did when they were together before. She’d seen glimmers of this over the last few years, usually when he let a comment slip. This look was better. This time he kept looking at her, he didn’t run away from it. And she got to see it in amazing Technicolor while she felt him all around her. There was no greater feeling in the world

She was always the more sensible of them, always a planner. She could make anything work. And so beautiful. And he can touch her. Finally he can touch her and it feels right. He looked her in the eye and he heard a small gasp when he moved his hand to cup her breast through her shirt. He let out a hiss, like a tire being relieved of pressure it’s been holding in. She arched into the touch, making him smile. She still wants him, she still fits. He leaned in to kiss her again and she gave a frustrated moan as she moved her head. She replied to whoever was in her ear, “2 minutes. Copy. Will found me and we’ll get to the studio on time.”

When she spoke to control, she felt Will’s face get frustrated and his head went down to her shoulder. “Time to go?”

Signalling to the ring that was still in Will’s hand, Mac said, “We’ll pick this up later, but I would suggest you put that thing on my finger before we do, we don’t want to lose it.”

Will chuckled, feeling freer than he had ever felt. Abe told him that. The power of words, saying certain ones gives freedom. That’s how he feels. He held up the ring to examine it, his other hand still in her hair. “You mean this? No, we don’t want to lose this.” He looked at her intensely again and gave her another kiss. He would never get tired of that sensation. Then he dropped to one knee, determined to get some part of this right. “Mackenzie Morgan McHale, I have loved you since the first moment I met you and I have never stopped. Will you marry me?”

Mac forgot the time, the studio, her job. Nothing mattered except this moment, 7 years in the making. He said the words and none of the other crap mattered. She ran her hand through his hair and felt a tear stream down her face. “Yes.” How different this was than she thought it would be. When she told him she wanted to marry him during the last year of their relationship, she told the truth, but she wasn’t ready. They weren’t ready. But now, now they were. She was sure of it.

Will had the ring poised at the end of her finger, waiting for that word, even though he’d heard it more than once tonight. He slid it on her finger and stood up, kissing her again. When she pulled away, she told the control room that they should go on with Elliot, Sloan and Taylor. Will won’t join them until after the next break. “I could make it you know.”

Mac shook her head. “We’ve called everything important, they can handle this. We need to go out to the bullpen and make an announcement.”

“You want to tell everyone now?”

Mac gave him a look of shock. “Don’t you think Sloan will see this thing and figure it out? It’s humongous! She’s going to see it through the fucking control room wall. And once she knows, she won't keep it a secret.”

He looked at her left hand and laughed. “I guess it is pretty big. We can get –“

“It’s beautiful Will, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. And I want to tell the world that I finally get to marry you. Let them know about one happy ending.”

Will shook his head and kissed her again. “Two. I talked to Charlie and we’re fighting for our jobs. All of them. You’re not off the hook. We’re facing this and we’re facing this together. Come on, let’s tell the staff.”

<O><O><O><O>

Will and Mac made it back to his place completely exhausted. They quickly settled into bed. Mac’s instinct was to curl up on her side and not move for 12 hours straight, but Will pulled her over to him, putting her head on his shoulder. He felt her smiled contentedly as she draped her arm on his chest. He was surprised when he heard her sleepy voice. “This feels so weird. It’s familiar and new all at the same time.”

Will nodded his head. “I kept wanting them to take your place, the other women. I wanted them to make me feel like this. But it never worked.”

Mac kissed him again, a lazy kiss that seemed to go on forever.   Mac moved her hands under his shirt, needing to feel him too, relishing the intimacy. Will shifted so that he half covered her. “Mac, I know I said we didn’t have to do anything tonight and I know we have a lot to talk about, but…”

Mac laughed lightly and gave a light bite on his shoulder. “Billy, it’s not a chore.” She put her thumbs in the waistband of his pajama pants and shorts. “And I really don’t understand why you would wear these ridiculous pants to bed in the first place.”

“Well it’s cold outside, it is November and… oh who the fuck cares?”

 


End file.
